Dead Ringers
by Mad-Pac
Summary: What if Ned the Pie Maker and Aaron Tyler could switch places on Halloween? In this story each character passes as his dead ringer in order to solve a mystery.
1. A Perfect Life

**Dead Ringers**

by Mad-Pac

Word count: 3246

**Prologue**

And so the Omniscient Narrator, whose voice permeates the very fabric of the Pushing Daisies Universe, speaks...

"_The season was autumn, his second year away._

_Young Ned was at boarding school, the times still were not gay._

_He had no loving mom, dad or brother,_

_Just classmates he barely knew so why bother?" _

We see an open shot of Longborough School for boys. A maple leaf is propelled by an autumn breeze and lands on the field next to the school where the children play. From a safe distance, with Digby by his side, Ned observes the other kids play, but won't dare join them. With his hand sin his pockets, he looks dour and sad.

"_Two little devils shared his blood,_

_A fraternal relationship with no chance to bud._

_That they existed, Ned wanted to forget_

_And pretend they had never met."_

Ned remembers disguising as a ghost and seeing his two half-brothers dressed as devils for Halloween the year before.

"_One good friend brought him a little joy._

_From distant India had come this little boy._

_His brother would be one he would choose._

_Even if he had to resort to a little ruse."_

Ned plays with Eugene Mulchandani, the Indian exchange student, with complex model airplanes. Then they go run on a field and look very happy.

"_Once again it was time of All Hallows' Eve._

_You could be someone else if you chose to believe._

_Scary costumes allowed kids to pretend._

_His broken childhood, Ned sought to mend."_

Ned and Eugene look at pictures in a book and cut and sew different fabric types, making their Halloween costumes. They are laughing.

"_Ned's Hindu friend would go as a ghost_

_Just to fool the other people the most._

_Ned would be Vanara, the Hindu ape god_

_And Eugene would take Digby the dog."_

Eugene puts on Ned's customary ghost costume. Digby barks and stands next to Eugene, pretending he's Ned, who is wearing a white costume with a white turban. Then he puts on a plastic mask of a humanoid monkey with big eyes and scary big teeth, representing a Hindu deity.

"_And so the kids went trick-or-treating._

_All the candy they soon would be eating._

_Until their bag was totally full_

_And Ned took it back to school."_

Ned and Eugene are seen knocking on neighborhood doors, and each time they receive very generous amounts of candy. Their bag fills quickly, and Ned decides to take it back to their dormitory.

"_There the Mulchandanis waited for their son._

_Eugene's mom hugged Ned, who wanted to run._

_Death in the family was the bad news._

_So it was time to end the ruse."_

An elegant dark-skinned couple wait for Ned at the school front lobby. As soon as they see the boy, the woman goes hug him, and won't let him go. The father stroke's the boy's hair and kisses his forehead.

"_That love overwhelmed the pie-maker-to-be_

_And what was obvious he refused to see._

_His true identity Ned just wouldn't reveal._

_That he was not Eugene he decided to conceal."_

Ned, the boy behind the monkey mask, hugs the woman back and props his head against her shoulder. The woman sheds some tears. The man hugs the woman and the boy.

"_But such a fiction couldn't last too long_

_And the parents' reaction would be so strong._

_Liar, Liar, pants on fire!_

_Ned's situation now was so dire."_

The mother raises the mask to kiss her son, but instead finds this green-eyed kid with fair skin they don't know. She pushes Ned away. Eugene's father starts shouting at him and wags his index finger in front of Ned's nose.

"_'Cruel joke!' cried the mother._

_'Impostor!' shouted the father._

_Deceive and you will get caught._

_Don't pretend to be who you are not!"_

In the melee that follows, the parents grow more agitated. They hug each other and she cries on her husband's shoulder. The man yanks the mask and turban from Ned's head and throws them on the floor, then throws the contents of the candy bag on the floor and tramples on them. They storm out.

Ned is left staring blankly at the sad remnants of his Halloween costume and candy.

I

**A Perfect Life**

_(October 29__th__, early morning – Papen County)_

"_It's been 1 year, 26 weeks, 4 days, 21 hours, 17 minutes since Ned brought his childhood sweetheart back to life. He has become the Pie Maker, a man in love with his childhood sweetheart brought back to life, and right now nothing would make him wish to trade places with anyone else in the world. Because, finally, the Pie Maker's life is just... perfect."_

Ned enjoyed the slumber, that peaceful transition between sleep and wakefulness, feeling each sense and each muscle come to life. He breathed deeply and, as he grew more aware of his surroundings, and even before he opened his eyes, he realized he was still holding Chuck close to him.

Ned used a few seconds to take stock of his situation and came to the realization his life was perfect the way it was. He hadn't heard of Charles Charles, or any other ghost from Christmas past for that matter, for weeks. It seemed Chuck's father, who had been missing since he absconded with Ned's car, was really gone for good this time, and his secret was safe. And the police had even recovered his car so, apart from a few dents and scratches to his vehicle, and his emotional life, things were back the way they should always have been.

It's true he couldn't touch her skin directly, lest she would be killed again, this time forever, and for most people that would be a deal breaker. But he had one of his contraptions, a rubbery film that divided his and Chuck's side of the bed, as well as an arm glove attached to it that enabled him to embrace her the way he was doing right then. The previous model was made of plastic and it felt clumsy, noisy and sweaty. This new material, however, felt almost like touching her skin.

Most people perhaps couldn't imagine a relationship without direct skin touch, but they didn't know what Ned knew. He could feel her body through the rubbery film. He could feel the temperature of her body. He could hear and feel the rhythm of her her heart beat. Thump-thump... Thump-thump... Thump-thump... He cherished every little sound she made.

She was right there next to him, and she was ALIVE. Just the thought that the love of his life was alive, when by all laws of nature, she should be dead, made everything else pale in comparison. And Ned knew very well the difference between a person full of life and joy, and a lifeless corpse. Chuck was a part of his world, and his world was a much better place because of that.

Ned quietly got up, and kept watching her sleep. If she wanted to sleep a little longer, she should enjoy that.

He put on his dark suit, his favorite one, because he wanted his looks to match his mood, so he should look his best. He put on his watch, and then when he checked the time he saw what day it was, the 29th. October 29th...

A chill went down his spine: in two days it would be Halloween. Oh, great. He would have to start taking care of Halloween decorations pretty soon. He knew he wouldn't be able to talk Chuck out of celebrating the occasion. He would have to go through that ordeal whether he liked it or not. But then he considered things in perspective, and decided it would be infinitely worse to enjoy a life with no Halloween... and nobody to share that absence with. Besides, he didn't have to worry about that right that minute. Decorations could wait until tomorrow.

Ned had stayed up until late preparing the pies to be served that morning, so now all they had to do was to put them in the oven and serve them. He went downstairs to the Pie Hole, and saw Olive making sure everything was in order to wait on the patrons that soon would be arriving.

"Good morning, Olive," said Ned, smiling.

"Morning, Ned. Oh my, you sound like you're in a very good mood today," she replied in her usual chirpy fashion.

"And why wouldn't I be?" he commented serenely.

"_Ned was aware of the fact Olive had a thing for him, but the worst had passed, and he believed she had realized their friendship meant a great deal, and that was how things should be. Ned worried about his friend Olive, because only if she was content, would he be able to fully enjoy his perfect life."_

Ned made sure he greeted every new customer with a smile and his gentleman's manners, and time went fast as each customer was served.

About half an hour later, Chuck arrived, fully rested, her usual and adorable self. Sometimes she took a little too long to get dressed, but that was a little price to pay for her elegance and grace, something Ned appreciated a great deal.

"Good morning," she said smiling.

"Good morning," he smiled back. It was amazing how much could be said with such simple words that, for most people, were a mere tool of social politeness.

The little bell on top of the front door chimed a little more loudly than usual, and that broke the magic of the moment. It was Emerson Cod, P.I., Ned's business partner.

"_Emerson, a big man, was never delicate when opening and closing doors, so Ned had grown used to his energetic manners. Even though that particular morning he seemed a tad more energetic than usual."_

"Hiya, Emerson," chirped Olive. "I have a piece of rhubarb pie with your name on it. I'll get it right a way! Just make yourself comfortable."

Emerson huffed, then forced a grin.

"Thank you, Olive, but no, thanks. No time for pie today."

Perhaps in Emerson's mind that was explanation enough, but the moment he said "no pie today," Ned, Olive and Chuck stopped doing what they were doing and looked at him, intrigued. That harsh decision could not go without some explanation.

"But Emerson, you always..." protested Olive.

"Are you still here?" Emerson, still standing, inquired. "I believe that lady over there needs someone to wait on her," he added, pointing at a lady who was waving at Olive who, even showing signs of perplexity, went to see what the customer wanted because the customer is always right.

Ned approached Emerson.

"What's the rush, Emerson? I've never seen you turn down my pies before. Perhaps you might like to discuss business over a delicious slice of triple berry?"

"Listen, pie boy," he came very close to Ned and spoke softly. "Under normal circumstances I would never pass your pie, even though I should," he said, patting his own stomach. "But this is a real emergency. I need you to come to the morgue right now. There's someone special you need to meet."

Ned understood the message right immediately. He turned on his heel and said to Olive,

"I'm going to be away for a while. Can you handle things here, Olive?"

Ned smiled, and gave Chuck his usual inviting look. Chuck giggled, and came to the front of the counter.

"And I'm ready too, boys!"

Emerson took a deep breath. Ned believed that mentally, he was counting till ten.

"Listen, Ned. Normally, I would be delighted," (and by delighted Ned knew Emerson meant "I'd have no choice") "to have Mrs. Pie Maker with us, but these are very exceptional circumstances," he emphasized the word exceptional. "If you ever took me seriously, this is the time to trust me. You must come alone."

Ned looked into Emerson's eyes and realized something was different. And Emerson had never called Chuck Mrs. Pie Maker before, so that had to be serious.

Ned turned and eyed Chuck, who smiled like a child who had been promised an expensive toy for her birthday, while Ned felt like the parent who had promised said toy, but realized he couldn't afford it. Ned forced a smile and put his hands in his pockets.

"Emerson wants me to go alone, Chuck... Is that OK with you?"

"Ned, you don't mean... Well, it's OK then." Her expression faded, like part of her usual joy was not there anymore. Obviously 'it was ok' meant exactly the opposite. Mortified, and against his automatic impulse to please Chuck, Ned spilled,

"OK, then... That's settled. You keep Olive company this time."

He turned on his heel so quickly he wouldn't dare look into her eyes and see her reaction. But he couldn't help hear Chuck's disappointment as she went, "oooohhhh."

"Let's go, Emerson, before I change my mind," said Ned, patting his partner on his shoulder. They made a fast stride towards the exit, but not fast enough that he wouldn't hear Olive's comment to Chuck, which broke his heart.

"Now you know what it's like to be outside the loop, Chuck."

Emerson was driving a little faster than usual. And Ned, with his arms crossed in a defensive manner, was a little more pensive than normal. It was like that until he spoke.

"Emerson, if this was a silly trick to keep Chuck out of our investigations, you're gonna see me angry. I don't usually get angry, and it even takes me great effort to be angry. But I'll make an exception this time."

Emerson starts laughing, "ho, ho, ho, ho," like a black Santa in October. Perhaps Ned still had trouble to convince Emerson he didn't have to be mild-mannered all the time, and he could be mean too. But deep inside, even Ned doubted he could get as angry as he threatened to be.

"Oh, but you won't regret it, pie boy. You won't. I just want to see your face when you see what I have to show you."

"You said you wanted me to meet someone?"

"I'm not saying another word! If I tell you, you won't believe me anyway. It's like when I learned of your powers. Seeing, and only seeing, is believing."

"Just tell me one thing, Emerson. Does it involve a dead body?"

"That much I can tell you: yes! The rest you'll have to wait for."

Having said that, Emerson refused to say anything else, no matter how hard Ned tried to get him to speak.

But Ned didn't have to wait long. A few minutes later, they arrived at the morgue, with its usual candy-colored front. That place was practically becoming a second home for Emerson and his investigative gang.

"We're here to see the stiff," Emerson declared.

As usual, they were greeted by the coroner in his customary monosyllabic way. Instead of offering his hand for a handshake, he showed his hand with its palm up, which, in their private sign language just mean, 'place rent here.'

Emerson produced a little stack of bills and placed them in the coroner's hand.

"Hmmmmm, mmmmm," was the coroner's reply. Emerson started to walk towards the room where the body was.

"Wait a minute, Cod. Who's he?" asked the coroner about Ned, even though they had already met dozens of times.

"I'm..." tried Ned.

"...the dead man's brother," completed Emerson.

"Yes, I'm the dead man's... brother?" said Ned to Emerson in an incredulous tone. Emerson elbowed Ned on his ribcage.

"I fail to see the resemblance," said the coroner.

"It's because I'm adopted," Ned lied.

"Hmmmmm, mmmmm," was the coroner's final response. They passed to the next room.

* * *

Emerson and Ned found themselves staring at a body in a closed body bag. For some reason Emerson knew, and Ned instinctively felt, none of them wanted to do the honors.

Instead of doing the obvious thing, which was open the bag, Ned chose to ask for clarification.

"Emerson, what is that all about? His brother? Do you feel the need to become more and more creative just to fool that poor, old man?"

"Something I learned in art school: show, don't tell. Open the bag, Ned," Emerson replied curtly.

Ned then started looking for the zipper pull tab.

"You might head back a little then, Emerson. I know how disturbing this can be for you."

"And you."

"Oh, no, Emerson. As you know well..." said Ned, pulling the slider, while the victim's brown hair began to show. "... I have a very high threshold for this kind of thing, and practically nothing surprises me anym..."

Ned interrupted his speech in mid sentence. His face became livid, and he froze right there as he looked into the victim's eyes. It didn't help that the dead man's eyes were creepily wide open.

Ned simply froze. Emerson started to get concerned, and pulled Ned's arm back.

"I'd like you to meet, the one I call Dead Ned... Are you all right, my friend?" said Emerson, showing genuine concern. "Perhaps I should've prepared you for this moment."

"I'm... I'm fine, Emerson. But of all people, I never expected to find... myself..."

That's right. Right there, Emerson Cod, P.I., and Ned, full-time Pie Maker and part-time P.I., were facing the strangest victim they'd ever seen. For some twist of fate, Ned was looking at his spitting image.

Ned needed several seconds to pull himself together.

"Emerson, this is disturbing in so many levels."

"So, now you understand why you had to see this alone?"

"You are right. I don't know how she would react. My god, I don't know how *I* am supposed to react," said Ned. "Who do you think he is?"

"He was found on a bus from out of town without documents. He just had a package. Do you think maybe your philandering father... You know, maybe there are little Neds all over Papen County?"

"Honestly, at this juncture, anything is possible. But besides an eerie chill in my spine, I don't feel we are related. I can't explain it. I just feel it."

"There's just one way to figure that out. Ready to do your magic, pie boy?"

"No..."

The Pie Maker brought his hand close to his dead ringer's chin, but wouldn't will it to move any further. He pulled his arm back.

"What now?" asked Emerson.

"What if he even sounds like me? What if...?"

"Please! Let's put an end to this!"

Ned took a deep breath, and touched the man's forehead with the tip of his finger. And a surprising thing happened... Nothing! Nothing at all.

Emerson grabbed Ned's hand, and made it touch the man's cheek. Nothing. Nervously, Ned touched the man's face, this time with his full palm. Still nothing.

"Emerson, what is going on?" asked Ned, visibly disturbed, practically in panic.

"Oh, hell, no..." whispered Emerson.

**- 11 -**


	2. Zombie

Word count: 4256

Previously on Dead Ringers:

In the present, Ned is basking on his so-called perfect life, when Emerson appears with an unusual case. A dead man bearing a striking resemblance with Ned is found. To make things worse, when Ned touches the body to find out the truth, nothing happens. Is Ned losing his powers?

And now the story...

II

**Zombie**

_(October 29__th__, morning – Papen County Morgue)_

"_Ned had long come to terms with his gift. A gift with no instructions, no box, no warnings, but a gift that came with a caveat or two. Nonetheless, coming to terms did not mean he had decided whether his gift was really a gift, or more like a curse. And now that he felt he could be losing it, perhaps that distinction was no longer important."_

"Emerson, what's going on?" wondered the Pie Maker. Usually tightly wound, and feeling secure with his personal style, this time he felt shapeless, full of extra room for endless, and unpleasant, surprises.

Emerson, on the other hand, seemed to have no answer. He kept eyeing Ned, then dead Ned, then Ned again.

"What if I'm losing my powers? What if it wears off somehow? What if there's an eclipse? Hey! What if it doesn't work on Halloween?"

"_The Pie Maker wasn't quite sure who he was anymore. Considering the possibility he might lose his power, he wondered if that meant he was losing his identity. His gift hadn't always been welcome, and he refused to let it define him but it had been his companion ever since he could remember. The Pie Maker simply couldn't imagine life without it."_

"Hold on, pie boy. It's too early to draw any conclusions. We don't have all the facts."

"But... What if there's a loophole? What if I can finally touch Chuck and Digby. But how can I be sure without risking it all? What if..."

But Emerson didn't seem to be listening anymore. He was checking _'Dead Ned'_ very closely. He finished opening the body bag with his usual lack of delicacy, making considerable noise, something he tried to avoid as often as possible, so he wouldn't attract the coroner's attention. But this time, he seemed to want exactly the opposite.

He checked Dead Ned's pulse, checked his breathing again, tried to listen to his heart. He pressed the victim's neck side so he could feel his carotid artery.

"What if this, what if that. I think there's a much more prosaic explanation for your power failure," said Emerson, without taking his eyes off the dead ringer. "Oh, coroner! Come here for a second!" Emerson shouted.

"_The facts were these. At the wee hours of the 29 of October, a dead man's body which bore a striking resemblance with the Pie Maker was found on a bus from out of town. It was taken to the morgue where it was routinely examined by the Papen County morgue coroner. However, poor old coroner, no longer in the prime of his life, must have missed the stranger's faint heartbeat and extremely weak vital signs, a detail that was not missed by Emerson Cod's attentive eyes and astute P.I. instincts._

_The dead man, no longer considered dead, was rushed to Papen County Hospital, where the right care in skilled hands promptly saved his life. Further lab tests found in his blood a rare chemical compound containing traces of tetrodotoxin (a substance commonly found in puffer fish, a Japanese food delicacy), and a datura alkaloid. Combined, they would induce the victim to a death-like state and form a drug popularly known as... the zombie drug."_

_(October 29__th__, afternoon – Papen County Hospital)_

A couple hours later, Ned was sitting very quiet in the lobby of the city hospital. From his seat, at a distance, he could observe the door of the room where a certain new patient was staying. Emerson approached Ned after a conversation with the doctors.

"For a moment I thought... I feel so silly. I'll never be able to touch her," said Ned.

"Looks like you two love birds are doing fine without it," observed Emerson.

"Touching was never important. Until... Until it started to be."

An awkward pause followed, which seemed to last forever, until Emerson changed the subject.

"Well, at least now you know there's nothing wrong with your fickle finger, pie boy. You can't bring back from the dead someone who ain't dead to begin with. Anyway... The doctor just told me he Dead... Mirror Ned has regained consciousness. We can ask him a few questions now."

"I don't know if I want to see him, Emerson... I can't imagine my life if I'd lost my gift now. But now that I know I haven't, I just wanna go back home. Besides, there are no dead bodies for me to undead."

"_The Pie Maker, sounding sullen, desperately wanted to go back to the sweetness of his comfort zone."_

Emerson sat next to Ned.

"You can't leave now. Do you think undeading dead bodies is all I need you for? I simply can't solve this case without you!"

"Thank you, Emerson. It means a lot to hear that. In that case I wanna talk to him alone. Then, if I feel there's nothing else for me to do, I'll leave this all in your hands."

"Deal. But while you're confronting your doppelganger, ask him what he was doing with this package he was carrying."

Emerson produced a gray package and removed the wrapping paper, revealing two little rectangular boxes that looked like two little coffins. Actually, they *were* two little black coffins.

"Maybe some Halloween presents?" Emerson suggested.

"_As he heard the 'H' word, the Pie Maker felt that creepy chill going up and down his spine. His eye began twitching."_

Ned picked one of the coffins and saw a little Ned doll, unmistakable for its eyebrows. The doll was wearing the same kind of black suit Ned wore.

"There's some serious voodoo mojo against you, pie boy," said Emerson.

"Me, or my clone. It might as well be him. It was his package, after all. Maybe this has nothing to do with me," said Ned, with hope.

"Think it's not you? Look into the other box. Someone must know how much you love Halloween..."

The other box had a female doll in a red dress. Ned couldn't help thinking of Chuck.

"And there's more." Emerson fumbled through his pockets until he produced a small gray envelope, which he handed to Ned, who opened it. "Someone slipped this under my office door yesterday."

"It reads... _'He's gonna get you_.' I don't understand, Emerson. He's gonna get you what? And who is he?"

Emerson yanked the envelope from Ned's hand.

"Don't be stupid! Nobody's gonna get me anything, like it was my birthday."

"When *is* your birthday anyway? You never told me."

"Another time, Ned. But someone is out to get me. Or us. This second message came this morning."

Emerson showed Ned a second envelope, very similar to the first one.

"'Your friends are in grave danger.' OK, now I'm sure it's not a birthday card," Ned took a deep breath. "All right. Give me those boxes, please. Time for some mirror gazing." He took the miniature voodoo coffins from Emerson.

Ned quietly walked to the room where his dead ringer was receiving medical treatment. He opened the door, and peered inside. The man was sleeping.

Or should it be said, _Ned_ was sleeping. Because Ned had the feeling he really was looking into a mirror. The man opened his eyes and, with a sudden jolt, he lifted his head up.

"Impostor!" cried the man. "I don't know what you're scheming, but it's not going to work. Nobody will believe you're me!" he spoke nervously.

"_Ned hated that word. The last time he'd been called an impostor had been 18 years, 25 weeks, 2 days later, and 5 hours before, but it sounded like a mere day away."_

"My father plays golf with the governor. And my mother is relentless. They're gonna get me out of here any time!" the man continued.

"Please. Nobody is holding you against your will. Believe me."

_Usually Ned didn't have trouble to get people to believe him. He sounded sincere, for the simple reason he always was sincere._

If life had taught Ned anything, it was to learn how to handle problems without the help of mommy and daddy. That fact that this guy needed his mom was slightly disturbing to him.

"I see it but I still don't believe it," whispered the man.

"I guess you just need some..."

"Faith!" The man started to laugh. A good guffaw, followed by a cough. Evidently his weak body still wasn't ready for that kind of strain. Ned kept staring at him with a puzzled look. It was so strange to hear his voice utter a laugh he would never give.

"One who has any faith in God should be ashamed to worry about anything whatsoever. So said Mahatma Gandhi," said the man with a mocking grin.

_All right_, Ned thought. _Would I sound like that if I'd been to college? _

"_Ned didn't consider himself uneducated. Much to the contrary. The Longborough School for Boys in Northrush was a traditional elite school. And as a compliant and reasonably smart young man, he always had had good grades. There he had learned the best of sciences, arts, and humanities a young boy could hope for, in the school's best tradition. __Their motto was "Institutem Superior Omnibus" or "Tradition Over All". __He had even learned Latin!_

_Nonetheless, when such an untraditional youngster finally left such a traditional institution at the age of eighteen, it felt more like the long-awaited end of a prison sentence, than the end of a regular school term._

_At odds with academic education, Ned, then, vowed never to set foot in a school ever again. He learned that his father who had deposited him there and had never returned to fulfill his promise, had also deposited a sizable college trust fund. How his had had amassed such a small fortune, enough to maintain him in an elite school for several years and to send him to college, was a mystery. Something shady he had done in the war, or so the rumor went._

_Determined to be independent and bake his own destiny, teenage Ned cashed in his trust fund, and invested it in his own pie making business. The rest is history."_

The man in the bed chuckled again.

"I'm sorry if I'm confusing you."

"Oh, I'm not confused."

"_Ned lied."_

"I choose to believe you then. You sound like an innocent, honest man. A bit too innocent, actually. Tell me something. Have you ever even been with a girl? A good-looking guy like you shouldn't have problems in that department." Aaron grinned wickedly.

"Sure. She's with me all the time."

"Not exactly what I meant." He chuckled with some malice. "Anyway... I also believe I should thank you for saving my life. But believing and finding meaning in things has never been easy to me. And whenever I lose faith in God," the man chuckled. "He plays one of His cosmic pranks and pulls me back from theological limbo. Tell me, do you believe in God?"

"I never gave much thought," Ned shrugged. "But I'd hate to impersonate a priest." The man in bed looked a little puzzled. "But sometimes miracles do happen?" Ned commented, as he observed his index finger.

"I know... Wait till I tell you about my sister." The man's face briefly lit up when he mentioned the word _sister_. "My name's Aaron Tyler. My family is waiting for me in Niagara Falls."

"Hello, Aaron. My name is Ned..."

"_Ned did not have a suspicious nature, but so much was at stake, the Pie Maker felt he should remain inconspicuous in this entire incident, so for now, he felt he'd better keep his last name to himself."_

"All right, Ned. Now, where do we go from here?"

"Perhaps you could start explaining the meaning of these. They were found in your possession."

Ned showed him the little coffins with the little voodoo dolls. But to Ned's surprise, Aaron's expression did not change.

"I've never seen them before. I was carrying some cute Wonderfalls figurines to a friend in Canada, not these morbid dolls. That creepy old lady must've switched packages!"

Aaron batted his eyelids, and his eyes got wide open at the mention of that old lady.

"What old lady?" asked Ned. "Tell me everything that happened."

"_The facts were these. One Jaye Tyler, sister of Aron Tyler, knowing her brother was going to a theologians' meet in Calgary, Canada, asked him to take a seemingly innocent package containing a few figurines sold in Wonderfalls, the store where she worked. Being a dedicated brother, Aaron promptly agreed._

_One of the figurines was a smiley animé Japanese cat doll Jaye admitted receiving instructions from. Already used to his sister's spiritual connection with the unknown, which enabled her to hear cryptic messages given to her by figurines, Aaron Tyler grew very curious about the Japanese doll true intentions._

_After hours of obsessing on the nature of his sister's communication with that cute little piece of Asian pop culture, all Aaron succeeded was to get very hungry. His fixation in his sister's mystic powers caused him to develop a craving for Japanese food._

_So, as a healthy young man who loved to eat, before boarding the bus to Canada, Aaron stopped for lunch at a Japanese restaurant nearby, where he ordered sashimi and vegetables, with a dose of a Japanese beverage called sake. There he was approached by an old lady with heavy glasses, gray hair tied in a bun, black dress and a gray shawl, which partially hid her face. She started rambling about being lost and needing Aaron's help, and to thank for Aaron's attention, she offered him a muffin._

_Being a man of healthy appetite, Aaron bit the bait, that is, the piece of pastry. Little did he know that the old lady's intentions were less than candid. Aaron started feeling woozy, and before he passed out completely, he could still hear her utter an ominous threat, as she displayed a wicked smile."_

"My God!" Aaron grew agitated. "I have to warn her! She's in danger! I have to get out of here!"

"What are you talking about?"

"My sister Jaye. The old lady who gave me that funny-tasting muffin said, '_your crazy sister is next_.'"

"And you'd do anything to protect your sister, right?"

"That goes without saying! Family is all that matters. Nobody messes with the Tylers! Are you close to your family, Ned?"

"My family is sort of... out of the picture." The Pie Maker became pensive. "But I know what it feels to have someone in your world whose life means more than yours. You have to reach her then. Can you try to get up?"

Aaron tried to lift himself from the bed, but failed miserably.

"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall. Humpty Dumpty had a great fall. All the king's horses and all the king's men," Aaron touched his head. "Ouch! Couldn't put Humpty together again."

"Then... Welcome to Wonderland, Alice. Looks like you're going to stay here for a while."

"But if I can't protect her, someone will have to. Any volunteers?"

Aaron eyed Ned. His expression grew humorless.

"Me? But... I wouldn't... I couldn't... There's no way I..."

"Ned, now you have to have faith. If there's any meaning in the universe, it means you have to do this!"

Ned pondered for a moment. He couldn't leave Chuck unprotected. But maybe if he went to find the danger first, the danger wouldn't be able to come and find her.

"Then, tell me more about your sister. She seems like a very special person."

"Oh, believe me. She is..." Aaron smiled serenely. "Pull up a chair. We're going to be here a while."

* * *

"_And they stayed there talking for hours. The Pie Maker and the man named Aaron told each other their life stories, their deepest wishes and fears, and about whom they wanted to protect._

_Emerson even dropped by a couple times, just to find them having a lighthearted chat about some minor incident in each one's life, and he soon realized he did not belong in that conversation._

_And so Emerson Cod stayed outside waiting. And he waited. Then waited. And then waited some more._

_Finally, it was dark already, when Ned emerged from Aaron's room door carrying a paper shopping bag. He found poor Emerson sound asleep, sitting in the lobby, his head propped against the wall._

_Ned didn't find his business partner is the best of moods, but all it took Ned was to mention the new information he had on the case to bring Emerson back to the challenge at hand."_

_(October 29__th__, evening – Papen County Hospital)_

"So, we have Halloween voodoo dolls of purpose unknown, my dead ringer from Niagara Falls haunting us, an old enemy of ours who is going to get us, and a mysterious old lady in a Japanese restaurant with muffins poisoned with the zombie drug? We have a lot of investigating ahead of us," Emerson stated.

"Have any of the people we sent to jail got out recently?" asked Ned.

"Better ask who hasn't. It's not like we ever get any hard evidence that will hold in court," admitted Emerson. "We're private investigators, not lawyers."

"Great. So it could be anybody. Who do we know that fits the profile?"

"Let's see," ponders Emerson. "Old lady, muffins, holds a grudge against at least one of us, Niagara Falls, will do anything to get what she wants... Capable or murder! Are you thinking what I'm thinking, pie boy?"

They both spoke at the same time:

"Marianne Marie Beattle!" shouted Ned.

"The Muffin Lady!" grunted Emerson.

"OK, maybe she's our man," considered Ned, "But your notes were specific about a he, not a she."

"Maybe it's a they. A couple, I mean. She must be working with a man with a background in chemistry, most likely" said Emerson.

"I guess... I guess somebody would have to go to Niagara Falls and figure out who did this to my dead ringer, why he's here and what those creepy dolls have to do with me and Chuck," said Ned. "And I'd go, Emerson. I really would. But I'd be lost there without your help, and Chuck needs me here, I'm sure she does. Besides, somebody has to keep an eye on this Aaron Tyler."

"Don't you worry about that, Pie Boy. You stay and bake pies, that's what you do best, other than that little finger trick of yours, of course. Not that we'll have any 'undeading' the dead where this kid came from. And investigating is my business. Let a professional handle it. If someone has to take this trip, it'll be me," said Emerson.

"Good," he said, nodded and gave a timid grin.

_The Pie Maker felt a great sense of relief. He almost craved the adventure of venturing into the great unknown, but at the same time the thought of leaving his town, his friends, his Pie Hole and, most of all, his beloved Chuck simply terrified him._

"All right then. Emerson, I need a coffee. I think I saw a vending machine in the lobby. Would you please keep Mr. Tyler company while I'm gone?"

"Sure. Knock yourself out. You'll love the coffee here," said Emerson making a face.

* * *

The Pie Maker found a vending machine. He collected the coins to pay for a coffee, and inserted them in the machine. He was wondering perhaps he shouldn't be the one going to Niagara Falls after all. But perhaps he should let Emerson, a professional, handle the problem.

He sipped the coffee, and found it offensive someone could call that black mixture coffee. He drank it anyway.

"Hello, son," said the voice behind him.

Ned turned to see that it was the coroner. He was wearing an ugly Christmas sweater.

"Oh, hello... doctor. What brings you here?"

"My niece is here. She's recovering from an operation, you know."

"Oh, I'm sorry. How is she doing?"

"Much better, thank you.

"Like my sweater? My niece made it for me."

Ned didn't like to lie, so he just smiled. But Emerson was right. Christmas sweaters should only be worn on Christmas. And that sweater *was* uglier than a chipmunk's ass.

"I even brought her this pop-up book. Do you think she's going to like it?"

"Pop-up books are Emerson's expertise. You should ask him."

Ned eyed the book. The title read, "_Through the Looking-Glass, and What Alice Found There._"

"I'm sure she's gonna love it," said Ned.

The coroner opened the book, and a complex folding design of the pages formed a striped cartoon cat with a creepy grin.

"Quaint. Like dessert spoons," said Ned.

The coroner chuckled.

"I'm sure it is, son. I'm surprised you're not an expert literature critic as well. Ned!"

"Why would you say that?" asked Ned, surprised. It was the first time the coroner had used Ned's name.

"Well, one day you are a dog expert, another day, a toxicologist, then an investigator, officer of the national security place, what else... that stranger's twin brother... One can always use another qualification."

Ned felt that spine chill again. That man was no fool, after all.

"I don't know what you're talking about," said Ned, unconvincingly.

"I'm going to be clearer then. You might think I'm the most gullible coroner in the history of medicine. But there's more to me than meets the eye. And I'm only telling you this because I know you need my help."

Intrigued, Ned drank the rest of the coffee, burning his lip and tongue in the process.

"I'm fine, thank you. I can handle myself."

"You know... Somebody could go to Niagara Falls and figure out who did this to that poor young man. Have you thought about that?" said the coroner.

"Yep. Emerson and I were just talking about it. Emerson is going. It makes much more sense this way. He's the pro, and I have to stay here and make sure Chuck is fine. Yes, much better this way. Besides, it's not like I'm going to be coming across any dead bodies there, and what do I really know about investigating crimes? Yep, Emerson will go."

"Don't sell yourself short, kiddo. On your own you can be a fine detective if you'll only believe yourself. And you'll never know. Your abilities will come in handy when you least expect, believe me," said the coroner.

"But... There's Chuck and the Pie Hole... And I'm not sure I would feel safe there. Let a professional like Emerson handle it."

"Kid, you might be surprised, but that man who looks just like you, is more like you in more ways than you can imagine. He can take care of some things while you're gone. It's natural to be afraid, but admit it. Part of you really wants to go and make sure danger will never get close to the ones you love."

"Perhaps you're right, doctor. I just don't know."

"Let me put things this way. Getting to Niagara Falls is not as easy as you think. There's a ticket with your name on it, but it's your ticket and only you can use it. Let's face it: you're destined to go."

_The Pie Maker had just needed a push in the right direction. He felt a flurry of mixed emotions, which got him thinking once again why it always had to be a mixture. It also got him considering if that wasn't the moment to try something risky and bold, get some adventure, and ensuring Chuck's protection at the same time. Making a very uncharacteristic decision, Ned inflated his chest with pride and made that first step._

"Wanna know something, doctor? You're right! I want that ticket. I'm going on that trip. Can you help me then?"

"Just listen to me very carefully."

* * *

Aaron Tyler had been sleeping for the last hour, and Emerson had grown tired of waiting. Again! How long did the Pie Maker need to get a simple cup of coffee?

He got to the lobby and saw the vending machines Ned had told him about, but there was no sign of the Pie Maker.

Actually, there was a sign. On one bench he found the shopping bag Ned had left the room with. Inside he found Ned's dark suit, tie and black shoes.

Emerson kept thinking of Ned's last request. _Would you please keep Mr. Tyler company while I'm gone?_ He was gone, all right... Emerson now realized the true extension of Ned's request.

Emerson looked around and confirmed. The Pie Maker was nowhere to be seen.

"I guess he decided to go to Niagara Falls after all. Good," Emerson commented to himself.

**- 13 -**


	3. Panda Shakers

Word count: 4052

Previously on Dead Ringers:

A dead man bearing a striking resemblance with Ned is found; he was poisoned with "the zombie drug," which induces a death-like state.

Aaron tells Ned a strange old lady poisoned him by giving him a poisoned muffin. He convinces Ned to go to Niagara Falls to protect his sister Jaye. Ned and Emerson decide that their main suspect is the Muffin Lady.

And now the story...

**III**

**Panda Shakers**

A sudden pain on his head awoke the Pie Maker. He noticed he was sitting, and the room was shaking. No, it was moving, and it was not a room: he was on a bus. He realized he had bumped his head against the bus window, and that's why it hurt. Ned tried to figure out where he was and what was going on exactly.

Sitting next to him was an overweight older lady reading a newspaper. He took a quick at the paper and saw it was an issue of the _Niagara Gazette_, dated October 30th... 2005? It was strange that somebody would be reading such an old newspaper.

Ned wasn't very discreet, and the lady noticed his attempt to glance at her newspaper.

"Did you have a good nap?" asked the lady who gave a quick shrieking laugh.

Ned nodded.

"Excuse me, but... is this bus going to Niagara Falls?" His throat was dry, and his voice came out a little hoarse.

"I sincerely hope so. We're almost there." She laughed again. She had a nasal and somewhat annoying laugh. "Did you take the right bus? Are you lost?" she asked in a serious manner.

"I'm OK, thanks," said Ned, still trying to collect his thoughts. "And excuse me. I couldn't help notice your newspaper. You wouldn't happen to have today's paper too?"

"Not that this is any of your business, but this is today's paper. Now, excuse me while I read it!"

OK, he thought. October 30th 2005. The year could be just a printing mistake. So, there was he was, not sure how he'd gotten there. On a bus to Niagara Falls, on October 30th if the day was correct. He looked through the window; it was late afternoon. So, he had lost about a day with no clue of what had happened in the previous 24 hours. That was confusing, he thought. Or maybe he was just dreaming. He tried not to think too much about it then.

Another thing he noticed was that he was wearing Aaron's clothes, a sweatshirt, matching pants, sneakers. A shabby outfit, Ned thought. He looked around and noticed that the people on the bus weren't better dressers either, as if all of a sudden everybody had lost their sense of style.

He felt uneasy, and looked through the window for some point of reference. Something to remind him he was still near some calm and typical small town in America, just like the ones he knew.

But he had no luck. Things resembled what they should be, but something was off. As the bus moved, it went past several houses, buildings, stores, diners by the roadside. But no matter how hard he looked for even the most ordinary reference points, he couldn't find any.

He didn't expect to find a windmill city, of course, since NARN was in Papen County, but was a simple, good old windmill too much to ask? But there was none. No windmills, no lighthouses, no honeycomb-shaped buildings, no food-shaped restaurants, no bright, multicolored houses. Everything was drab and paled in comparison. It's true what they said; there is no place like home.

Ned observed the cars, and they didn't look as they should either. Some were in pitiful condition. Most of them were new and in working order, but they lacked personality. Everybody knew that a car had to reflect its owner's personality, and this is why almost everybody Ned knew had a vintage automobile.

But none of that really matter. Ned had a job to do, and as soon as he did it, he could go back to his familiar life, his esteemed Pie Hole, and his beloved Chuck.

The stopped at the bus station. Unsure where to go and what to do, Ned was the last passenger to get off. He paused for a brief moment. Perhaps he could look for a police officer and ask for directions? He had to figure out what to do next.

He heard a ringing not far from him. It was a public phone, just a couple feet from him. The phone rang again. Why is it that we just feel so compelled to answer a ringing phone? Won't anybody pick it up? He walked to it and finally answered it.

"Hello?"

"Ned, did you have a nice trip?"

Well, who would've guessed? It was the coroner, and the call was for Ned.

"It was nice. As nice as when a 4-Berry Pie is actually 3½ because I ran out of cranberries, and then used oranges instead. Not the ideal, but it'll just have to do."

"Good. Your mission starts now. But remember, you have be back here, in the same spot, by midnight October 31st. One minute more and it's November, then I'm not sure I can help you get back!"

The Pie Maker was getting used to the eccentricities of his travel agent, so he didn't question those odd instructions. Besides, he wanted to be back at the Pie Hole even sooner than that.

"I'll make sure I get back here in time then," Ned replied, then hung up.

"Aaron," a rather distant voice called, but Ned didn't pay attention to it. "AARON!" the woman's voice called from behind him. This time he looked.

It was a petite woman with long straight brown hair wearing a jacket and jeans. Not a smart dresser either, but cute. He remembered his conversation with Aaron, and decided that must be his sister Jaye. She came close to him.

"So, did you deliver the package?"

Oh, the package. The Japanese animé doll, among other figurines. He just nodded.

"Good," she said. "Because you had plenty of time, if you found the time to have a haircut. Looks good. You look more grownup."

"Thanks..." he said.

"You're welcome," she said with enthusiasm. "Now I'll drive you home. Mom and dad promised they would wait for you as long as they could to serve dinner."

"Great!" Ned realized he was hungry, but a little dizzy, confused, and with a little headache.

They got in her car, a Studebaker that was 15 or 20 years old and in shameful condition.

"By the way, thanks a million. I don't know what I'd do without your help, Aaron."

"Don't mention. That's what brothers are for, isn't it?"

Ned smiled. The question, of course, had been rhetorical, but part of him kept wondering what brothers were for anyway, since he had no experience being one.

Jaye was a fast driver, and each time she changed gears, the gearshift screeched and felt like they'd pierce Ned's eardrums. Ned had never been one of those car freaks who cared more about a transportation machine than human beings, much to the contrary. But he simply expected things to be a certain way, so there was nothing more natural than taking for granted that people would keep their vehicles in mint condition. How could anyone live otherwise?

Despite the way she dressed and treated her poor car, Jaye was a vivacious young woman. She kept talking about her retail job, how smart she felt avoiding work and her boss, one 'mouth breather,' and how she sometimes felt she was losing her mind. None of that really interested Ned, so why did he find all that blabbering interesting?

"You're very quiet today, Aaron. No smart remarks? No sarcastic comments just to annoy me?"

"Not this time, sis," replied Ned. "I'm still not feeling quite myself today. It must've been all the traveling. I'll be fine after I have something to eat and rest a little."

He didn't have time to say much more, as they soon arrived home. It was getting dark. Jaye opened her trunk, and took a big laundry bag, almost too big for her.

"Here, let me carry this for you," offered Ned.

"OK..." She smiled, but looked a little confused.

_(October 30__th__, evening – Niagara Falls – The Tylers' home)_

The house was big and well cared for. Jaye's father and sister were already sitting at the dining room table, waiting for the food to be served.

"Oh, Mr. Aaron. Let me take care of that," said the maid, taking the hefty bag from his hands.

The idea of having personal servants was really confusing for Ned. Having been abandoned at Longborough School for Boys at such an early age had been a terrible experience, but at least it made him independent early in life. Ned didn't see himself as superior to anyone, and an employee was, before anything, a friend and family member.

The bag was heavy, but the maid was swift and made the task seem effortless. Half a second later, she was back.

"Oh, _bonsoir_, Yvette," said Jaye.

"_Bonsoir_, Miss Jaye. How are you, _chérie_?"

"_The facts were these. The Tylers' maid, Yvette, was much more than a housekeeper and a nanny, even though the family still treated her as a regular maid. She was a real renaissance woman. She had helped raise Aaron and his sisters, and nothing happened in the house that didn't involve her competent help. _

_Canadian by birth, American by option, her real name was Cindy, but she had pretended to be French Canadian for over 20 years. When the truth came out, the Tylers just wouldn't get used to calling her Cindy, so she gladly decided to continue the charade and kept playing the French maid role."_

"I'm fine, Yvette, but in a hurry. I have a date with Eric later, so I can't stay."

"Always in such a rush," said Karen, the mother, just coming from the kitchen. Her voice was calm, but firm, showing an absolute control of the situation. "You never stay for more than five minutes. I'm beginning to think you're trying to avoid spending time with your family."

"That's crazy talk," retorted Jaye. "I just don't wanna be late for my date with Eric, that's all."

Ned noticed how elegant that blonde woman was, but by no means matched Ned's definition of _mother_. She could bet that woman couldn't make a single cupcake, let alone bake a pie. She looked more like a socialite, one of those rich ladies usually involved in some sophisticated criminal scheme. Or perhaps one of Emerson's rich clients. She came straight to Ned, and kissed his forehead.

Then it occurred to him that Aaron's mother did have a trace of motherly qualities. He wondered where he'd seen her before.

Watch her run, Ned thought. Run? Not run. Nun on the run. Yes, nun! Did it involve the sacred feminine? Was there a code? Did it involve Freemasons? She definitely displayed a streak of regal superiority. As a mother. Nun, mother, superior. Oh my god! She bore a strange resemblance with a certain Mother Superior, from the Convent of the Sisters of the Divine Magnatum...

"Hello, Aaron. You have time for your family." She gently stroked his head, disheveling his hair. "I like your new haircut. Come sit with us, and let Yvette serve you a delicious dinner."

Ned couldn't help but give a big smile. Suddenly he felt like that little kid, who didn't have to worry about the caveats of a certain unwanted gift.

Karen held Ned's hand, and he let her guide him. Perhaps he'd judged her way too quickly. She did have some motherly qualities. Jaye came very close to him.

"Looks like you are her favorite again," said Jaye sotto voce.

"Aaron, my boy," said the older blond man. That had to be Aaron's father, Darrin. "Come have dinner with us. You need a break from all your studies."

"My studies? Yes... Yes. My studies." Ned contemplated the irony. Mentioning studies to Ned automatically brought him convoluted memories of a certain school for boys in Northrush. He was glad to have long left that dreadful place, but the feeling was bitter sweet. Sometimes he regretted having interrupted his formal education so early in life. "Thank you... Dad," said Ned carefully, as he sat down. Definitely the word _dad_ had difficulty to come out of his mouth.

"Are you all right?" said the blonde next to him. Sharon, the other sister. She had penetrating blue eyes that seemed to X-ray him. Ned felt emotionally naked before that cold gaze.

"Of course. So..." Ned began, not sure what to say. "Lawyering a lot?"

Sharon definitely didn't expect that reply, and judging by her expression, with her mouth half open, and her head tilted sideways, she was trying to find some deep meaning in Ned's question. Ned felt soon she would add two plus two, and figure out it equaled five. He had better try and stay away from her.

Ned heard a ringing. She held a small object against her ear, and started talking about a client, the judge, an appeal, like she was on the phone... OK, so she had a short attention span. That was good. Hopefully that new problem would keep her busy, and her mind away from her _brother's_ odd behavior. But the situation attracted Ned's curiosity.

"Sharon..." he tried. But she lifted her right hand with her index finger raised, a gesture Emerson Cod did a lot when he was on the phone, with a real person, or making imaginary calls to his money.

"I just wanted..." Ned insisted. She held the little box with her left hand and covered it with her right one as she shushed Ned.

"Shhhhh!"

Ned waited patiently. Apparently, her case was complicated. Finally she stopped.

"What do you want?" she spoke harshly. Then she took a long breath. "Sorry for snapping at you. 'Lawyering' problems..."

"Can I see that?" he asked.

"What? My cell? Sure."

Sharon handed Ned her cell phone, when Jaye came near the table and waved at her family.

"Bye-bye, everybody. I have a date now!" She gave a malicious smile.

"Oh, no, _chérie_. You look too pale and thin. Have some pea soup at least," said Yvette.

"A girl's gotta eat," confirmed Darrin.

Ned observed how the family's relationship developed, at the same time that he examined that interesting little object.

"Give up, dad," said Sharon talking to her father, but without taking her eyes off Ned and his curious relationship with her phone. "When she wants to socialize, nothing can stop her."

Ned started to open and close the flip phone.

"Careful! You're gonna break it!" Sharon said. She started to stuff her mouth with some pieces of bread.

"Speaking of socializing, I met your friend Maggie the other day," Jaye commented, trying to sound casual. "Tell me... Are you two... still carpooling?"

Sharon almost choked with the piece of bread, and coughed. She gulped down some water from the glass in front of her. Oh, yes, Ned remembered, Sharon was a lesbian, but apparently that information was not public domain, at least as far as the parents were concerned. Carpooling was Jaye's code to annoy her sister.

"Don't you have a date to go to?" Sharon snapped, causing Jaye to giggle.

Then all of a sudden, the small phone rang, startling Ned, who almost dropped it.

"Give me that!" spat Sharon, yanking the cell phone from his hand. And there she was again, engaged in another of her heated work confabulations.

Ned found that behavior curious, and slightly entertaining, so he gave a half smile. Being surrounded by family like this had made him uneasy in the very beginning, but soon he learned to enjoy that family's dynamics.

"Oh, no. You're not leaving like this," retorted the mother. Even though she was unemotional as usual, it was clear she was annoyed by her daughter's lack of family commitment. "At least have some salad," she sentenced.

"Come on, Karen. Let her go. The girl has been working hard," said Darrin.

"What do you say, Jaye?" Karen asked, ignoring her husband. "Jaye? Are you even listening to me?"

No, she wasn't. Jaye's cocky attitude was gone, and she had been staring at the table for the last few seconds. She grabbed the figural panda-shaped salt and pepper shakers.

"Excuse me," she said, and stormed out. What a strange girl she was, Ned thought.

Yvette served the soup. Darrin was the first to taste it. He was clearly enjoying it.

"This is delicious," he said. "Honey, would you please pass me the salt?" he asked his wife.

"Darrin," Karen replied, "Jaye is still playing with the shakers. Aaron, dear, will you please check on your sister and make sure she's all right?"

"Sure, mom..." Oh, how much he loved using that word. Ned started walking to the door.

"And bring the shakers!" shouted Karen.

* * *

Ned followed a corridor, and after opening a few doors (and gosh, that house did have so many of them!), he found Jaye speaking agitated with the salt and pepper shakers.

"How do you guys expect me to listen..." She stopped when she saw Ned standing by the door.

"I thought you had a date."

"I had... I have! I just don't know if I can make it," said the girl.

Oh, that's right. Aaron had warned Ned about it. Jaye heard "messages" from inanimate objects with animal faces. Ned hadn't taken this very seriously when he heard it, but apparently the problem was worse than he had thought. That girl had issues. As Emerson would say, a whole subscription of them.

Was there a chance figurines were actually talking to her? Jaye, and even Aaron seemed to believe so. But no way. Even a guy who could shoot electric sparks from his finger doubted that to a great degree. Just because there was magic in one place, it didn't mean there had to be magic everywhere.

"Did the pepper shaker tell you not to go on a date?" asked Ned skeptically.

"Of course not"

Ned gave a sigh of relief.

"It was the panda salt shaker!" She held the panda salt shaker figurine in front of his nose. "Salt shaker panda wants me to spend the night with the family, while pepper shaker panda wants me to go out and have a night of fun!" She shook the pepper shaker in front of his nose, causing him to sneeze.

Ned had to admit those were beautiful pieces of porcelain art. They had cute smiley faces. Panda salt shaker wore a blue bow tie and a white apron with an S letter on it. Panda pepper shaker wore a pink bow on her head, and a green apron with the letter P on it.

Jaye was visibly nervous and agitated. "They don't even agree with one another anymore and this is driving me crazy! CRAZY!!!" Ned gave her a warm hug, which calmed her down immediately.

"Looks like you can choose either way," said Ned, his chin propped against the top of her head, considering how much taller he was than her. "What do YOU want to do?"

"I don't know..." she admitted. "I lied about the date. Eric is out of town. But mom and dad have no sense of boundaries. I just wanna be as far from here as I can!"

Ned looked into her eyes. They were a beautiful blue like the sky of Coeur d' Coeurs.

"Please, then stay. Give them a chance. I really need you here tonight," said Ned in a very soothing tone.

"OK..." she coyly agreed in a very low voice. She gave a sweet smile, and hugged him. "I'd like us to spend more time together, Aaron."

They headed back to the dining room. The family had already finished the soup and the salad.

"Look what I have here!" said Ned, holding the panda figurines. "And my little sister is having dinner with us tonight!"

"Way to go, Aaron! The man of the hour!" said Darrin. Karen gave a discreet smile and a quiet nod of approval. While Sharon kept speaking on her cell phone.

"Yvette, bring the main course," said Karen, maintaining her poise. Yvette nodded and went back to the kitchen, while Ned took a seat, and Jaye sat next to him.

However the night was not over and there were more surprises yet to come. Yvette arrived with the main course, a large platter of smoked snakehead fish.

That animal as huge. And there it was, a complete fish, with a tail, scales and a head, which seemed to look straight at Ned while its fishy grin mocked him. Ned and Jaye stared at the fish, then at each other. Each gave a wry smile.

Ned wondered what had disturbed Jaye so much.

"_The facts were these. One day Jaye had grown so fed up of hearing messages from figurines that she gave her brother a list of toys and figures with faces he was supposed to do away with. The list included a certain stuffed fish hanging on the wall of The Barrel, the bar where her boyfriend Eric worked as a bartender. That fish would save no words to make Jaye jump through hoops to do its bidding, and, in time, its intentions had grown seemingly more malevolent than ever. And now, there it was, the talking fish (or someone from its family) on their dinner table."_

Whether Jaye's fears were real or imaginary, Ned would never know. But he knew his concerns were as serious as a heart attack. He mentally played the film. Ned touching the fish. A spark of static electricity coming out of his fickle finger. The fish suddenly squirming, jumping and bouncing, as if it had just been fished and were still struggling on the floor of some Norwegian fishing boat. Karen, the mother, screaming her lungs out in sheer terror. Yvette performing the sign of the cross, and praying for a quick death. Sharon grabbing her father's gun and emptying a gleaming, silvery six-shooter, with round after round being shot against that fish from hell. Ned decided nothing on earth would make him get even near that fish.

"I'm not sure I can have this fish," said Ned. "I'm a vegetarian," he admitted innocently.

That was enough to lighten up the mood in the house. Everybody laughed for what seemed at least five minutes. OK, OK. So Aaron was a major meat eater, and for all intents and purposes, Ned was Aaron. He laughed too and pretended he had made a joke.

"I mean, I'm not very hungry and would like to try the soup instead," Ned lied. He was starving. Ivette brought the rewarmed bowl of soup back, but Karen wouldn't let her serve her him. Instead, Karen preferred to do that herself.

"Thank you, mom," he said. This time he really meant it. It was nice to use the word _mom_ for a change.

Ned's involuntary joke set the mood of the night. They all started to tell jokes and remember nice moments in their lives. Ned didn't know how long such moments would last, and even what price he would have to pay for being an impostor this time, but it didn't matter. He was determined to enjoy family life as long as he could.

* * *

Outside, not very far from the house. a car was parked. On the back seat, an old lady, concealed by sinister shadows, was sitting and observing through her thick glasses the light coming from the dining room window. The Tylers' home was full of life.

"He's back, mom. How can that be? Shouldn't we do something now?" said a male voice.

"Be patient, my son. Be patient," the old lady replied. "We'll have a chance to act swiftly and decisively soon. Very soon..."

**- 12 -**


	4. Impersonating Ned

Word count: 2703

Previously on Dead Ringers:

A dead man bearing a striking resemblance with Ned is found; he was poisoned with "the zombie drug," which induces a death-like state.

Aaron tells Ned a strange old lady poisoned him by giving him a poisoned muffin. He convinces Ned to go to Niagara Falls to protect his sister Jaye. Ned and Emerson decide that their main suspect is the Muffin Lady.

And now the story...

**IV**

**Impersonating Ned**

_(October 30__th__, morning – Papen County Hospital)_

Aaron slowly opened his eyes. The night had been filled with convoluted dreams. Or were they memories? All he remembered was that he had been talking to himself. No, that could not be right. Well, if it was a dream, anything could go. He also remembered dreaming about a sawmill, or lumberjacks.

Somehow Aaron already knew he was in a hospital room, and something serious had happened, though he wasn't sure what. And he could still hear the sound of the sawmill from his dream. As soon as his eyesight came to focus, he realized a heavyset African American man was sitting at the other end of the room, across from his bed. The man was fast asleep and snoring noisily. And the noise wasn't a sawmill. It was that man's snoring.

"_Aaron considered how much he wished he had a friend like that, a friend who would stay all night in the hospital just to make sure he was all right. Well, apparently Aaron did have a friend like that."_

He looked at his left, and saw the window. It was a bright early morning. The door latch moved and made a small clicking sound. All of a sudden the black man had sprang like a cat. By the time the door was open, the man was on his feet holding a gun that curiously had been kept in a purple knitted holster. The door now was open and the gun had quickly returned to its quaint wool holster.

"Good morning, gentlemen. I hope you two had a good night's sleep," said the gray-haired man in a bright white outfit who had just entered. He was holding a notepad and a pen. A pair of reading glasses were hanging on his neck.

"Yeah, yeah. I slept good like I spent a night at the Hilton... The Hanoi Hilton," said the big African American man making an ugly face, as he pressed the back of his hip with his hands.

"_Emerson Cod, a fan of books of the pop-up variety and law enforcement trivia, had recently acquired a collection about historical prisons, which featured icons of the Correctional System, such as Alcatraz, Fox River, and Sona. You'd just turn the page, and a mighty prison building would pop up. One of such places was the infamous Hoa Lo Prison, also known to American prisoners of the Vietnam War as the Hanoi Hilton." _

"This is great," said the smiley man in white, apparently unaware of the African American man's sarcastic remark.

Aaron tried to say something, his lips moved, but no voice came out. His throat was dry like a bloc of cement. The man in white moved his head closer to Aaron, who tried to speak again.

"Mouth.. dry... thirsty."

"Oh, yes, yes. Nurse! Water!" A nurse quickly came with a closed plastic cup with a straw. Aaron sipped, and sucked, until the noise indicated the cup was empty. And it felt... marvelous! Water, holy water! Aaron had always thought the best gift God had given man, after family love, was sex. Finally he had discovered something even better than sex: a sip of water.

"By the way, I'm Dr. Bob Roberts," said the man in white, while the nurse disappeared with the same speed she had appeared.

"Emerson Cod, P.I," said the heavyset fellow. "How's my... friend here?"

"Well, the drug should be totally out of his system pretty soon, and I'm glad to inform you the worst has passed. Now, last time you told me he ate at a Japanese restaurant before his trip, correct?"

"Yep," said Emerson. Aaron nodded in agreement. He propped his hands against the mattress and managed to sit up with relative ease. He felt glad his strength was coming back quickly.

"Well, puffer fish is the most probable source of the tetrodotoxin you ingested. It's not the first food poisoning case we've encountered."

"When can I leave?" asked Aaron.

"You should be able to leave within the hour," said the doctor, still grinning. "But if you feel anything, don't hesitate to call me,..." Dr. Roberts put on his glasses and looked at the chart he was carrying. "...Ned."

"Hey!" protested Aaron. "I'm not..."

"He ain't gonna take your time any longer, doc. We'll call ya."

"Good," said the busy doctor, who walked towards the door and left the room.

"He thinks I'm Ned," complained Aaron. He was still speaking slowly, but each minute that passed he felt a little better. And his memory was coming back quickly as well. He now remembered Ned, and all the talk they had had hours earlier.

"Good! Let everybody think you're the pie boy. The last thing we need is for whoever tried to cancel your account to know Ned is God-knows- where pretending to be you. And until we know who and what we're dealing with, let's keep a low profile. Now, put this on." Emerson produced a black suit in a hanger.

"Who died?" Aaron asked.

"What you're talking about? This is the latest fashion in Papen County for pie makers. Besides, the real Ned took your clothes. Oh, and one more thing..."

Emerson produced a small rounded mirror, and shoved it on Aaron's face, to his utter shock.

"What..." Aaron tried to go on, but he was speechless. Emerson started grinning and making small mocking laughing sounds. Finally Aaron collected his breath and spoke, "What did you to to my hair?"

"I did a fine job, that's what I did. Besides, the pie maker never wears that boyish long hair you were wearing."

"Do you realize what you've done? Girls loved that hair!"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I love my money, and it's calling me to earn more to make it company. Now, get dressed."

"What are we going to do then? I don't think I'm ready to pretend to be who I'm not. Everybody will know I'm not Ned," said Aaron, now sitting on his bed.

"You won't have to. I'll tell the girls Ned had to go on a short trip. Meanwhile, I'll hide you in my apartment. Now hurry up! You take longer to get dressed than a girl! I'm gonna check to see if the coast is clear," said Emerson.

Then Aaron was alone in the room. He looked at that ugly suit. The last time he'd worn a suit was at his aunt Betsy's funeral a couple years earlier. Well, he might as well try it on.

He put on the shirt, then the tie. He tried to make the knot, but failed. He tried again, and failed again. He then decided to put on the jacket instead. The suit fit perfectly, and it felt comfortable. It was a good suit, made of an excellent material. Besides, Aaron knew that anything he wore looked good.

He gazed into the mirror. _Mirror, mirror on the wall, _he though. _Who is the fairest of them all?_

Aaron smiled and lifted his eyebrows. Maybe wearing a suit wouldn't be so bad after all. The girls in town might even like it! What was there *not* to like?

The door opened again. It was Emerson. He looked impatient and grew even more impatient as he saw Aaron struggling with his tie. Emerson darted towards Aaron, huffing and puffing, and started to tie the knot. But when the knot was finished and the tie was elegantly resting around Aaron's neck, Emerson made step back and took a careful look at the man in front of him.

"I'm seeing this... And I still don't believe it. For the Saint Patron of Money! It's like the pie maker never left!" he laughed nervously.

"There's no such thing as the saint patron of money!" Aaron complained. "Perhaps the saint you're looking for is Saint Nicholas." said Aaron, while Emerson decided to make one final adjustment in Aaron's tie. "He's the Saint Patron of merchants and pawnbrokers. Which reminds me of a curious story, as one day Saint Nicholas was gaaaaaarrr..."

Aaron made a choking sound, as Emerson made the tie knot just a little too tight, as if he was actually going to strangle the man from Niagara Falls.

"Are you out of your mind?" asked Aaron, gasping for air.

"_Merchants and pawnbrokers" _repeated Emerson in a mocking falsetto voice. "_which reminds me of a cute little girlie story,_" Emerson continued with his mocking voice. "Do you always sound that affected?" said Emerson with his typical firm, deeper voice. "At least the pie maker talks like a man!"

"You don't know who you're dealing with!" complained Aaron. "I've been told by my girlfriend that I make love like a brother, brother!"

"Oh, brother... Keep talking like this and you'll be making love like a dead brother!" warned Emerson. "The pie maker is much more... discreet, if you catch my drift."

"Point taken!" Aaron admitted, massaging his own throat. "I have to sound like him same way I look like him. What about this?"

Aaron massaged his throat a little more, then, his neck. Next he stretched his arms over his head, spread them, and placed them behind his back. Aaron slumped his shoulders just a little, and looked down. Then cleared his throat and took a long breath.

"I know deep down in my primal sweet spot I was being unselfish for selfish reasons. I just thought my world would be a better place if Chuck was in it. And so I did what I did. Even if our love is a little unusual, maybe, eccentric, in a quaint way, like dessert spoons. All you need to feed it warm milk and a turkey sandwich, let it curl up in a sunny spot and take a nap," said Aaron in just one quick go. He spoke with a tone of voice, which was firm, but full of tenderness, a feeling that was also expressed in his eyes.

Absolute silence followed Aaron Tyler's performance, as Emerson was speechless for several seconds.

"Wow... that was really impressive..." said Emerson finally. "But how did you know..."

"Of all the hours we spoke, Ned must've spent at least three talking about this girl. I'm not quite sure what he was talking about, though..."

"But you're very good," Emerson admitted.

"Acting classes. Know a better way to meet girls?"

Emerson laughed hard.

"Ha, ha. I know what you mean. Why do you think I joined art school?"

"You were in art school?" asked Aaron.

"Oh, for a moment I forgot you were not him... So, keep your affected manners to yourself then."

"All right, Cod! You're so smart! And you have all the answers!" retorted Aaron, miffed by Emerson's last comment. Emerson made a quick laugh at Aaron's body language. "Then, tell me then how come I can prove the doctor is not telling the truth, and there's no way I could've been accidentally poisoned?" Emerson's mocking grin vanished.

"Hmmm... How?"

"Last night I heard the doctor say something about a zombie drug, and Ned confirmed it. This drug is composed of tetrodotoxin and some datura alkaloid, mixed with other chemicals in a very precise proportion. There's no way my poisoning could've been accidental. And I'm sure the drug was in that muffin."

"Who could've made the drug then, a chemist?"

"Only a Bokor holds this secret!"

"Bok... what?"

"A Bokor is is a high priest in the voodoo religion who knows the secrets and traditions of dark magic rituals, including the hallucinogenic drugs that take part in zombie making activities. Western scientists have tried to reproduce that magic, but so far with no success."

"Hey! How do you know all that?" asked Emerson with sudden suspicion.

"Well, I don't like to show off..."

"_Actually he did."_

"...but I am pursuing a PhD in comparative religion, and I've recently done extensive research on African religions," said Aaron, loosening up the tie knot he couldn't make, and displaying a pretense smile of fake humility. If there was something Aaron was proud of, was his high education. "In other words, find the medical report that mentioned the zombie drug, and you'll prove our good doctor has something to hide."

"In that case, this is one more good reason to get you out of here and away from the public eye. Then I'll come back to look for evidence. Come with me now, let's..."

Then, all of a sudden, all of Emerson's hopes of a quick and discreet getaway vanished in the thin air. The room door opened, and a little green-dressed screaming figure entered and charged at Aaron, who, in his delicate condition, promptly tumbled on the bed.

"Nnnnnnnnnnnned!" the little blonde woman screamed. Now she held on to Aaron's body like she was afraid she was going to sink an ocean of sadness if she let go of him. Another young woman, a brunette wearing an elegant red dress, hat and dark sunglasses stood by the doorstep, but wouldn't get any closer. Aaron quickly remembered the lecture Ned had given him the evening before.

"Olive?" he said. Yes, that was the name. Olive... something.

"Of course it's me, Ned. Who else could it be?"

And the other girl must be... Chuck. Yeah. His girlfriend Chuck with a strange male nickname who didn't like to be touched. The girl who, under no circumstances Aaron was allowed to touch. OK, the girl was a little crazy, but she was cute, Aaron thought.

Meanwhile, Aaron, sitting on the bed, felt Olive's breast against his chest, and he couldn't help but smile. After putting up with Cod's grumpiness for so long, he deserved a welcome like that, and was willing to hold on to that hug as long as that beautiful girl was willing to.

"Ned!" said Chuck, still from a reasonable distance. "We've been worried sick about you! You left yesterday morning and wouldn't tell us where you'd gone? And then we hear you were in the hospital?"

"Wait! Who told you that?" asked Emerson.

Olive lifted her head from Aaron's chest and looked at Chuck, who looked at Olive.

"I can't remember," said Chuck.

"Somebody called," confirmed Olive. But all they said is that you had spent the night in the hospital," said Olive, holding on tight to Aaron again. "You're here and that's what matters now," said Olive, her voice muffled by Aaron's jacket.

Chuck cleared her throat, and was imitated by Emerson. Olive gave an embarrassed smile, and finally let got of Aaron.

"I guess you want to talk to Chuck..." said Olive, getting up. Aaron quickly grabbed a pillow and put it on his lap in order to conceal another embarrassing situation. Emerson, being a guy, and knowing who Aaron wasn't, shook his head in disapproval.

"I want to talk to Chuck? Oh, yes, sure. I want to talk to Chuck!" said Aaron.

"Emerson! You could've called and told us where Ned was!" said Chuck.

"You would only have been more worried. I thought you should see him only when he was OK," said Emerson.

Chuck came closer to Ned, and sat next to him.

"Are you really OK, Ned? You don't quite look yourself today."

Aaron and Emerson eyed one another. Emerson was showing some concern.

"I'm fine, really. I just... feel... a little weak still. But I'll get up in a couple of minutes," said Aaron, still with the pillow pressed against his thighs.

"Good," said Chuck. "Because as soon as we go back to the Pie Hole, everything will be all right!" she said with a big and captivating smile.

"Yeah, yeah. What could go wrong now?" Emerson mumbled between his teeth.

- 8-


	5. Bearskin Rug

Word count: 3637

Previously on Dead Ringers:

Once in Niagara Falls there, Ned finds out it is 2005. He instantly bonds with Jaye and her strangely captivating family, who mistake him for Aaron. However, two inanimate characters give the occasion a fantastic touch: a platter of smoked snakehead fish as dinner main course (which Ned is afraid of touching), and two china panda shakers (which only Jaye can hear talk).

Outside, an old lady concealed in the shadows in the back seat of a car and her son observe the Tylers and wait for the right moment to act.

And now the story...

**V**

**Bearskin Rug**

_(October 31st, Halloween morning – Niagara Falls – The Tylers' home)_

"_It had been 8 hours, 47 minutes, and 16 seconds since Ned had arrived in Niagara Falls trying to pass, and so far successfully, as Aaron Tyler. At that precise moment the pie maker was having convoluted dreams. Which was strange, because Ned rarely dreamt. He usually had vivid childhood memories that brought to his mind something that would provide him with some invaluable lesson that somehow applied to the situation he was going through. It's true that once he had dreamed about kissing Charlotte Charles (pure wishful thinking), but that got extra confusing when the Chuck from his dream shed her old skin just to reveal a new... Olive Snook look. The 'Olive in Chuck suit' dream scared the bejesus out of the pie maker filling him with intrigue, guilt and misplaced desire for a friend and employee in such a way that Ned decided he should dream no more. And so he kept his decision... until that day."_

Ned was lost inside the Liberty Apartment Building. Somehow its corridors now formed a surreal maze of passages. Those corridors were endless, and it did not matter whether he would turn right or left, because the corridors always looked the same.

The he heard barking, and briefly saw Digby pass by his field of vision from right to left, as the dog ran along the corridor right in front of him. Ned ran to catch up with his canine friend, and looked left, just to see Digby take his left again. Ned didn't give up, and kept running.

The pursuit finally ended in a corner with baby blue walls with white clouds painted on them. Ned saw Digby pass through a doorway, and heard the door close behind the dog. Then, Ned realized Digby had entered apartment number 44, which made him uneasy, because that was Olive's apartment. He opened the door anyway.

Then he found himself in the most beautiful garden he had ever seen. The sky was pure azure again, just the way it was always supposed to be, unless it was raining, or night, of course. He could hear birds singing, and the occasional friendly bee buzzing by his ears. A butterfly of intense cobalt blue and as big as his hand landed on his arm and then resumed flight.

A thick hedge with a white metal gate marked the boundaries of this idyllic garden. He also saw some headstones, but, strangely, that didn't make place less inviting. Ned saw some trees, and a swing hanging from one of them. There were fantastic flowers of all sorts of beautiful colors everywhere. He then saw Digby looking at him and sitting on a path of ocher and reddish brown stones. Ned followed his friend.

Some people were setting a large white metal table, getting plates and food containers from a basket. He saw Digby run right towards Chuck, who was wearing a yellow flowery summer dress, and then he saw... himself. He was very happy. He kissed Chuck on the lips as she passed him some plates. Then Ned passed some plates to... oh, no... Olive! He kissed Olive, dressed in a beautiful white dress, on the cheek. This dream was getting dangerous!

But then, Olive passed a plate to Emerson, who was wearing a purple Hawaiian T-shirt. Everybody was there, including Chuck's mother and aunt, his parents (they were so young and full of life), and Chuck's father (who didn't have a corpse face). Then Ned gave one plate to a child version of himself, who was sitting next to a child Chuck, and both laughed like just two children can.

"Chuck," said Ned, "I don't wanna ruin the moment, but I have to ask. Aren't you afraid that if I touch you, you may... be dead, again, forever?"

"Don't be silly, Ned," Chuck said with a serene smile. "We can touch each other as much as we like, now that we know the secret!"

"Huh... Right," mumbled Ned. "Please remind me. What was the secret again?"

"Very simple," said Chuck. "It's..."

But he couldn't hear her voice anymore. All he heard was a cat meowing not very far from there. He looked at the white gate trying to find the cat, but all he saw was a window in a dark room.

Again, he heard the cat's meow, followed by a cat's scream, the sound of an alarm clock being thrown, and the voice of an angry man shouting, "Stop meowing or I'll turn you inside out, you stupid cat!!!"

Ned was sitting on his bed. He desperately groped for the light switch, while he called for Chuck.

"Chuck!" he shouted.

Ned finally managed to switch on the light, just to realize Chuck wasn't there. Neither was any part of his room. Simply because Ned no longer was in his bedroom in the Liberty Apartment Building in Lakeshore. Ned was, in fact, in Aaron Tyler's bedroom in Niagara Falls, and he still had a lot to do. The alarm clock display read: 4:07 A.M.

And then Ned remembered why he wasn't particularly fond of cats.

The cat was still meowing. There was no way Ned would manage to sleep again, nor did he want to. Instead, an idea that would please that wonderful family occurred to him.

* * *

It was a quarter past 7 at the Tylers' residence and a busy morning was just beginning. Darrin and Karen were coming downstairs, and talking about their plans for the day.

"But Karen, I told you. I have an online conference call with two Canadian doctors in a couple of hours, and have to get there early to prepare things. I *cannot* have breakfast," said Darrin, emphasizing the word _'cannot'_.

"Darrin, dear," said Karen with her usual finesse and calm conviction that in the end things would just turn out the way she intended things to be, "Don't you think our baby Aaron was a little strange last night? He's so sensitive. He has such a delicate personality. If we have breakfast with him, he might tell us what is concerning him so much."

"Well, hmmm. I wasn't seeing things this way," Darrin stopped and pondered. "But I guess you're right. I can have a loaf of bread and figure out what's going on with our boy."

"That's much better," said Karen, smiling inside with satisfaction, but not abandoning her poise. "Your Canadian doctors... They are Canadian. They can wait. Besides, we already have one disturbed child. I'd hate if we were left with Sharon as the only one we could call 'normal'."

"Good point, sweetheart. I have to agree with you, even though Sharon is my favorite."

"Marvelous. Let's go to the kitchen," said Karen, opening the kitchen door "and I'll ask Ivette to prepare..."

The sentence had been interrupted in the middle, and because of what Karen had seen, it would never be finished. Karen was trying to make sense of all that was in front of her.

"Ivette," she called in her normal voice, but there was no reply. "IVETTE!" she spoke a little louder, but still trying to seem composed and nonchalant.

The back door opened and Ivette entered.

"Madame Tyler! Madame Tyler!" she said with an agitated voice.

Karen, who believed employees should remain unfazed before adversity, wasn't very pleased with Ivette's agitation.

"Ivette. How do you explain this?" she calmly inquired, pointing at the table in front of them. On the table there were three kinds of pie, homemade bread, cookies, cupcakes, three portions of Eggs Benedict, and some unknown dessert Karen had never seen in her life, but if it tasted half as good as it looked, it certainly must be a pure piece of heaven. But in contrast with all sumptuous morning feast, the kitchen was spotless clean.

But Ivette was silent.

"Who said you could call a catering service?" Karen insisted.

"But Mrs. Tyler... I didn't... It was Mr. Aaron. He... He..."

Right then, the back door opened. It was Ned, wearing an apron.

"God morning! Mom! Dad!" Ned greeted them with his warm smile capable of melting the polar caps. "I just took the trash out. And I prepared a little surprise for you. My way to thank you for being the sweet parents I'm sure you've always been. Please, allow me..."

Ned walked to the table and pulled a chair for Aaron's mother, who sat down constantly staring at him, and without making a sound. Meanwhile, Darrin pulled himself a chair and sat down too.

"Are you sure you're feeling all right, Aaron? You know, I'm a doctor. I can help you!" said Darrin, forcing a smile.

"Thanks, dad. But I couldn't be better. Please, eat. You too, Ivette," said Ned, pulling a chair for the maid too.

Normally, Karen would never, in a million years, allow her maid to eat at the family table. Of course, Ivette was family, but there's a limit for everything. However, Karen couldn't take her eyes off of that man that claimed to be her son, and kept staring him with a 'who-are-you-what-planet-are-you-from-and- what-did-you-do-to-my-poor-son-Aaron' look on her face so nothing else seemed to matter.

What followed next was the most silent meal that ever took place in the Tylers' home, except for the constant _'Ooh's,'_ and _'Ah's'_ that the Tylers moaned whenever they sank their teeth into something Ned had prepared.

They ate almost everything Ned had stress-baked. And at the end of the meal, Darrin excused himself, greeted his family politely and left. Then, Karen delicately cleaned her lips with a napkin, stood up, and forced a smile. Next she carefully came close to Ned, and gave him a formal hug.

Ned, who wasn't used to receiving this kind of emotional Heimlich maneuver, hesitated, but then he hugged her back and the formal hug became a real "mother-and-son" hug. Finally, Karen kissed his cheek, turned on her heel, and walked towards the door.

Just as she was about to leave the room, she stopped, turned again and looked at Ned. A tear rolled down her face as she said, "Thank you. Goodbye." And then she left for good.

Meanwhile, Ivette, the chubby housekeeper still kept eating, as she had been doing all along, like there was no tomorrow.

* * *

Ned knew the Tylers had been left with many unanswered questions, and perhaps he shouldn't have been messing with their heads like this, but all Ned cared about was that he was finally able to treat his parents to a delicious meal, even if they had been surrogate parents.

There was still half strawberry-rhubarb pie he had managed to save from the voracious housekeeper's appetite, so he decided to wrap it and keep it in the fridge so the Tylers would still have something to munch that evening and remember him by, since Ned didn't intend to be anywhere near Niagara Falls by then.

Ned bent over to place the half pie on one of the shelves of the 'cheese box,' as Chuck would call it, when he felt two little and pleasantly soft hands cover his eyes. The equally pleasant scent of that girl's hand lotion mixed with the also agreeable aroma his pie was still releasing, and would keep releasing for days, thanks to his magic gift, mixed with the not-so-pleasant miscellaneous smells from the assorted items in that food depository.

"Guess who!" said the woman's voice.

Ned froze. And the fact he was practically inside a refrigerator didn't really help him unfreeze.

_Guess who,_ Ned though. _Chuck? No, of course it's not Chuck._

Chuck was always the best and most obvious answer of whom he was thinking about. But of course it was not Chuck. For starter, that girl was actually *touching* him! And right now he felt as if Chuck was on a distant planet, so of course it was not her. _Oh, my God, _he thought. _What am I going to say?_

"Uh... Well... You see... I mean..." mumbled Ned. Mumbling was the best he would accomplish in the circumstances.

"Aaron Tyler!" squawked the girl. She pulled his arm, making him turn so he could see her face. "Who else do you think it could be?" she asked angrily.

It was a very charming small African American girl. She definitely had spunk. Ned remembered a scene from a movie he'd watched with Chuck once in which a man told his girlfriend she looked pretty when she was angry. Ned hadn't really understood the scene and wasn't sure why he was thinking about it at that moment, but of one thing he was certain: if he didn't do something, that girl would become prettier than ever very, very soon! But the worst thing is, he still had no idea what to say...

"Oh, my God!" the girl shouted. "OK, maybe you didn't know which of your several girlfriends came to surprise you here this morning, but now you look right at my face, and you still don't remember who I am? You have five seconds to say my name, or you're a dead man!"

_That's not fair,_ Ned thought._ I usually give my clients 60 seconds before __condemning them to eternal oblivion._

As he literally felt he was about to meet his Creator, the last days of his life flashed in front of his eyes, and he remembered his detailed conversation with the real Aaron. Ned looked right into the girl's eyes and smiled with satisfaction.

"It's... Mahandra, right?" said Ned, feeling totally proud of his amazing memory. However, the response was not exactly what he expected or believed to deserve, as she slapped him on the left cheek, making him see stars.

"Ouch..."

"Unbelievable!" she said, trying to control her anger. "You're not even sure?"

Mahandra turned her back on Ned, and threatened to leave, but now wouldn't move. Ned then, decided to use the only tools he knew. He open the refrigerator and got something from there.

"A piece of strawberry-rhubarb pie?" he asked candidly, placing the pie near her right shoulder. Ned heard her sniffing slightly, and she quietly turned around.

"That... smells wonderful. it almost makes me want to forgive you. Is it filled with some of those pheromones and aphrodisiacs you told me about the other day?"

Ned wasn't sure what pheromones and aphrodisiacs meant, as his vocabulary about anything that related to sex was innocently limited, though he remembered one of these words having popped once in a conversation with Napoleon LeNez. He wonder what that guy was up to now. Then, Ned mentally reviewed the list of ingredients. No, aphrodisiacs and pheromones definitely were not part of the recipe.

"Why don't you try a slice?" Ned asked, and then opened his warmest smile. Paradoxically, that warm smile helped immediately cool down that hot volcano that was Mahandra.

"OK, I'll try..."

So she tried, and tried, and ate it all up with gusto. The Tylers would have no night pie to remember Ned by. Mahandra moaned, as she just had had a 'piegasm'.

"Did you... Did you really cook this?"

"Sure," he confirmed casually. After all, it was just a pie, and not even one of his best pies.

"Right... Somehow I believe you. It's not like Ivette can bake this piece of heaven. Oh, man! You're gonna cook for me every night from now on!"

"You've got a deal," Ned said and chuckled. He was perfectly aware of the problems Aaron would have to face to keep that promise when he returned to his rightful place in Niagara Falls.

"Why didn't you call me last night?" Mahandra asked. Her question had been blunt, but there was no more anger in her voice, just puzzlement.

"I needed time with my family," said Ned, making his best effort for his eye not to twitch with the lie he was telling. "Besides, I really wasn't feeling all right. This trip really made me feel sick." This time his eye didn't feel like twitching, and Ned was pleased not to have to lie to that nice girl.

"Oh, my little Aaron. Baby, you are sick, aren't you?" she said in some sort of mock baby talk Ned wasn't quite sure what it mean. She delicately passed her hand on his hair. "Why did you have a haircut? I loved your hair long!"

As Ned felt her soft fingers on his scalp, he jumped to his feet and grabbed Mahandra's dirty plate.

"Gotta wash the dishes," he whispered.

"Wow, are we jumpy today! Let Ivette do it. She doesn't mind. Come here and you'll get better, I promise!"

Ned pretended Mahandra's suggestion had just been a suggestion, and proceeded to wash the remainder of dirty dishes. She approached him by the back, and placed her hand under his sweatshirt.

"Whoa!!!" Ned shouted, as if Mahandra's hand were charged with electricity. Ned immediately thought of a certain waitress's terrifying attempts to connect with someone as disconnected as Ned. But at least, Olive Snook knew when to stop. This woman had no sense of boundaries!

Ned dropped the plates in the sink and started walking backwards, away from her.

"Oh, come here, Aaron! Let me give you a massage! You look so tense. Let me relax you!" she said, still using the mock baby talk.

"I... I feel fine really. See? No more tension! You don't have to worry about me!"

"What's the matter with you, Aaron," said Mahandra, abandoning the baby talk, but not her resolute walk towards him. "You're not going to make me beg, are you?"

"No, please, Mahandra, don't beg. I beg you, don't beg!"

"What?!" she said incredulously. Then he fell on the sofa, and Mahandra jumped on him, ripping part of his sweatshirt. She lay on top of him, but he managed to push her aside. He stood up and kept walking backwards.

"Oh, I know what you want," said Mahandra maliciously. "You want me to say you make love like a black man, don't you? OK. Come here, 'brother'!" she said, walking towards him again.

"No, that's the last thing I want you to do," said Ned, feeling desperate. "I don't make love like a black man. Why would I want to? I mean, not that I have anything against black people. My best friend is a black man. Not that he knows he's my best friend, because he thinks we're just business partners, but in fact, I don't know what I would do without that guy... See what I mean?"

"Aaron, what the hell are you talking about? You're crazier than your sister today! You're not making any sense at all! So, just shut up, will you? And watch your step!"

But Ned didn't watch his step. Instead, he kept walking backwards and tripped on the step that made that part of the living room floor a few inches taller than the rest of the house floor. Ned tumbled like a mighty oak tree would fall had it been cut for timber.

As he fell onto the floor, Mahandra threw herself onto Ned, and they both landed... on the living room bearskin rug.

As it happened with Ned's power, all it took was a small piece of his skin to touch one hair of what once had been a magnificent creature of the forest. Ned's touch generated a static electricity spark, which gave life to the bearskin rug, which...

"GROWWWWWL!!!!" was the sound that reverberated all over the room. Startled, Mahandra froze, then started looking all over for the source of the rumbling sound. But by the time she had even realized something had growled, Ned had long touched the rug a second time, so this time the bearskin rug was dead, again, forever.

"What's going on here?" asked Jaye, who was carrying a brass monkey and was looking at the scene in front of her: Mahandra and the man who, as far as anybody in Niagara Falls was concerned, was Aaron, wearing a torn sweatshirt, and lying on a bearskin rug.

Ned looked at Jaye. She looked partly surprised, and partly amused, but was trying to seem angry. Then he looked at Mahandra, who was still clinging to his torn sweatshirt. She looked pale, like she had just seen a ghost. Or had just heard an 'undeaded' bearskin rug roar and refused to believe her senses.

"Something... Something just growled in here... I think..." She looked at the bearskin, then looked at Jaye. "Something roared. Jaye, do you have a dog?"

Jaye looked at Ned, who immediately responded,

"No, the rug didn't growl!"

Jaye couldn't hold her laughter any longer. She laughed, making Mahandra angry.

"Don't you laugh at me! I ain't crazy!" she protested.

Jaye then looked at the rug's bear head, and suddenly her eyes were wide open, and this time it was Aaron's baby sister who was pale like a candle.

"Don't be ridiculous, Mahandra. Bearskins don't growl. You ain't crazy! Come with me, Aaron."

"Hey, I never said it was the bearskin," protested Mahandra again.

"Gotta go, miss," said Ned, pushing Mahandra aside. "I'll catch up with you later."

And so both walked away very quickly, leaving a bewildered Mahandra behind on top of a now dead forever bearskin rug.

**- 9 -**


	6. Pie Time Now What?

Word count: 4130

Previously on Dead Ringers:

In Papen County, Aaron has a quick recovery. Aaron tells Emerson that only a Bokor, a voodoo high priest, could have prepared the zombie drug. He puts on Ned's suit and makes a good Ned impersonation; the resemblance surprises Emerson. Aaron manages to fool Olive and Chuck, so he manages to pass as Ned.

And now the story...

**VI**

**Pie time... Now, what?**

_(October 30__th__, morning – Papen County – Ned's apartment in The Liberty Building)_

And so Aaron Tyler was finally alone, and in Ned's apartment. He looked around and found the decoration quite old-fashioned for his taste. He opened the door to the bedroom, and saw the two single beds separated by a small bedside table.

"Ned's bed, and that must be Chuck's. Separated beds... So much for a happy couple."

Then he looked at the wall and observed the art that decorated the room, specifically a vintage advertising poster of a licorice. It had a dog in an upright position with its front paws opened. The poster read, BLACK DOG LICORICE and NATURALLY SWEET CANDY CHEWS.

"That's sweet... And the owner sure loves dogs. But that's the last thing I'd have on MY bedroom wall."

_As Aaron Tyler came to this realization, he then realized that of course he wouldn't have it on his bedroom wall, because this was NOT his bedroom wall. This was not his bedroom. This was not his LIFE!_

"I'm out of here!" he decided.

He quickly made a plan. He checked his pockets. Well, not HIS pocket, but Ned's dark suit's pockets and found the wallet Ned had gently left. It had enough money for what he had in mind. _Good_, he thought.

He took the stairs down and fortunately found door in the Liberty building that led to the outside without passing through the Pie Hole. He took a cab to the bus station.

"A ticket to Niagara Falls, please," said Aaron to the ticket salesman, giving him the money.

The salesman immediately gave Aaron a ticket that he had in front of him, which was odd, because it was like he didn't even have to look for the right ticket and had given Aaron the first one he found. Well, maybe he sold many tickets to Niagara Falls, Aaron thought, considering it's a popular tourist destination.

"Would you please check the information on your ticket, son?" said the salesman, a short, elderly African-American man, also known as... the coroner. He was grinning.

"Yep... Niagara Falls, October 30th. That's correct," said Aaron, quickly glancing at his ticket.

"Please, check the date again."

"But I just told you it's all right. October 30th... Wait a minute! 2008? No, no, there's something wrong here. I don't want to go three years from now. I want to go today. Give me another ticket!"

"But that IS the correct date, Aaron. In this side of the mirror, at least."

"Hey, how do you know my name? And how do you know about this mirror business?"

"Oh, I know a lot about you, Aaron Tyler. For instance I know your sister Jaye will be fine as she is in good hands. Just let Ned do his job. But he needs you here taking care of things for him."

"Hey! What's going on here?" asked Aaron, startled.

"Let's say I'm your official travel agent, and I also know that you haven't completed your mission in Lakeshore. In due time, I'll help you get back the right way. You see, the passage between the two worlds is not as simple as you may think, and you'll need a very special bus to get home, son. But I'll help you in due time. Now, please here's my card with personal number in town," he said, handing him a card.

Aaron was speechless, and just took the card. A lot of things that were not supposed to make sense were happening to him right then, and he definitely had to stretch his tolerance as far as illogical, even impossible things could happen, so he realized he had to put his customary skepticism aside.

"You mean I'm stuck here until you otherwise?"

"Until Halloween is over. So, enjoy our town's hospitality until then."

Aaron turned on his heel, made a few steps and stopped. No, that man still had a lot of explaining to do, so Aaron would get the truth out of him. He turned and faced the ticket window again, but this time it was empty. The man was no longer there, and there was a sign which read, CLOSED FOR LUNCH.

Aaron could try buying a ticket in one of the other windows which were still open, but that conversation made him think twice, so he decided to go back home. Ned's home, of course. Aaron Tyler had a lot of thinking to do.

And so Aaron was back at Ned's apartment once again, but time with a few more answers, and the hell of a lot more questions.

His tension was building up for some reason, but he couldn't figure out precisely why.

He tried to picture himself as the pie maker. "I'm Ned, the pie maker," he repeated to himself. "I'm Ned, I make pies... What's my last name?"

It was frustrating. How could he expect to pretend to be someone else when in fact he didn't even know something as basic as that guy's last name? OK, so what did he know really?

The conversation he'd had with Ned had been long and full of details, but now he could barely recall the general ideas they had discussed. He was sure that, in time, he would remember what was necessary. But it would help to increase his confidence if he could review some of the facts.

This Ned guy was a successful businessman, had his own restaurant, and was a kind of pie baking artist. Aaron had always striven to work on his education and working never seemed to be an issue, much less opening his own business. In a way it seemed a waste of intellectual power, but building and maintaining a restaurant like that was no small feat.

Aaron gazed into his bedroom mirror and tried to convince himself that the charade would work. The looks were all right, but all the rest, far from it. He wondered what his folks were doing right then, how his sister Jaye was, if she was going crazy or not.

Then he felt incredibly alone, detached from everything and everyone he knew. He missed mom and dad. He knew he could always count on them when things got tough. Once he discussed with Jaye how hard it would be if their folks passed away, and suggested that Jaye wouldn't miss them very much because she was always so insulated. But that was not true. The Tylers always stuck together. And he felt completely lost without them. _Where's my family? I need them,_ he thought.

He heard a knock on the door. He went to open it, and saw smiley Chuck, wearing a simple but beautiful yellow flowery dress and impeccable makeup, discreet and pretty. Apparently she loved changing clothes and staying always beautiful.

"Hi, Ned. I came to check on you. Feeling better?"

Oh yes, now he remembered. It was Charlotte "Chuck" Charles, his girlfriend, whom he wasn't allowed to touch, no matter what. Then it hit him. Sometimes families can be unconventional, and Ned had people who cared about him. A friend willing to spend the night in the hospital with him, a crazy girlfriend with whom he had a non-sexual relationship. *That* was Ned's family. And in the absence of the Tylers, Ned's family would do.

"Much better, thank you. I'm so glad you dropped by."

"I missed you!" said Chuck.

"Huh... I missed you too..." replied Aaron, hesitantly. Then a wicked thought crossed his mind as he remembered the hug that potentially caused an embarrassing moment. One member of that family was missing.

"Isn't Olive here with you?" he asked, looking over Chuck's shoulder, into the hallway.

"No, she's downstairs, minding the store. Do you wanna talk to her? I thought we could use some alone time ourselves," said Chuck, looking a little puzzled.

"Huh... You're right, sorry. I... I really appreciate you're here. Come in."

Chuck entered and sat at the living room sofa, close to Aaron. He thought sort of glad she was, in the absence of a better word, crazy, and had this whole touching problem. Because he wasn't sure how he'd react if she went all romantic towards him. He meant aggressive and physically romantic like his girlfriend Mahandra normally did. Charlotte certainly was a pretty girl, and he felt the tenderness of her presence, but didn't think there was much in terms of romance in the air.

"You still don't look all right, Ned. Is there anything I can do?"

"Just be patient, OK?" Aaron asked.

"Of course."

"You see, I don't want to alarm you, but my food poisoning was a little serious."

"Yes, I was going to ask you about this. I heard the doctor say something about a puffer fish, but you never eat fish, or any meat. You know why!"

_OK, _Aaron thought. _So Ned's a vegetarian... Great! One more thing he could've told me!_

"This is precisely why I got sick. I'm not used to it! Anyway, I was poisoned and this... may have... affected my memory. So, bear with me if I'm a little confused... if I don't act like myself today, all right?"

"Sure, Ned. No problem," said Chuck, again with that puzzled face Aaron was beginning to be concerned about. "All you need is time. Speaking of time, what kind of watch is that you're wearing?"

"What?" said Aaron, confused. "It's a Casio, I think. Why is it important?"

"It's because you're so attached to your other watch. You never take it off, and no other is as accurate. You always say it has some sort of history you're always about to tell me but never do."

"It's just a watch, Chuck. I seem to have misplaced the other one. This one will do just fine," said Aaron. _Damn it, Ned, _Aaron though. _If the watch was so important, why did you have to take it with you?_ Aaron was also concerned about Chuck's inquisitive nature. This girl knew the pie maker just too well. She would figure things out much sooner than later. Maybe he should tell her the truth now? Maybe not...

"And I don't think this is going to make sense to you, Charlotte... Chuck!But... At some point, I felt I was going to die. And this really affects the way we behave, you know, so I'm like a changed man now..."

Right then when Aaron thought he was connecting with her, she had another unexpected reaction. She chuckled.

"Wait! Are you telling *me* what it feels like to be dead?"

Aaron was speechless. He had no idea what she meant, and he realized he didn't know half of the story, whatever it was.

"Well, yes... I mean. You know what I mean, don't you?" Aaron babbled, grasping at straws.

"Of course I do," said Chuck, "I know all about being dead and you know that very well!"

"And this is precisely why I mentioned my brush with death to you! After all, who better than you to understand?"

_Good move, Aaron, _Aaron thought. _I wanna see how she's going to reply to that._

"Yes... I guess. But still..."

"I need to get some air. Can we go downstairs now?" said Aaron, desperate to change subjects.

"Sure, Ned. You really look like you need to get some distraction. And I'm bothering you with all this talk. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. I may be confused, but, believe me, seeing you really made me feel better, and I'm very glad you're here!" said Aaron, and he meant it. That Chuck was smart, pretty and quite special. No wonder Ned was willing to risk his own safety to make sure no danger ever came close to her.

She gave him a very sweet, warm smile. Aaron knew he was among good people, not his family or friends, but they could be. And one day they would be.

* * *

Downstairs, the Pie Hole was moderately busy. The tables were being occupied with patrons, but most seats were empty. Aaron was no businessman, but he figured that pie place probably wasn't making much money. Maybe they had some alternative income source?

Olive was waiting on one of the tables. _She's interesting,_ he thought, even though he preferred women closer to the dark side. Not spiritually, but ethnically. At least judging by his current girlfriend, a girl named Mahandra. And, by the way, shouldn't he be thinking of another beautiful woman since he was in a relationship?

"_Aaron liked Mahandra because she was uncomplicated. She was a straightforward girl who let everybody know what she thought and felt. Besides, he'd known her since she was a little girl, and that sense of familiarity and convenience had been one of the things that had brought them together. _

_Actually it was funny how women, given the same facts and circumstances, tended to come to completely opposite conclusions. For Mahandra, the fact that Aaron and her had known each other since childhood was a deterrent. She felt guilty because she saw Aaron like some sort of brother. Who could understand women anyway? Aaron cared for Mahandra, and had always been fair with her. He never cheated and wanted to make sure everybody knew they were together. But deep inside he knew he had never found his true soul mate, not yet._

_And speaking of guilt, he resorted to what he knew best: religion. How do Catholics deal with it? They do what they have to do, and dealt with the consequences later. Then they repented._

_So, Aaron decided to do things the Catholic way: act now, and repent later if necessary. Besides, this could all be just a dream, in which case, the dilemma would be moot. Grasping at the straws of such a flimsy excuse as the dream scenario, Aaron came closer to Olive."_

As soon as she saw Aaron, she ran to him just like she did in the hospital.

"Nnnnnned!!!!" said Olive and hugged him. He was beginning to enjoy that kind of attention, and those fabulous hugs.

"I know you don't liked being hugged, Ned," said Olive "but after the scare you gave us all, you have to be patient with me."

"Who says I don't like hugs? I'm made of hugs!" Olive hugged him tighter, and Aaron hugged her back.

Then she looked towards the counter, and pushed Aaron back. Next, Aaron looked in the same direction, and there she was, Chuck, with her arms crossed and closely watching Olive and Aaron's tender moment.

"I think your girlfriend is jealous..." Olive whispered.

"Then we have to be more careful next time," Aaron whispered back.

Olive stared at Aaron with a serious expression. Then she laughed very hard. And Aaron laughed too, and the 'joke' he had made. She hit him with her dishcloth, and he laughed even more. The only person who was not laughing was Chuck, who, for the first time in a long time, wasn't even smiling. She just observed them.

"Excuse me!" said a woman at a table with her husband and two children.

Aaron pointed at his own chest and asked, "Me?"

"Yes, you! Can you help us here?"

Aaron looked around. Where the hell was Olive? Well, how hard would it be to answer a little question?

"How can I help you, madam?" he asked dryly.

"What's inside this triple-berry pie?"

Aaron picked the menu and looked. Unfortunately, it wasn't very informative.

"Triple-berry pie... filling?" said Aaron, then trying to smile. The lady kept staring at him, and her children were growing impatient.

"I'll take over from here, Ned," said Chuck. "Our pie maker was just making a joke, because everybody in the neighborhood knows our famous triple-berry pie!" she said with a captivating smile. "This is a delicious pie with a divine filling of strawberry, blackberry and blue berry, plus our secret ingredient. You've never tasted anything like it!"

As Chuck described the ingredients and how fresh they were, how the pie was prepared, and how it melted in one's mouth, the family followed mesmerized her explanation, savoring every word she uttered.

Minutes later, Chuck came close to Aaron, who was leaning against the counter.

"Triple-berry pie filling???" Chuck asked Aaron in a challenging tone.

"I didn't want to be... too technical..."

Before Chuck could say anything else Olive, from the other end of the room, interrupted their conversation.

"Ned! Look who's here! He really misses you!"

"Olive, again your sense of timing is perfect. Who do we have here?"

It was not a "who" in the technical sense of the word, meaning it was not a person. It was a beautiful golden retriever. Oh, yes. Ned had mentioned something about a dog.

"How are you, fellow?" Aaron asked, leaning and friendly stretching his arm towards the animal. But the dog's reaction was less than friendly.

"Bark! Bark! Grrrr..."

"What's the matter, Digby?" Olive, alarmed, asked. But Digby didn't want anything to do with that man. Instead, Digby started barking and growling...

Then he stopped barking. Everybody froze and the only thing that broke the awkward silence was the nervous low sound made by Digby. Olive, puzzled, looked at Digby, while Chuck eyed Aaron.

Aaron, gathering all his courage, made a step forward. Digby then started walking backwards. Olive pulled the leash, but he made a jerking move, pulling it from Olive's hand, and then went hiding in the kitchen.

Aaron realized how big the trouble this was. He might be able to fool humans for a while, but he wouldn't fool a dog, used to its owner's scent, even for a second.

"I'm going to the kitchen and I'm bringing him back," said Olive. "I don't know what got into this dog, but he sure has some apologizing to do!"

"Wait" said Aaron, realizing he just had one chance. "It's my dog, isn't it? I'll handle him."

Aaron carefully entered the kitchen. He scanned the place with his eyes, and located the dog next to the kitchen sink lower cabinet, crouching against the wall. The dog was making a very low growl, and that was the sign that he could get much angrier any time soon.

Not that Aaron had much experience with dogs, or animals in general. He had never had a dog. His mother had always found pets dirty and messy. But he had read a lot about dogs. Well, he had read a lot about many things.

"Come on, big boy... Digby, isn't it? Who's a good dog? Who's a good dog?" Aaron repeated with a forced smile.

Digby's growl got angrier and slightly louder. He placed his head on his front paws, on the floor, and his cold canine stare followed Aaron closely.

"OK... So much for the 'who's a good dog' routine. Next step in dog psychology 101... Bribery!"

He opened the fridge. Maybe he could find some piece of meat. But he looked, and looked. He found lots of fruit and other pie ingredients, but nothing that resembled the good old source of protein canines and normal humans crave for.

"No meat? What do they feed you then? No wonder you're so angry."

Right then he found a plastic container with a label that read 'Digby.' He opened it and saw some brown stuff in it: it smelled like some sort of homemade dog food. Aaron put the dog food in a pie plate (no time to be picky) and put it in front of Digby.

"Bark! Bark!" was Digby's unfriendly response.

"Come on, Digby! I'm trying to be your friend here. I really am! Be a good dog. Be a good dog!"

Digby went back to his growling routine. Then Aaron stopped to think. He really didn't know how to handle a dog. But he was a rational person, and the straightforward, rational approach usually was the one that worked better for him. He just had to remember to use a calm, soothing voice. So he decided to explain things to the dog, much more for his own benefit (so he would feel more secure) than the dog's.

"OK, buddy... You know I'm not Ned. But your human friend is my friend as well."

_All right. Now I'm talking to a dog,_ Aaron thought._ Great. That means I'm officially desperate._

But then, Digby stopped growling.

"Ned asked me to take care of you and your friends. Ned is OK with this. He's away, helping me to protect my sister."

Digby rose assumed an alert position.

_Wow! The soothing voice trick worked, _Aaron though._ But it's weird. It's almost like... he can understand me._

"I really need your help, Digby. Ned and I really do!"

Digby started wagging his tail and breathing hard with his mouth open with his tongue sticking out. He came close to Aaron, who started patting him on the head, behind the ears, and under the chin. Digby closed his eyes, whined, and enjoyed the gesture of affection.

"Who's a good dog? I knew you were a good dog!" Aaron said with a mixture of satisfaction and relief.

_Why are things rarely a mixture in my life?_ wondered Aaron.

Aaron decided his soothing voice technique was really working, so he continued.

"Ned and I are friends. He's a great guy, and everybody loves him, I know. He'll love my family. They are wonderful folks too. And you are a beautiful dog! Just like my dog!"

"Woof! Grrrrr!" protested Digby.

"OK, OK, I don't have a dog! But if I had one it would be just like you. Now, please you have to help me convince them I'm Ned, or your master will be in great danger."

The moment Aaron said that, Digby started marching towards the main area of the Pie Hole, where the girls waited in suspense. Then Digby stopped and allowed Aaron to hold the leash. Finally, both walked out of the kitchen together.

Olive smiled and clapped her hands. Chuck was smiling again. Aaron was very satisfied, and smiled at Digby. He then made a slight motion to get his hand closer to Digby's head, but Digby immediately protested.

"Bark! Bark!"

Aaron pushed his hand back. He immediately realized the no-touch rule applied to Ned's dog as well.

"I think you're looking for this," said Chuck. She handed him a weird device, a mechanical arm and hand. Digby stretched his neck towards Aaron, who then used the mechanical device to pat the dog on his head.

"There you go, Digby," said Aaron. _That is the sweetest bunch of crazy freaks I have ever met,_ Aaron thought.

At that moment, the door bell chimed in a vigorous way they'd grown used to. It could only be one person: Emerson Cod. It was the P.I., all right, and he was impatient.

"Well, well, look who's here! The man who won't even phone us to tell us Ned is in the hospital!" said Olive, with he hands on her hip. "You'd better behave or no pie for you!"

"Hi, Emerson! What did you to to my boyfriend?" said Chuck.

After hearing the question, Emerson became a little pale. He laughed nervously.

"You know our pie maker... Always full of surprises. Speaking of the devil, I need to talk to him."

Hearing that, Aaron approached Emerson.

"Huh... Pie boy! That case we were about to solve. I need your help right now!"

"Let's go then!" said Chuck. "On the way there you can explain to me what you were doing yesterday and everything I missed!"

Emerson's nostrils flared, and he grunted.

"She ain't coming," Emerson said to Aaron. As he heard that, Aaron turned to Chuck and spoke in the same tone.

"You ain't coming."

"But Ned... I thought..."

Aaron was surprised how sad the news made Chuck. Apparently coming along meant a lot to her. But there was no way he'd expose Chuck to the intricacies of that case.

"I'm sorry, Chuck. But this is for your own protection. This can become very dangerous. You girls stay here and keep each other company. And Digby! You stay and protect the fort!"

"Woof! Woof!" agreed Digby.

**- ****12**** -**


	7. Mr T Cookie Jar

Word count: 3567

Previously on Dead Ringers:

Ned's in Niagara Falls, passing as Aaron Tyler. Ned decides to give the Tylers a present and prepares them the best breakfast they've ever had. However, since Aaron can't cook, the Tylers receive the present with great concern, but Aaron's mother bonds with Ned.

Ned's "attacked" by Aaron's girlfriend, Mahandra. He is in trouble because he can barely remember her name, but a slice of his magic pie wins her over. She leaves her romantic intentions very clear. Ned trips and falls on a bearskin rug with Mahandra. The rug growls and dies again. Right at that moment, they notice Jaye right in front of them. She tells Aaron (Ned) to come with her and he, with pleasure and relief, complies.

And now the story...

**VII**

**Mr. T Cookie Jar**

"_At this very moment in the town of Niagara Falls, young Jaye Tyler was 10 years, three weeks and twelve minutes of age, and she was going to school with her brother and sister. But studying was the last thing in this little girl's mind. Young Jaye had a secret admirer!"_

Jaye is in the back of a big car between Aaron and Sharon. The three kids are impeccably dressed. Jaye's long brown hair is perfectly straight, with not a single hair out of place.

She opens a colorful metal box, revealing a card with a romantic read heart drawn with crayons in a very hesitant and erratic way. Below the heart, she can see the words, _'I love you,'_ also written in a childish and insecure handwriting.

Jaye removes the card. Beneath it, the box is full of chocolate chip cookies. Sharon tries to get one of the cookies, but Jaye slaps her hand. She closes the box, and presses it against her chest. She looks at Sharon and then at Aaron with the yes of a hungry animal.

"_Or perhaps, the last thing that passed in little Jaye's mind was sharing her chocolate chip cookies."_

The car stops and the door opens by itself. The three kids leave without saying a word.

"_The first morning classes passed seemed to drag forever for Jaye, but finally it was recess time. Divided by her thoughts on who her admirer could be, and the chocolate flavor of those fine chocolates, she had little room in her life to socialize with other girls. Instead, she was more than happy to spend her time by herself, daydreaming and wondering which of those handsome (and older) boys was her admirer."_

Jaye sits at a bench in the school yard, detached to the commotion of the other kids who play not very far to her. She observes a group of older boys play an excited basketball game, admiring the players' athletic skills, among other of their more evident characteristics.

"_Jaye considered herself self-sufficient, and was proud of it. But sometimes, she enjoyed the connection with another human being, as long as it was on her own terms. The good thing is, if things didn't work out, she could go back to being reclusive, detached, and in absolute control."_

She opens the metal box, and takes a cookie, which she starts eating. She smiles at one of the players, a blond kid. The boy looks at her with a confused look, but then goes back to play.

"_And young Jaye soon remembered exactly why she liked to be self-sufficient, as she was reminded of the dangers of opening up too hastily."_

A very big and chubby boy sits next to her. The redhead kid looks at her and smiles. He points at the card in the box.

"_What young Jaye hadn't expected was that her secret admirer would be the school bully, the same one that made her life, and that of all the other kids, a living hell whenever he could. And once a bully, even if it's a bully in love, always a bully."_

Jaye seems weary at the presence of the heavy kid. She slides away from the boy as far as she can, without falling off the bench. The boy gets near her again anyway.

Suddenly he kisses her on the cheek. Startled, she stands up, and starts to walk away. The redhead boy, follows her and stands right in front of Jaye. Now he's angry.

"_And like every bully, this one didn't like to be contradicted, and had his own sense justice. 'If you don't like me,' he would say, 'it's OK, just give me my cookies back!'"_

The boy tries to pull the cookie box from her hands. He's rough, but she's tough. Little Jaye ends on the ground, hurting her buttocks. But she won't let go of her cookies, and, most important of all, won't cry. Meanwhile, her sister Sharon watches the whole altercation, but won't do a thing.

"_Fortunately, not all was lost for young Jaye. Filled with sheer courage and relentless determination, her brother Aaron decided to take action, and teach that nasty kid a lesson."_

Young Aaron, seeming to have appeared out of nowhere, taps the bully on his back. Jaye's brother makes an angry face, closes his fist, and delivers his best punch on the bully's cheek.

"_However, sheer courage and relentless determination aren't always enough to win a fight in a school yard. And there's usually a good reason why the bully is a bully."_

The big boy is unfazed, and Aaron's punch has little or no effect on him. The bully gives a wicked smile, because now he seems to feel he has all the justifications to be mean.

"My turn!" he says, and punches Aaron on the nose, throwing him on the ground.

"_But if the bully could easily face one Tyler, he would soon find out that when facing two Tylers at the same time, the odds would start to be against him."_

Now Jaye is behind the redhead, and kicks his shin. The bully screams in pain. Then she starts hitting him with the metal box. The box opens, and cookies spread all over the place.

When the bully is ready to fight Jaye, Aaron, even with his nose bleeding jumps on him and the big kid falls to the ground, like King Kong from the Empire State Building. Jaye hits the bully again.

"_The worst had passed and that kid had learned a lesson: don't mess with the Tylers._ _But those two Tyler kids also had a lesson to learn: that tough actions, even when necessary and justified, always had consequences one would have to live with."_

Now, Aaron and Jaye are sitting at a bench near a door with a sign which reads "PRINCIPAL." Jaye's hair is no longer perfectly straight. Aaron's clothes are no longer impeccable, he has a purple eye, and one of his nostrils is stuffed with a piece of bloodstained cotton. In other words, those two kids are a real mess!

Little blonde Sharon comes and stops right in front of them with a disapproval look.

"I'm going to tell mom and dad all about it," she says and walks away.

Jaye opens her metal box, which now is greatly dented. Miraculously, there are still two chocolate chip cookies in it.

"_Young Jaye would also learn a lesson of her own. That there are some people in this world who are worth sharing your last cookies with."_

Jaye offers Aaron one of the cookies. He smiles, and both laugh. He bites the cookie carefully, because his jaw also seems to hurt...

* * *

_(October 31st, Halloween morning – Niagara Falls – Jaye Tyler's trailer)_

Jaye Tyler woke up in her trailer in the High and Dry trailer park. She was awoken by an argument, the same argument her nearest neighbors, a noisy couple that spent all the time fighting, had every morning. Something about his drinking, and her uninhibited social behavior, as far as Jaye could understand.

But Aaron Tyler's youngest sister was OK with all that chaos. In fact, that made her feel alive because those were real people with real problems. And besides, the more her neighbors complained about one another, the less they'd meddle in her life. And privacy was something she enjoyed greatly.

Her sleep had been light and convoluted because she had a lot in her mind. First, she was still intrigued by Aaron's behavior the night before. His customary sarcasm was gone, and he seemed to be a little lost in his own home, with his own family. But at the same time, she felt a reassuring connection with her brother.

However, if her brother's quirks were her only source of concern, that would be something she could handle just fine, because she had other concerns to have trouble sleeping. As she lay awake in bed, tossing and turning, she thought about the circumstances in which she had last talked to her boyfriend Eric.

Eric was a nice guy, a real do-gooder, and this is one of the things that she found attractive in him to begin with. But there was a limit for everything. She just wished she had found a nicer way to express that the last time they had talked at that bus station.

"So, Jaye, you understand why I have to do this, right?"

"Eric, I understand why you won't refuse helping her," said Jaye. "But what I don't understand is why you have to drop everything just because your ex-wife claims she needs you!"

"Heidi is going through a very rough moment right now. She broke up with her fiancé and she needs my help to sell her apartment in Manhattan. That's what friends are for, Jaye."

"Come on! Did you forget everything that she did?"

Maybe Eric had forgotten, but Jaye never did. She remembered very well how lost Eric had been feeling when she first met him. After all, coming to Niagara Falls to spend your honeymoon, just to catch your wife in the act, doing it with the bellboy was enough to destroy anybody's faith in love. And as if that wasn't enough, Heidi left, and when Eric was finally moving on and building a relationship with Jaye, the ex once again returned to Niagara to claim it was her right to have what now Eric and Jaye shared. But in the end Jaye and Eric's relationship was strong enough and he regained his faith in love, especially now that he had Jaye.

"It's precisely because I got my heart broken that I know how difficult it is to deal with the problem when it happens. How could I say no to her?"

That's right. He couldn't say no, and the same thing that Jaye loved in Eric, his kindness and readiness to help, was what was driving a wedge between them right now.

As Jaye was about to protest, she noticed the lizard picture on Eric's shirt wink at her. _"Tell him to go,"_ said the lizard in a deep eerie voice. _"Tell him to go."_

Oh, yes. The fact that Jaye could hear subliminal and outright explicit messages from figurines (as long as they had a face) or any cartoon animals whatsoever, didn't make things easy for her mental and emotional stability. The only thing that helped was the fact she believed there was some hidden wisdom in that surreal intrusion.

Jaye was too fed-up with the whole situation to resist. She no longer had the stamina to go against the wishes of her surreal talking muses. Besides their advice had to be for the best, and defying them had serious consequences. She had learned that the hard way.

"Fine, Eric. If you must go, then go."

"_Tell him you're happy he's going,"_ said the lizard with a provocative grin.

A teenage girl passed by them, and then stopped, looking around to find her bus. She was carrying a backpack showing a big, round, stylized, yellow happy face.

"_Don't worry. Be happy!"_ said the face, in a childish, high pitched tone.

"Good, because I would like you to be fine with this. It would make things so much easier for us."

"_Don't worry. Be happy!"_ said the two figures in a strange, unharmonious chorus.

"No, Eric. I'm sorry. I can't make things easy for you," Jaye blurted, despite her muses advice. "And I WON'T make things easier for her. If you still think you can go, then go!"

Eric paused for a moment and then lowered his head. Maybe he was looking for an excuse to go. Maybe he was just disappointed. But Jaye decided to give him any more time to think. She turned on her heel and started walking away from him.

She made a few steps, then stopped. Deep inside she had hopes that he would come to her, give her a warm hug and say he wouldn't go if that bothered her so much. OK, so she hadn't completely obeyed the muses. She had told him to go, but wouldn't lie and say she was fine with that. Big deal! She had given him a chance to see the error of his ways, while she still had caught the gist of the muses' "suggestion."

She stood there a few seconds... then, a minute... then realized she might stay there the whole night. She turned around and looked at where Eric had stood. He was no longer there. And a few yards further, his bus was moving away.

Things wouldn't have been so bad if Eric had come back to Jaye the night before, like he had promised to. But apparently he had found some good reason to remain in New York City, which made Jaye feel guilty because that might have been a consequence to the fact she hadn't obeyed the lizard, and never told Eric she was happy he was going. At least she had spent a surprisingly pleasant dinner with her family in an evening in which her brother had been particularly charming.

Well, definitely with so much in her mind, Jaye couldn't stay in bed, even if it was her vacation week, and she loved sleeping until late whenever she had a chance. So, she promptly got up.

She stumbled to the other end of the trailer where her kitchen area was. What could she eat? She wasn't particularly hungry that morning and she was too lazy to fix breakfast. Perhaps she could grab a bite at her parents'. But that would mean having to talk to mom and dad, and no matter how well things had turned out the night before, she was always worried about giving too much space to her overbearing folks.

Then she noticed her cookie jar sitting on an upper shelf, Mr. T cookie jar. She didn't like it very much, but it had been a well-humored present from her brother Aaron. There was an old TV show with this man or something, and when Aaron saw the cookie jar with Mr. T's face in a garage sale, her brother told her he had to buy it. Then he told her, "Mr. T will protect your chocolate chip cookies. His angry mood will chase the bullies away." She knew it was a joke, but she also knew he cared, so how could she refuse that weird piece of china?

Jaye picked Mr. T, which was a glossy brown porcelain jar in the shape of the head or a mean-looking African American wrestler/actor, with many necklaces and a Mohawk haircut. She removed the top of the head, holding it by the Mohawk. She peeked inside: there were two chocolate chip cookies. How great is it when you find a hidden treat you forgot you had? She took one, and looked at the object.

"You're ugly," she sentenced.

"_Yo, man! And you're a fool!"_ replied the cookie jar.

"Oh, great. Just what I need," she let out impatiently. "I've had you for months. You never talked before, why start today?" she asked as she got the cookie closer to her mouth.

"_I ain't talking if I ain't got nothing to say! Now I do. Save one for Aaron!"_

Mr. T Cookie Jar spoke with a gruff, angry voice, with that African American intonation she imagined Mr. T himself would use.

"What?" She stopped before biting the cookie.

"_Save one for Aaron! Listen up, fool! Stuff this cookie in my head and I'll help keep it fresh and safe for Aaron."_

"OK, OK. I'll just eat one then. I'll give the other one to my brother."

"_No! Put it back! And if I catch you trying to get it, I'll bite your foolish fingers off. I'm Mr. T, damnit!"_

"Hey, relax, OK. All right. I'll share the cookies with my brother. But I have an idea. If you let me have one, I'll get you more necklaces!"

"_I love me some bling-bling! I believe in the Golden Rule: The Man with the Gold... Rules."_

"So do we have a deal?" said Jaye with a wicked smile.

"_Thanks, but no thanks. Save one for Aaron. And I pity the fool that tries to get up in my dome piece and steal my cookies!"_

"But I'm hungry," she protested.

"_Big deal! As a kid, I got three meals a day. Oatmeal, miss-a-meal and no meal,"_ retorted the cookie jar.

"Yeah? So, what are you gonna do?" challenged Jaye. "It's not like you have arms to stop me," she said, provoking Mr. T, swinging the cookie in front of his nose.

"_No, but I can give a disapproving look..."_

Mr. T Cookie Jar then frowned and stared at Jaye. She chuckled, but then, as the silence grew uncomfortable, she started feeling restless. She rested the cookie on saucer.

"_Put the cookie back in my head, fool! And bring your brother here! Give him the cookie!"_

"I don't want to go there and risk meeting my mother," she reasoned.

"_Treat your momma right!"_ commanded Mr. T.

"But..."

"_Shut up! Quit yo jibba jabba, sucka."_

Definitely that was one of the most outspoken figurines she had ever come across. Yep, that serious, disapproving look was effective. Besides, she wasn't that hungry, or at least she tried to convince herself, so she placed the cookie back in Mr. T's head, and closed it.

So, she had to bring her brother? She might do it later. She would like to talk to him about the night before, but maybe she'd rather stay home and do nothing for awhile. Loitering was always a good option. But then something made her change her mind.

"_Save him from her,"_ said the Brass Monkey.

"What?"

"_Save him from her!"_ insisted the monkey.

Jaye remembered the last time the monkey had spoken. It was a couple years ago, and he had said the same thing. And because she had listened to him, she prevented a deranged woman from killing her psychiatrist, Dr. Ron. But now, Mr. T had just talked about Aaron. Maybe her brother needed saving? Well, it was worth giving it a try.

She changed her clothes, and went to the door, just to hear again:

"_Save him from her."_

She decided then to come back and take the Brass Monkey.

"_You're so heavy to carry around,"_ she complained. _"Why don't I get messages from the Wax Lion anymore instead?"_ She looked at the Wax Lion.

"_Hmpf..."_ said the lion as it shrugged.

* * *

A little later she was parking in the Tylers' driveway. She was looking for the door key in her purse, and that was even harder than usual because she had to carry that heavy Brass Monkey, when she heard a terrifying sound coming from the inside,

"GROWWWWWL!!!!"

"_Save him from her!" _said the Brass Monkey.

What could it have been? A wild dog? She found the key, opened the door, and darted into the house. Then she saw a funny and weird scene that would forever be engraved in her memory: Mahandra was on top of Ned, both on the living room bearskin rug.

"What's going on here?" Jaye asked. She felt like laughing, but made an effort not to.

Jaye looked at Mahandra, who was holding a piece of Aaron's torn sweatshirt. Mahandra looked strangely pale, like she had just seen a ghost or something.

"Something... Something just growled in here... I think..." She looked at the bearskin, then looked at Jaye. "Something roared. Jaye, do you have a dog?"

Jaye looked at Ned, who immediately responded,

"No, the rug didn't growl!"

That scene was so weird, but inherently funny. _Is Mahandra the danger I was __supposed to save Aaron from?_ Jaye thought. Jaye couldn't hold her laughter any longer. She laughed, making Mahandra angry.

"Don't you laugh at me! I ain't crazy!" she protested.

Jaye then looked at the rug's bear head, and suddenly it winked at her.

"_Yes, I growled. Hee, hee, hee,"_ said the bearskin rug. It spoke with a deep male voice, but the laughter was a little high-pitched. _"What are you going to do, Jaye?"_ asked the bearskin rug in a mocking tone.

She looked at the man she thought was her brother, and he, too, was pale like a candle.

"Don't be ridiculous, Mahandra. Bearskins don't growl," said Jaye, trying to fix things, but causing more damages in the process. "You ain't crazy! Come with me, Aaron."

"Hey, I never said it was the bearskin," protested Mahandra again.

"Gotta go, miss," said Ned, pushing Mahandra aside. "I'll catch up with you later."

Ned quickly responded. He pushed Mahandra aside. And so Ned and Jaye walked away very quickly, leaving a bewildered Mahandra behind on top of the rug, apparently still trying to figure out what was going on.

**- 9 -**


	8. Through The Looking Glass

Word count: 4099

Previously on Dead Ringers:

Aaron tries to buy a ticket to Niagara Falls but finds out in this new tow it is 2008.

Aaron comes back to the apartment, but he feels restless but he feels an urge to protect Chuck, who finds his behavior suspicious. But the worst happens when Olive brings Digby, who reacts with hostility towards Aaron, who tries to work things out with Digby alone. When he explains what happened, Digby, a very smart dog, decides to cooperate.

Emerson arrives and takes Aaron for another case, leaving Chuck in the Pie Hole for her great disappointment.

And now the story...

**VIII**

**Through The Looking Glass**

"_At this very moment in the town of Niagara Falls, little Aaron Tyler was five years, three hours and six minutes old, and was celebrating his birthday. Like many kids his age, young Aaron was fanatic about cars. Knowing that, his father gave him a gift sure to be enjoyed by the little kid: a collection of metal toy cars, which came with an encyclopedia of vintage car models. He was very happy with the gift, so much so, that he didn't really pay attention to a seemingly drab gray book given to him by his aunt Betsy, a little book she called the Holy Bible._

_Young Aaron and his friends spent the entire afternoon playing with the toy cars, and he spent the entire night reading the encyclopedia. A task, for him, of easy accomplishment, considering he had learned to read at the age of three._

_Young Aaron's happiness was compounded when, the following day, his father also took him to a car museum where he was even allowed to hold the steering wheel of his favorite models. He believed nothing could've made him happier._

_However, young Aaron would soon learn that happiness born out of beliefs was short-lasting. For his shock and disappointment, a couple of months later his dad took him to a junkyard, so he could learn, in his father's own words, 'how cars died.' As a member of the medical profession, Dr. Darrin Tyler always wanted his son to know that everything followed a natural cycle of life, growth, and death. This way, the little boy witnessed a vehicle seemingly in need of just minor repairs being reduced to a pitiful cube of scrap metal._

_As a result, Young Aaron, feeling sorry for the old, sick cars, vowed never to open the encyclopedia, and never touch his car collection again. Obsessed to understand the reality of life and death, he sought solace in aunt Betsy's gray book, which he read from cover to cover._

_On that day, a cynic was born. Young Aaron then decided to blame God for eventually taking away everything he loved, including the pleasure of enjoying his father's present."_

_(October 30__th__, morning – Papen County – The Dim Sum restaurant)_

"Waitress, can I have some more jasmine tea, please?" asked Aaron, while he munched a dumpling. "Hmmmm! You should really try these chicken dumplings, Emerson. They are to die for! And I should know about that, since I almost died."

"For chrissake, did you listen to a word I said?" Emerson asked.

"Yeah... Yeah... Hmmm, moist!" he observed, taking another bite. "You were saying something about having coffee with some almond-flavored cream creamer. Yeah, I might go for that."

"Yes, you idiot. I feel like giving you a cup of the Hundin special coffee with almond-flavored cream creamer right now! I was saying that's how Harold Hundin was killed. So, if we want a suspect who has revenge motive and experience with poisoning, Hillary Hundin would be our man. Or woman, in this case. But she's still in jail. I checked earlier today."

"Hmmm. It'sh a kind of shtrech..." said Aaron with his mouth full of rice noodles.

"What?"

"I mean, a stretch. Pouring arsenic in a coffee thermos is one thing. Getting her hands in a rare drug is quite another. Besides, is she a chemist?"

"I thought you said only a Bokor could make the drug, scientists had tried and failed, yada-yada," said Emerson impatiently.

"Scientists tried and failed to make it from scratch because the formula is believed to be one of the best kept secrets in the world. But if a Bokor provides a sample, a very talented chemist (and I emphasize, VERY talented) might be able to synthesize it."

"In that case...," said Emerson, pursing his lips nervously. "Someone with excellent chemistry knowledge... I guess the best candidate would be... Hey! You ate all the har gau!"

"I know, and I'm sorry. I don't know what got into me. I've never been so hungry!" said Aaron, still eating.

"Maybe it's still some effect of the drug. But I brought you here because it's right beneath my workplace, not for you to feast yourself. I'm on the clock, you know!"

"Chill out, Cod. By the way, your name makes me hungry. Let's focus on work anyway. Find your chemist and you have a clue."

"I guess I still have to dig deeper. And you were right."

"As usual..." observed Aaron immodestly.

"Funny guy! Anyway, that Dr. Roberts did write 'zombie drug' in his report. He seemed quite sure what it was, even though it's an obscure drug. And he traveled a few times to Niagara Falls last month. But he has a solid alibi for the day and time you were poisoned."

"Can I make a suggestion?" said Aaron.

"Shoot it."

"Forget about motive, means and opportunity. Who do your guts tell you could be behind all that? Who is it you *really* don't trust?"

"I was just thinking that. We think more alike than I had realized," said Emerson, which caused Aaron to give him a thankful smile and a head nod, while some roast shrimp went down his throat. "But there is a shifty individual," Emerson proceeded, "who, possibly even had motive, means and opportunity. And he does have a solid background in chemistry."

"Really? Looks like you've cracked the case, Cod. Who's the guy?"

"His name is Oscar Vibenius!" replied Emerson triumphantly.

"Is he in jail too?"

"No, because actually he was being framed when we worked on a case. But that man is capable of anything. Anyway... You wouldn't have any suspects of your own, would you?"

"Maybe... There's Heidi, my sister's boyfriend's ex. The way my sister describes her, she's the spawn of Satan. But I don't think she would poison me. Kind of cute girl, you know. Oh, and there's this Olsen girl who threatened to burn her psychiatrist and tried to blame my sister for it. I can check on them when I get back to Niagara Falls."

"Yeah, yeah... I just wonder what the pie maker has found out there. Well... Are you sure you're all right, boy? Eating so much can't be healthy. How do you stay so thin?"

Aaron interrupted his munching and tried to refrain from taking another bite.

"I can't explain. It's just that... My senses feel heightened. Like... the sky in this town... I've never seen such impossibly bright blue sky before."

"Oh, boy. You're losing it. This *is* the drugs talking, believe me," Emerson determined.

"So drug side effects will be your explanation for everything?"

"Yep, pretty much."

"Even for the 1953 De Soto parked outside? Very close to a 1937 Buick Century and a 1963 Mercury Meteor? All in mint condition?"

"OK, OK. Now it's official. When you get all Jabberwocky like that, I get sure you're just talking nonsense," declared Emerson. "The kind of nonsense we hear when some weird guy comes in saying stuff that don't make no sense, and by the time your head realizes, 'Hey, this weird guy don't make no sense', your guts are all over the window!"

"Thanks for the vote of confidence. What I meant is, maybe the drug affected my eyes or mind and the sky seems bluer than it should, and all colors look brighter as well. But I've never seen so many vintage cars in mint condition in everyday use."

"I'll pretend to have the slightest clue of what you're saying, but just because you amuse me. These are just ordinary cars. Everybody drives them. Now, I just wanted to see how you were doing, and apparently you've managed to pull it off as Ned."

"Not for long. That dog almost blew my cover, but I managed to control it. This girl named Chuck, however, is gonna figure it out sooner or later."

"I know. Dead Girl is a royal pain in the..."

"Dead Girl?" wondered Aaron.

"Just a silly nickname. She's dead to me, that's all. Maybe you should try and stay away from the Pie Hole for a while. Get to know our lovely town. I'll keep you informed," said Emerson, grinning.

* * *

And so Aaron decided to take Emerson's advice and did not return to the Pie Hole immediately. Instead he went for a long walk, which allowed him to reflect on his situation. He could always take the cable car to go back later, as there was a line that passed right in front of Ned's pie place.

The walk was good for Aaron to put his ideas in order, but not for him to recover his sense of reality. The town was getting ready for Halloween and people putting on decorations could be seen everywhere. The sky still seemed unrealistically blue, and he had never seen so many bright colors in the people's clothes, and in the local architecture. And the town really looked like an open sky museum for vintage cars. But if that was all they drove, he wouldn't be able to make Emerson see what was wrong with that picture.

Eventually he passed by some place called Boutique Travel Travel Boutique, and the repetitive name caught his attention. There was a poster which read, _'Like windmills? Come visit NARN. The National Area of Retired Mills is now a very popular theme park...' _And on some other street he was startled to find a restaurant in the shape of a gigantic chicken in a donut hole. The sign read, _Finger Likkin Donut Hole – the best of chicken and donuts_.

Aaron Tyler couldn't help but start laughing. Because then it hit him. Of course that couldn't feel real. Maybe it wasn't. He felt like he had crossed through some sort of magic mirror, and like that little girl character whose name also started with an A, he had gone through the looking-glass.

He thought about his sister Jaye, something he did whenever something unexplainable happened to him. He loved his sister deeply, but he had always felt like a sidekick in her life's adventures. After all, she had the gift of getting messages from other planes of reality through the muses that inhabited plastic and porcelain figurines. All he had was a lack of faith in a God he had spent a good part of his life studying.

But maybe... Maybe *that* was his gift. The fact he was here, on the other side of this crazy mirror, in this surreal Wonderland. Maybe that had some deep meaning too. Maybe he was dreaming. Maybe magic ran in the Tyler family after all. And he no longer felt like a sidekick: he was the protagonist of his own story. So, why not enjoy the ride? Speaking of enjoying...

* * *

Aaron arrived a the Pie Hole at close to 11 in the morning. He opened the door and Olive was waiting on a small group of students in one of the booths. He stopped for a second to observe her work, the way she described the menu items with enthusiasm, and kept the patrons mesmerized.

Slowly, he started walking towards the kitchen, but couldn't take his eyes off of her. She then noticed his attention, smiled at him, and made a quick waving with her right hand. Aaron kept moving and looking at Olive. As he was close to the kitchen door, he waved back, when he heard...

"WHOA!!!"

The shout was followed by a crashing sound of wood breaking. Several items were on the floor scattered all over the place, including a bewildered girl named Chuck.

"Oh, I'm so incredibly sorry," said Aaron, who instinctively made a hand motion towards Chuck to help her get up. However, poor Chuck crawled away from him.

"Ned, pay attention. Are you trying to finish the job?" said Chuck. Her voice was calm and gentle, but also expressed some degree of concern.

_Oh, boy. This girl does have some issues,_ Aaron thought. It broke his heart to see Chuck in such a fragile position on the floor like that, while he was unable to help her get back on her feet.

They contemplated the mess around them. A couple broken wooden boxes, mixed with splattered pie.

Digby was the first to show some cleaning-wise initiative, as he engaged in an slurping effort to lick that pie paste that now decorated the Pie Hole floor.

"Woof!" was his comment, followed by a wagging tail. Apparently Digby approved of the recipe.

"Oh, my! It seems you guys made a big mess here!" said Olive. Let me get a mop right away."

"I'm really sorry, Chuck. Are you all right?"

"Yes, Ned. Thanks for the concern," said Chuck, who started picking what remained of the boxes. Only then it occurred to Aaron to help.

Cleaning was not the hard part, with three humans and a canine pitching in. But now there was another problem.

"Oh, Ned. The delivery boy is dropping by any minute now. But we won't be able to meet all the orders. We have to make more pies to replace the ones we just lost."

"Don't we have some... spare ones?" asked Aaron.

"There is a rhubarb pie in the fridge we can use, but we have to make the others. Do you want to make them?"

Aaron was afraid this moment would arrive sooner or later.

"You know, Chuck... I'd really appreciate if you could take care of this for me. I'm still a little indisposed," he said rubbing his belly, and thinking he really should be, but instead he was having nice memories of the kun pao shrimp he had eaten earlier when he was with Emerson.

"No problem, Ned. I really hope you take good care of yourself then."

* * *

Aaron quietly observed Chuck, as she combined all the ingredients to prepare a pie. It was also a great learning experience, because Aaron had no idea how to make a pie. He had the habit of eating them, all right, but almost all the treats he ate were prepared by the Tylers' maid, Ivette.

He also felt a strange binding feeling that drew him to Charlotte. Aaron knew the value of a family and it was with great pain that he found himself so far from his. In the absence of his folks, being in proximity with Chuck was the only thing that eased his pain.

At least Ned would be happy to know his precious Chuck is doing fine. Aaron just hoped his sister Jaye had the same luck, but for some unknown reason he had the confidence Ned was doing his best. The more Aaron learned different aspects of Ned's life, the more he learned to trust and admire that man.

The timer rang.

"Ned, the apple pie is ready. Can you get it from the oven, please?"

"Sure, Chuck. Glad to help."

Aaron felt a little clumsy with the oven mitts, but managed to get the pie from the oven without any big traumas.

"This pie smells delicious. You've really outdone yourself this time," said Aaron, as he landed the pie on the counter.

"Well, well. I guess I've had a great teacher!" Chuck said, as she placed the next pie in the oven. "And if I found out that one of our customers would waste time with a bad pie, that would kill me... Again!" she said and laughed.

Aaron laughed too, though he had no idea why she had said that. OK, the girl was crazy, but he loved his sister the same way when he thought she was crazy. So, he felt one day he wouldn't love Chuck any less.

"No thoughts about dying, God forbid. I think you should live well, love much, laugh often," said Aaron.

"Or, as the French say, 'mangez bien, riez souvant, aimez beaucoup'," added Chuck.

"Good thinking! After all, 'la vie est trop courte pour boire du mauvais vin'," said Aaron with a provocative smile.

"Wow, Ned, your French has really improved. Not long ago you couldn't put two words together!"

Oops, that would teach him to be a show-off! But then, why not take a little risk, as he really believed what he had just said, that life was too short for one to drink bad wine.

"_In fact, Aaron knew much more French than that, after having read several books about the French catholic Church as he was particularly interested in the life of Cardinal Richelieu. And of course having spent three months in Paris while he was in his college break, was also great help, especially considering the dedicated help he had received from a certain cute waitress and art student named Chantal. Aaron considered how funny it was that you could learn much more of a foreign language when you were properly motivated."_

"I... I have been studying by myself just to impress you, Chuck!"

"Well, you've done a great job!"

Another thing that drew Aaron and Chuck closer was their intellectual interests. Chuck had an amazing mind, which he felt was not being properly stimulated. Aaron found it comforting finally to relate to someone that was his intellectual match, which didn't happen often.

"By the way, Ned. What did Emerson want? You two seem to be working on an important case since yesterday," said Chuck. She appeared to be fine with the idea, but Aaron felt she was trying too hard to seem nonchalant. Oh, no. That restless brain of hers would soon put Aaron in a tight spot.

"No... I mean, yes, it was important, but now he has reached a dead end. There really was nothing you should worry about."

"I see... It's all right then."

Aaron had enough experience to know that when a beautiful woman said 'it's all right' to her boyfriend with *that* tone of voice, it was anything but all right. And the conversation was getting on dangerous ground.

"Good... I'm gonna go outside a little. I'm feeling a little queasy. Can you handle things here?"

"Sure," she said as she paid attention to the bowl of pie filling she was mixing. Then she stopped and looked straight at him. "It's all right." She wasn't smiling.

"Great..." He attempted a grin, but actually had a chilly feeling. That situation couldn't sustain itself very long, and he was perfectly aware of that.

He left the kitchen, and almost tripped on Digby, who barked and kept Aaron from touching his canine accomplice in that charade.

"Sorry, Digby. I'm such a klutz. But you're doing a terrific job."

"Bark!" Digby got up, showed his tongue, and wagged his tail with enthusiasm. _Funny, it almost looks like he understands,_ Aaron thought.

Aaron got to the customer service area, but there were just a couple patrons savoring their orders. Olive was hanging Halloween decorations. She tried to place some scary cat faces on an upper shelf. But she was so small that she had to stand on the tip of her toes. Aaron found the scene very pleasing, especially for the shape of Olive's calves when she stretched herself to reach a higher place.

He considered that, while Chuck was family, Olive was, well, to put things simply, hot! Besides, Chuck made him restless because sooner or later she'd find out the truth. She was Ned's soul mate, and knew him just too well. Olive, on the other hand, had a simpler approach to life, and an undeniable, even though somewhat idealized, devotion to Ned. He felt comfortable near Olive, as his secret was safe as far as she was concerned, and the more he knew about Ned, the safer the secret became.

Finally, he felt guilty for just looking while she made such an effort to hang those decorations.

"Here, Olive, let me help you," he said and easily placed the cat face in the intended location.

"Well, thank you, Ned. Oh, this Halloween stuff was all Chuck's idea. I know you pretended to be fine with it last year, but I also know how much you dislike Halloween. Should I put the rest?"

"No."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Ned. I told Chuck..."

"Don't worry, Olive. It's not that. Let's celebrate Halloween. Let's have fun! I'm perfectly fine with all this."

"That's great, Ned. I'm glad you're in such terrific mood," said Olive.

"What I'm not fine with is that you've been working too much without a break. I can't believe you're the only waitress here."

"Chuck helps... A little..."

Right then, Chuck left the kitchen and went to look for something behind the main counter. Chuck stopped what she was doing and started paying attention to Aaron and Olive, who turned her head and saw Chuck.

"Chuck helps a lot!" Olive corrected herself.

"Well, even so... I have an idea," said Aaron. "You've been waiting on people all morning, so now you deserve to be waited on instead. It's just..." Aaron checked his Casio. The battery was weak and the numbers were fading. "...a little past one. Would you like to grab a bite at the Finger Likkin Donut Hole?"

"Wow! That certainly would bring memories, wouldn't it?" said Olive.

"You tell me..." said Aaron trying to figure out what sorts of memories those would be.

"I'd love to!" Olive's face lit up with a big smile. Aaron wondered how long that beautiful woman hadn't been properly dined and wined. "But..."

She came really close to Aaron and put her hand next to her mouth. Aaron leaned over considerably, so his ear would be at the same height as her mouth.

"Aren't you supposed to be a vegetarian?" she whispered.

"I am... But this is not supposed to be a religion," Aaron, who knew all about religious dogmas, whispered back. "Besides, you can have the chicken... breasts" Aaron said, his eyes being attracted to her chest area like it was an eye-magnet, "...and I'll have the donuts!"

"OK then!"

"Good. I'm your boss and I say you're officially on a break," Aaron spoke with authority, holding her hand and pulling her towards the front door. "Chuck! We're going to have lunch at the Finger Likkin Donut Hole. We'll be back in a couple of hours."

"What... OK... I guess," said a puzzled girl named Chuck, as she saw the door close behind Olive and the man who was passing as her boyfriend. With a confused expression she looked at Digby, who looked back at her.

* * *

Outside, in a parked yellow truck, just like all the other trucks used by the employees of the Water and Power Department, a man with bushy curly hair observed everything. As he was trying to be inconspicuous, he made sure to be wearing the standard WPD work goggles, and hiding in the shadows inside the truck cockpit.

He saw the Pie Hole owner, who was holding hands with that sassy blonde waitress, leave the restaurant and take a taxi.

The last patron left the place, and nobody came in. Finally, Chuck was all alone in that place. It was the perfect occasion.

The driver of the Water and Power yellow truck grabbed and angora sweater that once belonged to Chuck, placed it against his nose, and took a deep sniff.

Revenge! That was what it smelled of. Revenge, sweet perfume of revenge! He could really make that woman smelling of honey and death pay dearly right now, so she would know there would be serious consequences for her actions.

But no, he'd better be patient. Patience was a virtue, and a man full of superior virtues like him knew that perfectly well. Besides, soon, at Halloween night, the perfect opportunity would arise. Then they *all* would pay.

He took a whiff of the sweater again, and apparently was getting addicted to it.

"_For sure, once again, it wasn't so much about the telling, as it was... about the smelling."_

**- ****12**** -**


	9. Animatronic Fortune Teller Cat

Word count: 2086

Previously on Dead Ringers:

Jaye is intrigued by her brother's behavior the night before. Her boyfriend Eric is still out of town, even though he promised to come back last night. She's concerned because he went to help his ex Heidi.

She tries to eat a cookie from the Mr. T Cookie Jar, a present Aaron gave Jaye as a symbol of his protection. The cookie jar orders her to save a cookie for Aaron. The Brass Monkey tells Jaye to "save him from her," and Jaye decides to go look for Aaron.

Jaye gets to her parents' home just in time to hear the bearskin rug growl and then confess that it did growl. Alarmed, she tells Aaron (Ned) to come with her. He promptly complies, leaving a confused Mahandra behind.

And now the story...

**IX**

**Animatronic Fortune Teller Cat **

_(October 31st, Halloween morning – Niagara Falls – Jaye Tylers' car)_

Jaye drove her car away from her parents' home as fast as she could. If she was a reckless driver under normal circumstances, now that she seemed tense, riding in a car with her was a true reason for concern. At least that was what Ned felt.

He had got in her car gladly to get rid of Mahandra's advances, as well as embarrassing questions about growling bearskin rugs. That Mahandra girl had an aggressive behavior that really scared Ned. And then he started contemplating possible ramifications of this odd behavior. Not so much on the part of Mahandra, whom he could not control, but whose situation he could control by simply running away from her.

But there was something he had no control of: it was whatever was happening back at Lakeshore. Poor innocent Chuck would be easy pray to that sexually deviant man that shared Ned's looks and wardrobe. A real wolf in sheep's clothing!

* * *

_Ned's mind starts wondering... He sees the main area of the Pie Hole, but with no chairs, tables of booths. It's been turned into a sort of large ballroom. A garish-looking disco mirror hangs from the ceiling. And so comes Aaron Tyler, wearing one of Ned's tuxedos. He stretches his arm, inviting his dance partner._

_Chuck, wearing an elegant black night dress, gladly accepts, taking his hand and, letting his long arm embrace her until their faces are very, very close._

_Then they start dancing a tango, dancing all the way to the wall and coming back. At the end of the dance, Aaron steals a kiss from Chuck. She recoils shyly._

"_Relax, Chuck. See this as an upgrade! You'll finally have a Ned you can touch... And kiss! Isn't that great?"_

"_I don't know... I'm so confused! Sooooo confused..." She places the back of her left hand on her forehead, and slightly leans to her back, but won't fall because she is firmly held by Aaron. "I miss Ned," she says, showing a hint of concern._

_They dance some more. She's swept off her feet._

"_But I'm sure all Ned wants is for you to be happy."_

_She looks sad. But all of a sudden, she opens a bright smile, as bright as the disco ball._

"_You wanna know what? You're totally right! That's why I love him!"_

"_Yeah, baby. Let's dance then! For Ned!"_

"_Yes, Aaron. He'll always come first, and I'll always love him."_

_And then they dance again to that tango. All of a sudden, Aaron has a pie in his hand. _

"_Pie?"_

"_No. Cake?" she asks, offering some. "I'm sure that's what Ned would've wanted!"_

_He grabs a piece with his left hand, they both eat while embraced, and laugh, and laugh!_

* * *

Ned woke up as Jaye's car the tires screeched.

"NOOOO!!!" he screamed.

"Are you all right?! You dozed off, Aaron. You look like you had a nightmare."

"I'm fine," Ned lied. Then he thought better. _That's ridiculous. Chuck would never wear black. That's my color, and she knows that._

"By the way, what was that all about?" Jaye blurted out as her blue-eyed steely gaze focused to the street ahead.

"Hmmm. I think the situation was self-explaining," said Ned, trying his best not to compromise himself with any hasty disclosures. Let Jaye decide what 'that' she was referring to.

"Yeah, I understood it very well, all right. I just don't think mom and dad would be very happy to know what you've been using their favorite rug for. You two, get a room, for chrissake. Do you think that's easy for me to know my brother is doing it with my best friend? You guys are making me go back to see Dr. Ron!"

"Sorry?"

"Is that all you have to say? What's got into you, Aaron? No sarcastic remarks? No gloating about how irresistible you think you are, or something?"

"Well... I... I don't feel particularly sarcastic today," he said, carefully. "So, why did you want me to come with you?" Ned asked. Maybe deflecting her question with another question would give her something else to think about.

"I need you to have a cookie," said Jaye. "Any objections?"

"I love cookies."

Jaye chuckled.

"I thought you said you weren't in a sarcastic mood," she said to a puzzled Ned, who actually loved cookies and all sorts of pastry, especially pies. Not cake so much, though.

The car tires screeched again, as Jaye almost hit a dog.

"I just would like to make it alive to enjoy that cookie," said Ned.

"Speaking of alive... Why did you say the rug didn't growl? And what was that growling sound anyway?"

Ned felt greater concern. How could he explain the fact he had 'undeaded' the bearskin rug? But then if she heard something, it would be hard to deny something had happened.

"Did you hear something?"

"Yes, I heard it all. And guess what, the rug spoke with me and told me it had growled. What do you have to say about that?" Jaye asked in a challenging way. OK, so obviously Jaye was still disturbed, Ned thought. She heard the rug growl and her mind fabricated the rest. Ned imagined how disturbing it would be for her to learn a bearskin could actually growl, under the right touch.

"I really can't explain that, Jaye. Rugs don't growl, that's all I know."

"Whatever..." Jaye said. She then looked at Aaron and said, "Hey, why is your eye twitching?"

"Acid reflux... in my eye... Don't you think you'd better keep an eye on the road instead of my eye?"

"Right, mom."

"Good. Listen, I have something important to talk to you about, if you forget about talking rugs for just a second."

"What?"

"Before I boarded the bus, I stopped to eat at a Japanese restaurant," said Ned. He wasn't ready to explain who he really was, so the next best way would be to use Aaron's story as his own, and deal with the consequences later.

"Really? Did you try the restaurant I recommended? How was it?"

"It was fine, except that I got very sick, and... I don't remember things very well."

"Oh, my God! Are you OK?"

"I'm fine now," said Ned. "But I had to go to a hospital..."

"In Canada? Well, if you have to get sick, at least you should be glad you're in Canada. Are you sure you're fine now? You don't look fine."

"Yes... Canada. Yes, I'm fine. But this has affected my memory, though I still remember meeting an old lady who gave me a poisoned muffin."

The car stopped abruptly, as Jaye suddenly stepped on the brakes.

"What?" asked Ned. "Does that mean anything to you?"

She opened the glove compartment, and took a small gray envelope from it. Ned felt some concern as that envelope seemed familiar to him.

"This is for you," she said. "Open it."

He complied and then felt a chill on his spine. Inside there was a card with a printed ominous warning message, just like the ones Emerson had received back in Lakeshore.

"Protect your sister," Ned read it aloud. "Who gave this to you?"

"Bastet."

"Pardon? Who?"

"Bastet, the Egyptian goddess. Come on! You told me all about it a couple of weeks ago when you were researching for your dissertation."

"Oh, yes, that's right..." Ned lied. "But tell me... the exact circumstances in which this card came to your hards. Or are you saying an Egyptian goddess materialized in front of you and brought you the card?"

"Of course not, silly. That would be crazy!" Jaye said, and Ned vigorously agreed after she mentioned the word 'crazy.'

"_The facts were these. Six days, thirteen hours and seventeen minutes earlier, Jaye and her boyfriend Eric were enjoying a romantic evening together. After leaving the restaurant where they just had a candlelight dinner, Eric was ready to take the date to the next level, so he was anxious to take her home. And Jaye was anxious to be taken home for the very same reason. Or at least so she thought._

_As they were driving by a carnival that had just arrived in town, Jaye, attracted by the lights and loud noises that came from the place, felt an urge to stop and see what mysterious attractions it held for tourists and the inhabitants of Niagara Falls._

_Eric tried to argue that they should get home soon and their date was not over yet, but when he realized how determined Jaye was, Eric thought about what he had planned as the climax of that romantic evening and then, with resignation, realized that ship had long sailed... So they might as well enjoy the carnival._

_Jaye was really happy and behaved like a little girl, something she rarely did. However her attitude changed, and became more cautious and somber when she arrived at a mechanical fortune teller's tent. _

_The tent had been shaped like an ancient Egyptian temple, and in the center lay a fortune telling machine with an animatronic version of Bastet, the Egyptian Cat Goddess._

_She placed the money in the slot, and the cat, making its sluggish mechanical motion, handed her an envelope, and then another. Two for the price of one, she thought. How lucky she was!"_

Then the cat blinked.

"_The first one is for you, the second one is for your brother,"_ said the cat in a melodious contralto voice.

"What if I keep both for myself?" Jaye joked.

"_The first one is for you, the second one is for your brother,"_ repeated Bastet, the animatronic Egyptian feline goddess.

"Oh, she's so cute. And an amazing machine. It even talks!" said Jaye, with a smile.

"_By then, Eric was convinced of two things. First, that if his girlfriend was happy, that was all that mattered, and that smile was better than any romantic climax he had planned for the night. Second, that his girlfriend was delirious."_

"Seeing that beautiful smile is all I need," said Eric, "But I have no idea what you're talking about. That mechanical cat never spoke!"

As he said that, her smile vanished. She looked at the cat again, this time with great concern. The cat winked and looked at her, then repeated,

"_The first one is for you, the second one is for your brother."_

"Please, take me home Eric," said Jaye, with a serious face.

"_And so Eric's romantic plans were seemingly back on track (or were they?), but something inside him told him that he shouldn't count on the eggs before they were hatched, and that this kind of unpredictability was what made dating someone as volatile, exciting and fascinating as Jaye Tyler so worthwhile."_

"So my card tells me to protect my sister," said Ned. "What does yours say?"

"Beware of the mummy. The old lady brings danger," she read, and showed him the car.

Ned sincerely doubted an animatronic cat had spoken with Jaye in such a personal way, but whoever had orchestrated such a plan, had left a very direct message.

"The mummy figure is not unusual considering it was an Egyptian theme fortune teller. But I'd definitely worry about the old lady."

"What do we do then?" asked Jaye.

"it may be hard for me to explain," pondered Ned, "but I believe the old lady we should be careful about is Marianne Marie Beattle. Can you take me to her?"

"The Muffin Lady?" Jaye asked with incredulity. "OK," she shrugged. "Fine by me!"

"And Jaye. One more thing."

"What?"

Ned looked into her eyes and smiled.

"Nothing is going to happen to you. I won't allow it."

Jaye's expression changed. All of a sudden it was more serene and she lost her attitude.

"OK... I believe you," she whispered.

"Let's go then."

Suddenly the car was in motion again, darting towards its destination.

**- 7 -**


	10. Recipe For A Perfect Pie

Word count: 1475

Previously on Dead Ringers:

Emerson and Aaron talk about the case. They are looking for someone with serious knowledge in chemistry. Aaron reminds Emerson that only a Bokor, a voodoo high priest, could produce the zombie drug. Emerson suspects Oscar Vibenius.

Aaron thinks colors seem so much brighter in that town. He comes to the conclusion his trip to the "other side of the looking-glass" could be a dream or some sort of magic.

Back at the Pie Hole he feels a family and an intellectual connection with Chuck and an attraction to Olive.

Outside, a man in a Water and Power Department truck observes the Pie Hole. He'll have his revenge at Halloween night.

And now the story...

**X**

**Recipe For A Perfect Pie**

_(October 30__th__, evening – Papen County – The Pie Hole)_

It was closing time at The Pie Hole, and the last patrons had just left. Outside, the street was vibrant with all the lights that adorned Lakeshore streets at night. Inside the Pie Hole, however, the spectacle was not that pretty. Or at least that was what Aaron was considering.

"What time does the cleaning crew arrive?" said Aaron, looking at the pile of dirty dishes in front of him.

"Ha, ha, ha!" Chuck laughed. It was a pleasant, sweet, and honest laugh. Aaron felt like telling her more jokes just to hear that laugh.

"Oh, Ned. You're so funny sometimes," said Chuck. The problem was precisely that he wasn't trying to be funny. Aaron had always had the help of maids, especially Ivette, who had practically raised Sharon, Jaye and him. Aaron enjoyed a life of comfort. And in this situation he would be more than glad to give the key to an army of maids, go to the movies or something, and come back only when everything was spotless clean.

"Yep, that's me, funny Ned. How do you want to start?"

"I can start washing the dishes while you prepare the fruit for tomorrow's pies. How does that sound?"

"Sounds great..." Then it occurred to him that he had no idea what prepare the fruit meant and what it would require. Better play it safe. "On second thought, I'd rather wash," added Aaron, facing terrified the possibility of having to wash that pile of dishes, considering he wasn't used to washing one cup. "You prepare the fruit."

"I can prepare the fruit! Or wash the dishes!" said Olive, who had just entered the room. She had been excited and chirpy all day since Aaron had taken her out for lunch.

"Oh, my dear Olive! Excellent idea. You know, Chuck, Olive was telling me today she wanted to get more involved in the whole pie-making process. Why don't you show her how we always do things after she leaves?"

"But Ned... I thought you wanted to give your special touch to the fruit as you usually do?" pondered Chuck. Somehow Aaron felt that she was trying to tell him something, but there was no way he would be caught preparing fruit if he had no idea how. He would observe Chuck do, and perhaps try it himself the following day.

"Come on, Chuck. Let's try something different tonight. Do you have anything against change?"

"Ah... Nothing?" said Chuck, who perhaps couldn't say anything else on account of the fact she seemed speechless.

"Besides, I may not always be around, and Olive here..." he said, pulling her close to him, making her respond with an even bigger smile, "told me at lunch today that she would like to be more involved, so why not use all this enthusiasm?"

"All right, boss!" said Olive, definitely externalizing that aforementioned enthusiasm.

"I don't know if we have enough fresh fruit," said Chuck. "I'm going to check that then," she added, with a sweet smile.

Aaron kept wondering how she expected him to prepare the fruit if she wasn't sure they had enough fresh fruit to begin with. Anyway... it all went on smoothly. Olive had already done that before, and all they needed was to set the right amount of fruit that needed to be cleaned, cut and separated for the orders of the following day, while Aaron pretended to wash the dishes. That is, he would wash a plate or a cup, then would interrupt to say how great the girls were doing their jobs.

Finally, for Aaron's complete joy, Chuck finished the fruit preparation, while Olive finished washing most of the dishes. The girls took care of most of the things that evening, but he knew it wouldn't always be that easy, and soon he would have to get his hands dirty, and not just figuratively speaking. But for that he had a brilliant plan in motion.

* * *

It was the middle of the night, and the kitchen light of the Pie Hole was switched on. Two friends entered the room. Two friends, one human and one canine.

"OK, we're going to make a pie now, Digby. How hard can it be?"

"Bark!" Digby replied, wagging his tail.

"Sssshhhh!" Aaron shushed Digby. "No one can know we're here! OK, buddy?" said Aaron, patting him on the head, behind the ears, then under the chin.

"Woaaaa," Digby mumbled, closing his eyes and enjoyed Aaron's display of affection.

"I have to admit I don't know what made me bring you here, but I'll go crazy if I don't have someone to talk to. I wasn't born for this life of spy. I just hope your friend Ned is less lost than I feel now. Well, buddy, let's get to work."

Ned picked the recipe notes that Chuck had showed him earlier that day. He opened the refrigerator, and saw all the fruit that had been prepared by Chuck and Olive, as well as the other ingredients necessary. Fortunately, not all the fruit had been used. There was a lot of strawberry, rhubarb, and apples, so he had some for experimentation. And so the experimentation process began.

Aaron decided to start with a strawberry-rhubarb pie. He followed the recipe to the letter. He put it in the oven, set the exact temperature, and waited the exact time, while he prepared an apple and a strawberry pie. He got the pastry out of the oven and let it cool down.

Then he tasted it. "Hmmm, not bad," he told himself, making an ugly face. He kept chewing, but the pie wouldn't break down. It was like chewing rubber... Finally the taste so foul that he had to spit it in the garbage bin. And the rest of his strawberry-rhubarb followed that first portion.

"Yuck!" he complained, and washed his mouth with a lot of water. "I guess rhubarb gets too bitter and fibrous. Maybe a simple strawberry pie will be easier."

He repeated the process. It was time to taste it. Too little sugar, the bottom of the pie was soggy, and the filling was runny. At least that one didn't make him feel like vomiting.

He tried the apple pie. It had too much sugar, and made him terribly thirsty. And the crust was so hard he almost broke a tooth. _How is that possible_, he thought. _I used the exact proportions in the recipe!_

And the experiments followed. Too hard, too flaky, too sour, too sweet, too burned, too soggy, too disgusting.

It was almost dawn, and his last pie was going into the oven. A triple berry pie. He wasn't even sure what he was doing anymore. The only thing that moved him was the fact he was relentless and stubborn.

And now there he was. The sun was rising, and a pie was in the oven. His last pie. His last hope. In front of him was a ball of dough that he needed to flatten with the rolling pin. But he was too tired and frustrated to even try.

"You know, Digby, I really admire your friend Ned. I don't know how he does it. This is just impossible."

Digby moaned and stretched himself and placed his chin on his front paws, looking at Aaron with an expression that indicated pity.

"And he has two fantastic girls that love him. What a lucky bastard! And I think I love them both."

Digby raised his head.

"I know! I know it's sudden, but so much is happening that is making me dizzy."

Digby was fully up on his four legs.

"OK, OK. I can't love both. I mean, not the same way. Chuck is family. Like another sister. As if I needed another little sister. But Olive... Oh, Olive... I'm having wicked thoughts... That are making me dizzy. I wish I were more like Ned..."

"Bark! Bark!" Digby barked, ignoring Aaron's silence instructions. But Aaron heard Digby's barking in a way that it sounded like he was in a tunnel. And the reverberation was making him confused.

"...more like Ned..." Aaron mumbled. "Hey, did I tell you I was dizzy?"

And that was the last thing Aaron said. He collapsed, and his head hit the dough ball, which now worked as a makeshift pillow where Aaron drooled.

Digby kept barking, but that made no difference for Aaron, who couldn't hear anything. He had passed out, and when he woke up, his life would never be the same again.

**- ****5**** -**


	11. Muffin Bison

Word count: 3821

Previously on Dead Ringers:

Ned uses Aaron's real story, telling Jaye he was poisoned by an old lady, who gave him a poisoned muffin.

Jaye then shows Ned two envelopes containing warning cards which were given to her by a mechanical fortune teller. One card reads "Protect your sister," and the other, "Beware of the mummy. The old lady brings danger." Ned believes the old lady is Marianne Marie Beattle. Jaye and Ned go find the Muffin Lady.

And now the story...

**XI**

**Muffin Bison**

_(October 31st, Halloween morning – Niagara Falls – on the way to the High and Dry trailer park)_

As Jaye's car sped up because of Jaye's bold driving style, Ned felt a little queasy and that nagging headache seemed to be coming back. He rolled down the window, and let the cool morning wind hit him in the face. Somehow he'd been feeling tired and weak all along since he'd arrived in Niagara Falls. Probably it was just his concern with Chuck and his friends back at the Pie Hole, and how Aaron Tyler was managing the situation.

Ned felt he could trust Aaron, and even though he couldn't explain why he felt that way, that didn't matter to Ned. To him, feelings had always been more important than logic and explanations. But he knew Aaron was just one man, and a man who didn't even have all the information he might need. Ned started feeling guilty for not telling Aaron about Chuck and his secret magic touch. But revealing that was always the hardest thing for Ned.

He closed his eyes and thought of Chuck, her smile, her laugh, her amazing fashion style, her unbreakable optimism, her saran-wrap kisses, the warmth of her body through the plastic cover... Those thoughts brought him temporary comfort, and made him sure he was doing the right thing. He would get to the bottom of this before any sign of danger came even a little close to the people he loved.

"Aaron? Still sleepy? Are you all right?"

"Yes... Yes, Jaye. Just a little more tired than I thought I'd be," Ned replied, after being pulled away from his happy daydreaming. "I'll be OK in a few minutes," he lied, and Jaye didn't seem very convinced. Perhaps she sensed the man claiming to be her brother Aaron was far from fine.

"Well, I thought you might like to see this," said Jaye, braking the car suddenly. They were right in front of a large gate. At the end of the long driveway, a mansion of considerable size could be seen.

"Are were here?" asked Ned.

"We could be, if we'd been looking for her until a couple of months ago. That's where Marie Marianne used to live. Her muffin business was doing quite all right, but those days are gone."

"What happened?"

"Some people say she had a greedy partner. Others, that her last hope was gone when she lost a cook-off of some kind. People say lots of things."

Ned knew exactly what cook-off Jaye was talking about, and the guilt made his eye twitch."

"I'm sure people make up... all sorts of stories. They like to talk," said Ned.

"Anyway, she's back at the trailer park, in her old spot."

Jaye stepped on the gas pedal and soon the car arrived at the High and Dry trailer park. Ned observed that random distribution of trailers with relative curiosity, as he had never seen one. But they did remind him of a certain area filled with windmills in a similar pattern. He decided he preferred the windmills better.

"That's Marianne Marie Beattle's trailer over there," said Jaye pointing to a trailer whose door was decorated with the picture of a spooky American buffalo, black like a shadow and with red eyes, "and it seems her buffalo is ready for Halloween."

"Well, the sooner we talk, the sooner we get this over with. Let's go."

They walked to the trailer door. Ned pursed his plips trying to look mean, then just changed his mind. He closed his fist and knocked. It seemed like the whole trailer shook with his knocks. The Muffin Lady opened the door.

"Well, good morning, children, I didn't expect treat-or-treating so soon, but..." Mrs. Beattle froze when she saw Ned, and kept staring at him. "You???" she finally said.

"She seems surprised to find you alive and well after all," said Jaye to Aaron "I guess you were right!"

"Hello, Mrs. Beattle. Long time no see... Small world, isn't it?" he gave her a half smile, the way he smiled when he was embarrassed or didn't really know what to say or do next.

"I barely recognized you without your funny little hat! What are you doing here? What do you want from me now?" said Mrs. Beattle.

"I hated that hat..." Ned mumbled.

"Hey, is that a way of talking to my brother? Do you treat all your visitors like that? And what hat is this?" asked Jaye.

"_Mrs. Beattle of course was talking about the annual Comfort Food Cook-Off, which last year had taken place in Papen County, and whose first place blue ribbon had been won by The Pie Hole, represented by Ned and Olive. But of course Jaye Tyler had no way of knowing that, considering she thought that man next to her was her brother Aaron."_

"He's your brother?" said Mrs. Beattle, with her eyes wide open in surprise.

"But you met my brother before," said Jaye, "that evening in my trailer. We were talking pictures of Fat Pat, you dropped by..."

"That night I was so worried about my disability checks. Which YOU had stolen, after all!"

"Mrs. Beattle, the reason I'm here..." said Ned, then turning to Jaye, "Hey, wait a minute. Did you steal this lady's disability checks? That goes against basic tenets of Christianity!"

"That's exactly what I told her!" cried Mrs. Beattle.

"Technically I didn't steal them, since I never cashed them," Jaye justified, like that made everything better.

"Sorry, kitten. You came here to have a little looksie? Just to see if there isn't anything you want to take from poor old me? Just come right in then!" said Mrs. Beattle sardonically.

"Well, don't mind if I do!" said Jaye and invading her trailer even before Mrs. Beattle had time to make an objection.

"_It was against Ned's principles to enter where he was not explicitly invited, but life as an investigator had taught him to rationalize when to compromise his values. And rationalizing those rationalizations, he followed his so-called sister into the trailer, despite Mrs. Beattle dumbfounded expression."_

"Of course, why should I be surprised!" said Mrs. Beattle, "You two... siblings, working together... Just to torment me. And the muffin business going B-A-D the way it is..."

"Mrs. Beattle, I'm sorry if the situation is not easy for you..." said Ned.

"You came here all the way to see how pitiful my situation is after you took the blue ribbon that I deserved to win?" said Mrs. Beattle to Ned.

"OK, now I'm lost. What are you talking about?" said Jaye.

"No blue ribbon-related business has brought me here, Mrs. Beattle. We won fair and square," said Ned, ignoring Jaye. "...and we didn't need to sabotage anybody's oven for that."

"But... What..." mumbled Jaye.

"Shut your pie hole!" said Mrs. Beattle to Jaye. Then, looking at Ned, "That lemon pie was baked before the cook-off even began and the judges should've disqualified you!"

"I'm sorry to bring you back sad memories, but as you know I investigate crimes, and I'm quite good at it, if I may say so" Ned said so. "So, I'm here on a muffin-related felony!"

"Hello! Earth to Aaron! Somebody gotta tell me what's going on right this minute, or I'll..."

Jaye interrupted her threat in the middle of the sentence, which inevitably attracted the attention of the other two people in the room, who looked at her. Jaye was staring at a plastic American buffalo that was lying on the table. Jaye was apparently in a trance, which took her a few seconds to wake up from.

"Oh, you're admiring my buffalo figure. That's all that remained from my national campaign. It's a collector's item now, you know. Oh... Will Muffin Buffalo ever roam again? I'm sorry. I'm just feelin' down."

"Well, technically it's a bison," said Jaye, still staring at the figurine. "And you should change the name of your business to Muffin Bison."

"Well, well, hon. That's very audacious of you! First you connect me with that horrible, horrible Fat Pat person, who becomes a celebrity thanks to me and abandons Muffin Buffalo the first chance he gets. Now, you want me to give up the Muffin Buffalo name that I built with my sweat and tears? My psychic did warn me against him... and you!"

Ned observed there was a tray of muffins on her stove, and some ingredients scattered all over the place. He grabbed a little blue box and read the label, which read, _Thinestra: Fat Substitute. May cause gastrointestinal problems, cramps, fecal urgency_. Ned couldn't help but remember some of the nasty intestinal side effects Aaron told him he felt after eating that poisoned muffin.

"Want a muffin, sugar? I treat my visitors with hospitality even when they just want to hurt me."

"No, thank you, Mrs. Beattle," said Ned, trying to imagine which of those muffins could be poisoned. "I already ate. And nobody is gonna hurt you. I was just wondering what ingredients you use in your muffins..."

"Oh, I see. You want to make sure you get a blue ribbon next time, so you're out to steal my recipe, aren't you, honeycomb? But you can read this box as much as you like. I won't reveal my secret ingredient!"

"This blue ribbon talk again. Did you take your allergy pill with Gallo again? What are you rambling about?" asked Jaye.

"Speaking of recipes, wouldn't the secret ingredient be..." said Ned, making a dramatic pause on purpose, "the zombie drug???"

Naturally he expected a reaction from her, especially because Ned and Emerson usually got a confession the moment their guilty suspect was confronted with some flimsy piece of evidence. What are you gonna do? As investigators they had always been lucky. But she seemed unfazed.

"Yeah! Zombie drug!" Jaye spoke with enthusiasm. Then, turning to Ned with a puzzled face, "Zombie drug?"

"Oh, my... Is that the kind of silly Halloween joke you young people are making these days? Because this is just too morbid for me. My muffins are 100% healthy. No zombie business."

"Well, maybe you're working with a partner who has access to..."

The sight of a shadow interrupted Ned's train of thought. Someone outside the trailer had been observing them, someone that called his attention immediately. But he couldn't be sure, since the window he saw her through was not very big and wasn't very clean.

He dashed to the door, and then was outside, just in time to see a figure that fit Aaron's description of the lady he had met at the restaurant: gray hair, gray dress, black shawl... The moment he stepped out, she kept staring him back. And he stared at her, in a duel of stares.

_If I run, I don't think I'll be able to catch her_, Ned thought. _Not in my present condition._

The old lady only stood, as if her mere presence was there just to mock him. Then she started to move away.

"Oh, no!" said Ned, still unsure whether he should run. If he used this brains, he could catch her later.

"Aaron Tyler! You owe me an explanation!!!" said a voice coming from his back, not far from there. He turned and saw an angry Mahandra, huffing and puffing, and marching towards him with with the tenacity of a Terminator.

"OH, HELL NO!" yelled Ned.

Ned made up his mind quickly. He ran like the wind! He darted towards the old lady, but she moved to the back of a trailer with surprising speed as well. But Ned didn't give up. If he caught that figure, his problems would be over.

He ran to the trailer where he had seen her, just to find a black wool shawl on the ground. He was panting, but joined his last ounce of energy to take a turn to the right like she did, when he saw a big crowd. He looked around, trying to find her, but she was gone. There was no way he would find her in that mess.

He looked around, and around, and the more he looked, the more lost he became. Where was he? What was he doing there anyway?

He was still panting, feeling queasy and a little dizzy. Then he saw Jaye right there next to him. She was holding Mrs. Beattle's plastic buffalo. Or bison...

"That figurine..." Ne started to say, but realized he had no breath to finish, "doesn't really belong to you, does it?"

Jaye gave him a wry smile. Ned wobbled and almost lost his balance, but Jaye caught him and didn't let him fall, in a very fragile balance. Ned hoped Jaye wouldn't be all that kept him from falling.

Then he realized why the crowd was there. They were near the road, and they were looking at a dog that had just been run over by a car. Someone was saying excitedly how the car almost hit a child. Then someone mentioned something about an old lady with gray hair.

Ned tried to get closer to the road and take a look at the dead dog. But his steps were hesitant and he clearly needed to get his strength back. Even so, Jaye helped him move.

Then she said, "What? Are you crazy? No!"

"Are you talking to me?" Ned asked.

"No. The muffin bison... He's telling me to... bring the dead back? That makes no sense."

But it made perfect sense to Ned. And even if that sounded crazy and risky, at least that was something in his area of expertise, and he wasn't thinking of baking a pie at that moment.

"Don't worry. I can do this," he said, still trying to catch his breath. "I just need you to do something for me... Create a diversion... to attract the crowd's attention."

"Like what?"

"Think of something. I just need to get close to that dead dog."

Ned then pushed Jaye aside and walked into the crowd. After a few seconds, Jaye screamed, and shouted "Oh, poor little dog!" then dropped to the ground and faked some sort of convulsion.

Ned went staggering to get close to the dog. He remembered a similar scene with a dog when he was eight. His faithful companion Digby. But that was so strange... The dog's body was horribly mangled, and there was this red thing all over... _Is that what blood looks like?_ He thought. He had never seen blood so red and in so much abundance before. Corpses were not supposed to look that way...

He felt really sick. His dizziness was increasing. The whole place was turning. He had no idea why he needed to do that, but he was going to. If only he could remember why. If only he could remember who he was...

He reached his arm to touch the dog, when he heard a voice behind him.

"Get away from the body of my dog, you freak!"

Then this lady drove her heavy purse against his head, and it hit him hard. And everything went black.

* * *

A few minutes earlier...

In Mrs. Beattle's trailer, Jaye found Aaron's erratic behavior quite disturbing. What was that blue ribbon talk all about?

"I'm sorry to bring you back sad memories, but as you know I investigate crimes, and I'm quite good at it. So, I'm here on a muffin-related felony!" he said.

OK, that was enough. Now Aaron was making up stories about his investigative skills? He had better tell her what was going on. She decided he would have to explain everything right then.

"Hello! Earth to Aaron!" she insisted. "Somebody gotta tell me what's going on right this minute, or I'll..."

Then she noticed a small plastic buffalo figurine on the table. The buffalo was shaking his head and making a disapproving sound.

Jaye interrupted her threat in the middle of the sentence, which inevitably attracted the attention of the other two people in the room, who looked at her.

"Oh, you're admiring my buffalo figure. That's all that remained from my national campaign. It's a collector's item now, you know. Oh... Will Muffin Buffalo ever roam again? I'm sorry. I'm just feelin' down."

"_Technically I'm a bison. I'm a Muffin Bison!"_ said the figurine with pride. It spoke with an eerie male voice.

"_The facts were these. The American Bison is a North American species of bison, also commonly known as the American buffalo. However, 'Buffalo' is __somewhat of a misnomer for this animal, as it is only distantly related to either of the two 'true buffaloes,' the Asian buffalo (or 'water buffalo') and the African buffalo."_

"Well, technically it's a bison," said Jaye, still staring at the figurine. "And you should change the name of your business to Muffin Bison."

"Well, well, hon. That's very audacious of you! First you connect me with that horrible, horrible Fat Pat person, who becomes a celebrity thanks to me and abandons me the first change he gets. Now, you want me to give up the Muffin Buffalo name that I built with my seat and tears? My psychic did warn me against him... and you!"

Then Jaye saw her brother fumble through Mrs. Beattle's things, and finally hold a box of Thinestra.

"Want a muffin, sugar? I treat my visitors with hospitality even when they just want to hurt me."

"No, thank you, Mrs. Beattle, I already ate. And nobody is gonna hurt you. I was just wondering what ingredients you use in your muffins..."

"Oh, I see. You want to make sure you get a blue ribbon next time, so you're out to steal my recipe, aren't you, honeycomb? But you can read this box as much as you like. I won't reveal my secret ingredient!"

"This blue ribbon talk again. Did you take your allergy pill with Gallo again? What are you rambling about?" asked Jaye.

"Speaking of recipes, wouldn't the secret ingredient be... the zombie drug???"

"Yeah! Zombie drug," _You show her, Aaron,_ Jaye thought._ Hey, wait a minute! What is he talking about?_ "Zombie drug?"

"Oh, my... Is that the kind of silly Halloween joke you young people are making these days? Because this is just too morbid for me. My muffins are 100% healthy. No zombie business."

"Well, maybe you're working with a partner who has access to..."

Then inexplicably, he stopped talking and ran to the door like crazy. Before she realized, he was outside, and started running again. She looked at Mrs. Beattle and tried to smile, but she looked at Jaye with an angry face. Jaye placed her head outside the trailer, looked left, and saw the man she believed to be her brother running for some reason. Then looked to her right, and saw an angry Mahandra approaching.

"And you too!" yelled Mahandra.

"Me too what?" asked Jaye. "Listen, Mahandra. I'll go get my brother. You stay put, right?"

"But..." Mahandra began to protest.

"_Hey, don't forget me here,"_ said the Muffin Bison figurine. Jaye then rushed back to the table and picked the bison.

"Hey! I told ya that's a collector's item!" complained Mrs. Beattle in vain.

Jaye started running, and finally reached the trailer where she had seen Aaron turning right. She followed the same path and saw a crowd.

She didn't know where to look. Finally she saw her brother holding a black piece of cloth, wandering aimlessly and looking in all directions. He really seemed disoriented.

She got close to him. For a moment, it seemed he was going to fall or faint, so she tried to hold him, but she hoped he wouldn't fall, or she wouldn't be able to stop his fall, considering how big he was.

"That figurine..." he mumbled. Then he panted again. "doesn't really belong to you, does it?"

Jaye gave him a wry smile. He wobbled and almost lost his balance, but Jaye managed to catch him this time.

Then he started to move towards the road, and Jaye did her best to keep him balanced. A dog had just been run over by a car. She heard some talk about some car almost hitting a child, and there was mention the driver was an old lady with gray hair and glasses.

"_Bring the dead back,"_ said the Muffin Bison.

"What? Are you crazy? No!" protested Jaye. None of her muses had ever given such morbid instructions.

"_Bring the dead back!"_ the Muffin Bison insisted.

"Are you talking to me?" the man she thought of as her brother asked.

"No. The muffin bison... He's telling me to... bring the dead back? That makes no sense."

"Don't worry. I can do this," he said, still trying to catch his breath. "I just need you to do something for me... Create a diversion... to attract the crowd's attention."

Jaye really believed her brother was seriously disturbed. What could he possibly have in mind? A diversion? What could she do? What could HE do?

"Like what?" she asked.

"Think of something. I just need to get close to that dead dog."

But why? What would he do once he reached the dog? But suddenly she was pushed aside and he disappeared into the crowd. She felt all she could do was comply, even though she had no idea why. Jaye then screamed, and shouted "Oh, poor little dog!" then dropped to the ground and tried to appear as if she was having convulsions.

Part of the crowd started gathering around her. She could still see her brother get close to the dead dog, but he was wandering rather aimlessly, and seemed as if he was going to fall any moment.

Then as he got close enough to the dog, a woman got near him.

"Get away from the body of my dog, you freak!" she said, and hit him with a big handbag. Aaron collapsed like a dead piece of timber, that once had been a mighty tree.

She immediately rose to her feet, making the crowd around her very confused, and went to see what she could do for the man she believed to be her brother Aaron.

**- 10 -**


	12. Dr Brass Monkey

Word count: 2202

Previously on Dead Ringers:

Ned and Jaye arrive and the High and Dry trailer park to talk to the Muffin Lady. He mentions the zombie drug in the hopes she will confess but she knows nothing. Then he sees an old lady that matching the description of the lady that gave Aaron a poisoned muffin. Ned runs to catch her, and sees a mangled dog covered in blood. He feels sick, no longer remembers what he is doing there and who he is. A woman hits him and he loses consciousness.

And now the story...

**XII**

**Dr. Brass Monkey**

"_At this very moment in the town of Niagara Falls, it's been twenty-one hours and thirty-two minutes since Ned, the Pie Maker from Papen County, has arrived, and things are calm. Very calm. Way too calm. Literally, and metaphorically, it's the calm before the storm. _

_Several feet above the ground, hovering over the High and Dry Trailer Park, a small, and so far barely noticeable cluster of darker clouds, are gathering in an ominous conspiracy of the Universe against our heroes._

_Because in precisely three hours and seventeen minutes, the time when the rain actually starts, a lot will have happened in such a way that our friends will never be able to face life the same way again._

_All of this because a beautiful relationship will have been placed in serious jeopardy, while an equally meaningful new one, in its own way, will have been born. A sincere lie will have been told, a kiss and a punch will have been given, and a mask will have fallen._

_But none of that will really matter, because by the time the first raindrop falls, a revenge will have been taken, and a trap will have been set..." _

_(October 31st, Halloween, early afternoon – Niagara Falls – outside Jaye's trailer)_

Detective Sloane, a heavyset man in his late 40s, was asking Jaye a few questions about the incident involving the man everyone there believed to be Aaron Tyler. And he didn't seem to be happy with the answers.

"Again, tell me why your brother ran into the crowd."

"As I said before, I don't know. You have to ask him when he wakes up. I was in Mrs. Beattle's trailer when he got out and started running," Jaye explained. "But, listen, instead of asking me so many questions, shouldn't you be arresting that lady that hit my brother? I'm a victim here!"

"One of our men is talking to that lady right now, by the way, but first explain to me whenever there's trouble, I always find Jaye Tyler nearby?"

"Bad luck maybe?"

"You are on my radar, Tyler! I'm not through with you just yet. And I'll be back for your brother!"

And so Sloane left. It looked like he would never be happy with Jaye's answers. She went back inside her trailer.

"I'm glad you're back, Jaye. Because I was just thinking... What I don't understand is why the devil he ran like hell! And especially, why he ran from me!" said Mahandra, still not in her best mood.

"I told you," said Jaye. "While we were carrying him here, he mumbled something about blaming himself for letting the Old Lady escape. He must've seen her. And I don't think he was running from you. I just couldn't tell Sloane that, of course."

Of course, by 'we,' Jaye had meant three strong and helpful neighbors of hers, considering her "brother's" considerable size.

"Right... If you say so... But he still owes me an explanation," said Mahandra, who patiently waited for her boyfriend with a 'revenge is a dish best served cold' look. "How long do we have to wait?"

"Take it easy! The doctor will let us know in a few minutes, I'm sure."

"OK, OK... So, you're sure this muffin lady isn't our Muffin Lady?"

Jaye eyed the bison figurine on her figurines display. It was shaking its head, with a serious expression on its plastic face.

"It's not her. But you're not gonna make me tell you the whole story again, are you? I told you everything I know."

"Which is precisely why I want an explanation, and why I'm not leaving without a very good one!" said Mahandra, sitting at a chair and crossing her arms.

"Oh, I'm so glad my best friend has her priorities straight, and enjoys my company as much as I enjoy hers," Jaye commented sarcastically, as she paced restlessly up and down the confined space in her trailer.

"I'm sorry, friend..." She stood up and hugged Jaye, who felt it was a disconcerting display of affection, but after a while she started enjoying the gesture and hugged Mahandra back. "Here, here. Are you OK, now?" asked Mahandra.

"Yes... Well... I guess. Thank you. Just don't do it again."

"Good. So, now can I go back to obsess about my boyfriend like any normal opinionated young African-American woman?"

"Be my guest," replied Jaye with a mock smile. "But don't forget, this is Aaron we're talking about. He doesn't do anything unless he has a very good reason. It's annoying, but it's true. You know that."

"Yeah... As he says, trust the devil you know. But that's the question. Is that really the devil we know? He hasn't been himself lately."

"Don't be silly," said Jaye, in denial. Mahandra wasn't telling Jaye anything she hadn't thought about by herself already.

At this very moment, the door connecting to the section of the trailer Jaye liked to call her bedroom opened, and the doctor emerged.

"Please, come in," said Dr. Ron.

Dr. Ronald Campbell, was the Tylers' official psychiatrist, but in a short period of time had become more than just a professional of the medical arts. He was Jaye's confidant and the person she liked to count on when she wanted to make sense out of her troubled life. A great accomplishment on the doctor's part, considering Jaye's initial distrust of psychoanalysts and suspicion of any sort of interference in her life.

Dr. Ron, as he was dearly called by the Tylers, was an elegant African-American man in his mid 40s, still young looking, and in good shape. His fine and rather long dreadlocks were discretely combed to the back of his head. He also had a mustache and a short goat-t with a gray patch and liked to wear a dark turtle-neck sweater and a beige suit jacket, all forming an elegant, and non-intimidating ensemble.

The girls followed the doctor's clue, making the area quite crowded. The man Jaye believed to be her brother Aaron was lying on her bed with his eyes half- open, and a confused expression on his face. His feet were sticking out because of the difference in size between the bed and its present occupant.

"Are you all right, Aaron?" asked Mahandra.

"Sssshhhh!" Dr. Ron shushed her. She covered her moth and showed embarrassment.

"Is my brother going to be fine?" asked Jaye in a low voice.

"That's what we're going to find out now," he replied in an equally low voice. "He took a serious blow to his head."

"Please, take care of him doctor!" said Mahandra.

"Don't worry," he said reassuringly. Then, he sat on the bed and addressed the patient... "Hello, can you hear me?"

"Yes..." he replied, but his look was still a little vague.

"Can you tell me your name?"

The man thought for a brief moment.

"Aaron Francis Tyler."

"Good. Where are you?"

He looked around with a blank look.

"In a space capsule." The doctor looked concerned, but the patient then laughed. "Just kidding. In my sister's trailer, which she calls her home... Even though she has a home."

"Are you OK, Aaron?" Jaye asked. The doctor didn't seem to be very pleased with the interference, but didn't stop her.

"Hey, sis... Nice place you got here... Hi, sweetheart," he said to Mahandra, who waved back at him.

The patient's speech was a little slurred, and it seemed as if he was looking for the right words to use.

"Do you remember how you got here?" asked the doctor.

"No clue."

"What's the last thing you remember?"

"I was at the Japanese restaurant before catching a bus to Canada. The old lady gave me a poisoned muffin."

"Can you recognize the lady?"

"I don't think so."

"Think! This is very important!"

"She was wearing a hat with a netted veil... couldn't see her face."

"What's the date today?" asked Dr. Ron.

"October 31st..."

"Good," said the doctor.

"...2008?" the patient completed.

The girls looked at one another, then at the doctor, who looked back at them and made a calming gesture with his right hand.

"Aaron... Are you sure?"

"Yes... No... Wait! No, it's 2005," he said, after some thinking effort.

"Good." Then, turning to the girls. "Please, wait outside and I'll talk to you in a few minutes."

A few minutes later they were outside the "bedroom area." Jaye was telling the doctor all about their investigations, and the circumstances in which the man they thought to be Aaron had received a blow to his head. The doctor followed all the explanations with great attention. Finally, for Mahandra's visible satisfaction, Jaye had to admit that Aaron hadn't behaved like he normally did.

"By the way, thank you for coming so quickly, Dr. Ron. You really got here at the right moment!" said Jaye.

"Lucky coincidence. I was just in the neighborhood when I heard the commotion. I think he's going to be fine. All he needs is rest now. His reaction is perfectly normal, under the circumstances."

"_Perfectly normal,"_ repeated the Brass Monkey, which was placed on a table next to them. Jaye tried to ignore him.

"What about this 2008 thing? Should we worry about it?" asked Mahandra.

"Temporal disassociation is to be expected in such cases. I'd be more concerned about his apparent personality change, though. You see, to put it simply, the human mind is a complex thing with potential to form hundreds of different personalities, and sometimes a trauma can bring about unexpected changes" Dr. Ron explained.

"_The classical battle between the id, the ego and the superego," _added the Brass Monkey, as he scratched his hairy simian chest. Jaye frowned at him.

"Can it be serious? Is he in some sort of danger?" asked Jaye with concern.

"I've followed some cases very closely in which a mild-mannered person even became capable of violent acts, putting family members in danger..."

"_We've got to search specialized literature," _said the Brass Monkey in a professorial tone, while he flipped the pages of his tiny brass book. He was really testing Jaye's patience.

"...but I don't think this is the case. Just observe him and give me a call, night or day," he said, handing her a card. "But of course, I'm just a psychiatrist."

"Do you mean we should take him to a real doctor?" Mahandra asked bluntly.

"I AM a real doctor," Dr. Ron replied to her with a gentle, but firm tone.

"_We're excellent doctors!"_ the Brass Monkey added.

While Dr. Ron was looking at Mahandra, Jaye brought her face close to the Brass Monkey.

"You're not a doctor! You're not even alive!" she whispered. The Brass Monkey slumped its shoulders and pursed its lips with a sad expression. Then Jaye realized the doctor had been observing her with his typical non-judgmental face, which told her he was judging her.

"As I was saying... If he shows any symptoms like persistent headaches, please take him to a specialist, like a neurologist. Now... Jaye, I believe you should tell your mother about this incident as soon as possible."

"Oh... My mother... I don't want to have to deal with that right now, doctor."

Suddenly the psychiatrist showed greater concern.

"Listen Jaye," he said, holding both of her shoulders. "I'm going to say this not as a doctor, but as a family friend. Your mother only wants what's good for you. Mothers can give us some problems, but they love unconditionally."

"I know..." she replied embarrassedly.

"I shouldn't tell you this, but my mother is sick. She's not the lovely person she used to be, and her behavior has become unpredictable. But I overlook her shortcomings and take care of her the best I can. I owe her that much," he said in a mixture of tenderness and authority.

"You're right, doctor." Jaye gave in. "I'll talk to her."

"Word of advice, after you've talked to her, get your brother and you two should go away on a relaxing trip, as far away from here as possible, as soon as possible!" added the doctor.

"I might do just that," agreed Jaye.

"Good. I gave him a mild sedative. He'll sleep for a couple hours."

"_I loved working with you again, doctor,"_ said the Brass Monkey. Jaye covered him with a jacket, but she could still hear the monkey's muffled protests from under the fabric.

The doctor walked to the door and paused before Mahandra and Jaye. He scanned the room with his typical inscrutable psychiatrist's look. Then left without saying a word.

And right above, in the sky, the clouds had just turned much darker...

**- 6 -**


	13. Cat Fight

Word count: 3122

Previously on Dead Ringers:

It's closing time at the Pie Hole. Chuck suggests that Aaron prepare the fruit for the next day's pies, but he knows he won't be able to do it and decides to recruit Olive for the task, making Chuck confused.

Aaron and Digby come back to the Pie Hole kitchen late at night. Aaron is determined to learn how to bake a pie overnight. But all of his experiments fail. Aaron is tired and frustrated, and all Digby can do is observe his new friend fail. Aaron passes out.

And now the story...

**XIII**

**Cat Fight**

_(October 31st , early morning – Papen County – The Pie Hole)_

"_At this very moment in the city of Lakeshore, Papen County, Digby is twenty-three years, three weeks, two days, twelve hours and forty-two minutes old, but with the full energy and vivacity of a three-year old dog. And right then Digby had a big problem before him, a problem that would demand the most of his numerous skills he had developed along the years."_

It's dawn, and Aaron Tyler is fast asleep, with his head on the dough in front of him. Digby stood on his hind legs, and touched his human friend with his front ones, but the man wouldn't move.

Digby walked around him trying to figure out what to do. He barked and barked loud, something that he, as a golden retriever, didn't enjoy doing very much. But nothing. The man just wouldn't wake up.

_Gas leak? _Digby thought. He sniffed the air. He sensed a faint gas scent, but that was normal in a kitchen, and that amount of gas was just too faint for humans to notice. Digby considered how humans were with such a poor smell sense, and this was one of the reasons why he was so necessary, and in many ways the leader, of this pack.

Normally, humans were easy to take care of. But this time was an exception. Then he heard the timer ring. The pie was ready! And Aaron was still asleep! Naturally it would be dangerous to leave the oven burning the pie like that, but what could a dog do? He jumped a couple times trying to reach it, but then decided he was being silly. The stove knob was just too high, and it hadn't been built so dogs could turn it.

Then Digby remembered there was a valve control near the floor. It was just a little lever that had to be pressed down. He could reach it, but it wouldn't move. He tried again, and it moved very little. And it hurt his paw. He tried with his teeth, and it moved a little more. He tried again with his paw, and this time it hurt considerably. But then it finally closed the gas register.

He looked at Aaron, and he was still fast asleep. Well, that's as good a place to sleep as any. Digby decided to lie down under the table and rest his hurt paw.

* * *

Some time later, a noise woke Digby up. For a moment he thought Aaron was awake, but he was mistaken. Aaron remained in the same position. He went to the kitchen door then went into the main area of the restaurant. He stood next to the counter, and peeked inside to see who was there.

It was Olive. She was cleaning the tables like she did every morning (even though they were clean already), and organizing them for the patrons that would be coming soon. Digby also noticed she was particularly happy and was humming a happy melody. Maybe she would break into song any moment now. She enjoyed doing that. Digby guessed she was still happy because of having gone out for lunch with the man she thought to be Ned.

The door opened. It was the other human female of our pack, Chuck. She looked concerned.

"Oh, hiya, Chuck! Isn't this a beautiful morning?" Fortunately, two decades of a healthy life, and a natural ability to understand humans had made him totally proficient in understanding their language, as well as reading their facial and body expressions.

Chuck tried to smile back, but that was not her bright smiled she usually displayed. And her arms were crossed. Chuck was not pleased.

"It's very beautiful, Olive. I'm happy to see everything is fine with you."

"Oh, yes. Ned asked me to choose where we could go for lunch today, and... Oh! I just want you to know... It was just lunch... Two good friends... Employer-employee kind of niceness... Just a friendly expression of innocent gratitude from my part... You needn't worry." Olive was babbling and even she must have realized that, as she stopped speaking abruptly. The fact is, she was embarrassed and had trouble hiding it.

Another thing became evident. Those two girls had lots of issues they needed to discuss, and even though they lived together, it seemed that they had long been avoiding a much needed and frank conversation.

"_For some reason at this time of the year, something strange always happened. Maybe it is the position of the moon... Maybe, the whole Universe chose this very time to conspire... Maybe because it was just Halloween... But the fact of the matter was, whenever it was October 31st, that sisterhood bound was seriously challenged. And when those two sisters by affection collided, it was usually for one reason: the heart of the Pie Maker."_

"It's OK, Olive, really... I tried to tell you last night... It's just that..." Chuck hesitated, and Olive stopped cleaning the clean table.

"Just what?"

"Haven't you noticed Ned hasn't been himself lately? It's almost as if... he were a totally different person."

_Oops, this is getting dangerous,_ Digby thought. _Should I interfere? Maybe I should try to figure out how much she knows._

"Oh... I see what's going on..." said Olive, with a slight hint of malice in her voice.

"Good, because I was afraid you'd react badly, Olive, and I really value our friendship. But let's face it, my Ned wouldn't take you for lunch two days in a row," said Chuck, then making an embarrassed face. Apparently the sentence had not come out the way she wanted.

"Yes, Chuck. You're absolutely right. *Your* Ned wouldn't invite me for lunch two days in a row. Now, if you excuse me, I have work to do!"

And Olive went back to humming her happy tune and cleaning the clean tables. She turned her back to Chuck, who tried to approach her friend.

Digby then remembered that humans had an expression for the confrontation of two human females, especially when such confrontation involved a male. It was a cat fight! Digby had an amiable nature, but also had a natural repulsion for cats. So, he found that nasty expression humorous and very appropriate for the situation in question.

After all, as usual, humans spent countless hours with relationship issues. Why didn't they have a simple, straightforward attitude like dogs did? Humans were so unnecessarily complicated. It was time for Digby to take control of the situation.

Digby walked towards the two females, and barked.

"Digby! You're here? Come here my friend!" said Chuck, hugging the canine. Digby loved those moments. "Olive, did you bring Digby here?"

"No. Ned stayed with him for the night."

"So, where is Ned?" asked Chuck, showing legitimate concern.

"How can I know, Chuck? It's not like... He's *my* Ned," She chuckled.

"Right, Olive... Digby, where's Ned?" Chuck asked seriously.

Digby had no idea where Ned was, but decided to go for his next best choice.: he started running to the kitchen, and both girls followed him. They found the man they believed to be the original Pie Maker sitting on a stool and unconscious with his head on a ball of dough.

"Ned! Ned! Wake up!" said Chuck.

Olive wet her cleaning rag and rubbed it on his forehead.

"Oh, poor Ned. He stress-baked to exhaustion! Poor thing," said Olive as if she were holding a helpless baby.

"What???" he said, opening his eyes. Then he placed his hands on his scalp. "Oh, my head."

"Are you all right, Ned?" asked Chuck, voicing her concern.

"Never felt... Such a headache... before..."

"Here, here," said Olive, pulling his head against her bosom. "I'll make you feel better."

"That's... That's very kind of you, Olive, but I'm fine now," he said, gently pushing her away, to her visible disappointment.

"What happened, Ned?" asked Chuck.

"I was trying to bake a pie, trying a new recipe..."

"That much is clear. Look at this mess? You're never that messy, Ned!" said Olive.

Chuck then went to check the oven.

"Look! There is a pie in here. Funny, the gas still on, but there's no smell," said Chuck, then looking at the other valve, near the floor. "Hey, the gas register is close."

At this moment, Digby barked. He was proud of his quick thinking.

"I'll give you a piece of the pie in a minute, Digby," said Chuck. Humans could be so stupid sometimes, to think that all a dog would think about was food, especially in a concerning situation like that. Digby then lay down and placed his chin on his front paws.

"And it does smell good!" added Chuck. "Do you remember what recipe you used?"

"Not sure. Why don't we try it? It's breakfast time anyway."

"You're gonna eat it?"

"Don't worry, Chuck. I used fresh fruit," he said, winking at her.

"Yes, Chuck. Fresh fruit," confirmed Olive. "But then what else would you use, Ned?"

"Indeed..." he agreed, showing slight half smile with the left side of his face.

And they all had a slice of the pie he had prepared.

"That's delicious, Ned. One of the best pies you ever made. It's a pity you don't have the recipe," said Chuck.

"The recipe is in here," he said, tapping on his skull with his long index finger. "But something is missing..."

"What? It's perfect," commented Olive.

"A touch of nutmeg?" asked Chuck.

"Exactly!" he confirmed. "But still, it's a great thing to eat to begin the day," said the Pie Maker with pride.

They all savored the pie until it was just a memory, a sweet memory.

"Speaking of eating..." said Olive, trying to sound innocent. "Have you thought of where we're going for lunch today?"

"Oh, that..." he said, giving a visibly embarrassed grin. "I don't know if I'll be able to make it, Olive. I'll take a rain check, OK?" He gave a full smile.

"OK... I guess... Whatever you say Ned," she mumbled.

He then looked at his watch.

"Wow, it's getting late. I need to have a shower, then get ready for the customers. Olive, pie time!"

"Pie time???" asked Olive, a bit stunned.

"Most definitely pie time. Our customers must be arriving any moment now. Chuck will be there with you shortly."

"OK... Whatever, you say, Ned," said Olive, trying not to show she was a bit miffed.

As soon as Olive left, he got closer to Chuck, and smiled at her.

"How are you doing this morning? Maybe we could find some saran wrap?" he said lifting his eyebrows indicating some malicious intent.

"Honestly, Ned. I'm worried about you. And what you did to Olive... I just don't get it."

"I know... I know. I don't understand why I encouraged her that way. It's like I wasn't behaving like myself. I'll talk to her later and fix things, don't worry. In the end she always understands. She means a lot to me, you know... to a lesser degree."

"Yeah, but don't use those words with her. Are you sure you're feeling better, Ned?"

"I really don't know, Chuck. It's like I don't know myself anymore. I'm just... glad you're here with me. I really don't know what I would do without you."

"It means a lot to hear that, Ned."

"Now, please, go see if Olive needs some help, OK, Chuck?"

Chuck nodded and walked to the main area of the pie hole. Digby decided to follow her. Something told him that whatever the two girls talked about would be more interesting than anything the Pie Maker would be doing by himself.

The advantage of observing the human world from a height of 30 inches is that people rarely paid much attention to you, so you can observe them safely.

Olive was describing some menu contents to some patrons in a booth. But she wasn't chirpy and energetic as usual. She served them their orders, and went behind the counter. Olive certainly didn't seem to feel like humming her favorite tune.

"Are you all right, Olive?"

"Yeah... Well, I don't know why I still let this affect me. How silly of me."

"It's OK, Olive. You're just human. You're a sweet person who has strong feelings for life, that's all," said Chuck.

Then Olive finally smiled again. Chuck smiled back.

"Thank you very much for saying this, Chuck. I really needed to hear it. But now... I'm thinking about what you said earlier today. I'm starting to think there's something wrong with Ned. It's like he's two different people."

Then Chuck immediately stopped smiling. She looked down, as if looking for something, then stared at Olive, with a much sterner expression.

"Don't be silly, Olive. I thought you understood. You are just being jealous. There's nothing wrong with Ned. He's MY boyfriend after all."

"Fine... Fine..." Olive's expression changed and suddenly became much more somber. "You take care of the customers then. I have to go home."

She turned her back to Chuck, and passed by the Pie Maker, who was just entering the room.

"Olive, I..." he said, but Olive just passed, ignoring him completely. "What did you tell her, Chuck?"

But she didn't answer. And fortunately for her, she didn't have to. The front door had just opened. Emerson Cod had just come in, and he did not look happy.

"Hello, Dead... Hello, Chuck... I mean, Kitty... Whatever... I'd like to have a word with the Pie Boy."

"I suppose you're not going to stay to taste our pies again?" said Chuck.

"You guessed right, girl. Business first. Money just called me. It's feelin' lonely and needs more friends of its kind."

"If it's business, then I should stay," she said.

"Hi, Emerson," said the Pie Maker, rubbing his hands on a piece of cloth. "This time you HAVE to taste our rhubarb pie. It's just the way you like it!"

"I don't have time for pie, and you know why. There have been some... ramifications on that case we're working on. I need you to come with me."

"All right, Emerson. If you think it's so important... Just let me wash my hands and face."

"You're not leaving me behind this time, are you? I want to know what's going on!" said Chuck, challenging the Pie Maker for a reaction.

"Well, I see... But where's Olive? Who's going to serve the customers..." she said while she kept staring at him. "All right, all right. How can I ever say 'no' to you? Emerson, whatever you have to tell me, you can say it in front of Chuck. You should know by now that my girlfriend and I have no secrets to one another."

"Is she the boss of you all of a sudden?" asked Emerson, who then approached the Pie Maker. "What's with Dead Girl and her spell?" he spoke in a lower voice.

"I'm my own boss!"

"So am I!" replied Emerson. "Fine! That's fine and dandy! I guess I can take care of things myself then."

"Fine by me," retorted the Pie Maker. "Because I know that when you have some dead body to undead," he said also in a low voice, wiggling his index finger, "and some reward to claim, you'll run right back here! And then, Chuck comes along!"

Emerson's eyes were wide open with puzzlement and surprise. Digby had never seen Emerson show that kind of expression before.

Emerson just got even closer to him.

"I know you're some sort of deranged method actor, but you're taking this Ned act just too seriously. You're creeping me out, man! But I definitely don't need you," Emerson whispered in his ear, and then left. Chuck hadn't heard it, but Digby, with his dog ears, had. The funny thing is that the Pie Maker seemed to have no clue what Emerson was talking about.

"I guess I've showed him," said the Pie Maker. "I'm really sorry to keep you out of the loop all of these days, Chuck. It won't happen again, I promise," he assured her.

"Thank you, Ned."

He looked down, and blushed. Then he just smiled at her.

"Now... Would you please watch things over here while I go upstairs and get changed?"

"Sure, Ned. I'll take care of things."

And so he left whistling a happy tune, like he didn't have a care in the world.

Not very long later, Chuck was all alone in the Pie Hole kitchen. She took a seat, and Digby came close to her, keeping her company. Digby wished he could do something to ease her mind, but he was confused as well.

"Oh, Digby... It broke my heart in a million pieces to say those terrible things to Olive. She was so sad when she left. I'll never forgive myself," said Chuck, almost about to cry.

_Yes, you were harsh and unfair,_ Digby thought, _and this is not you._ _But then, nobody seems to be acting like themselves these days. Humans are so complicated!_

"And it seems we have our old Pie Maker back. But it's no use..." Chuck continued. "I know he's not Ned. I feel it in my soul. No matter how good this impostor's act has become, I know the truth. This is why I had to get Olive out of the way: I'm going to confront him, and expose things that Olive cannot know."

_That makes much more sense, _Digby thought._ I knew you could never be that cruel to Olive. You had a hard choice to make._

Chuck was making her best effort not to break into tears. It was a big effort, and she was almost unable to hold it back.

"I have a plan to unmask this impostor. And I need your help, Digby!"

_Oops, I didn't see that coming. Oh, puppy... What am I gonna do now? Who am I gonna help? _Digby thought, as he lay down and hid his eyes under his front paws.

**- 9 -**


	14. Plastic Tasmanian Devil

Word count: 3350

Previously on Dead Ringers:

Ned and Jaye arrive and the High and Dry trailer park to talk to the Muffin Lady. He mentions the zombie drug in the hopes she will confess but she knows nothing. Then he sees an old lady that matching the description of the lady that gave Aaron a poisoned muffin. Ned runs to catch her, and sees a mangled dog covered in blood. He feels sick, no longer remembers what he is doing there and who he is. A woman hits him and he loses consciousness.

And now the story...

**XIV**

**Plastic Tasmanian Devil**

_(October 31st, Halloween, late afternoon – Niagara Falls – Jaye's trailer)_

Two hours and thirty-seven minutes later, a gloomy figure emerged from Jaye Tyler's sleeping area and stumbled to the nearest chair.

"Well, well... Did you have a nice sleep?" asked Mahandra.

He didn't answer. He just stood there, looking at them for several seconds. Finally, even Jaye was feeling uncomfortable with the situation.

"Here, Aaron. Take a seat. I'll get you something to eat. You had a nasty blow to your head."

"Really? Thanks..." he replied curtly.

But Mahandra had no more patience. She took another chair next to him, sat there, and nudged him with the elbow.

"Come on, Aaron. Did you have a nice sleep or not?"

"Honestly? It's hard to say... I can't remember," he said, in a sort of robotic way.

Jaye was following the conversation, but was facing her own personal battle with the lack of food in her trailer. All she had was a few tea bags. Then she remembered the cookies.

"All right. But at least, do you remember me?

Jaye removed the top of Mr. T's head, and picked the two cookies.

"_Hey, you fool! Save one for Aaron!"_ said Mr. T Cookie Jar.

"I know! I'm gonna give those to Aaron," she whispered, while she put the kettle on the stove to prepare the tea. Mahandra and her presumed brother glimpsed at her anyway.

"What are you talking about?" he said to Mahandra.

"So, first you don't remember me, then you don't remember not remembering me? That makes me feel so much better."

Jaye put the cookies on a saucer.

"_Save one for Aaron!"_ insisted the cookie jar.

"I told you this is for Aaron... OK. I'll save one for later. Happy?" Jaye whispered. Mahandra and the presumed brother this time pretended she was not having a conversation with the kitchen utensils.

"Honestly I don't remember not remembering you. But of course I know who you are, Mahandra," he said with a serious look.

"Really? So, of course you'd remember when we had our first kiss, right?"

"Oh, boy..." he mumbled. He seemed to avoid looking into her eyes, preferring to gaze at some distant point in front of him. Finally he looked at her. "Of course I remember that."

"So, tell me about it. Please humor me!" She was grinning like the proverbial cat that swallowed the proverbial canary.

"Tea, anyone?" asked Jaye, with a cup in her hands. He took it and started sipping.

"Not now Jaye!" said Mahandra with evident irritation in her voice. "Aaron was about to tell me of our first kiss!"

"Thanks, sis," he said.

"You must have this cookie too," Jaye said, putting the saucer in front of his face.

"Did the cow creamer tell you to give me a cookie?" he asked.

"No. Mr. T Cookie Jar," Jaye replied with an embarrassed look.

"All right. You ought to listen to Mr. T. He knows what he's talking about. OK. One cookie for old time's sake," he said, and laughed. Jaye laughed too. Mahandra was the only one not laughing.

"Fine! Enjoy your cookie! I'm out of here!" complained Mahandra, standing up and resolutely walking to the door.

He took another sip of the hot tea.

"For whatever it's worth... I still think you're magnetic," he said, gazing at that undefined point in the imaginary horizon in front of him. Mahandra froze right in front of the door.

"What did you say?" she asked, without looking at him either.

"Like that evening, I still think you have great innate magnetism."

She turned slowly, and looked at him. He looked at her with tenderness.

"But then why hadn't I really been attracting a lot of the brothers in the greater Niagara region?" she asked.

"Not all brothers! I'm somebody's brother," he said, nodding at Jaye, who responded with an embarrassed smile. That situation was making her terribly uncomfortable.

Mahandra made a careful step, then another one towards him.

"And then we kissed?"

"Oh, I wish! But no... You had to play difficult. You said you were going to laugh. I had to challenge you to kiss me, remember?"

"Of course I remember," said Mahandra. "But I wasn't playing difficult. I was too embarrassed to let Jaye know something could happen between you and I," she said, also vaguely nodding at Jaye's direction.

"Please! Pretend I'm not here..." Jaye begged.

"And did I take your challenge?" asked Mahandra, sitting next to him again. "Did I laugh...?"

"You came to see me later that evening. You didn't laugh. But you were trembling..."

"Oh, Aaron! It's really you! And you remember!" she said, hugging him. He hugged her back.

"Of course I remember everything. Those two stupid macaws that wouldn't mate, you pretending to look for a contact lens you didn't have."

"Or when I reminded you you were not wearing pants..." said Mahandra.

"Yeah, and I told you I was gonna get some. And then you told me..." he added.

"...you were certainly undressed for it!" she completed. They both laughed.

"What about when that crazy bird keeper lady started smelling my hair because my powerful sexual chemistry was distracting the birds, and then you went all, 'Stop it! Don't smell his hair!'" he said, imitating her voice.

"Now you're remembering too much!" Mahandra protested. But I forgive you this time. OK, so why were you behaving like a complete stranger this morning?"

"I don't remember anything about this morning. I had a serious blow to the head, remember?"

"So you remember that?" Jaye asked.

"No, I don't! But I have empirical evidence that I was hit. Like this bump here," he said, patting his left temple. "Ouch... Hey! Why is my hair so short?"

"You don't remember anything about trying to find the old lady that poisoned you, and thinking she might've been Mrs. Beattle?" Jaye asked.

'That part is fuzzy. What the hell is going on here? Can anybody explain?"

And so the girls told him all about his strange behavior in the last 24 hours. And Jaye also gave him all the details about the case they were supposed to be investigating. He followed everything with great attention.

"I wish I could remember any of that in detail. I guess it'll come back naturally if I don't force it."

"Oh, I'm gonna nurse you back to health," said Mahandra, speaking as if she were talking to a baby.

"Why don't we go to my place now?"

"_Save him from her!"_ said the Brass Monkey, interrupting that sweet, tender moment, at least in Jaye's mind, because, of course, nobody else heard the figurine.

"Aaron, I think you need to rest a little more!" said Jaye abruptly.

"Hey! What side are you on?" protested Mahandra.

"Never mind her! I have an idea!" he said. "When this is all over, why don't we take that trip we've been talking about for so long? The trip of our dreams?"

"You remember that too? You really mean it this time? Because I know that when you say it, you think you mean it, but then reality sets in, you realize you have to work on your education, or your family needs you. Please, don't say it if you don't mean it!" Mahandra pleaded.

"I mean it," he said serenely.

"Well, now this makes sense," said Mahandra, reaching for her front pocket on her jeans. "I've been carrying this around, ever since you gave it to me when we visited that gift shop... You said I would understand very soon. Now I do!"

Jaye really wished to be somewhere else, but at the same time, she was glad to witness such a tender moment shared by whom she believed to be her brother and her best friend. However, welcoming tenderness was one thing, but the prospect of them engaging in a more physical display of such tenderness was quite another. Jaye felt there were some things she would never be fine with. Besides, wasn't she supposed to save him from her?

Mahandra produced a small plastic figurine of a Tasmanian devil, and placed it on the small table in front of them.

"That's right! Australia, here we go!" he said.

"_Kiss him!"_ said the Plastic Tasmanian Devil, which sounded like a malicious old man.

"Kiss him?" asked Jaye, surprised.

"Don't mind if I do!" said Mahandra, making a motion to kiss him.

"Ewww! Are you going to do this here? This is where I live, sleep and eat, for crying out loud!" said Jaye with a disgusted face. She couldn't control herself any longer.

"We'll continue this later!" he whispered at Mahandra's ear. She nodded in agreement.

"It's OK, really," said Mahandra. "Sorry, Jaye. You're totally right, my friend. The last thing I want is to give you reasons to go back to Dr. Ron."

"_Save him from her,"_ said the Brass Monkey.

"I know!" said Jaye in a loud voice to the monkey book holder.

"I'm glad you do, Jaye," confirmed Mahandra. So, we're fine?

"More than fine!" said Jaye, who then hugged Mahandra. "And do you wanna know what? I think you two deserve some time alone. I'm going for a walk."

He grabbed Mahandra and started giving her delicate kisses on her neck. She laughed, but not because it was funny. She seemed to be ticklish instead.

"Hmmm. You're full of good ideas now," said Mahandra.

Jaye walked to the door, but as she touched the door knob, she took a glimpse of the Plastic Tasmanian Devil, which shook its head and made a disapproving "uh-uh" sound.

"_Don't even think about it,"_ it added. Annoyed, Jaye then came back to where she was.

"Did you forget something?" asked Mahandra, impatiently.

"I've changed my mind. Please ignore me," she said grinning.

"You've got to be shitting me! What's into you, girl?" asked Mahandra, whose politeness ship had long sailed.

"Girls! Come on. I don't wanna ruin your beautiful friendship. My sister is just being overprotective."

"Fine! We'll have time tonight," said Mahandra. "I'm going home."

"Great! Go home, and prepare things for us just the way we like it. I'm going to rest a little more, then I'll go meet you later. And then... we can have our own private 'trick-or-treating...'"

"Some special Halloween fantasy? I like it!" She smiled. Jaye, not sure where to look, and still embarrassed by their physical display of affection, gave her a wry smile. The last thing she wanted was to be a first-hand witness of her brother's and her best friend's sexual life. But at the same time, she was really pleased they had one another. Yeah, she was full of contradictions. Normally she believed Eric thought that was endearing. Now, she wasn't so sure anymore.

"Wanna know what?" said Mahandra, now resolute. "That's exactly what I'm going to do. I'll wait for you tonight. And Jaye, see you *tomorrow*?" asked Mahandra, giving great emphasis in the word 'tomorrow.'

"I wouldn't dream of seeing you tonight," said Jaye.

"Bye-bye then!" said Mahandra, hugging Jaye again and then quickly waving her hand to bid both good-bye.

Finally she had left. Jaye watched her brother closely, then, the Tasmanian Devil, the Brass Monkey and Mr. T Cookie Jar, and then her brother again. He seemed much better now, but something still was off. As soon as she left, all that vivid sarcastic vitality sort of faded from his eyes.

"I... I'm not sure what's going on, Jaye. But I'm still very confused..."

"I thought you were all right, Aaron."

"I can't explain why... Something is still terribly wrong. I just didn't want to involve Mahandra any deeper than she is involved. She wouldn't understand."

"And I would?" wondered Jaye.

"You're more used and open to this other, metaphysical reality I've studied all my adult life, but never experienced it. You have. There's something unique happening here."

"What do you intend to do then?"

"Perhaps I should work on my dissertation. It'll get my mind off this surreal comedy."

"Oh, yes, Aaron. That's so typical of you! When things get tough, you run away for protection in your Golden Ivory Tower of Academia!"

"First of all, if a tower is made of ivory... It can't be golden!!! Golden things are golden, like Golden Retrievers, which are never ivory white! Second, I'm not running or hiding. I'm working very hard on my education. Which is much more than I can say about your promising career in the retail industry!"

"Maybe you should leave then!"

They both crossed their arms and looked at opposite sides of the trailer. In a home the size of a postal stamp, people had to make a real effort to pretend to be avoiding one another. And they stayed like that, for several long seconds, until he broke the silence.

"This is ridiculous... I'm sorry, sis. You know I can't stay mad at you very long."

"No. It was my fault. You've been really nice to me, especially ever since you agreed to take that package with gifts on your trip to Canada."

She felt awkward, but hugged him anyway, and he hugged her back.

"_Kiss him,"_ said the Plastic Tasmanian Devil.

"What?" she asked

_Aha! So that's the way it worked? I don't let Mahandra kiss my brother, so somebody else, in this case, me, must kiss him?_ Jaye thought.

"You said something?" he spoke.

"_Kiss him,"_ confirmed the Wax Lion.

"_Yo fool! What ya waiting for? Kiss the man!" _shouted Mr. T.

"_Moo! Kiss him now!"_ said the cow creamer.

"_Kiss him. This is perfectly normal. Perfectly normal..."_ said the Brass Monkey, with a scholarly tone and slight German accent.

She closed her eyes, and gave him a timid kiss on the cheek.

"Wow, Jaye. That was sweet. In a quaint and unusual way... Like dessert spoons. Like when you use a table spoon because that's all you can find,"

"Spoons?" she asked confused.

"Yes! You got a tablespoon, but in fact you were looking for a teaspoon, and then, before you eat the pie, you start stirring your tea with the wrong spoon, but finally find the teaspoon you were looking for and realize, oh, I should've looked better,"

"_Kiss him on the lips!"_ demanded the Tasmanian Devil, in a devilish tone.

"What? Are you out of your freaking mind?" she asked angrily.

"I'm not out of my mind," he said. "This is much more common than you think. You use the wrong spoon, then regret not having been patient enough to look carefully for the right spoon, but in akitchen it's awlays necessary to use the correct utensil..." he continued.

"_Quit yo jibba-jabba and kiss him on the lips!"_ said Mr. T.

"_Yes! On the lips!"_confirmed the Wax Lion.

"_Don't be afraid, my child. Kiss him on the lips," _said the Brass Monkey.

"You can't expect me to do this!" said Jaye, almost fuming.

"This spoon problem is quite serious! And we suffer because we aren't patient enough, or just don't have the courage and determination to do the right thing at the right time..." he said, still rambling about spoons.

"_ON THE LIPS! ON THE LIPS! ON THE LIPS"_ spoke all of the dozens of figures with faces spread all over her trailer, which now felt like it was spinning. Her face was a couple inches from his.

"Gosh, why am I sweating? This is not supposed to happen between us, Jaye... It's just so wrong, on so many levels!" he insisted.

"_ON THE LIPS!!!"_ the chorus continued.

Finally, she closed her eyes again, made a really disgusted face, and, as all the yelling of all the figurines combined echoed in her head, she had no choice, but give in. And she smacked him on the lips. And all the room went silent.

The figurines stopped their chant, and it was like time had frozen in one long and embarrassing moment. The man she was kissing, stopped sweating and rambling nonsense about spoons. Jaye froze with her eyes closed, still trying to figure out what all that meant.

Right that moment, Jaye Tyler was certain of two things in the world. First, that she wasn't, by any means, kissing her own brother, and therefore wouldn't need to spend the next couple of years ion therapy. Second, that kissing that complete stranger wasn't nearly as unpleasant as she had imagined. Unfortunately something she *should* have remembered at that very moment, she chose to forget. And soon she would be reminded of it. Soon, very soon, she would be paying the price of that act of forgetfulness... Meanwhile, even if trapped in a sort of trance, the man kissed her back.

Like those unexplainable coincidences that only happen in carelessly written fiction, Jaye considered that this would be the worst moment for her if someone did catch her in the act. Because how could she possibly explain it?

For this reason, she instinctively looked at the door, and there he was, standing in the doorway, with a baffled expression on his face, and a complete inability to explain what he had just seen.

"Jaye??? And Aaron... How could you?" said Eric, her boyfriend. "The room is spinning... I need to get out of here..."

The Tasmanian Devil gave a devilish laugh, its big mouth wide open. Then the figurines all start giggling. Giggles turned into laughter, annoyingly mocking laughter. Thunderous mocking laughter.

And as the man remained silent, his eyes glazed over, she knew she had to shock him out of that condition. But the situation felt overwhelming, and, as Eric stumbled away from the door, Jaye was not sure what to do. She had to reach her boyfriend and try to make him understand things were not what they seemed. But at the same time, that man, that stranger who had been passing as her brother, stood right there in front of her, but unable to speak. And she felt there was no way she would let him out of her sight, not until he gave her some long overdue explanations.

So far, she had trusted Aaron's odd behavior because, well, she thought he was Aaron. And she trusted her brother implicitly. As they say, "better the devil you know than the devil you don't." But that was exactly the problem: who the devil was that man?

Meanwhile, the impish figurines that inhabited her trailer (or should it be said, her disturbed mind?) kept giggling and laughing.

_So, they actually *are* punishing me for not doing their bidding exactly the way they told me, _Jaye thought, as she regretted not having told Eric she happy about his trip to New York City just to satisfy his ex-wife's selfish whims.

Jaye had long chosen to trust the wisdom of the muses, but now their behavior of explicit malevolence was making her seriously doubt that.

"Damn it, stranger! Snap out of it! You owe me that at least," she said. She slapped him on the face with a mixture of great energy and frustration, and the sound could just as well have been heard in the entire trailer park, hadn't it been for the loud thunder that rumbled all over the place and shook the trailer, as well as her sanity.

**- 9 -**


	15. Chuck's Gambit

Word count: 2874

Previously on Dead Ringers:

Digby is in the company of Aaron Tyler, who passed out while preparing a pie. As it's dangerous to leave the oven on all night, Digby manages to shut the gas register.

Chuck tries to warn Olive about "Ned's" erratic behavior, but Olive thinks that's the reaction of a jealous girlfriend. They follow Digby, and find Aaron passed out in the kitchen.

His pie is delicious. Aaron is behaving just like the real Ned, making Chuck confused and Olive, heartbroken.

Emerson arrives to get Aaron to his investigation, but Aaron agrees to include Chuck and reveals he knows Ned is usually needed to undead dead bodies. Startled, Emerson decides to solve the case on his own.

And now the story...

**XV**

**Chuck's Gambit**

_(October 31st , early afternoon – Papen County – The Pie Hole)_

The Pie Hole was crowded, and it seemed as if all the customers that just occasionally preferred to drop by for a slice of pie had decided to show up right at the same time. If things were always like this, the Pie Maker wouldn't have to supplement his income "undeading" and "redeading" the dead in order to collect the rewards offered by their loved ones.

But the downside was that the financial health of the Pie Hole was the last things in Chuck's mind at that very moment, as she just wanted a moment alone with the Pie Maker in order to put her plan into action! And to make matters worse, Olive hadn't returned yet ever since Chuck had bruised her feelings, and the Pie Maker, or whoever that was wearing his shoes, of course was making pies, so it was up to the girl from Coeur d' Coeurs to wait on all the hungry patrons.

"Waitress!" said a big lady in a flowery dress who had been trying to call Chuck's attention for the last ten minutes. Digby barked to warn Chuck.

"Yes! May I help you?" replied the improvised waitress at last finding some time to help on that particular customer.

"I asked for blueberry pie, and you gave me blackberry!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, madam. I'm so sorry. I'll replace it right away," Chuck apologized. Digby gave her an 'I'm sorry' look; obviously he understood all she was going through.

"Waitress, please! I'm ready for another serving!" said a man in a bright orange shirt.

"Just a minute!" said Chuck. And then, she turned to the big lady. "Things have been so hectic today that I barely have time to... time to... think of a good figure of speech... Now excuse me."

"No, you don't understand," protested the lady. I don't want another pie. This is the best blackberry pie I've eaten in years! My compliments to the chef!"

And so it went all morning, and now it was repeating during the day. Customers were arriving, and they would stay for seconds and thirds. And they were even happy to take wrong orders.

Sometimes the Pie Maker would emerge from the kitchen and chat with some lucky patron on the counter, or approach one of the booths and exchange a few words with some happy family. The Pie Maker hadn't been so inspired in a very long time.

And the more things seemed perfect, the more Chuck felt something was terribly wrong with that scene, because that was exactly the point. She knew Ned's soul better than her own, and he was such a sensitive person that he was always emotionally connected with the people around him. And he would never be in perfect bliss if the people he loved had something to be concerned about.

But that was not the case of that man, who played the Pie Maker's part in such a convincing, though sort of automatized, way. Chuck was visibly stressed and worried. Digby was as nervous and neurotic as he could be. His friend Emerson had left early that day obviously bitter and disappointed. Broken-hearted Olive Snook was nowhere to be found, and in normal circumstances, Chuck would tell everyone to go home and go find her friend/surrogate sister, ask for forgiveness and make sure things were all right between them. But, unfortunately now that was not possible. And that man who claimed to be Ned was blissfully unaware of everything and everyone, and instead seemed happy to play the role of a very efficient clockwork pie-making machine.

Chuck kept thinking... She should send everyone home and go apologize to Olive. But she wasn't going to do that. She had a mission to accomplish.

But that crazy idea had shown her she knew what had to be done, and she hadn't had the courage to admit to herself she knew it. Oh, couldn't she just be wrong? Why couldn't it be just like any other perfect day in the Pie Hole? Why couldn't it be just her fears speaking?

Indeed, that *was* her fears speaking. Her fears of the confrontation she so wanted to avoid. Fears that, if what she suspected turned out to be true, that would mean Ned, her Ned, everybody's Ned, the real Ned, could be, what, lost? In danger? Lonely somewhere?

Her train of thought was interrupted by a loud mother who wanted another round of pie slices for her five kids. Chuck ignored her, and, instead, went to the front door and turned the "We're open" sign, showing outside the "We're closed" face. She then called the patrons' attention.

"Excuse me everybody. Excuse me! There's been an emergency and we have to close in a few minutes."

Sounds of protest came from all corners of the restaurant, and considering that the Pie Hole building was shaped after an eighteen-sided polygon, that meant more corners than she could handle! She always sounded too kind, so this time she had to make an effort to sound as firm and imposing as she could.

"We are not taking new orders. As soon as you finish, I'd like to ask you to leave. Thank you!"

In her mind she had played the scene movie quite differently. She would just tell everybody to leave. She could never bring herself to be that rude, so it would take a while, but eventually everyone would leave.

And so finally they did.

Now she was alone in the room, except for Digby. But that had been the easy part. What was about to happen filled her heart with pain. Perhaps the last time she had felt like that had been when she tricked Ned into thinking he had sent her dad back to the world of the dead. That still hurt.

No, that was different, because what made her feel so bad then was an incredibly overwhelming guilt. If she could do things again, she would've done things differently. That's what guilt does.

Now she felt butterflies in her stomach because of the inevitable confrontation just ahead of her. But unlike her sad, sad mistake with her recently missing father, she was absolutely right this time, and that filled her with courage. Still, she felt unable to move, frozen right in that place.

"Oh, Ned, wherever you are..." Chuck let out of her chest, "I hope you can forgive me for what I am about to do. If only you could give me a sign?"

She stood there, trying to find the strength to go ahead, but secretly hoping some miracle happened that would make all of her plan at the last minute unnecessary.

She heard a faint buzzing sound, but saw nothing. Then a timid bee buzzed past her ear and landed on the tip of her cute nose.

"Hi, little fellow. Did you fall from the roof?"

Delicately, she picked the drone with her right index finger, and examined it carefully.

"Hey, who are you? You're not one of my bees! You must be away from home. You should go now..."

Gently, she shook her finger just enough for the insect to start its flight. But the encounter with that little being was what she needed to feel lighthearted and hopeful. She was glad to be reminded of the things that really mattered. In the end, everything would be all right. As long as she did what she was supposed to do.

She entered the kitchen followed by Digby, who just sat and observed them. The Pie Maker had a series of pie plates on the table in front of him in different stages of readiness. Some had the lower crust, some had the filling, while others were ready to go into the oven. It was a very efficient assembly line, something that vaguely reminded the work of the real Pie Maker. He kept working, as if she were not there. There was also a bowl full of blueberry filling, ready to go into a pie. The been landed on the edge of the bowl containing that sugary treat.

She cleared her throat.

"Yes, Chuck," he said, still not looking at her. "As you can see I'm busy. Is there something you need?"

"I need to talk to you," she replied dryly.

"Are you sure it's a good idea? We're so busy today... Hey, isn't a bit too silent, by the way?"

"I sent everybody home."

He froze. Next, he took a long breath. Finally, he looked at her with no expression. Then a very warm smile mechanically appeared on his face, just like that.

"I see! Well, I guess you did need to talk to me after all. What about?"

"Oh, I don't know... I was just thinking... Do you remember when I came up with the idea to make cup-pies? How much... you loved it?" she asked and looked at him in a challenging way. _Please, make a mistake, say something wrong, _she begged mentally.

"Oh, yeah..." he mumbled, smiling with just the left side of his mouth. "Bee stings... Still hurts... No, I didn't love you idea. I said something like I'd rather be tightly wound, not shapeless with extra room for surprises. And yes, I was wrong... Do you mean you have another idea? I much more open to changes now, you know."

It was no use. He certainly had all Ned facts. All facts, no soul.

"I don't want changes, Ned. I want things exactly the way they should be." Yes, she had called him Ned. It was too late. She had already said it.

"Good. So let me go back to my pies then. Maybe you should ask the customers to come back."

He resumed working on the pies again, and she kept observing the way he worked. She had a very bad feeling about that situation. She looked at Digby, who looked back at her. It was evident that their canine friend felt the same.

That man, in the last day or so, had done so many uncharacteristic things Ned would never do that she could have no doubt anymore that this was a ruse. So why had she been fooled? Because that man had some special kindness in his eyes, the kindness only the pure of heart possessed. The kindness her Ned had in abundance. But now that kindness was gone.

She decided a more direct approach was necessary. She picked a peach from a bowl. She didn't know if that fruit had been touched by Ned or not, but that didn't matter.

"Hey, Ned! Wanna see a trick my father taught me?"

"What?"

"Catch!" she said and threw the peach. Like a professional pitcher, he caught it without even looking, but the fruit didn't change at all. Then he raised his eyes, and looked at her seriously.

"Aha!" she shouted.

"Chuck! Are you all right? Hello! Latex gloves!!!" he said, wiggling his fingers and pulling the layer of transparent latex from his wrist. Frustrated, she threw another peach, then another. He ducked both times, and she missed. "What's the matter with you, Chuck? Did I do something to make you angry?"

It was funny, because a few minutes ago, she thought she knew exactly what to do, and now she was confused as hell. She had firmly believed that a direct confrontation would make this man confess who he was, and what was going on. Because deep inside she believed he was a good person. But no confession had come out. And it was time for the truth to come out.

Her gambit hadn't paid off. But then she remembered the definition of the word gambit, and she realized that, in chess, it referred to a stratagem by which a player gained something important by sacrificing something else of lesser value. The questions were clear. How important was it for her to know what had happened to Ned? What was worth sacrificing? In the end she realized the answer was very simple.

"I know you're not Ned," she said and took a long, hesitant breath. "And I want my Ned back."

"I don't know what to say to this. You're clearly upset, but... Please don't say that."

"So, I'm going to walk to you, and I'm going to prove that," her chin quivered as she spoke.

"Chuck, you're not being rational. I'm going for a walk," he said and started moving towards the door, just to be stopped by an angry, growling Digby. The Pie Maker stopped and walked back, seeming to have changed his mind.

Slowly, she kept walking towards him. Each step she made, her face grew sadder.

"You've always wanted to kiss me, Ned. So, here's your chance..." she mumbled, and made another step.

"Chuck, you know you can't do this. I'm not going to... I won't be responsible for... Please, stop!" he pleaded.

"I'll kiss you, even if it's the last thing I do..." She started sobbing, and a tear rolled down her cheek.

"_Only Prince Charming knew the power a passionate kiss had to shock somebody back to life. Or, in the case of the real Pie Maker, a slight touch on the cheek would come to the same result, like a metaphoric kiss. But Chuck somehow felt no subtle measure would work in that case, so she had to resort to a more drastic solution. Even if that cost her a few more tears._

_Anybody who was aware of the unique condition because of which Ned could never, ever touch his beloved sweetheart... Anybody who didn't know Chuck very well, but happened to be observing the present scene would probably get the wrong impression, and think she was about to cry because she feared she could be wrong. Because she feared death."_

"Get away from me! It's for your own protection and I'm supposed to protect you! Please!"

"_That was not true at all. Charlotte Charles had long made peace with her fate. She knew that one day, sooner or later, they might eventually touch. She was prepared for that. Instead, she had decided to be thankful for all the extra time she had earned, and how much she had enjoyed life while she could. If she was wrong, and kissing that man meant farewell from this world, at least she would depart in peace, knowing that her Ned was fine and well. But what terrorized her was the idea of having to kiss another man who was not Ned, and that would be the only adult kiss memory she would take to her grave."_

His back touched the back door. He felt the doorknob, and turned it. The back door now was ajar. But as he tried to o0pen it, the bee menacingly soared around his head. Frantically, he tried to frighten the insect, with jerking moves. But the man versus bee battle was not a fair one, especially when the human party was so afraid of bee stings. He slid to the sinks, and now was trapped in the corner.

"You're not letting me go anywhere, are you? Even the Animal Kingdom is conspiring against me and has surrendered to your spell. Who are you? Snow White?"

She was practically crying, and just a few inches from touching him.

All of a sudden, as if coming out of nowhere, a golden shadow jumped on the table, knocking a few pies in the making. The noise startled Chuck, who stopped her motion. That was all that Digby needed. He jumped onto the man's face, holding on to his neck and licking him all over his face, in a big and wet dog kiss. And then he dropped to the floor like a sack of potatoes.

"DIGBY!!!!" the man cried and bowed. "What did you do, my friend? Why did you have to do this?" He hugged the inert dog and started crying like a baby.

Chuck, completely puzzled, stopped for a moment. Her heart was beating faster than it ever did. So, was that really Ned? How could she have been so wrong? Did Digby have to die just to show how stupid and blind she had been? All of a sudden, the though of peacefully leaving this world with the consolation that at least Ned was fine and happy, was beginning to sound to her like a whole bunch of baloney! She wanted to live, for crying out loud!

Then she took a closer look at Digby. He opened one eye, and closed it again! Then opened his mouth, and sticked his tongue out, while the man sobbed with his face against the not-so-dead dog.

"This is just getting ridiculous," she said. She grabbed a glass of water that was sitting on the table and threw the liquid on the man's face. "Who are you and where's my Ned?" she demanded.

**- 8 -**


	16. PlayDoh Fun Factory of Life

Word count: 4822

Previously on Dead Ringers:

Mahandra asks Ned passing as Aaron things only Aaron could know. He describes events that led to their first kiss in detail, and she feels loved again. Mahandra leaves very happy.

The figurines tell Jaye to kiss him on the lips. Reluctantly she complies, and realizes immediately that man is not Aaron. The kiss is seen by Eric, who was at the trailer doorway. She realizes she's being punished by the muses. Jaye slaps the impostor on the face in the hopes he'll help her clean all that mess.

And now the story...

**XVI**

**Play-Doh Fun Factory of Life**

_(Time and place undetermined...)_

For the first time, the exact number of weeks, days, hours, and minutes did not matter at all. Ned had always been so concerned about keeping track of time, it's true. That obsession had developed from the necessary habit of counting the sixty seconds that separated an innocent, and most of the times absolutely necessary, query, and a gross violation of the laws of the Universe. One thing was to do a brief consultation with a poor soul which had recently departed to the 'other side'; letting him or her stay among the living more than a minute, however, meant terrible cosmological consequences, and someone had to pay the ultimate price.

That was a lot of (unasked, by the way) responsibility for a simple pie maker from a small town in an American county few had heard of. If it were up to him, he would do just that: bake pies, and enjoy life with his childhood sweetheart, and his friends. But apparently, the Universe wanted more from him. And no matter how much he struggled with the idea, something would always remind him of his responsibilities, and dragging him back to them.

Responsibilities. That was what it always was all about. So, at this very moment, not sure where, not sure when, a pie maker named Ned felt so unlike his usual responsible self. For some reason he felt so light... Light as a feather. Really, really, literally light, because he was actually floating.

He promptly discarded the idea that he was dreaming. Although he was in the habit of constantly remembering lots of things from his past instead, and drawing valuable life lessons from them, Ned was not the kind of person who got lost in dreams. His reality was extraordinary enough, even though he could not fathom exactly how extraordinary it got to be. Sure he dreamed a few times, but those times were so strange and unusual that those moments stuck in his memory as exceptional events.

If he was not dreaming, where was he then? He made an effort to remember. For some reason it was hard because he really didn't want to. He was fine the way he was, and remembering would bring him back to the responsibilities he meant to escape from. But just a brief thought wouldn't hurt. Or would it?

The last thing he remembered was a huge handbag falling onto his head. Then everything went black. Then he was here in this void, wherever it was.

Whatever he was doing there, it didn't seem to be important anymore. It was something he gladly had left behind. He had an idea. He'd be guided by the compass of his heart, and float towards whatever, or wherever, gave him a sense of freedom, peace and quiet.

And so it was done. The image ahead of him became crispy clear, and once again he witnessed the bright colors he had been missing so much. He was right in the middle of an endlessly yellow field of daisies, against the backdrop of an impossibly blue sky. That sort of felt like home.

He let himself float very close to the daisies, and if that action would stretch forever, he just wouldn't mind. But he was wondering if he could see other familiar places, so he just glided away. He could always come back to that beautiful scenery any time he chose.

He was now over the street between his childhood home, and the one where his childhood sweetheart lived. He saw Chuck and himself as kids, both playing their favorite game: bring Play-Doh death to Play-Doh people in Play-Doh Village. Oh, if only matters of life and death were that simple.

The scene was heart-warming, but something suggested it was fake, and that he was deluding himself. Not that he was ready for responsibilities again, but he wanted to see something real. He wished it, and the scene shifted in time, not in place. Suddenly, the street was covered with leaves, and it slightly and disturbingly unkempt. Chuck's house was OK, but the wall colors were just a little faded, and it was surrounded by an ugly, uninviting metal fence. And his former home was the worse: it was simply abandoned, the weeds grew wildly in the front yard, and the paint was all but gone. He was shocked to see that, as if he was seeing it for the first time.

That scene no longer mattered to him. He knew his home was not there anymore. So, where was it? He tried to think, but it was so hard. Something was blocking him. But he made a real effort and suddenly was thrown into a vortex, and was sucked.

So far he had been a little lost, but ultimately in control of his actions and surroundings. Now, however, things were much more confusing, and he only had an unclear glimpse of what lay ahead.

He was in the kitchen of the Pie Hole, and Olive and Chuck were talking to him. He tried to take a better look at them, but it was very hard to move his head. He could barely hear them, and the image was blurry. He felt like he was swimming inside a jar of honey and he had a headache.

Olive was talking about having lunch with him? Very nice of her, but he missed Chuck. So, he told Olive to go do her waitress work. She would be fine.

Next, he tried to get closer to Chuck. She was as lovely as ever. It was nice to see her again. Everything was fine.

The next events were fragmented. Sometimes he felt he was completely in control, and doing exactly what he would. Sometimes he felt detached, like he was a marionette, and somebody else was pulling the strings. And sometimes he even felt he was talking to two strange women, one black and one white, both beautiful and interesting, but he did not belong there. All that at the same time.

He wasn't interested in those two girls. None of them was Chuck. He made an effort to focus on Chuck, but the 'being trapped in honey' sensation still remained. Still, it was nice to be with Chuck.

He wasn't quite sure why he was there anymore, but if he was in the kitchen, he had to bake pies! Customers must be waiting!

A pie was coming out of the oven, and it tasted real good. So, after making sure Olive was doing her job, and Chuck was fine, things could go back to their usual normalcy. Just like they should always remain.

The next events were a little fuzzy. He baked, he talked to Chuck, and baked again. He was happy because everyone around him was happy, so he might just as well turn on his pie-making automatic pilot, and dedicate himself to what he knew best.

Then Emerson showed up. Good, he would taste some pie! Ned missed his gruff friend. He then felt there was something urgent he should be talking to him about, but he simply couldn't remember. Whatever it was, it was gone. So, it mustn't be very important after all.

He decided not to think about it. It would come back in case it really mattered. Emerson then asked him to come with him to deal with a case. That might be a good idea, but... Chuck wanted to come along! How could he say no to her? Emerson must have noticed how happy the Pie Maker was to be baking pies in the company of his beloved girlfriend, because he changed his mind and decided he was happy to work on the case on his own. That was OK too, because the P.I. knew where to find Ned and his magic finger whenever necessary.

And so the day went on as blissfully as it could ever go. He was baking again, but he missed Chuck, even though he had just seen her, and she was just a few feet away, in the other room. No, now she was right in front of him, happy as always.

She wanted to talk to him, and started reminiscing about the time she wanted to introduce cup-pies in the Pie Hole menu. He was glad she was bringing up those beautiful moments they had lived together. Everything was fine.

But suddenly something seemed to be wrong. She just threw a peach at him. He caught it, then realized he'd been wearing latex gloves. Yes, he'd been thinking about switching to fresh fruit, so he could taste his own pie. He just hadn't done it for the obvious reasons that kept him from doing it, and because he was worried about getting fat, and Chuck wouldn't like that.

"What's the matter with you, Chuck? Did I do something to make you angry?" he saw himself saying. Yeah, it made sense saying this.

"I know you're not Ned, and I want my Ned back."

What was going on? How could she say such a terrible thing? Ned wasn't sure of what had happened, but this was so unfair because he knew he had come a long way just to be with her. But it was funny because she didn't look disturbed at all.

"I don't know what to say to this. You're clearly upset, but... Please don't say that." OK, that should do it.

"So, I'm going to walk to you, and I'm going to prove that," she said.

He had no idea what she meant. But she didn't sound all right. He'd better leave.

"Chuck, you're not being rational. I'm going for a walk," he said and started moving towards the door. But then, Digby started growling at him. What was going on? Had everybody but him gone crazy? Maybe he could use the back door. It was always there where he needed it.

"You've always wanted to kiss me, Ned. So, here's your chance..." she mumbled, and made another step.

Oh, no. Now he knew what was going on. Chuck was said and desperate. The fact her father turned out to be such a shady character, and that she could not reveal her alive again condition to her mother and aunt, had taken a toll on her fragile emotional state. She was losing it, and wanted to use Ned as a form of departing from this world.

"Chuck, you know you can't do this. I'm not going to... I won't be responsible for... Please, stop!" he pleaded.

"I'll kiss you, even if it's the last thing I do..."

_Was that a tear? Oh, Chuck. I wish I'd been here to help you in such a difficult moment. But I was here, wasn't I?_ He thought.

He tried to use the back door, but an angry bee practically attacked him. 'Don't offend the bees,' he remembered her advice. Had he offended any of the bees?

"Get away from me! It's for your own protection and I'm supposed to protect you! Please!"

OK, it felt strange saying that. But that still made sense.

"You're not letting me go anywhere, are you? Even the Animal Kingdom is conspiring against me and has surrendered to your spell. Who are you? Snow White?"

All right... That made no sense at all... Why would he say such a thing?

And Chuck was getting too dangerously near. He had to do something! All of a sudden, when Ned least expected, Digby jumped onto the table, and onto his face. He licked Ned's face and dropped to the floor.

"DIGBY!!!!" Ned cried and bowed. "What did you do, my friend? Why did you have to do this?" He hugged the inert dog and started crying like a baby.

_No, no, NO! I don't accept this! _Ned thought._ I don't want to be here anymore!_

And so, all of a sudden, he wasn't there anymore. He was back in the void where he originally had come from. He felt back in control. He could stay there, or could choose to retrieve to another happy place. But his mind was filled with concerning thoughts. He wouldn't be able to rest without knowing what was really going on, and how things would turn out. He had to go back. But he couldn't go back in the same condition he was. There had to be a solution... So, he thought hard and wished it.

He then saw something. It took a while for his mind to make sense of what he saw. He saw a flower? No, thousands of flowers. Everywhere. No, they were a thousand images of the same flower. If that really was a flower. He tried to focus on just one of the thousands of images. It took him great effort, but he finally succeeded.

It smelled like... Like an evening primrose. He knew that because helping Chuck plant all those flowers on the roof of the Liberty building had made him a sort amateur botanist. Except that primroses were solid yellow, and that flower was white with a bright red center. _That bullseye feels delicious!_ And he was right, because the bright color indicated where the goodies were.

Then Ned realized why that flower seemed so familiar to him. He had planted it, though he'd never seen it this way.

He also saw a dandelion flower, which was normally yellow, unlike the popular dadelion clocks, which were white and feathery. But that particular dadelion flower had the same white and red coloring. Dandelions were everywhere, ever since that dandelion car company had installed a factory in Papen County. The same was going on with the silverweeds, while the wood anemones, normally white and yellow, showed a hue of dark blue he found hard to resist.

Then it became very clear to him. He really was on the roof of the Liberty building, literally as a full-fledged member of the Unorthodox Urban Honey Pioneers Operation! And the reason why colors seemed so wacky was that he could also see light waves he had never given any consideration to, like ultraviolet, and light polarization. Some nerdy thought briefly invaded his mind as he remembered one day he had wished he had the visor a Star Trek character had, one which would allow him to see such strange light wave lengths.

Ned was not alone. There were other bees flying around him, and he could easily see them, while he was still mesmerized by those delicious bright colors, thanks to those weird eyes.

"Who are you? What are you doing here?" Somebody buzzed behind him. OK, they didn't literally use words, but Ned knew exactly what they meant.

"What's going on here?" said another one. "This stranger doesn't belong to our hive."

Ned felt the situation was getting stranger and increasingly more concerning. Besides, he wasn't there to stop and smell the flowers. He had come there with a reason. He had to leave.

Ned flew away from the beehives and suddenly found himself in midair, several stories from the ground. _Whoa! That was unsettling, to say the least._ He had never felt very comfortable hanging on the top of the building, but Chuck, on the other hand, behaved like a cat in high places, and would often be seen walking near the edge without any concern of falling. So, to make her happy, he pretended not to care.

Now, he didn't have to pretend, but he had no reasons to feel afraid either. He stopped flapping his bee wings for a moment, but instead of falling, he started gliding towards the ground. It was such a wonderful feeling!

Next he was in front of the Pie Hole. He tried to enter through a window, but hit a sort of force field. He insisted, and stubbornly tried and tried again. Then he tried the door, and hit the same invisible barrier. Then the door opened, and he slipped in.

Navigating in such a familiar place with such unfamiliar eyes was very strange in the beginning, but deep inside, he knew exactly what he was doing. But no matter what form he took, he would always end reaching Chuck. And this time it was particularly easy, as she was calling for him.

"Oh, Ned, wherever you are... I hope you can forgive me for what I am about to do. If only you could give me a sign?"

There she was. He flew around and around her. He buzzed by her ears. _Runway 3 clear for landing, over,_ he joked in his thoughts. He aimed at her nose and landed. She picked him with a 'ginormous' bright red nail.

"Hi, little fellow. Did you fall from the roof?"

Yep, you got that right, Chuck. The funny thing is that everything he had looked at so far had strange coloring, except Chuck's face. She looked exactly like she always had. But one thing was different in the way he saw her, and he welcomed that change. He now could see thousands of Chuck images. And that idea looked just like paradise to him.

"Hey, who are you? You're not one of my bees! You must be away from home."

You have no idea, sweetheart!

"You should go now..."

No way! I must stay! I'm needed here! She got in the kitchen and he flew right behind her. Wow! I never realized how delicious my kitchen looked! So many sweet things everywhere! He landed on the edge of a plate full of blueberry pie filling.

Then Ned saw himself. No, wait, that was Aaron. Except that he had just gone through this series of events and remembered being there, somehow. That was just way confusing!

_And how can I bee here, I mean, be here, _he sort of joked, _if I'm there as well?_

He then realized had come back a few minutes in time and was witnessing those events all over again, but now from a different perspective, just like he had wished. He had always thought time traveling only existed in science fiction stories, but if he had gone to Niagara Falls back in 2005, then going back just a few minutes was a piece of pie! Stranger things had happened to him.

Clearly, Chuck was emotionally disturbed, but the Ned that was there behaved like a zombie! He was clearly detached and had no idea he was hurting Chuck. How couldn't he have noticed how concerned she was?

Then she started throwing peaches at him, in a clumsy attempt to get that pie maker to touch them. She approached him; harsh words were exchanged.

"I know you're not Ned," she said. "And I want my Ned back."

_You're right, Chuck. It's not me! Or is it? It's not entirely me and that's hurting you, so it must stop! _He thought.

"I don't know what to say to this. You're clearly upset, but... Please don't say that."

More ugly words were said. But finally when she said,

"I'll kiss you, even if it's the last thing I do..."

Then Ned realized the situation was really serious and he had to do something to change things.

The man tried to open the backdoor, but Ned wouldn't allow it. He then flew towards the door and around the man's head. He was disturbed enough not to try using the door again. The Pie Maker waved his arms in the empty air, trying to hit Bee-Ned with his hands, but as an insect, Ned found it very easy to avoid being hit.

But Chuck was getting closer and closer.

Maybe Digby can do something, he thought. He flew towards Digby, but what could he do? First he had the crazy idea of stinging him in his behind. That would certainly get Digby to move and make loud noises. Then he became ashamed of having thought that. There had to be another way.

Ned buzzed near Digby's ear. Come one fellow, you have to stop that. You cannot let Chuck kiss this man! He buzzed and thought with a mixture, as usual, of fear for her safety and jealously before the possibility of Chuck kissing a man that may not be him...

But Digby wouldn't move. Obviously dogs did not speak the language of the bees.

But be careful, my fellow! Don't touch him either. Just bark, make noise, make him go away.

Just like that, Digby jumped on the table, knocking a few pies in the making, and next, jumped onto the man's face. Digby held on to his neck and licked him all over his face, in a big and wet dog kiss. And then he dropped to the floor like a sack of potatoes.

"DIGBY!!!!" the man cried and bowed. "What did you do, my friend? Why did you have to do this?" He hugged the inert dog and started crying like a baby.

Oh, no, not again! Ned thought. That's not the way things are supposed to happen! Not this way!

He angrily buzzed away from the kitchen, and he definitely didn't want to see the aftermath of such tragic scene. He was just too confused to think straight, so he just flew away from the kitchen.

He landed on a table, and started thinking. Something was wrong. He then realized that man was, in reality, Aaron Tyler passing as Ned But at the same time, he had seen the world through his eyes, and had had the awful feeling of giving his canine friend the final death touch. But Digby couldn't be dead. Or could he?

While his mind processed those confusing thoughts, the bell hanging from the front door chimed, and somebody entered. It was Olive, carrying a small jacket. She was immediately attracted to the sounds coming from the kitchen.

_Olive, I'm here! _Ned buzzed. But she didn't even realize there was some life form worth noticing on that tabletop. She carelessly threw her jacket right where Ned was.

_No, Olive. Don't throw this here! NO!_

But it was too late and everything went dark for Bee-Ned. He struggled to get from that trap. He pushed, and pushed, until he could see light again. Strangely, whatever was trapping him felt more like cardboard than cloth.

Finally, he got out, but he wasn't in the Pie Hole anymore. He was in... No way! That couldn't be! He was in Play-Doh Ville!

A gigantic foot fell from the sky and destroyed the cardboard house right next to him. He started running away, but the foot was preparing to be dropped again, with fatal Play-Doh consequences.

He looked to the sky and saw this little girl in dinosaur outfit. No, Chuck, don't step on me! Please!

The foot came down and almost squashed him flat. Next time he would be prepared.

An old Play-Doh lady with a walking cane was trying to escape, but she was a poor runner. Ned had a wicked idea. He grabbed her, and pushed her towards the middle of the Play-Doh street. She yelled Play-Doh screams, but that was no help, and when the foot came down one again, nothing was left of her besides a multicolored disc. _Play-Doh people deserve to die! _He thought. _What am I saying? I *am* one of those Play-Doh people!_

The foot went up again, but then stopped in midair. Then in gently rested on the ground. Young Chuck apparently heard something, as she said,

"I'm coming daddy!"

_Phew! Finally Charles Charles did something to help me, even if unintentionally..._ Ned thought.

As the "monster child" left, the Play-Doh people started coming out of their cardboard houses, and wander about. They all started walking along the main road of the village. Some walked on their own, some that were badly injured were helped, and some were just carried by others. It was like all of them had a purpose.

Ned decided to follow them. They were all walking into a bigger cardboard building with a sign which read the word, "FACTORY" written in crude child's handwriting.

The wounded, dirty, deformed, or completely mangled Play-Doh people entered one big door, while new, fresh, and happy Play-Doh people came out of another big door. Those were walking towards the village and all had a serene expression on their Play-Doh faces. Evidently they did not know what expected them.

Among them, he saw a small brunette Play-Doh female character. Ne remembered once at the Longborogh School for Boys having made one doll just like her. It was Play-Doh Chuck! Better yet, it was an adult Play-Doh Chuck!

She came near him and gave him a Play-Doh smile. That would've been weird, if he weren't a Play-Doh man himself as well.

_Oh, Chuck. I miss you so much..._ Then she coyly kissed him on the cheek and gave an innocent smile.

"Hey! You're not Chuck, are you?" Ned asked.

She shook her little head.

"No, but I wouldn't mind kissing you again!"

"Wow. That was sweet. In a quaint and unusual way... Like dessert spoons. Like when you use a table spoon because that's all you can find,"

"Really? Spoons happen to be my favorite subject! Tell me more about it" she asked with enthusiasm.

"Well... Yes! You got a tablespoon, but in fact you were looking for a teaspoon," he proceeded with enthusiasm. "...and then, before you eat the pie, you start stirring your tea with the wrong spoon, but finally find the teaspoon you were looking for and realize, oh, I should've looked better,"

"Exactly! That's so interesting! You're blowing my mind!" she commented with joy.

"And I'm not out of my mind," he said. "This is much more common than you think. You use the wrong spoon, then regret not having been patient enough to look carefully for the right spoon, but in a kitchen it's always necessary to use the correct utensil..." he continued.

"Wow, spoons are so sexy!" she said, visibly impressed.

"This spoon problem is quite serious! And we suffer because we aren't patient enough, or just don't have the courage and determination to do the right thing at the right time..." he said, with new and surprising spoon revelations.

Her face was a couple inches from his.

"A man who knows so much about spoons is so sexy..."

"Gosh, why am I sweating? I didn't know Play-Doh could sweat. But this is not supposed to happen between us... It's just so wrong, on so many levels!" he insisted.

Before he could say another word, she seemed to be unable to hold herself back any longer, and smacked him on the lips. Oh, well, what could he do? He had no choice but kiss her back.

As he kissed her he felt that was almost right, but terribly wrong at the same time. And what surprised him was not the fact that he was a Play-Doh man kissing a Play-Doh lady. What mattered was that... She wasn't really Chuck.

That woman was similar to Chuck in so many ways, and so fundamentally different at the same time. A small, charming, perky brunette, but with a different soul. Different enough not to be her. Similar enough to have come from the same magical place. It then occurred to Ned that he could one day fall in love again, if he happened to be completely alone again. He would fall in love if he found another Chuck. Or someone very, very close...

Yes, another Chuck was not possible. But he knew he loved Chuck because she had come readily made by the same Play-Doh fun factory of life, and there was something enticing about a girl that came from there.

"Wait a minute! If you're not Chuck, where is she then?" Ned asked.

She shrugged, then pointed to the sky.

Ned looked upwards and his fears came through. He automatically thought of Emerson's famous hell quote... The giant foot was back, and coming right onto them! And everything went dark...

And it hurt so much! Especially his chin. That cute brunette was right there, in front of him. The human version of her. Oh, boy, and did she look angry!

Ned heard a thunder so loud that the trailer shook. A Plastic Tasmanian Devil that stood on a table near them was falling to the floor. For some reason he felt that was important to notice.

"I said snap out of it! You owe me that!" said Jaye Tyler, visibly frustrated and angry.

And in just a fraction of a second everything was clear in Ned's mind. It all made sense to him now. He knew exactly what to do next.

**- 13 -**


	17. Down In The Muses' Territory

Word count: 4223

Previously on Dead Ringers:

Chuck sends every patron home, as she needs to put her plan in motion. She confronts the Pie Maker, but the impostor, Ned's spirit in Aaron's body, knows everything about Ned. Chuck then, in a last and desperate attempt, says she'll kiss him, and she cries.

He then tries escape, but a friendly bee, also a projection of Ned's spiritual force, keeps the man from leaving. Then, Digby, also encouraged by Bee-Ned, jumps on the impostor's face, licking it, then dropping like a sack of potatoes. When Digby opens one eye, Chuck realizes that man cannot be Ned. She throws a glass of water on his face and demads to know who he really is, and where Ned is.

And now the story...

**XVII**

**Down In The Muses' Territory**

_(October 31st, Halloween, late afternoon – Niagara Falls – Jaye's trailer)_

Aaron Tyler opened his eyes, and the first realization he had was that he was in his sister Jaye's trailer, on her bed. A bed too small, by the way, as there was not enough room for his feet.

The second realization Aaron Tyler had was that his head hurt, not too badly, but badly enough for it to be quite uncomfortable.

The third realization concerned about how he had gotten there, and what he'd been doing when he fell asleep. However, that realization never came, at least as directly and promptly as he wished.

He made a real effort to remember. OK, he remembered Dr. Ron asking him some questions. And for some funny reason he thought the year was 2008... The rest was fuzzy, at best.

He had some vague memories of being somewhere else, a strange place he'd never been to before. Obviously a dream. Aaron Tyler dreamed just about every night, and his dreams were always quite intense, so there was no surprise in that. But what if it was not a dream? Silly, why wouldn't it?

He tried to get up, but was only successful in his third attempt. And as he tried to walk, his head hurt even more, and something felt very strange, like when you're wearing someone else's clothes that almost fit you.

He opened the door and saw Jaye and Mahandra in the other part of the trailer. They seemed very anxious when they looked at him. A dog! He definitely remembered a dog... And a pie... A pie? Yeah, pies, plural...

"Well, well... Did you have a nice sleep?" asked Mahandra.

If there was a pie, it was at home... No, a kitchen, a strange kitchen. He was almost remembering, if only he could focus, but it was so hard and his mind felt so strange and alien.

"Here, Aaron. Take a seat. I'll get you something to eat. You had a nasty blow to your head."

"Really? Thanks..." he replied curtly.

And there was a girl... There were always girls in his dreams. Sometimes he didn't remember any details of them but the feelings they awoke in him lingered long after the dream was over. And right now, that thought gave him a very warm and rewarding feeling, so he grinned. That was a thought worth pursuing.

But Mahandra had no more patience. She took another chair next to him, sat there, and nudged him with the elbow. It hurt his arm.

"Come on, Aaron. Did you have a nice sleep or not?"

"Honestly? It's hard to say... I can't remember," he said, in a sort of robotic way. Words came out of his mouth like they had their own will.

"All right. But at least, do you remember me?

Aaron thought that was a ridiculous question and he wasn't in the mood of dignifying ridiculous questions with an answer.

Jaye removed the top of Mr. T's head, and picked the two cookies.

"I know! I'm gonna give those to Aaron," she whispered, while she put the kettle on the stove to prepare tea. Aaron glimpsed at her and wondered how bad was his sister's situation with the talking figurines, and everything related to that. He had become used not to doubt her anymore, but that kind of situation always sounded just too strange and unusual.

Mahandra was staring at him, obviously still demanding an answer.

"What are you talking about?" he finally said to Mahandra.

"So, first you don't remember me, then you don't remember not remembering me? That makes me feel so much better."

"I told you this is for Aaron... OK. I'll save one for later. Happy?" Jaye whispered again. Aaron decided to ignore her this time. Jaye had her quirks, and that's the way she was.

"Honestly I don't remember not remembering you. But of course I know who you are, Mahandra," he said with a serious look.

The image of a pie-shaped restaurant popped in his mind. OK, THAT was a dream... He had dreamed crazier things before anyway.

"Really? So, of course you'd remember when we had our first kiss, right?"

Jealous alert! Mahandra had this problem. She was volatile and emotional. OK, that so-called "problem" was something that really attracted him. And there was no use wasting energy trying to remember some sort of ideal, large-breasted dream woman, when there was a real woman right in front of him that had genuine feelings for him. And he certainly had feelings for her, although he still wasn't quite sure how deep they were.

"Oh, boy... Of course I remember that."

"So, tell me about it. Please humor me!" She was grinning like the Cat in Alice in Wonderland... She was like a feisty cat. Hey! Alice, in Wonderland... Lewis Carrol's book, Through the Looking Glass... Somehow that was VERY important, but he just couldn't connect the dots.

"Tea, anyone?" asked Jaye, with a cup in her hands. He took it and started sipping.

He appreciated it but wondered if she had some pie instead.

"Not now Jaye!" said Mahandra with evident irritation in her voice. "Aaron was about to tell me of our first kiss!"

"Thanks, sis," he said.

"You must have this cookie too," Jaye said, putting the saucer in front of his face.

"Did the cow creamer tell you to give me a cookie?" he asked. That cow creamer was a real tyrant!

"No. Mr. T Cookie Jar," Jaye replied with an embarrassed look. He remembered a childhood incident involving his sister, a bully and a box of cookies. He smiled.

"All right. You ought to listen to Mr. T. He knows what he's talking about. OK. One cookie for old time's sake," he said, and laughed. Jaye laughed too. Mahandra was the only one not laughing.

"Fine! Enjoy your cookie! I'm out of here!" complained Mahandra, standing up and resolutely walking to the door.

He took another sip of the hot tea. He thought the time for getting lost in thought was over. He had to show Mahandra what she meant for him. Reality first, dreams later!

"For whatever it's worth... I still think you're magnetic," he said, remembering the events that had brought them together like they had happened the day before. Mahandra froze right in front of the door.

"What did you say?" she asked, without looking at him either.

"Like that evening, I still think you have great innate magnetism."

She turned slowly, and looked at him. He looked at her with tenderness. _Aha!_he thought. _She's coming around! You still got your mojo, Aaron Tyler!_

"But then why hadn't I really been attracting a lot of the brothers in the greater Niagara region?" she asked.

"Not all brothers! I'm somebody's brother," he said, nodding at Jaye, who responded with a smile. Aaron was glad she was on board with his romance with Mahandra. Not that he mattered what his little sister thought, but he knew Mahandra would never date him if Jaye couldn't accept it.

Mahandra made a careful step, then another one towards him.

"And then we kissed?"

_What? Is she kidding? Why the hell is she testing me? Oh, well, I'd better play along,_ he thought.

"Oh, I wish! But no... You had to play difficult. You said you were going to laugh. I had to challenge you to kiss me, remember?"

"Of course I remember, but I wasn't playing difficult. I was too embarrassed to let Jaye know something could happen between you and I," she said, also vaguely nodding at Jaye's direction.

"Please! Pretend I'm not here..." Jaye begged.

"And did I take your challenge?" asked Mahandra, sitting next to him again. "Did I laugh...?"

"You came to see me later that evening. You didn't laugh. But you were trembling..."

"Oh, Aaron! It's really you! And you remember!" she said, hugging him. He hugged her back.

It really felt great for Aaron to walk down memory lane like that. And he and Mahandra remembered those initial magical moments in their budding romance, he really became assured of what he had found so attractive about her to begin with. That all went well, until she asked why he had behaved strangely that morning.

"I don't remember anything about this morning. I had a serious blow to the head, remember?"

"So you remember that?" Jaye asked.

"No, I don't! But I have empirical evidence that I was hit. Like this bump here," he said, patting his left temple. And just trying to remember made it hurt even more. "Ouch... Hey! Why is my hair so short?" Why would somebody cut his hair while he was unconscious? Maybe he went to a barber shop in his dream?

"You don't remember anything about trying to find the old lady that poisoned you, and thinking she might've been Mrs. Beattle?" Jaye asked.

"That part is fuzzy," he lied. He had absolute no recollection of anything related to that. "What the hell is going on here? Can anybody explain?"

And so they explained everything. Not that it was any help at all. It was like they were describing someone else's life.

Bu he had his life to worry about, and gladly things were working out with Mahandra beautifully. Then she bought up the subject of their trip to Australia, and she produced that plastic Tasmanian devil he'd given her. He wasn't sure why he had ever bought it. That thing gave him the creeps!

Aaron had been postponing the idea of taking such a long trip with Mahandra, but now things seemed so great, so perfect, that he decided, well why not... They would travel together! And finally, after making very promising plans for that Halloween evening, Mahandra left. Well, his love life had been saved!

Aaron took a long breath as he felt filled with inner peace. His life was fine. Not great, but fine. Well, that night it might just as well become great, if he and his girlfriend were creative enough... OK, he had a few memory gaps, but that didn't seem to matter. What could possibly go wrong?

He looked at the Tasmanian devil, and... An avalanche of images suddenly invaded his mind, as if the floodgates of the Papen County dam had instantly opened. Olive Snook... The Pie Hole... Charlotte "Chuck" Charles... A night in the hospital... The zombie drug... Emerson Cod, P.I... A dim sum restaurant... A whole town of vintage cars and restaurants that looked like food... The National Area for Retired Mills has become a theme park... Find out more at Travel Boutique Boutique Travel... Definitely things were NOT all right.

So, THAT was the dream? How could it? It felt so real. Aaron then remembered something in his philosophy studies that had stirred his imagination, the allegory of Plato's Cave. About a group of prisoners in shackles who could only see shadows of the world outside. Were the shadows the real world? What was real, and what was not?

"I... I'm not sure what's going on, Jaye. But I'm still very confused..." he told his sister Jaye.

"I thought you were all right, Aaron."

Yeah, and so did he, until a few seconds ago.

"I can't explain why... Something is still terribly wrong. I just don't want to involve Mahandra any deeper than she is involved. She wouldn't understand."

"And I would?" wondered Jaye.

"You're more used and open to this other, metaphysical reality I've studied all my adult life, but never experienced it. You have. There's something unique happening here."

Aaron's logical mind was still trying to cope with his dual reality, but he was not doing quite well. Next his sister and he engaged in a useless argument that involved mutual criticism. That was going nowhere and they soon realized it.

"It was my fault," she finally admitted. "You've been really nice to me, especially ever since you agreed to take that package with gifts on your trip to Canada."

_Oh, yeah, the trip to Canada that ended in... Wonderland,_ he thought. Jaye hugged him, and he hugged her back.

"What?" she asked

"You said something?" he spoke.

Jaye had that blank look she has sometimes. Then she closed her eyes, and gave him a timid kiss on the cheek.

"Wow, Jaye. That was sweet."

He then looked into his sister's eyes, and something felt terribly wrong. And he could hear a distant choir of voices, saying "KISS HIM ON THE LIPS! KISS HIM ON THE LIPS!"

What the hell was going on? OK, definitely Plato's Cave mystery had been solved. THAT was the dream, as he, more than once, had already dreamed that he, too, could hear the figurine muses. Aaron guessed he was still passed out, probably on the floor of the Pie Hole kitchen. Gas leak poisoning probably? And he was starting to lose him mind. But there was no way he was going to have a dream in which his sister kissed him. That had to end NOW!!!

Suddenly Aaron Tyler wasn't inside that body anymore. But how come he could still see what was going on?

_Oh, great, _he thought. _I don't make out with my sister in my dream, but I see myself making out with her? But that's not me; that's that guy who looks like me, Ned. And I... I can't move..._

"That was sweet. In a quaint and unusual way... Like dessert spoons. Like when you use a table spoon because that's all you can find," said Ned.

Aaron realized he was watching the scene from the tabletop right next to them. Now he was in the Plastic Tasmanian Devil!

"Spoons?" she asked confused.

But what if this was not a dream, and both realities were actually going on? Out-of-body experiences had been carefully documented in many religions Aaron had studied. He had never actually believed them, but he knew all about them, in theory. And because of his present situation, it was undeniable that something unexplainable by science was really happening.

Considering that, Aaron realized, by witnessing that scene, that this entire charade had to end right then, because it was definitely taking a huge toll on his sister's fragile emotional state. She always wanted to appear tough, but this was too much for her. And if Ned was confused as he was, he had to be shocked out of that state one way or another.

It was then that he heard the other muses:

"_KISS HIM ON THE LIPS!"_

"Yes! You got a tablespoon, but in fact you were looking for a teaspoon, and then, before you eat the pie, you start stirring your tea with the wrong spoon, but finally find the teaspoon you were looking for and realize, oh, I should've looked better," Ned went on.

Aaron decided that Ned wasn't making much sense, but he was in the process of regaining control of his own body. He just needed a push. And he was just happy to provide that.

"_Kiss him on the lips!"_ demanded Aaron, the Tasmanian Devil, in a devilish tone. He knew his sister could hear him now, and he had to sound convincing to her.

"What? Are you out of your freaking mind?" she asked angrily.

_Good, she heard me,_ Aaron thought.

"_Kiss him on the lips now!"_ Aaron shouted.

"I'm not out of my mind," Ned said. "This is much more common than you think. You use the wrong spoon, then regret not having been patient enough to look carefully for the right spoon, but in a kitchen it's always necessary to use the correct utensil..." he continued.

"_Quit yo jibba-jabba and kiss him on the lips!"_ said Mr. T.

"_Yes! On the lips!"_confirmed the Wax Lion.

"_Don't be afraid, my child. Kiss him on the lips," _said the Brass Monkey.

"You can't expect me to do this!" said Jaye, almost fuming.

"This spoon problem is quite serious! And we suffer because we aren't patient enough, or just don't have the courage and determination to do the right thing at the right time..." he said, still rambling about spoons.

"_ON THE LIPS! ON THE LIPS! ON THE LIPS"_ spoke all of the dozens of figures with faces spread all over her trailer, which now included Aaron. Her face was a couple inches from his.

"Gosh, why am I sweating? This is not supposed to happen between us, Jaye... It's just so wrong, on so many levels!" he insisted.

"_ON THE LIPS!!!"_ the chorus continued.

Finally, she closed her eyes again, made a really disgusted face, and she smacked him on the lips. And all the room went silent.

At that precise moment, Jaye's boyfriend Eric stood in the doorway, with a baffled expression on his face, and a complete inability to explain what he had just seen.

"Jaye??? And Aaron... How could you?" said Eric, her boyfriend. "The room is spinning... I need to get out of here..."

The Tasmanian Devil gave a devilish laugh, its big mouth wide open. Then the figurines all start giggling. Giggles turned into laughter, annoyingly mocking laughter. Thunderous mocking laughter.

_What am I doing? Why am I laughing? _Aaron thought with great amount of guilt. _This whole muse lifestyle is starting to affect me._

Aaron managed to control the devil, but all the other impish figurines kept giggling and laughing.

"Damn it, stranger! Snap out of it! You owe me that at least," she said. She slapped him on the face with a mixture of great energy and frustration. At the same time, a thunder rumbled all over the place and shook the trailer.

Aaron, still inside the Tasmanian Devil, started to move. He had always wondered if those muses were ambulatory. Apparently they were. No... He was moving because the trailer was shaking... And he was losing balance... And he was starting to... FALL!!!

And then Aaron fell, but could still see Ned wake up and give him a direct and strange look. Falling from the top of a table was a terrible sensation, because it was as if a human being fell from a 50-yard height at least, and he knew that was going hurt. And it did hurt A LOT when he reached the floor.

Except that... Once he reached the floor, something even weirder happened. He kept falling! Through the floor. And falling, and falling forever.

Until he stopped on another floor. He promptly got up. Aaron was happy to find out he was human again, and his head didn't hurt anymore. He looked around and realized he was in a big, endlessly empty... white room. The room was extremely bright, and an eerie fog emerged from the floor. _Abducted by aliens?_ He thought.

"What are you doing here?" a voice reverberated, coming from everywhere.

"Who's that? Where am I?" Aaron shouted.

A figure appeared from inside the fog. It looked like a plastic bison, except that.. it was as big as a building!

"You've reached the Muses' Territory, of course!' said the Bison.

"He's INVADING the Territory! Like he invaded my earthly body!" said another voice. It was a gigantic version of the Tasmanian Devil, also emerging from the same fog. "How did you do that? What powers do you possess?" the Devil asked.

"I... I don't know what you're talking about. I don't know how it happened!" Aaron explained.

"You're lying!!!" shouted the Tasmanian Devil. "No human has ever been able to get here! But your magic is not a match for ours!"

"Leave him alone! That's perfectly normal! Perfectly normal!" said a voice coming from behind Aaron. He turned quickly and saw another giant: the Brass Monkey. "This was supposed to happen one day."

"I say, crush him like a bug!" said the Plastic Tasmanian Devil.

"Wait a minute, fellows!" Aaron shouted. "Let's not do anything drastic you'll regret later. Remember, I've always treated you with the most respect!"

"Moooooo!!!! is that so?" A cow creamer the size of a boat appeared on Aaron's left side. "Except when you break our head to remove our mouth. What do you have against freedom of expression?"

"I'm really sorry, Cow Creamer! It was a foolish act out of ignorance."

"Maybe we should remove YOUR head instead. How does that feel? Moooo!!!!"

"I beg your forgiveness. I was afraid and confused. Besides, I glued your head back! Twice!"

"Kill him!" said the Muffin Bison.

"Yo, fool! Quite the jibba-jabba! You ain't gonna kill him no more," said a cathedral-sized Mr. T Cookie Jar, which was just joining the conversation. "He was just protectin' his sista! And you got to treat ya family right."

And suddenly they all started debating on what should be done with the intruder, but with everyone speaking at the same time, including Aaron, no understanding would ever be possible.

"Gentleman! Lady! This way we'll accomplish nothing! If we can't come to a decision, then we should listen to our king!" said the Brass Monkey.

They all went silent, and a sense of reverence and awe filled the place. They moved to the sides and made way for the King to appear. Next, a gigantic Wax Lion with a smooshed face emerged from the fog.

"Majesty!" said the Brass Monkey. "should we kill the intruder or send him away?"

"May I say something in my defense?" Aaron asked.

"No, you may not," explained the Brass Monkey.

The Wax Lion leaned a little to take a better look at that tiny, insignificant figure that lay by their feet. The other muses seemed to wait with anticipation for the monarch's decision. Very long seconds passed.

Finally the king just uttered one sound, which wasn't even a word.

"Hmpf..." And then he shrugged.

"Please, Your Majesty," insisted the Monkey. "We need a ruling."

"Send him where he belongs," the King sentenced.

"Wait! I have to ask you something," Aaron declared. "Why do you talk to my sister, but not to me?!"

"Because she listens!" said the Brass Monkey.

"I listen too! At least I want to!" Aaron insisted.

"Moo! We're not interested in you!" said the Cow Creamer.

"But somebody is..." said the Monkey.

"Well, in that case, I demand that you stop disturbing my sister. She's been tormented enough! You creatures are malevolent. No wonder I had to go DOWN to get here!" said Aaron using a sarcastic tone.

"Going down?" asked the Monkey.

The Wax Lion leaned a little again.

"You haven't seen anything..." said the Lion.

And suddenly the ground below Aaron's feet disappeared. And he stared falling down. And he fell for an undetermined amount of time, until he was stopped by a rock. This time it hurt much more.

A figure in a stone throne materialized in front of him.

"Welcome, Mr. Tyler!" said the figure.

"You've got to be kidding!" said Aaron. The figure had a red skin, horns, hooves and held a pitchfork.

"Welcome to Hell, Mr. Tyler. Is this how you expected things to be?"

"Honestly I don't think I belong in Hell!"

"Only the pure of heart escape from me. That's why even that Ned guy may be beyond my reach. And he might even get away with murder! Tell me, is that fair?" asked the Devil.

"I really couldn't say. But why me?" asked a frightened Aaron.

"You've mocked God long enough with your lack of faith, your sarcasm, your arrogance, and your lack of respect towards religion! This is why we've prepared the Christian Hell for you! A cliché, but it works."

"Well, I don't believe you! You're not real! You're just a figment of my imagination and I'm not afraid of you. Is that all you've got?" said Aaron, challenging the Devil.

"Really? Let's see how you handle this!"

The Devil raised his arm and suddenly there was fire all around Aaron. The fire was intense and burning hot. For a moment he felt he had no escape.

Then all of a sudden, a huge wave of water invaded the place, putting out the fire, and knocking Aaron down. He was sitting on the ground with his back against something hard, and his face wet. Slowly, he opened his eyes.

"I repeat! Who are you and where's my Ned?" Chuck, holding an empty glass of water, demanded again.

"Chuck?!" Aaron, realizing he was back in the Pie Hole kitchen, gave the happiest smile he ever did.

"Yeah! Who are you and where's OUR Ned?" asked Olive, who had just entered the kitchen.

**- 13 -**


	18. Saving Him From Her

Word count: 2453

Previously on Dead Ringers:

Having passing out in Niagara Falls, Ned feels floating. He has visions. Then, he is at the Pie Hole Kitchen, and we get to see, from his perspective, the events that took place in Chapter 14 "Cat Fight", and Chapter 16 "Chuck's Gambit," but nothing feels completely real to him. Then Ned feels is a bee and finds Chuck, witnessing her gambit again.

Next, Ned is a Play-Doh Man. The Play-Doh Village is being attacked by a child Chuck. He manages to escape to where the Play-Doh figures come from: the Play-Doh Fun Factory of Life.

He sees a little brunette he believes to be Play-Doh Chuck. She kisses him. Ned feels confused and guilty. Young Chuck's giant foot crushes them, and he wakes up in front of Jaye. He realizes Jaye and Chuck both come from the same fun factory of life. Ned's back in Jaye's trailer, his cheek hurts, and and she is furious.

And now the story...

**XVIII**

**Saving Him From Her**

_(October 31st, Halloween, early evening – Niagara Falls – Jaye's trailer)_

"I said snap out of it! You owe me that!" shouted Jaye Tyler, visibly frustrated and angry.

Ned's cheek hurt bad enough. That cute brunette was right there, in front of him and did she look angry!

A terrible thunder caused the trailer to shake, and the Plastic Tasmanian Devil to drop on the floor. For some reason that was something important.

"Come on! That's not fair... My boyfriend Eric saw us..." Jaye moved her hands forward and back, indicating the word 'us', but wouldn't dare put in words what they had just done together.

"I can't lose him now..." She beat Ned's chest with her close fists, but this time she wasn't trying to hurt him; instead, it was just an expression of her frustration.

"Not this way... But how can I face him now?" Her voice sounded hesitant, showing she was finally being overwhelmed by all that negativity and misfortune. She then collapsed on Ned's chest and made a low sobbing sound. Ned embraced her and gently patted her head.

Then she quickly raised her head, and looked around with a furious look.

"SHUT UP YOU ALL!!! Shut up, or I'll shut you up myself, you devilish creatures! There's nothing funny about it!"

She looked genuinely disturbed, and it would be perfectly understandable for anybody who saw her in such a pitiful condition to consider her stark raving mad.

But Ned knew better, and he knew her predicament was genuine. And at that precise moment, everything was clear in Ned's mind. It all made sense to him now and he knew exactly what to do next.

"Where did he go?" he asked.

Jaye probably had a million questions to ask him, but she just pointed in which direction her boyfriend had stumbled away to.

"Do you think you can catch him?"

"Faster than a speeding bullet!" Ned replied, and ran to the door.

Amazingly, he felt great for the first time since he had arrived in Niagara Falls. He stepped outside and quickly scanned his surroundings. It wasn't hard to find who he was looking for.

Ned ran, until he got a few feet from that young man with a short beard who had just been at the door of Jaye's trailer. Somehow, Ned remembered seeing him there.

"Eric!" Ned shouted. But all he could do was watch Eric get in his car and speed away. It started to rain.

Ned started walking back towards Jaye.

"You let him go!" Jaye complained. "It's all my fault!"

"I'd think the same if I were you... But he'll be back," Ned pondered.

"How can you be so sure?"

"He'll be back. I would!"

* * *

Eric drove away from the trailer park as fast as he could. Unfortunately, he couldn't drive away from the memory of what he had just seen.

"Jaye and her brother... kissing?" he kept mumbling to himself as he drove.

He went to the Barrel, and it was raining when he got there. The Barrel was the perfect place for Eric to drown his sorrows, especially that evening, when the place was closed for the public as it was remodeling.

He was already in his third beer bottle, and getting ready for the fourth, when a giddy Mahandra was coming out of the back room, carrying a few bottles of assorted alcoholic beverages. Like Eric, she had also come to the Barrel looking for drinks, but quite unlike him, she was after the drinks for very happy reasons, more specifically for a special Halloween night celebration between herself and her boyfriend Aaron. At least that was what he had promised her that afternoon, and she thought he'd better be a man of his word.

"Oops, I didn't see you here. Did you get here long?" asked Mahandra. Eric just shrugged, and started drinking again.

"Hey, what's got into you? Well, never mind if you don't wanna talk. Not my problem. I was just on my way out, for my celebration with Aaron!"

Eric choked on the beer, then gave a nervous laugh.

"Perhaps you two should invite Jaye..." he suggested.

"OK, now. Jaye knows about our thing and she's OK with it. What's that supposed to mean?"

Eric shrugged again, but Mahandra insisted. He ended telling her everything he had seen that day. Mahandra stood there, her mouth opened like she was a fool and she couldn't believe what she was hearing.

But then she started connecting the dots. Aaron's strange behavior that morning, the breakfast he had prepared for the Tylers, and God, that delicious pie! But he forgot her name, and wouldn't let him kiss her no matter how hard she tried.

There are some things a woman knows about her boyfriend, and one of the first of them is, precisely, when a man is not her boyfriend! Yes, there was just one explanation possible and it was that this man she had met, the one kissing Jaye, was NOT Aaron Tyler. She couldn't explain it, just feel it. And she'd known all along, and just had refused seeing it so far.

"Come on, Eric. Let's go back to Jaye's trailer. I wanna confront this man, whoever he is. And you're coming with me!" commanded Mahandra.

Meanwhile, inside Jaye's trailer, thanks for Jaye's mother who had recently had delivered to her trailer a whole box full of towels, and an assortment of linen articles, Jaye and Ned were practically dry. Fortunately for him, she had some of her brother's spare clothes. If rainy days are good for anything, it is for honest and revealing conversations, and backgammon games. Since she had no board games on the trailer, a moment of honest connection was established. So, he explained to her who he really was, and told her the whole story that had brought him there.

"So, Jaye, I'm really, really, really sorry. You deserved much better. But your brother and I..."

"You two geniuses concocted this half-baked scheme and one would pass as the other? I'm so surprised, because my brother actually IS a genius. And I think this is exactly why he sometimes has this kind of ridiculous idea."

"It seemed like a good idea at the time. Thinking back, I honestly don't know how we thought we could pull this off..." Ned confessed. "But we didn't want whoever is behind this to know Aaron had been incapacitated, and I was the one here asking questions. The least everybody knew, the better."

"And you're sure my brother is all right, and that he has completely recovered from the poisoning?"

"I know here, deep inside my sweet spot that he's all right. He's a hundred per cent all right. He's with my friends, and he couldn't be with better people. He's been confused and lost, but he's extremely resourceful, and I truly beleive he'll take care of the situation when nobody else will be able to."

"And you know all that because you two switched souls or minds, or katra, in your Vulcan mind-meld, or whatever, and it was not you here this afternoon, it was actually my brother Aaron walking around? A little farfetched, isn't it?"

Ned shrugged.

"Well, if you put things this way, it does sound a little absurd. Actually, a few days ago and I would've agreed with you, but now... Tell me something. Is it any less farfetched than hearing messages from plastic figurines and cartoon animals? Yeah! I know what Aaron knows."

_Or bringing the dead back to life for one minute,_ Ned added in his thoughts, then a chill went up his spine. What if Aaron knew HIS secret. What if he told Olive, for example and she went around spewing buckshots of truth to some 11 o'clock news team?

Jaye looked away in shame and embarrassment. She didn't seem to be able to look at Ned in his eyes anymore.

"There could be a simple explanation. I could be losing my mind..."

"Hey, hey!" he held her shoulders, and lowered his head in order to make eye contact easier, because, like all important women in his life, she was tiny. "There's nothing wrong with you, Jaye. You just have a gift."

"The only gifts I know are sold at the gift shop of Wonderfalls Emporium for the price of 6.99. I'm just a slacking retail clerk... As my family has already figured out, nothing to be proud of."

"And I just bake pies, just happen to be damn good at it, except I have no blood family not to be proud of me. You'll find your calling sooner than you expect. You're a very special, wonderful person."

"You really think so?"

"I know so. I have total confidence in you."

"But you barely know me."

"That's where you are wrong. Don't ask me how, but I know you much better than you think."

"And that makes me special?"

"To me, you're almost as special as my dear Chuck. But don't worry. Nobody measures up to her. Not even close..."

"In that case I'm more than happy to come in a solid second. But what makes you say that?"

Ned stopped to think for a moment. The answer was crystal clear in his mind.

"Because you were both made in the same fun factory of life, that's why."

Jaye's seemed puzzled at first, but then she relaxed and laughed.

"All right... I'm going to pretend what you just said made any sense at all. Because it was just too beautiful to ignore. Thank you! Thank you, Ned... And by the way... You're a terrific kisser!"

He timidly averted her gaze, wishing she hadn't brought that up.

"You're not such a bad kisser yourself. But you and I know..."

"...that this shouldn't happen..." she added.

"...ever again," he completed with an embarrassed look.

Ned let go of her of her shoulders, and put his hands in his pockets, retreating to his inner, safe place he went to whenever he became embarrassed. They both exchanged wry smiles. He tried to whistle a tune, but gave up in the middle.

"Let's talk about the case?" she suggested.

"Great idea!" he agreed. Then she looked at the Brass Monkey and became restless.

"Oh, please! Not again!"

"What?"

"It's the Brass Monkey. He's saying 'Save him from her' again. It's starting all over again! I can't stand that anymore!"

"But you said he wanted you to save me from Mahandra. That situation has been properly dealt with."

"I know! Unless... Unless he's talking about somebody else."

"Why did you say it's starting all over again? Has the monkey told you that before?" asked Ned.

"No, first it was the cocktail bunny... Last year... Yeah, then the Monkey and the Lion said it too. Long story short, that's how I got final custody of our little metal friend here. At that occasion I saved the life of... Oh no!"

Jaye was restless again and this time she was looking at the Tasmanian Devil on the floor. She picked it up and put it on the table where it was before falling.

"What did it say, Jaye?"

"It's saying, _'The mother is the key'_! You see, last year I saved Dr. Ron's life and he gave me the Monkey as a memento. The Brass Monkey is extremely connected with the doctor and he was here earlier to take care of you, or your body at least."

"What does the mother being the key have to do with that?"

"Doctor Ron told me that he's taking care of his mother. Her behavior is becoming unpredictable, because of some mental or emotional instability. He tried to warn me about how the human mind can create different personalities, blah, blah, and all that. I thought he was referring to you..."

"But maybe he was relating to his personal experience with his crazy mother?" Ned wondered.

"Something like that," Jaye confirmed. "Didn't you say an old lady poisoned Aaron, and that this lady is not Marie Marianne Beattle?"

"It's not the Muffin Lady. That much I'm sure of. So, you're saying that Dr. Ron's mother is going to kill her son? Tonight?"

Jaye stopped for a moment, and looked at the two figurines again. Then looked at Ned with a resolute expression.

"That's exactly what I'm saying!"

"I was afraid you were going to say that," admitted Ned. "Well, what are we waiting for?"

"We have to reach Dr. Ron immediately."

"But do you know where he lives?"

"I don't. But I know where he's office is."

"Which is certainly empty at this hour," reasoned Ned. "What good will that do?"

"We can find his address or phone number among his records. But don't worry. I know how to break in. I've done that before!" she said with a mischievous grin.

"Somehow that doesn't make me feel much better..."

Jaye shrugged. Next, she was holding a backpack, where she was placing the Tasmanian Devil, the Brass Monkey, a few other of his friends and additional burglary items. Then she picked a raincoat for her and produced another one for Ned. Unfortunately, that one belonged to Eric, not Aaron, so it was quite a bit small for the Pie Maker. He felt like Frankenstein's Creature, with his very short suit jacket, a familiar and undesirable Halloween memory. But it was better than nothing.

Jaye opened the door, and they both ventured into the rainy night in order to save a life.

A little after Ned and Jaye left, Mahandra and Eric reached the trailer park. So, then they stood at Jaye's trailer front door. They knocked, and knocked again. She obviously wasn't home.

"Hurry up, it's raining!" said Mahandra.

"Looks like she isn't in," said Eric. "Where could she have gone?"

"Let's try her parents' place then. But I will get to the bottom of this tonight!"

They both turned to walk back to Eric's car when they were stopped by a figure right in front of them.

"You two are not going anywhere!" said the man. The sudden surprise kept Eric and Mahandra from reacting. Where was Jaye? And what could the man possibly want?

**- 8 -**


	19. Klondike 5

Word count: 4193

Previously on Dead Ringers:

In his own "ego trip," Aaron Tyler goes back to Jaye's trailer (his spirit in Ned's body) and, lives the events of Chapter 15 "Plastic Tasmanian Devil."

He has to face Mahandra. But he passes convinces her that he loves her and she leaves satisfied.

But as soon as she leaves, a torrent of memories come to him, and now he remembers everything about Ned's universe. To make matters worse, he hears the muses telling Jaye to kiss him on the lips, so he leaves that body.

Aaron falls down and ends in the Muses' Territory. He is judged by the Muses. The Wax Lion, their king, decides to "send him where he belongs," and Aaron falls again.

He meets the Devil, who promises him an eternity in Hell. Then a flood of water throws him on the ground. He opens his eyes and realizes he's back at the Pie Hole, his face is wet, and Chuck is holding an empty glass. Chuck demands to know who he is and where Ned is.

And now the story...

**XIX**

**Klondike 5**

_(October 31st , afternoon – Papen County – The Pie Hole)_

"We're expecting an answer!" demanded Chuck.

"Yeah! Start Talking! You tall... seductive... stranger!" said Olive doing her best to sound tough, which only made Aaron smile even more. "And wipe out that stupid grin off your face!" she completed.

"Olive! You're back!" said Chuck, not hiding her satisfaction.

"Yeah, Chuck. I'm back all right. You broke my heart, but then... I started thinking," she said, closing one eye and exposing her teeth, making her 'astute' face. Thanks to Ned's memories, Aaron knew it meant that was Olive P.I., not waitress Olive talking. "I'm not the kind of woman who looks at a gift horse in the mouth, so I allowed myself to be fooled by this charming stranger, but as I thought of Ned's behavior... I started adding up all those inconsistencies, the things that were and shouldn't be, and I realized..."

"That I would never hurt you?" said Chuck with a hopeful smile.

"No! That you were trying to keep me out of the loop as you always do! And that this tall, handsome man taking me to lunch was just too good to be true!"

"Guilty as charged," said Aaron. "And thank you for the tall and handsome," he completed, giving her his best smile. Life was good. After that horrible vision, he'd cherish every moment he could.

"We'll handle you in a minute, pal!" said Olive. She exuded confidence, and if Aaron had found her interesting before, imagine now.

"We should handle him now, Olive, and deal with our differences later," said Chuck, but without much conviction. She really seemed to feel guilty.

At this moment, Digby got up and started whimpering and zig-zagging his way towards Chuck...

"Come here, Digby. You really took one for the team this time," said Chuck.

But he walked past her, for her evident disappointment, and reached Olive, who hugged and kissed him. Aaron wasn't sure what to think. He was still getting used to the idea he could remember everything that had happened when he had received the inconvenient spiritual visit from Ned, and loathed the the feeling Ned had when he thought he had killed his longtime canine companion. Could Ned's residual presence in Aaron's body have partially drained Digby's life force somehow?

"Did he fall?" asked Olive, and she patted Digby behind his ears. He growled with pleasure.

"As a matter of fact he did," confirmed Chuck.

"Well, looks like he hit his head on the floor, poor thing. Dogs are not like cats, you know. Sneaky, treacherous cats... Some of us get hurt when we fall. Because some of us have feelings!" she said, looking directly at Aaron. "And speaking of sneaky and treacherous," Olive nodded at Aaron, and Chuck, crossing her arms, gave him a very stern look.

"All right, sir. Start talking!"

"Yeah! You can start by telling us who the hell you are!" said Olive, with her P.I. tone of voice.

"My name is Aaron Tyler and... First of all... I'm really, really, really... sorry..."

* * *

The jury was still out. Aaron had told them about him, his family and his hometown. They listened intently and even though they wanted to know about Ned, they were patient enough when he told them the story he had to tell was just too incredible to be believed, so he had to tell things from the very beginning. Finally, just out of the blue, they asked him to step out the kitchen while they discussed what they thought of Aaron and his tale. And now, guarded by Digby, he waited in a booth for their verdict.

Those were two terrific examples of human beings, and, as he patted his "guard" under the chin, he felt mortified to think he'd been deceiving them. They were such good people, but at the same time, naïve and completely unable to deal with violence. Aaron meant, real, vicious, tragic violence.

Not that Aaron had had any first-hand experience with that. But as an accomplished theorist, he knew a little about everything. Besides, he had studied enough about human nature to know that, in the history of religion, people had committed the most despicable acts in the name of God and the fight for good. No wonder he had grown to be such a skeptic.

But those girls, even dealing with murders on a regular basis, had such a rosy approach to life where others would just see ugliness, that he couldn't help but surrender to their charming innocence. There he was, a complete stranger who had been lying to them, and could be out to do god-knows-what, and all they thought of doing was to leave, to keep an eye on him, a Golden Retriever, perhaps the friendliest dog breed there was.

But he was afraid he might not get their forgiveness. That was too terrible to consider.

After quite a long while they came out of the kitchen, walking arm in arm, alongside one another. It seemed, for Aaron's satisfaction, that their sisterhood had been restored. They both walked resolutely and sat in front of him.

"Mr. Tyler," said Chuck with a solemn look. "We appreciate your being so candid tell us about yourself and your reasons to be here."

"Yes, it was about time you were honest!" said Olive.

"As I was saying... We decided to give you a vote of confidence. Somehow we feel we can trust you," Chuck completed. Aaron nodded.

"Yeah! But don't take our good will for granted! That may change, just like that," said Olive, snapping her fingers.

"Anyway, we had to decide whether we could trust you before asking you the big question."

"Yeah, if you fed us with another bunch of lies, what good would that do us?" said Olive.

"Ask anything. I'll tell you the truth. You have my word," Aaron assured them.

"All right then. The question is simple. Where is Ned? In he all right?" asked Chuck.

That question gave Aaron pause. He looked at them both, and behind that thin veneer of serenity and resolution, these were two highly sensitive girls to whom Ned's wellbeing meant the world. So, he had to choose his words very carefully not to alarm them more than they would have to be alarmed.

"We're waiting," said Olive impatiently.

"Well, again, I have to tell things you from the beginning. I just ask you, please, to remain calm because Ned's fine and whatever situation he's facing is a product of his own choice."

"Mr. Tyler," said Chuck, now showing some impatience as well. Aaron felt she was calling him by the last name because that seemed to make her feel more confident, and reminded them of the seriousness of the situation. He decided to play along.

"Yes, Ms. Charles..."

"We're two grownup women. We're perfectly able to handle bad news, and react in a mature way."

"We just want the truth," said Olive, which immediately brought to Aaron's mind a movie scene about being able to handle the truth, more precisely Jack Nicholson's line from the movie _A Few Good Men_.

"Exactly. There's no need to sugarcoat reality. Tell us what we need to know, Mr. Tyler."

Perhaps she was right, and he was underestimating their emotional resilience. Obviously they wanted to get involved, and their help would be important. So, Aaron let them have it. He told them about how he had been poisoned, how he thought he was going to die, Ned's visit, and their long conversation. He also told them about the threats against them and his sister, and why he urged Ned to go protect her, and how Ned chose to go so that danger wouldn't come anywhere close to the people he loved. He made sure they knew Ned was willing to sacrifice himself for their safety if necessary, and even described his and Ned's out-of-body experiences.

Aaron definitely had a knack for storytelling, making it perhaps more dramatic than it actually was necessary. He definitely got carried away, though. The girls followed his narration intently, and each dramatic details that was added, was matched by an equivalent emotional reaction, and an occasional "ohhh..." or "ahhh..." as the two sisters by choice, if not by blood, held each other's hand, with a grip that grew firmer as the story developed. So, about fifteen minutes later...

"Oh, Ned... Ned... Why did you have to go???" Chuck lamented, now unable to hold her tears back, with her head on Olive's shoulder. The blonde, in turn, patted Chuck on her head, trying to comfort her. But then who would comfort Olive?

"Oh, Ned... You're so alone in a strange place, among strange people. It must be breaking your heart..." Olive said, also about to cry.

"He hates to be alone, and defenseless... Deep inside he's still that little boy left by his father in that horrible, horrible boarding school I still hate..."

Hearing that made Olive even sadder, and, also unable to hold back, she joined Chuck in that crying symphony.

_Oh, brother. What did I get started? Why do I need to go back and see __Niagara Falls, when I can see the waterfalls right here in Lakeshore? _Aaron thought, as he propped his chin against his hand, with his elbow propped on the table. He looked at Digby, who looked back at him. Digby looked like he was trying to tell Aaron a dog is the least qualified male to understand the volatile emotions of human females.

He stood up, and fetched some paper napkins, which he offered the girls.

"Oh, thank you, Aaron," said Olive, wiping her tears.

"You're a very nice man," said Chuck, as she blew her nose.

Aaron Tyler, so much used to the callousness of his sister Sharon and the cynicism of his younger sister Jaye, wasn't sure how to react. But even if he felt that reaction was somewhat exaggerated, he knew enough about them to admire and grow fond of them even more. So, he let emotions take their course, and patiently waited until they calmed down.

"Charlotte," Aaron finally said, "Ned loves you deeply, and it gives him great satisfaction to know he's doing something to protect you."

"That's so sweet, Aaron. I appreciate you telling me this."

"And Olive, Ned wouldn't know where to begin without you. You've been in his life just a few years, but he can't imagine life without you, as much as he can't imagine life without this place he built practically with his bare hands."

"Thank you, Aaron. I needed to hear that," said Olive, holding his hand.

Aaron felt touched and satisfied to know that their forgiveness was not so far away after all. After considering all the emotions involved, they all agreed the only way they could have Ned back, and things back to normality, was to solve the case that had brought Aaron Tyler into their lives. It was time for some investigative work after all.

"Let's try to solve this case then," said Aaron in an encouraging tone.

"Are you sure we can do this by ourselves? None of us are real detectives," said Olive. "Maybe we should call Emerson. Whatever happened to him anyway?"

"Good idea, Olive. But I guess it wouldn't hurt if we organized what we know first. Then we can tell Emerson all about it, and he'll know what to do next. So... What do we really know for sure?" said Aaron, pulling out of his pocket a small notepad and a pencil.

"Well, as you said earlier, even before this whole thing started, Emerson received those cards warning him against some threat," Chuck said.

"Yes... They read, _'__He's gonna get you,__'_ and... _'__Your friends are in grave danger,'_ if I'm not mistaken," said Aaron, writing that down.

"This means there's someone here, in Papen County, that represents danger," said Olive. "We can start by finding out who it is."

"But it also means someone wants to help us," reminded Chuck.

"That's true. We might have an ally," said Aaron. "But I can't get off my mind those creepy voodoo dolls in the shape of Ned and you, Chuck."

"If Emerson were here, he would laugh at this kind of superstition," said Olive. "Since he isn't here, let me do it instead. Ha, ha!"

"You might not believe in voodoo magic, but there are many fanatics out there that do. And their spiritual leader is called a Bokor, and he's the only one who could've prepared the zombie drug that poisoned me. And that is real enough, believe me."

"You don't know this Bokor-guy, Aaron, but you told us about the suspicious doctor in Papen County Hospital, one Dr. Roberts. I bet he knows something."

"Emerson looked into him, Olive. He's not squeaky clean, but his name led nowhere. He had other suspects in mind. Like Hillary Hundin, and someone with a background in chemistry. The man Emerson was really suspicious of is no one less than Oscar Vibenius."

As this name is pronounced, Digby barked and laid his front paws on Aaron's lap.

"Calm down, Digby. I cannot play now." Digby walked away visibly disappointed.

As Chuck heard Oscar's name, she batted her eyes, and raised her hands in visible discomfort, shaking them.

"Oh, no. It can't be Oscar," Chuck said with firm conviction. Digby barked at her. Chuck patted the dog, but didn't give him much attention.

"I think you got a point there, Aaron," said Olive smiling at Aaron, who smiled back at her. "I've never trusted Oscar."

"You're wrong, Olive. Completely wrong! Oscar is a good man... And a good friend!"

"Really, Chuck? Just by curiosity, how good a friend is he? Does Ned know you two are such good friends?" asked Olive maliciously.

"All right, girls! Focus, please! We don't know if he's our man, so let's just list him as a suspect along with Dr. Roberts and Hillary Hundin" he said, making more notes in his notepad. "And the coroner too." He added the coroner to the list.

"The coroner?" a surprised Chuck asked. "That sweet, old, and completely gullible man?"

"Ha, ha!" Aaron laughed. "He's anything but gullible. He's the one that pushed Ned into going to Niagara Falls. I just don't know if that makes him friend or foe."

"I remember something!" shouted Olive. "When you and I went out for lunch..."

"Which we should do again..." said Aaron with a certain malice, causing Olive to blush.

"Anyway..." Olive proceeded, "when we went out, I remember a yellow truck parked outside. When we came back it was still there, and it was still there when we closed in the evening."

"Is that so? Let me see..." said Aaron, closing his eyes. "Yes, I remember that. It had a sign which read... _'Papen County Water and Power Department,'"_

"How can you be so sure?" protested Chuck, while Olive grinned.

"Sorry! Photographic memory. Very useful for memorizing books. Sue me," Said Aaron with fake humility.

"And yet we come back to Oscar," commented Olive with some sarcasm. Digby barked at Olive, and she patted his head.

"That doesn't prove anything," said Chuck defensively. "There are hundreds of those trucks all over town."

"More like dozens, Chuck," said Aaron. "And you have to admit the number of coincidences incriminating Oscar is growing."

"You're right, Aaron. Coincidences!" insisted Chuck. Digby barked again.

"Hey, folks, I think Digby is trying to tell us something," said Olive. "Come on, Digby. What do you want?"

The dog started walking to the front door.

"Do you want us to follow you?" Olive asked, then stood up. "Come on, guys!" she motioned to the others, who followed Digby and her.

They went outside. It was getting dark, and Digby started sniffing a parking place right in front of the Pie Hole.

"That's where the truck was," said Aaron.

"Do you think you can follow the smell and find out where the truck went?" Olive asked Digby, who barked back. The dog seemed pretty confident he could do it.

"That simplifies things considerably," said Aaron. "All we have to do is..."

At that precise moment, a thunder was heard. Aaron felt a raindrop on his nose. Then another. Then another. Suddenly, it started raining cats and dogs, so to speak.

"All we have to do is get inside because all our smell evidences are being washed away..." observed Aaron, clearly disappointed.

In just a matter of minutes, the rain became pretty intense, and they took refuge inside the Pie Hole. Aaron felt they had reached a dead end.

"So much for our team of amateur detectives," said Olive. "Are we going to call Emerson now?"

"You're right again, Olive." She smiled at the compliment. "We're running around in circles," admitted Aaron. "Where's the phone?"

"Right there, on the kitchen wall," said Chuck, failing to show her usual enthusiasm.

Aaron walked to the kitchen and noticed the back door was ajar. Once again he was impressed with their lack of concern for safety, and the innocence that made those two girls so adorable, as well as that entire town, for that matter.

Aaron opened the door. It revealed an alley. He looked at the dark sky and felt the rain on his face. _Definitely the gods must be angry,_ he thought. He closed and locked the door.

He located the phone, and noticed with some curiosity that it had a rotary dialing disk. He tried to remember the last time he had seen one of those. He was still a child, but he guessed that in a town where vintage and retro objects were so valued, those old phones would be pretty popular. Aaron picked the receiver from the wall.

"What's Emerson's phone number?" Aaron asked the girls.

"Here..." said Chuck, picking an a dress book from a drawer in the counter. "It's Klondike 5, 0-1-5-5."

Aaron, still holding the phone, chuckled.

"It's... a... what?"

"Klondike 5, 0-1-5-5," Chuck repeated.

"You're kidding, right? I mean... How am I supposed to dial _Klondike_?"

"Oh, silly. You don't have phones in Niagara Falls?" Olive joked. "You call the operator and ask for the Klondike exchange station, of course."

Still confused, Aaron brought the phone to his ear. Before he had a chance to think, a voice on the other side of the line asked,

"_Operator. May I be of service?_"

"Hum... Klondike 5... 0-1-5-5?" Said Aaron hesitantly. _A human operator... How quaint, _Aaron thought.

"_Just a moment, please..._" He heard a click.

"_Klondike exchange station, may I be of service?_" said a different voice at the other side of the line.

"5-0-1-5-5," said Aaron still hesitantly.

"_Of course, sir. Who do you wish to speak with?_"

"Hum... Emerson Cod?"

"_Just a minute, please._"

The phone rang and gave a busy signal. Aaron waited patiently.

"_I'm sorry sir. The line is busy. Would you please try later?_"

"Sure. Thank you, miss," he said and hung up.

Still a little puzzled, Aaron went back to where the girls were.

"The line is busy. He must be talking on the phone. But this is important. Maybe we should call his cell. Do you have the number of his cell?"

Olive and Chuck looked at one another, and didn't seem to know how to answer that question.

"Cell?" asked Olive apprehensively.

"Do you think Emerson is in jail? But you just said he was on the phone in his office" said Chuck, visibly concerned.

"No! What's his cell phone number?" asked Aaron, getting impatient.

Chuck and Olive looked at one another. They seemed lost.

"Cells don't have individual phones, Aaron," said Chuck. "But why do you think he's in a cell?"

"Oh, my god! A cell phone number! You're going to tell me you've never seen a cell phone?"

The way Chuck and Olive looked at one another, apparently they hadn't. So Aaron explained, and explained some more. He gestured, showing them the size of the phone, and emulated with his hands the movement of opening a flip phone. Ten minutes later...

"And you have those phones in Niagara Falls?" asked Olive.

"That's so neat!" said Chuck.

Aaron laughed, and wondered why he was so surprised. Nothing else should surprise him anymore in that weird land. Finally, he just said...

"Yeah... Niagara Falls is a real magic kingdom. Well, if we're limited to land lines, I guess we should pay Mr. Cod a visit. We should get going."

"OK. Olive, would you mind staying here in case Emerson or Ned decide to call? Aaron and I are going to look for Emerson in his office."

"Oh... Well... I thought... OK, I guess..." said Olive, not totally comfortable with the idea. She was still sitting at the booth, and holding Digby, who enjoyed her patting.

Observing that situation, Aaron called Chuck.

"Chuck, will you come here to the kitchen for just a second? I need you to take a look at something."

Chuck complied and as she went there, Aaron gently pushed her against the wall.

"Listen," he whispered. "I know why you just did that, and why you think you need to keep Olive out of the loop. I'm not going to tell her anything, but while I'm here Olive is part of the team. Simple as that."

"What do you think you know?" Chuck whispered back.

"I know everything," said Aaron, wiggling his long index finger, and then gently touching Chuck on her cheek. Chuck's eyes were wide open with surprise, and she stood erect like a deer frozen by headlights. "That's not possible," she mumbled.

"Believe me. Anything is possible. Olive comes along. I'm not going to interfere, but you might like to discuss this with Ned sooner or later. Perhaps his reasons are not as candid as he admits even to himself."

"What do you mean by that?!

"You should ask him."

Intrigued, Chuck went back to the main area to talk to Olive.

"On second thought, Olive, would you like to come along?"

"Yay!" Olive shouted. "Let's go, Digby!"

Aaron, still in the kitchen, observed Olive's display of joy with great satisfaction.

"All right... Let me go get the raincoats. It's raining pretty hard outside."

Chuck went back to the kitchen and towards the back door. She then turned the doornob, but the door wouldn't open.

"You don't have to worry. I locked it already," said Aaron. "You really should be more careful with that back door. Not a good idea to leave it open."

"Really? So, do you have the key?" Chuck asked.

"Yeah, but... Why... here it is," he said, throwing the key to her. Chuck opened the door, and then she flipped on the light switch. There she was, inside another room. Confused, Aaron got closer, and saw a room full of rotting fruit, among other things. Chuck got the raincoats and the umbrellas, which were in a box on a shelf. She then turned off the light, and locked the door behind her.

"Wait a minute..." said a completely puzzled Aaron. "But that... Five minutes ago that was the door to the back alley. How come..."

"Don't be silly, Aaron," said Chuck in a slightly patronizing way. "That's our back room, where we keep Ned's fruits. That room has always been there," she said, and walked resolutely to the front.

The Pie Hole gang was ready for another mission. Chuck opened the front door and stepped outside, followed by Olive. But before she left, Aaron carefully held her arm just to call her attention.

"Listen, Olive, I still would like to have a private talk with you... Maybe dinner later?"

"We can work together. We can even be friends. But you're exactly the kind of charming and lying man I need to run away from. Thanks, but no thanks," she said.

As Aaron stepped outside into the rain, he felt the weather matched his present emotional state perfectly. He wondered if he would have another chance with that woman, how much more time he would have in that town, and what exactly he would tell Mahandra when he got back home...

**- 13 -**


	20. Perfectly Normal Bait

Word count: 3358

Previously on Dead Ringers:

After his fantastic ego trip, Ned wakes up in Jaye's trailer. After seeing Jaye and Ned kiss, Eric drives away before Ned can reach him. It starts to rain heavily.

Later, Ned tells Jaye the whole truth about coming to Niagara Falls. They come to a mutual understanding and establish an emotional connection.

Discussing the case, Jaye relates to her experiences the year before and comes to the conclusion that the person that has to be saved is Dr. Ron, and he has to be saved from his mother. Ned and Jaye venture into the night to save Dr. Ron's life.

A startled Eric goes meets Mahandra and she figures out that Aaron must be an impostor. They go back to the trailer and are stopped by a strange figure.

And now the story...

**XX**

**Perfectly Normal Bait**

_(October 31st, Halloween, evening – Niagara Falls – on the way to Dr. Ron's office.)_

Jaye's old Studebaker rushed through the rainy night. Ned was impressed how fast it could run, why it hadn't fallen apart yet, and especially why they hadn't hit anything or anyone, considering Jaye's reckless driving and car maintenance. And the rain gave no signs of stopping.

He observed a few kids in Halloween costumes running for shelter; definitely the celebration was ruined for them. Ned felt sorry for those kids. Kids deserved to have innocent fun every now and then, and those were the moments that would stick in adult's mind, who would be able to reminisce about them for the rest of his or her life.

On the other hand, he wished he could wash away his Halloween wounds every year. And if the Universe was conspiring against Halloween this time, so be it!

They parked right in front of a very large office building.

"I don't think there's anyone in the building. Why didn't you try the phone book, again?" asked Ned, feeling a little intimidated by the harsh weather.

"Tried that before. His number's unlisted. The building stays open until very late. Let's go."

They both stepped out of the car. Ned looked into the dark sky of convoluted rain clouds. The lighting and the thunders gave him an eerie feeling about the place.

"Why is it always raining like in a cheap horror movie whenever I have to save the good doctor's life?" Jaye commented.

Ned shrugged. There wasn't much he could've said about that. They ran through the rain until they reached the front lobby.

"Here, Ned. We'll take that elevator," said Jaye, pointing at a sign which read, _After Hours Elevator_.

"I can see you have experience with nocturnal visitations to your psychiatrist's office. But you seem quite agitated."

"I really hate this rainy weather. There's just a strange symmetry with the events that took place here one year ago."

Ned was intrigued. Symmetry reminded him of some strange, magical circumstance with unpredictable consequences, not that it fit the word's definition. It just was the way things usually happened. And he had no reason to suspect things would be different this time.

They got into the elevator, and she pressed the button for the eleventh floor several times. The doors closed. The elevator jolted and started moving up slowly.

"Maybe we should've taken the stairs," she said nervously. "Last time the elevator broke down and got stuck for a very long time. Thank God I wasn't in it! But then it only stopped because I licked the light switch..."

"You... licked the light switch?" he asked incredulously.

"That's a long story. But that short-circuited the entire building."

"Yeah... And when we need the elevator to break, it never does. And you take the stairs, but they are too slippery with the snow, and you get to the ground floor, she's disappeared into the cold, cold night..." said Ned, reminiscing about his own elevator issues.

"Does that have anything to do with anything?" asked Jaye in an irritated tone.

"I don't know... I guess as much as licking light switches?"

Ned's comment was received with a wry smile. The elevator finally stopped and the door opened.

Jaye stepped into the hallway, which was deserted and dark.

"1110... 1108... This way," she said.

"And how are we getting in once we get there?"

She stopped, looked at him, and patted her backpack.

"Everything I need is here. The front door is heavily locked and barred, but there's a secondary door connecting to the room where sees the patients. That lock is easy to pick."

"I have plenty of confidence in your skills as a burglar," said Ned, trying to give her some confidence as well.

"Hey, no need to get sarcastic! I didn't twist your arm to come with me!"

"Would you feel better if I said instead that I'm about to have a panic attack because of your sudden desire to look for trouble, and that I'm considering what the sentence should be for breaking and entering with no prior conviction?" said the Pie Maker in one go.

Jaye practically froze before that torrent of words, then scratched her chin. Then started marching again.

"So you're proud of my skills? Well, you should be. It's all under control. And look! 1102. We're here."

They both stopped in front of the glass door, whose sign read, _Dr. Ron Campbell, M.D., PhD., Psychiatrist. _The door was not barred, and the lights inside the room were on.

"Well, it looks like you won't have to make use of your lock-picking skills, Jaye."

"What a shame. Where's the fun in that?"

They entered the room, and saw there was someone at the receptionist's desk.

"Dr. Ron?" said Jaye. A lightning followed by a thunder intermittently illuminated the doctor's face, enhancing his look of concerned surprise.

"Jaye? Is that you?"

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

"I like the after hours to do my paper work, not that it's any of your business. But, Jaye... Pay attention! This is MY office. I'm the one who should be asking you this."

Dr. Ron stared at Jaye, who kept staring her back. The mutual stare lasted a couple of thunders more.

"Well?" asked the doctor.

"Oh, you really meant to ask," said Jaye. "We came to see if you were all right."

"I understand. Have a seat then. So, you came to see if I was all right... Yet, you showed surprise to find me here. Hey! Were you planning to break into my office... again?"

Another thunder roared. Jaye and Ned took the seats in front of the receptionist's desk, while Jaye seem to think of an appropriate reply.

"If I say no, will you believe me? Hee, hee." Ned felt she tried to deflect her apparent nervousness with some misplaced humor.

But the doctor didn't seem to think it was funny. Instead, he just produced a notepad and a pen.

"Jaye, Aaron... Your appearance here is somewhat disturbing. Why don't you two go back home and think about the appropriateness of your actions. We can discuss whatever you're going through during the week in our regular sessions. How does that sound?"

"But Dr. Ron... I can't go now. There's no way to put this... You're in grave danger!"

The doctor flinched for a fraction of a second as another lightning bathed the room with its flickering light, but he quickly went back to displaying his usual non-emotional self.

"Jaye, Jaye, Jaye... We were doing such good progress. And Aaron, I'm surprised you'd indulge your sister in her sick fantasies. I expected more from you, honestly."

So far Ned had preferred to remain as an observer, as the situation was surreal by itself, and he didn't want to interfere in the complex dynamics between Jaye and her therapist. But ever since he regained control of his body he decided to do things his own way, and that included no longer lying.

"Actually, Dr. Ron. I'm not Aaron."

"Hmmm. Interesting. And who are you today, son?"

"Dr. Ron," Jaye interrupted. "What I have to say is really important..."

"Shh!" He shushed her, and his authority still carried quite some weight for Jaye, as she shut her mouth and immediately leaned against the back of the chair. "Go on, you man."

"My name's Ned. I'm not Jaye's brother."

"And how is your head, Ned? You seemed a bit off this afternoon when I went to see you. Or did I treat Aaron instead?"

"Actually, it's hard to say, doctor. I kind of had an out-of-body experience, and I'm not so sure who you talked to. And I don't expect you to believe this, by the way, but I've promised myself I'm not lying anymore."

Jaye shook her head and placed her hand on her forehead. She didn't seem to like where this conversation was going.

"A commendable attitude, I assure you... As for the rest... Interesting," he said making a note in his notepad. Another thunder/lightning struck.

"And is Aaron there somewhere? Can you call him? Can you bring him to us?"

"No, of course not, doctor. You don't understand," Ned complained.

Jaye opened her backpack and reached for something.

"No, but I want to. Well, we'll definitely have to deal with this along the week. How does five times a week sound to you?"

"I have something for you, Dr. Ron," said Jaye, placing the Brass Monkey on the desk, making a rather loud noise. The glare of another lightning gave the figurine a sinister hue.

The doctor's composed attitude was broken by the sight of that monkey.

"My monkey... I gave it to you Jaye. I told you I found it sort of creepy now. Please, take that away!"

Now he was beginning to show real concern as he eyed the statuette.

"You're worried? Good! You should be worried," said Jaye, with a smirk of victory.

"Did the monkey talk to you again, Jaye?"

"He talks all the time, but that's not the point. This time he told me to, _Save him from her_... again."

"Just like last year?" asked the doctor. He nervously eyed Jaye, then the Brass Monkey, then Jaye again.

"Exactly like last year. I thought he had to be talking about you."

"But... This... Please, this can't be happening again." He started panting. "I almost gave up my practice last year because of that. I won't go through that all over again. I simply can't!"

"Please, calm down, sir. I'm an experienced investigator," said Ned, as his eye twitched. OK, he wasn't exactly lying, just embellishing the truth a little.

"Really? Is that so?" said the doctor.

"I've come from very far just to see this case solved. We believe we can protect you."

"The monkey doesn't lie. He might be too cryptic most of the time," said Jaye, giving the monkey a disapproving stare, "but he doesn't lie."

"Dr. Ron. Do you feel threatened by the sanity of any of your patients?" Ned asked.

Dr Ron paused, and gave Jaye a long and nervous look.

"No... I really can't think of anybody."

"I know you can't disclose any names because of doctor/patient confidentiality, but you might tell us if they fit the profile of a suspect I've been tracking."

"To hell with confidentiality!" said the doctor. "If there was somebody, I'd be calling the police right now! I won't have another Angie Olsen in my hands. And thank God that lunatic has been institutionalized. She's getting the proper help she needs, and she can't touch me."

Worried about how to disclose the truth to the good doctor, Ned looked at Jaye, who looked back at him showing equal concern.

"Are you sure?" asked Ned. "We're after a gray-haired old lady who usually wears a shawl and glasses. Are you sure none of your patients fits that description?"

"You... Or was it Aaron... Never mind... But one of you guys told me about her this afternoon, and... No, I have no such patient. And I should say more... I don't see how a nice old lady, with such a motherly look could be so dangerous. You must be mistaken."

Ned and Jaye exchanged concerned looks again. Then she looked at inside her backpack, and produced the Tasmanian Devil, placing it on the desk next to the monkey. Still looking at it, she nodded.

"It's your mother. Your mother is gonna kill you," said Jaye abruptly. Another lightning/thunder struck.

Ned rolled his eyes and scratched his head. Definitely that girl had to improve her diplomacy skills. He expected the doctor to kick them both out of his office any moment now.

"What? My mother?"

"What Jaye means is, we have reasons to believe your mother could pose some danger, whose nature we are still unsure of, to you. No harm to be on the same side, huh?" He gave him a half smile, but the doctor was dead serious.

"Come on, doctor. This afternoon you told me about how your mother had unpredictable behavior, and you even lectured me about how people can become violent, develop different personalities, and all. Let's be honest, doctor. You were telling me about your own family experience, weren't you?"

The doctor started sweating and panting again. He produced a handkerchief and wiped his forehead. Then loosened his collar.

"No... OK, maybe I said more than I should. My mother... There's nothing wrong with her physically. She's native American, and has always been in fantastic shape. It's a pity I can't say the same about her mental condition... I can't breathe..."

Ned came closer to him, and helped him unbutton his collar. Jaye rushed to the water cooler and brought him a plastic cup with water.

"Thank you, Jaye. I... Did the monkey, and the..."

"Plastic Tasmanian Devil."

"So, did the monkey and the Tasmanian Devil told you to save me from my mother?"

"Looks that way, sir," said Ned. Jaye nodded, showing a concerned face.

"Oh, God... I thought this kind of thing only happened in nightmares. But now I realize I know nothing about nightmares, never even thought about them... until I started having them thanks to Angie Olsen and her murder kit... Imagine, try to burn me alive... If only I could've helped her."

"You did what you could, Dr. Ron," said Jaye. "You're an excellent doctor."

"Not good enough, Jaye. I've been in denial about my mother and now she's a threat to other people. She has even hurt me a few times, and even then I refused to see it. Dr. Ron is an utter failure," he declared.

"Don't worry, Doctor Ron. We're here to help you," she said.

"It will all turn out fine," said Ned.

"Thank you for your support. So, here's what we're going to do. I'm going home and deal with my disturbed mother once and for all. And you two are going to leave on that vacation I suggested this afternoon, OK?"

"Oh, no. We couldn't leave you now, sir," said Ned. "And this woman has to be stopped. She almost killed Aaron Tyler, giving him poisoned muffins. Now she threatens to kill you. God knows what else she has in mind."

"You can count on me, doctor. Your mother just needs help."

"Are you sure you want to do this? This is your last chance to make sure you come out of this safe. Are you really sure?"

Ned and Jaye exchanged glances. This time they were confident glances.

"We are positive, sir," said Ned.

"All right then. I'm going to the restroom wash my face. I need sometime to pull myself together. Then we'll go to my place where and we're going to deal with my mother. Does that sound good to you?"

"It sounds just fine, Dr. Ron. We'll wait here," she said.

The psychiatrist stumbled through the room towards the lavatory.

Ned started walking around, curious by the room décor. It was a modern room with beige walls and furniture in mahogany. Nothing like the richly decorated interiors Ned was so used to. But still that room had a calming atmosphere of sterile professionalism.

"The good doctor suddenly became very cooperative," Ned commented in a casual way. "He doesn't seem to think you're crazy anymore."

"Does that bother you, Ned? Do YOU think I'm crazy?"

He stopped and looked at her.

"I KNOW you aren't. Don't ask me how. But our doctor first seemed to think differently."

"He's practically family. He knows all about my family and I. And his problem being with his family, he's counting on us as friends, not patients."

"Makes sense... Possibly," said Ned, examining a plant. "So, if his mother is the old lady we're looking for..."

"I guess you won't have any more reason to stay, right? Do you miss Chuck?"

"Oh, yeah. I miss Chuck. I even miss her bees. I also miss my pies, my restaurant and my friends... But I'll also miss you, Jaye."

"I'll miss you too Ned."

They both smiled at one another, which made Ned embarrassed again.

"I just wish Eric were here to help me in this complicated moment."

"He'll come back to you when you least expect," Ned assured her.

"Maybe in my dreams..."

He went back to his close examination of the room contents. Something on the wall caught his attention.

"Speaking of dreams... Do you remember what Dr. Ron said about nightmares?"

"Yeah, he said he started having them after Angie Olsen tried to murder him. Poor man! How else did you expect him to react?"

"Well, if I remember correctly he also said he knew nothing about nightmares and he never even had them before that. Does this look like something made by someone who knows nothing about nightmares?" said Ned pointing at a framed book cover hanging on the wall.

"_Stalked by Guilt – A Critical Analysis of Trauma Induced Recurring Nightmares by Dr. Ron" _she read.

"Looks like he knows everything about nightmares."

"Maybe he became an expert after having them because of Angie?" asked Jaye without much conviction in her voice.

"Look at the year of publication: 2003. Five years ago. Oh, I mean... Two years ago. One year before the murder attempt. The question is, why would he lie?" Ned wondered. For a moment he really wished Emerson had been there with them to see him crack the case! "I think the good doctor will have some explaining to do. But let's wait until he takes us to see his mother, then we'll confront both together," while he kept watching the toilet door, which remained shut.

Jaye's eyes were wide open, and she looked really alarmed.

"I guess this won't be necessary! Looks like we've found our old lady after all."

"What do you mean, Jaye?" he asked, still watching the door. Jaye looked terrified, and kept pointing somewhere behind Ned. Puzzled, he turned around to see what it was.

"Hey! How did you get there?" Ned asked.

That was Dr. Ron, all right. But he was wearing a gray-haired wig, round glasses and an old fashioned granny dress with a shawl. And he was pointing a strange weapon at them. It was...

"A crossbow?" said Ned, surprised.

"Yes, young man! A traditional weapon from my people, with a modern twist," said the person formerly known as Dr. Ron, now with a quivering, hoarse old lady-like voice. "And an arrow filled with very fatal poison, I can assure you. Much more fatal than the one in those muffins I gave you. Now, hands up!" Ned and Jaye complied instantly.

"Dr. Ron, what do you think you're doing?" asked Jaye.

"My weak son is not here to save you anymore, Jaye. It was so easy to attract you here. I knew you'd swallow the bait. I just had to act normal. Now you two are exactly where I wanted! Ha, ha, ha!"

"And what do you want with us?" asked Ned.

"Shut up! Jaye, make sure your crazy brother doesn't interfere. Now it's all between you and me. We'll handle this once and for all, woman to woman."

"Jaye," Ned whispered to his friend, "I don't know, but I'm starting to think your psychiatrist is a little..."

"Psycho?"

**- 11 -**


	21. Bloodhounds!

Word count: 2671

Previously on Dead Ringers:

Aaron wakes up back in the Pie Hole and sees Chuck and Olive. He tells the girls everything in the hopes they'll forgive him.

The girls react emotionally when they learn the truth about Ned. Then, they decide to work on the case in question. They consider the the threats Emerson received, the voodoo drug, and Oscar Vibenius.

Chuck is the only one to defend Oscar. Digby takes them to the spot where the Water and Power truck had been parked. They decide to call Emerson, but the phone is busy. Aaron is surprised to find out that in that town Lakeshore uses a phone system that was retired in the in the rest of the country in the early 1960s. They also haven't heard of cell phones.

They leave to see Emerson. Aaron tries to invite Olive for dinner later, but she refuses. Aaron won't give up, but feels guilty because of Mahandra.

And now the story...

**XXI**

**Bloodhounds!**

_(October 31st, early evening – Papen County – on the way to Emerson Cod's office)_

The trip to Emerson Cod's office was uneventful, and there even wasn't much talk inside Ned's refurbished Mercedes. The girls wouldn't allow Aaron to touch the wheel any longer, so he had to sit in the back with Digby. Aaron felt sorry because he'd been enjoying the girls' attention more than he cared to admit, and he was starting to fall in love... with Ned's car. Falling from grace like that wasn't easy.

It turned out that Chuck didn't really know how to drive, as she never had to. So, they had to count on Olive's skills at the helm to get to their destination, but they were in good hands, considering all the driving experience she had gathered delivering pies to Lily and Vivian Charles on her own, and even to other customers all over Papen County.

They parked outside the building. The Dim Sum restaurant, with its front window properly decorated for Halloween, was still open, but the place looked very quiet. By looking at Emerson's office window, Aaron saw it was dark inside.

"Nobody seems to be home," said Chuck. "He left while we were coming here? We're definitely out of luck."

"Let's go in anyway," said Olive. "No point not checking. We might find some clue."

"Agreed. If we find nothing, we can always ask in the restaurant if they've seen Emerson today," said Aaron.

They left the car, and a cold gust of wind and rain hit Aaron in the face. Somehow he felt the weather fit his mood perfectly.

They went up to the floor above the restaurant. Emerson's door was... ajar. Aaron took the lead, placed his index finger on his lips, and gestured for the girls to wait briefly. He opened the door, and quickly scanned the place in the dim light. There was nobody else there, as far as he could tell. The girls followed him and Olive switched on the lights.

"Oh, my, what a mess!" said Olive.

What must have been once a neatly kept office, now looked like a place hit by a hurricane. There were papers, rolls of yarn, books, and assorted objects all over the floor. The drawers were open, and some were on the floor as well. Unfortunately, there was no sign of Emerson Cod.

"Look! No wonder the line was always busy," said Aaron, picking the phone, which was on the floor and off the hook. "I suggest we try and find some sort of clue." Hearing this, Digby was the first to take initiative, and started sniffing around. "Something in here may help us find out what exactly happened to Emerson."

"Seems like they were looking for something," said Chuck. "I just hope Emerson wasn't here when the thief or thieves ransacked the place."

"My junior P.I. instincts tell me maybe he was..." said Olive.

Digby was the first to produce some result. He brought in his mouth and gave to Aaron a wool sock. Aaron picked it and opened it. It contained small stack of 100-dollar bills.

"Good job, Digby. Seems like we have some very careless thieves, who missed all that money," Aaron commented.

"Or maybe... They didn't want the money," said Olive. "Maybe they were looking for something else."

"Exactly!"

"But what could it be?" asked Chuck. He could be working on a dozen unrelated cases we know nothing about."

"I don't think so," said Aaron. "Last time I talked to him... and when I was still myself, he was pretty much involved in the case involving my involuntary coming here."

"And he came to the Pie Hole asking to see you, knowing who you were" added Chuck.

"Maybe he had found important... Oh I wish I could've helped him back then!"

"Yeah! No use use crying over spilled milk, though," said Olive.

Chuck gave him a reproachful look. All Aaron could do was smile and say...

"I'm really sorry. I guess I lost myself enjoying being the Pie Maker."

The gang stumbled onto a variety of different objects they weren't sure would be helpful or not. Pages of another pop-up book, sequel to Little Gumshoe, a horseshoe, a bag with pigeon feathers, a bag of taffy, a crash-test dummy mask...

"Oh, Emerson kept mementos of all the cases we worked together on! How cute!" said Chuck.

"Hey! I found something new!" said Olive, producing a cap. "Do you think the perp, or one of the perps was wearing this?"

"What does the logo say?" asked Chuck.

"P.C.W.P.D... Papen County Water and Power Department!"

Digby brought Aaron another sock. This one had some letters sewn to it.

"_You can't save LeNez?_" Aaron read.

"Good timing, Digby," said Olive with enthusiasm. "Isn't that from the case in which you met your good old friend Oscar, that guy who works in the P.C.W.P.D., which means Papen County Water and Power Department?" said Olive looking directly at Chuck and making her reservations about Oscar obvious enough.

"Very good, buddy," said Aaron, patting the dog on his head, and absentmindedly placing the sock in his coat pocket. "But enough with socks now, OK? No more socks!"

"That's not fair," said Chuck. "This cap could be another memento from that same case. It's almost like you want Oscar to be guilty!"

"And why do you want him so badly not to be?" asked Olive.

"OK, girls, you sound my sisters. Remember you two are best friends! It's time to bury the hatchet... Hey! Look at this..." he said, pointing to a metal object on the floor. "A flashlight! This one looks like it was left here recently."

"Then try not to leave finger prints on it. The police might need it as evidence."

"Good thinking, Chuck."

"Well, once Emerson and I caught a killer, and I used flour to reveal the victim's hand imprints on a sheet of gelatin. It pays to be careful."

"Very ingenious," says Aaron.

He then used a handkerchief to pick it up with the tips of his fingers.

"It has something written on its side... _Property of the P.C.W.P."_

"The P.C.W.P again? That's very interesting," said Olive, who gave Chuck another provocative look, getting no reply from the other girl.

"The glass is broken, and the body is dented. And... Oh, no!"

"What happened?" asked Olive.

"It has some traces of blood," replied Aaron.

The discovery indicated an ominous situation, but at least it showed they were on the right track. A blood trail always led to the criminal, and like true bloodhounds, they would follow where the blood led them and track down the bad guy. He just hoped this time the criminal wasn't also a murderer.

"Do you think Oscar... or whoever it was, knocked Emerson down with that flashlight?"

"Yes, and he fell and broke that planter," said Aaron, pointing at a broken vase. "It's just a pity we don't have Luminol."

"What's that?" asked Chuck.

"It's a chemical that allows us to see hidden blood traces under ultraviolet light."

"How sophisticated. Have you done some investigating yourself, Aaron?"

No, Olive, but I've watched most of CSI episodes. And many of its lesser spin-offs."

"Watched what?"

Aaron looked at Olive and Chuck. Apparently they were unfamiliar with that pop culture reference. He wondered what else they didn't know that he took for granted.

"It's a TV show popular in Niagara Falls."

"Never mind. So, now that we have Oscar's flashlight..." Olive began.

"Hey! That's not fair!" Chuck complained. "The P.C.W.P.D. has dozens of employees in the city. That flashlight could belong to any of them!"

"Granted! But who else has anything to do with the case?"

"None, Olive. And neither does Oscar, for that matter. It's just that... Oh, no!"

Chuck's tone of voice suddenly changed, making Aaron really concerned.

"What did you find?" he asked.

"Oh, no, it's true! How have I been so blind?" she said. Chuck, wearing gloves, picked the object, which turned out to be Oscar Vibenius's blood smeared I.D. badge.

Olive embraced her friend, and patted her on her head, trying to console her. Chuck seemed to appreciate the gesture.

Some time passed, and Aaron was getting restless. It wasn't very tactful, but they had to follow the leads they had on the case if they still hoped to find Emerson safe and sound.

"OK," he said. "We have all this evidence pointing at Oscar Vibenius. At least we know who to look for. The question is: where do we find him?"

Silence fell in the room. Then Olive looked at her friend.

"Chuck? Any suggestions? You met Oscar several times, right?"

Chuck had an embarrassed look. She was looking at no one in particular, and was pursing her lips, as if she were trying to keep herself from opening her mouth.

"Do you know anything Chuck?" he asked.

"But I promised him I wouldn't tell!"

"Chuck, I know a promise is a promise, but if you know something... Emerson's life may be at stake!"

"You're right, Aaron. I just wish there was another way. Oscar has a secret... It's his personal retreat underground. I've visited him there a few times. It felt good to talk to someone outside our group sometimes... But we just talked, played games..."

"What kind of games, Chuck?" The way Olive posed the question, it didn't sound as innocent as the words indicated.

"Board games!"

"Never mind the games! Please take us there!" urged Aaron.

* * *

The rain now was heavy, what made it troublesome to remove the manhole heavy metal cover. As a good gentleman, Aaron did all the dirty and wet job, while the girls waited on a dry spot on the sidewalk. At least once they were underground the rain did not matter anymore. Still, the place stank enough to be unpleasant.

"We don't have a yellow thick rose to follow this time, but I know the way."

"Good, Chuck. But just in case... Digby... Oh, I guess we should give him something to smell... But can you find Oscar down here anyway? "

Digby barked and raised his front paws. The dog seemed to be sure he could.

"Let him sniff this," said Olive, opening a paper bad and producing the P.C.W.P.D. cap. "Yeah, I know it's evidence, but I was thinking of this situation exactly."

So, with Chuck and Digby on the lead, the gang started moving towards Oscar Vibenius's hiding place, retreat, or criminal lair. Whichever it was, they would find out pretty soon.

Several minutes later, they reached a bifurcation. Digby wanted to take the left tunnel, but Chuck wouldn't go.

"This way. We take the right. The entrance is right at the end of this corridor."

"Digby seems to think otherwise," observed Olive.

"I know where it is! I've been here several times!"

"Really, Chuck? That many times? You two seem pretty intimate," she said, with evident innuendo.

"You should follow me," said Chuck, ignoring Olive's remark. Aaron agreed, but Digby wouldn't move.

"It seems Digby has made up his mind too," said Olive. "OK, I'll go with him."

"No way, Olive. I'm not leaving you girls out of my sight. We're following a dangerous criminal, and it's pretty dangerous for you two to be alone."

"As much as I want to mistake your chauvinistic macho attitude with gentlemanliness, we're big girls. We can take care of ourselves!" complained Olive, and Chuck nodded in agreement.

"Maybe YOU should go with Digby, Aaron. Olive and I will be fine. We maybe picking on each other, but we're still sisters, right?"

"Right! And it's BECAUSE we're sisters that we can tease one another. Go with Digby, Aaron. We'll be OK."

Reluctantly, the man from Niagara Falls agreed. He still thought he'd have to be there to protect the girls, but it was true Digby had made up his mind about the way to follow, and that was worth checking. And if he went with Chuck, Olive would be all alone with just a friendly dog for protection. He felt that Olive would have a better chance to defend herself with another human being. Still, the decision was not easy.

Olive and Chuck proceeded having just each other as company. The light in their flashlight was starting to grow dim, and Olive was worried that if things looked scary now, they would look much scarier in the complete dark!

"So, what are you going to say when you meet Oscar, Chuck? Ask what he's been doing lately? Invite him for a board game?"

"Is that now you teasing me because we're sisters?"

"Yep!"

"Please stop doing that!"

"Sorry. I can't help it when I get nervous. But I'll stop."

The girls reached a metal door, which was locked. Chuck removed a brick from one of the walls and produced a key. Olive thought about making a snide remark about Chuck having the key to Oscar's place, and all that this suggested, but instead she refrained herself from making any such innuendos.

They opened the door, and the place was completely dark. Suddenly their flashlight died. Olive almost panicked, as she had no idea where she was and what she could expect to find right in front of her nose. She tried to walk back, so she could find Chuck and hold her hand, but couldn't locate her friend/sister either.

"Chuck! Chuck! Where are you?"

"Hmmm!!! Hmmm!"

Those were sounds made by somebody trying to talk.

"Chuck, please! Can't you talk? Where are you? I don't think I like to be in the dark..." said Olive, who felt she was going to flip out any moment now.

Suddenly some dim lights were on, and she could see Chuck between a desk and a bookcase, near a wall beside Olive.

"I'm here, Olive. I was concentrated trying to find this light switch."

"Hmmm!!! Hmmmm!!!" The muffled sounds continued.

Olive turned around and saw...

"Emerson!"

The P.I. was tied up on a chair in the middle of the room. He was unsuccessfully struggling to get rid of the ropes. The girls ran to help him. Olive noticed the top of his skull was bruised, and that dry blood stained his bald head and forehead. She removed his gag.

"What took you so long? I thought you two girls were going to be chit-chatting all night long! Now get me out of here!"

"Emerson, are you all right?" asked Chuck.

"Been tied here for hours, and been bleeding, and you ask me if I'm all right? No! And neither will you be. He's back!" shouted Emerson, nodding in the direction of another door.

"What?" asked Olive, who turned and saw a figure with a flashlight pointing directly at their faces. They were temporarily blinded by the light, but could still make out the man's silhouette, especially noticing the man's full head of black curly hair.

"Oscar, what do you think you're doing?" asked Chuck, with her hands protecting her eyes against that intense light.

The man removed the W.P.D. goggles he was wearing. Then... he removed his hair, throwing the wig on the ground. Next, he directed the light to his face, the same same way kids like to do when telling scary Halloween stories around the fire in some camping trip.

"Hey! You're not Oscar!" said Olive with utter surprise.

**- 9 -**


	22. Journey In The Dark

Word count: 5498

Previously on Dead Ringers:

Ned and Jaye go to Dr. Ron's office to save him, and find him there. Dr. Ron thinks they are crazy, but Jaye convinces him the danger involves his mother. Dr. Ron then shows emotional distress as this situation is affecting him.

Finally, he agrees to take take her to the authorities if necessary. He claims he's been having nightmares, something he says he knows very little about.

While the doctor's away, Ned checks the room. He finds a framed book cover of a book about nightmares, which makes Ned suspicious. How come the doctor said he knew nothing about nightmares?

As he watches the lavatory door, the doctor appears behind them, dressed like an old lady and pointing a menacing crossbow at them.

And now the story...

**XXII**

**Journey In The Dark**

_(October 31st, Halloween, evening – Niagara Falls – Dr. Ron's office.)_

"How did you get there?" Ned asked.

Dr. Ron was standing right in front of them wearing a gray-haired wig, round glasses and an old fashioned granny dress with a shawl. And he was pointing a strange weapon at them. It was...

"A crossbow?" said Ned, surprised.

"Yes, young man! A traditional weapon from my people, with a modern twist," said the person formerly known as Dr. Ron, now with a quivering, hoarse old lady-like voice, holding in one hand a small crossbow the size of a pistol. "And an arrow filled with very fatal poison, I can assure you. Much more fatal than the one in those muffins I gave you. Now, hands up!" Ned and Jaye complied instantly.

"Dr. Ron, what do you think you're doing?" asked Jaye.

"My weak son is not here to save you anymore, Jaye. It was so easy to attract you here. I knew you'd swallow the bait. My son just had to act normal."

"_Perfectly normal... Perfectly normal..."_ added the Brass Monkey on the receptionist's desk. The figurine scratched its chin pensively.

"Now you two are exactly where I wanted! Ha, ha, ha!" completed the villain.

"And what do you want with us?" asked Ned.

"Shut up! Jaye, make sure your crazy brother doesn't interfere. Now it's all between you and me. We'll handle this once and for all, woman to woman."

"Jaye," Ned whispered to his friend, "I don't know, but I'm starting to think your psychiatrist is a little..."

"Psycho?"

"Looks like the restroom had another way out..." considered Ned.

"I told you to shut up! The problem with you, young people, is that you don't respect an old lady's white hair anymore," said the man in drag adjusting the gray-haired wig. A flash bathed this face with its intense, but brief, light. Then a thunder was heard. "Besides, you two are mentally ill! That's your problem. And the world is just too full of crazies! In my time things were just so much better!" complained the doctor. Better yet, the doctor's delusional, imaginary mother. "But I know what to do with you. Let's go to the therapy room! And take your toys with you!"

Dr. Ron, heretofore referred to as the Old Lady, pointed at the door to the doctor's office. Jaye put the figurines back in the backpack and they both complied to the Imaginary Mother's demands.

"_The facts are these: ever since he was a little boy, Ron Campbell had always been a very disturbed child, something he learned to hide at a very young age. One day... No, wait a minute. Things are not always what they seem. Perhaps we should let things take their natural course and reveal the facts by themselves this time, before you are told that the facts are these..."_

They entered the room, and the deranged doctor closed the door behind him, and then stood behind the desk.

"You know, doctor..." Ned started.

"Are you blind? I'm not the doctor! But you can call me Mother," insisted that demented person.

"All right... Mother... Nice little instrument you have there. And I know the importance of using the right tool for the right job," he spoke softly. Jaye realized there was no point in making a psychopath even more agitated. "Yours, however doesn't seem to be the right one. I mean... There are two of us, while... You just have one shot. And you'd better not miss it!" The last part he said firmly, showing great determination.

"Thanks for reminding me," said the Old Lady. She opened a drawer and produced another mini-crossbow. "This is why I have a second one!"

"Way to go, Ned!" said Jaye, rolling her eyes.

"Good," said the Old Lady. "Now that we understand one another, this is what we're going to do. Jaye, sweetheart, put your toys on the desk."

Jaye opened the backpack and put three figures on the desk: The Brass Monkey, the Tasmanian Devil, and the Muffin Bison.

"_Save him from her!"_ said the Monkey.

Then it hit Jaye. The "him" was Ned, and the "her"... that man in drag?

"Your timing really sucks!" Jaye said to the Monkey. "Do you imps do it on purpose?"

"So you really think it talks to you?" asked the Old Lady.

"You know it does, Dr. Ron..." said Jaye. "I mean... Your son knows that quite well, ever since I saved his life. He has learned to accept this."

"To which I'm very thankful. I value my son's life as much as I value mine," said the Old Lady. Of course such a declaration of love would have sounded much more touching and convincing, and much less confusing for that matter, if the mother and the good old doctor weren't the same person.

"Thankful enough to let her go?" Ned asked.

"I wish that was possible. But Jaye has just proven she needs more help than my son can give. You may have heard otherwise, but these are the facts: my son is a good doctor, but the number of crazies increases everyday. So, before work kills my son, I decided that I should kill the work first. I decided I would eliminate the crazy patients, the ones beyond help, one by one. Starting by the Tylers! And I thought I had taken care of you, Aaron."

"I appreciate your homicidal dedication," said Ned, "even though I don't agree on how you're channeling it. And I do respect your demented work ethics, but what harm can this little girl do to other people? Please let her go."

"No, let HIM go!" demanded Jaye. "You have a grudge with the Tylers. Fine. So, you must let this man go, because he's not..."

"Because I'm not going to let you hurt my little sister," Ned completed Jaye's sentence, pulling her back and standing between her and the armed maniac.

"Shut up, Ned," said Jaye. "This no longer concerns you! This is a deal with the Tylers, and no matter how much you try, you'll never be one of us! Now, get out!" Jaye shouted.

"What are you two kids babbling about? Do you think you're going to fool me? What do you mean he's not a Tyler?"

The Old Lady, formerly known as Dr. Ron, started swinging her arms. Considering each hand held one small crossbow containing an arrow filled with deadly poison, the idea that the Old Lady's quivering, "aged" finger could twitch and in a split second a deadly projectile could be launched was a frightening thought.

"She means I'm not deserving to be a Tyler," said Ned. "But I must stay, no matter what my little sister thinks of me."

"_Let the mother out!"_ said the Tasmanian Devil.

"Definitely a great idea!" said Jaye.

"Hey, you came around too quickly!" said Ned.

"Or maybe she's even more delusional than I thought, and she thinks you're somebody else. This mental disease is spreading. I must do something to stop it right away!"

"But maybe if she's sick, she needs help," argued Ned. "And if your son can't help her, maybe an institution can."

The Old Lady stopped for a brief while to think.

"I'm old and wise enough to know when to reconsider," she said, still aiming the crossbows at them. "But I can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped. You young people are so stubborn. You must admit you have a problem and you want to get better."

"Yes, I have a problem!" shouted Jaye. "The problem is you and your madness!"

"Not helping, Jaye. Don't you see she's trying to be reasonable?" said Ned, begging her with his facial expression to play along.

"All right, all right. OK, I admit I'm crazy, and I want to be helped. Happy now?"

"You say it, but you don't mean it. If you can't admit you have a problem, there's only one solution for you!" said the Old Lady, gently raising the crossbows.

"You gotta do better than that," Ned whispered.

"All right... All right. At times... I even get to doubt my sanity... When I hear a plastic animal or a porcelain figurine tell me what to do, it really freaks me out sometimes. Like everything is just in my mind."

"See? She belongs in a hospital, not in a cemetery. Call your son back, and he'll find a nice place for my sister," Ned begged.

The Old Lady gave a happy smile, showing enormous satisfaction.

"I see. Now everything is so clear... At times you even get to doubt your sanity? Not good enough! You Tylers are a lost case!"

The Old Lady pointed the crossbows at them. Ned forced Jaye to stay behind him. She protested, but he held her there by force.

"Trust me. This is for your own good. But don't you think of this as death. Instead, it's more like a..."

"_Journey in the dark,"_ said the Brass Monkey, which shrugged before Jaye's reproachful stare, as she peeked from behind Ned.

"...moment of eternal peace," said the Old Lady.

The office door opened suddenly. A new player was being introduced to the game. Yet, he seemed quite oblivious to his status and that his timing had been so convenient, if not to save the lives of Ned and Jaye, at least to bestow them with a few extra minutes in the world of the living.

The man made a coupe of hesitant steps, and peered at each of the occupants.

"Eric!" Jaye shouted.

"Sorry, Jaye. I had to follow you two. I just had to figure out what you two were up to." He almost lost his balance, but managed to stand still. "But I never thought you'd be coming to the shrink at his hour."

"Eric, have you been drinking?"

"I live in a bar, sweetheart. What do you think I do in my spare time?"

"You didn't have to drink on my account," said Jaye, feeling sad. "If only you'd let me explain..."

"Oh, don't take yourself too seriously, Jaye. I only drank because today it's a little... Uh... What's the word for chilly?"

"Cold?" said Jaye.

"No."

"Nippy," suggested Ned, but Eric shook his head.

"Parky?" said Mother.

"No. No! Chilly! That's the word. I meant it's chilly outside," said Eric, apparently having difficulty to organize his thoughts.

"Young man, I don't think you belong in here. Besides, it's very rude to interrupt older people," said the Old Lady with a serious tone.

"Sorry, ma'am!" he said, taking a quick look at Mother. "I won't be long. So... What do you two love birds have planned for the night? Couple's therapy?"

"Eric! Get out of here!" Jaye urged.

"Why? You two wanna be alone? Gosh... If I were dating my brother, there wouldn't be enough hours of therapy for me!"

"What? They are dating? Their illness is much more serious than I thought!" said the Old Lady.

"Ha! They've fooled you too! This man is an impostor! He's just pretending to be Aaron Tyler," said Eric, walking towards Mother, and vaguely pointing at Ned's direction. "And he's doing that to steal my girlfriend!"

"Eric, I've explained things to you. I thought you had understood," pondered Ned.

"Oh, I understood it all right. I understood it just too well, so I had to come here and give you a sample of my understanding!"

"What is that even supposed to mean?" asked Jaye. "Eric, I absolutely don't recognize you tonight."

"Well, maybe you never knew me! But I'm going to deal with this man first. This is what I mean. Here's what I have for you."

Eric charged against Ned, who, for some reason wouldn't move. And when Eric closed his fist, and swung his arm towards Ned's chin, the Pie Maker just stood there serenely, and allowed himself to be hit. The man from Coeur d' Coeur fell to the ground like a sack of potatoes.

"Eric! What on earth do you think you're doing?"

But Eric ignored Jaye. He looked more concerned with the pain he seemed to feel on his right hand, as he moaned, shook it, then pressed it against his stomach. Then he turned to the Old Lady, the Mother, or Dr. Ron, or whoever that person could be considered.

"I just saw something very shocking today. I need help! I'm in need of a lot of therapy," said Eric.

"Unfortunately the doctor's out, son. He's a good man and a dedicated professional. But he's weak. And when things get difficult, it's up to me to handle the situation," said the Old Lady.

"This must be difficult for you," said Eric. "But perhaps you could call the doctor back so that I could talk to him and get some advice. That would really do me some good."

"Eric, what the hell do you think you're doing? Trying to reason with a maniac? Get out while you can!" insisted Jaye.

"Shut up, young lady! Hasn't your mother given you a proper education?" demanded the Old Lady.

"You're not half the woman my mother ever was!" Jaye shouted. "Oh, God, what am I saying?"

"Don't pay attention to her, madam. She's just a brat. I'm the one who needs help," said Eric, with his hands raised.

"I don't know... Perhaps for just one session. I'm so tired. I'm just too old for so much stress," said the Old Lady, almost in a whisper, lowering her weapons.

"Good. So, let Jaye wait. She has wasted hours and hours of prime quality therapy. It's my turn now. Tell her to go, and we'll both talk."

"I can see you need help, young man. But the Tylers are my special priority. I owe that to my son to get rid of them first. Then I'll call the doctor and you two can talk!"

"Please, think again. I really need your help. Now!"

"OK..." The Old Lady lowered her gaze, and the two weapons. Then, closed her eyes. And, just like that, she opened them, and aimed at Eric's heart. "My son is having a nap and cannot be disturbed. Sorry. That's all the help I can give," she said and shot, hitting Eric on the chest.

"No, wait!!!" he shouted, walking a few steps back, tripping on a chair and hitting his head on a small table.

"Eric!" cried Jaye, holding his head. She felt something wet, and brought her left hand closer to her eyes. It had small blood stains. She tried to remove the arrow stuck in his chest.

"Touch it and he'll bleed to death!" she cried. Jaye froze. "And look at what you made me do," said the Old Lady to Eric. "Now you made me waste one shot! But don't worry about him, young lady. He's dead all right. The fall, the arrow or the poison, or all of them together did the job. If I were you I'd worry about myself instead."

Ned had just come to, but was still on the floor..

"_Bring the dead back,"_ said the Muffin Bison.

"Bring the dead back? What kind of sick joke is that?" said Jaye. She looked at Ned, and he looked a mixture of concerned and lost, as he stared at Eric, and then at his index finger.

"_Journey in the dark,"_ said the Brass Monkey.

"_Let the mother out,"_ added the Tasmanian Devil.

"YOU'RE NOT HELPING!!!" screamed Jaye.

"But I did help him," said the Old Lady. "Look at him. He's calm and in peace. And now I'm going to help YOU!"

"All right! Is it me you want?" said Jaye while still clinging to Eric. "Then get this over with!"

The following events happened just too quickly. Jaye sprung up like a cat. At the same time, the Old Lady shot the second arrow...

* * *

"Eric, I've explained things to you. I thought you had understood," pondered Ned. Ned had always been a strong believer in the power of a good, frank conversation. He often preferred to keep his feelings bottled up inside his chest, but when he finally opened up, things had a way of resolving themselves. And that was particularly true with a person like Eric, who he thought he understood perfectly well. Could he have been wrong? That was possible. Anything was possible in that strange land with strange people.

"Oh, I understood it all right. I understood it just too well, so I had to come here and give you a sample of my understanding!"

"What is that even supposed to mean?" asked Jaye. "Eric, I absolutely don't recognize you tonight."

And neither did Ned. Not that the Pie Maker was supposed to know the man, but he knew the human nature, at least as far as it concerned the characters made in the Fun Factory of Life. Ned believed he understood Eric, and something was off. Something was definitely wrong in that scene.

"Well, maybe you never knew me! But I'm going to deal with this man first. This is what I mean. Here's what I have for you."

Eric charged against Ned, who chose not to move when he noticed a small detail: Eric winked at him. And when Eric closed his fist, and swung his arm towards Ned's chin, for the Pie Maker, time just froze. He considered what was about to happen.

Ned would have no problem to avoid that punch. He was extremely fit, a fact he preferred to treat with extreme discretion. He had always thought that if he did something that indicated some out-of-the-ordinary physical prowess, people would start asking questions, and he was not ready to face the answers.

But the fact is that when it was necessary, Ned had shown exceptional vitality, and he had always wondered if that was a byproduct of his power over life and death. That's how he'd been able to run half a mile after Chuck's coffin, without really getting tired, or overcome an accomplished swordsman such as Wilfred Woodruff, swerving from his fatal sword coup. Or overpower Charles Charles in a broomstick fight, even though Charles had been determined to defeat Ned, and his alive-again condition provided him with considerable strength and stamina.

Ned knew what he could do. And he also knew what he should do. Jaye's boyfriend seemed to have a plan. And frankly speaking, he deserved the satisfaction of throwing at least one punch. So, the Pie Maker stood there serenely, and took the punch like a man. But to his sheer surprise, wink or no wink from Eric, that was a real punch, and it hit him right on his chin, a place that, in any man, no matter how strong, invariably worked as an off-switch!

Ned fell to his back, and dropped on the floor. He noticed how bright the light on the ceiling was, and placed his right hand on his eyes. He opened them again, but it wasn't an office light anymore. It was the sun, in a beautiful blue sky. He heard the ocean and seagulls not far from there.

He touched the ground around him and felt sand in his fingers. A beach. And the only thing that was missing was the right company. He tried to focus on that... His hand caressed the warm silky sand, and he enjoyed the feeling while his fingers gently felt the sand grains. Then he felt something wonderful. The soft skin of a warm human hand. He looked at his right and saw...

"Chuck?" Deeply concerned, he let her hand go.

"It's OK, Ned. Please hold my hand. Enjoy it while you can."

He had wished Chuck to be there, and there she was. Ned was getting good at controlling his visions.

Chuck was wearing a skimpy flowered bikini, a large and stylish straw hat, and dark glasses. Her left hand was stretched towards him, while her right one held a small green book which she appeared to be reading.

"Oh, I see. One of those visions/illusions I'm getting used to," he stated.

"No, Ned. This is a dream. A lucid dream, actually, provoked by a severe blow to your chin, and possibly a blow to the head resulting from your fall. You might have a concussion. If I were you I'd see the doctor when I woke up. Of course, my little piece of advice will be useless unless you do wake up. Useless, you know, like a soap dispenser that stays there on the bathroom wall, empty with no soap just because some careless person forgot to fill it up, and people come, and wash their hands and blame the poor little soap dispenser because it's empty, even though the fact it's empty is not the fault of the poor little dispenser. How can that be fair?" said Chuck, delivering that fast speech.

"Hey, you don't sound like Chuck."

"Of course not, silly. I'm a figment of your imagination. I sound like you!" She laughed.

He decided it was safe to hold her hand, because it was like day at the morgue, when he held his own hand pretending to be Chuck's. In a way, he was still holding his own hand. So he decided to enjoy her touch, even if it was just in a dream. Her skin felt amazing; at least that's how he imagined it to feel like.

Then Ned had a very concerning thought. It made him squirm to think that, but he tried not to show it.

"Oh, you naughty boy. You're thinking if I'm going to peel off my Chuck suit all of a sudden, aren't you?"

"Oh, my God! Yes. I mean, NO! Don't tell me you're Olive again! And how do you know..."

"I told you. I'm part of your mind. But why? Do you WANT me to be Olive?" said Chuck with a sweet, naughty smile.

"Please, don't! I'm in enough trouble the way things are. But if you're me, why do you need to ask?"

"Ha, ha! I'm just torturing you! I'm you, remember? And torturing you is what I do best, right?"

"You got a point. Well, I got a point. This is something I have to rethink in my life."

"Besides, we're not thinking about Olive anymore. But perhaps I could be more like a certain other brunette from Niagara Falls? It's your dream. Nobody has to know."

Ned thought for a moment, and considered the interesting possibilities. As part of his decision not to torture himself any longer, he contemplated the idea, but came to a simple realization.

"I like Jaye. Very much. But I really can't define how I feel about her. For the time being I just want you to be Chuck."

Ned finally felt fine, serene and guilt-free. But suddenly she was sad, and averted his gaze.

"Oh, Ned. I wish things could be different. I've struggled so hard to be part of the lives of the people I love. But when nothing seems to work, I started wondering, what's the point?"

Ned embraced her very tenderly. It broke his heart to see Chuck so sad, but at the same time he felt pleased to console her like any regular boyfriend was able to do. For a moment he felt guilty for that but then remembered not to torture himself.

"Oh, Chuck. I wish I could tell you. I mean, tell the real Chuck, that I really think things will end up all right. Things may seem ugly right now, but in the end you will be happy. I'll make sure of that."

"Oh, Ned. If only you had told me that earlier. I'm afraid now it's just too late."

"Hey! I really feel optimistic. And you don't sound like me anymore."

"Because now it's me. You're talking to the real Chuck. And I came to say goodbye, Ned. You mean the world to me. But I have to say goodbye."

"What are you talking about? You mean the world to me too. And you cannot say goodbye. I won't allow it."

She sat up and looked into his eyes.

"It's too late, Ned. I'm here because I'm dead. I'm so sorry to say you were late. You couldn't protect me, but it wasn't your fault. I'm so grateful for the little extra life I had." She shed a tear.

"I'm not enjoying this dream anymore, Chuck. I think I want to wake up."

"It's about time, really. But first... A friend asked me to give you this book. You'll need it to deal with the Old Lady."

Chuck gave Ned the little green book she had been reading. Ned opened it, but the text looked like gibberish.

"I can't make heads nor tails of this. What use will that have for me?"

"This particular book isn't for reading. It's just the right size and weight."

"But it's gibberish..."

"Of course! You can't read in dreams. Dreams are processed in the right brain hemisphere, and reading happens in the left one. When you spend years taking care of shut-ins, you have a chance of reading many psychology books."

Ned closed the book, and gazed into her eyes.

"That's the kind of thing Chuck would've said all right. But if this is a dream, how come you were reading it?"

"Because this is a dream just for you..."

"I don't know what you said about being dead, and I don't want to understand that. Whether this is a dream or not, I beg you. Don't give up on us. I may have found a loophole." He touched her hair, then held her cheek. She closed her eyes and rubbed her face against his large hand and long fingers. Next, he closed his eyes. And then they kissed.

First it felt wonderful to kiss her, and he was taken by a deep feeling of peace. But then the kiss stopped, and his chin began to hurt. He opened his eyes and didn't see Chuck anymore. He saw the light on the ceiling of Dr. Ron's office.

He sat up, but still felt a little weak.

"Bring the dead back? What kind of sick joke is that?" said Jaye. She sounded frantic. Ned looked at her and she was holding Eric, or was it Eric's body? He looked at his right index finger and wondered if that was the whole point of being there. Was Eric's fate to join the club of the alive-agains?

"YOU'RE NOT HELPING!!!" screamed Jaye, speaking to no one in particular. The poor girl seemed to be losing it.

"But I did help him," said the Old Lady. "Look at him. He's calm and in peace. And now I'm going to help YOU!"

"All right! Is it me you want?" said Jaye while still clinging to Eric. "Then get this over with!"

Then Ned realized he was still holding the little green book Chuck had given him. He saw the Old Lady pointing the crossbow at Jaye. Apparently she had already used the other one, and Eric had been the victim.

Ned felt the book in his fingers. He remembered Chuck saying, _"This particular book isn't for reading. It's just the right size and weight." _It was time for Ned to use his privileged physical skills again.

He felt the weight and size of the book. He knew he could do it. He could knock the crossbow from that maniac's hand. Just like he had thrown a baseball with incredible precision, hitting the circus acrobat on the forehead in the Nikki Heaps case. With the confidence of a professional pitcher, he filled his lungs with air, swung his arm, and then the book was flying towards its target.

If only Jaye hadn't gotten up so suddenly...

* * *

"All right! Is it me you want?" said Jaye while still clinging to Eric. "Then get this over with!"

Jaye sprung up like a cat, just in time to see the Old Lady's evil grin as she puller the crossbow trigger and the second arrow started flying towards her chest. For a split second Jaye Tyler wondered whether she would feel pain in her last moments. And then...

"Ouch!" Her back hurt terribly, making her fall towards the doctor's desk, just in the nick of time for the arrow to pass half an inch from the left ear, and dying on the wall behind her.

Ned's book had hit her, and the pain was so intense she was briefly blinded, and literally saw stars. When she recovered her eyesight, she realized the Brass Monkey was just a couple inches from her nose.

"_Journey in the dark,"_ said the Brass Monkey, nodding at its own pseudo wisdom.

"Ouch... Ouch... Yes, yes! I just had a journey in the dark, you stupid, brainless, simian shrink wannabe!!!" moaned Jaye. "What do you want me to do?"

"_Let the mother out,"_ suggested the Tasmanian Devil.

"_Bring the dead back," _added the Muffin Bison.

Jaye chuckled. Then started laughing, pretty hard. The figurines looked at one another, and they really seemed puzzled.

"You disrespectful child!" said the Old Lady. "I'm going to teach you manners. I have no more arrows, but I have this!"

Tall like an oak, the doctor in drag raised his arm. That hand carried a sharp knife; the ominous threat was not over yet! The arm came down swiftly towards Jaye.

But it stopped half way. Ned's strong hand held the maniac's arm in place. The would-be assassin then looked at Ned, who shook his head.

"Hmmm, hmmm!" Ned moaned the universal "no" sound. The so-called "Old Lady," actually displaying the strength of a very fit man, grabbed Ned's hand with his other hand. Suddenly both men were struggling to gain control over the knife.

"Journey in the Dark. JOURNEY IN THE DARK!" insisted the Brass Monkey. Jaye wasn't sure a metal figurine could lose its patience, but that one was reaching its limits.

"I heard you" But that doesn't make any sense!" she pleased. She wondered why the Muses couldn't be clearer, and speak longer messages. She then decided their small heads just had room for one single sentence, which they kept repeating over and over again.

"I can't understand you!" she cried, while Ned pushed the doctor against the wall. "I just can't..." She then realized the Brass Monkey had been placed next to a group of books. She had never paid attention to the books, because the monkey's job had been precisely this one: to keep books in place. But for some reason she stopped to read the book titles. The title of the first novel was, "A Bell for Adano." The second one was... "Journey in the Dark," by Martin Flavin.

"This one?" asked Jaye.

"_Journey in the Dark!"_ confirmed the Monkey with a nod.

She grabbed the book.

The "Old Lady" finally managed to throw Ned to the ground, while still holding the knife. When the doctor in drag saw Jaye holding Flavin's novel, he turned his attention to the youngest of the Tyler clan.

"Don't open that book!" the doctor yelled. And he didn't sound like an old lady anymore.

But Jaye knew that she would only have a chance if she didn't comply, even if that made a psychopath very angry. She opened the book, just to find it was...

"Hollow?"

A little box fell from the hole in the book. She picked it, and noticed it had a small red button.

"Give me the remote!" demanded the doctor, who was now being grabbed on the back by Ned. The struggle for the knife began again. Jaye pressed the button. A panel in the wall behind Jaye opened, and the doctor froze with a dumbfounded expression...

**- 16 -**


	23. And the Oscar goes to

Word count: 3269

Previously on Dead Ringers:

With still a few unresolved issues among the members of the Pie Hole gang, they decide to work on the case at hand. They go his office and find out it's been ransacked and the P.I. is missing. They find Oscar's blood-stained flashlight, cap and ID badge, making him a suspect.

They decide to find Oscar in his usual hiding place, and Chuck agrees to take them there in the underground tunnels of Papen County's sewer system. Aaron gives Digby Oscar's cap to sniff and identify his scent. They finally reach a bifurcation. Olive goes with Chuck, while Aaron follows Digby.

The girls walk up to a room and see Emerson gagged and tied to a chair. A figure approaches them and blinds them with a strong light beam from his or her flashlight. Chuck calls that person Oscar and asks what he's doing. The figure reveals himself and they realize that's not Oscar.

And now the story...

**XXIII**

**And the Oscar goes to...**

_(October 31st, evening – Papen County – Oscar Vibenius's underground lair)_

"_While the girls took the main entrance to Oscar's lair in order to face a moment of truth with the villain of this plot, another player, better yet, a wild card, had taken a slightly longer path to the same stage of this decisive showdown. Aaron Tyler, following Digby, was starting to consider whether he should have taken the shorter route."_

"Oh, Digby... Doesn't this tunnel ever end? Are you sure you're not lost?"

Digby stopped and looked at Aaron, who realized that kind of comment was not helping his guide's mood.

"All right, Digby. I know you're doing your best. Come to think of it, you're following Oscar's scent, and he has probably been all over the place, so we might be running around in circles for a while. Just do what you can, buddy!"

They entered a smaller tunnel.

"You know, Digby. I've been wondering. Perhaps I haven't been thinking very clearly. I've been too protective of Chuck, as if she were my own sister, so I felt inclined to believe the worst about Oscar Vibenius."

"Bow wow?"

"Well, he seemed to be taking advantage of someone so sweet and naïve as Chuck. I thought someone should look after her. But that made me biased against Oscar."

"Woof!" barked Digby in agreement.

"The point I'm trying to make is, all evidence was pointing at Oscar, but that was just something too obvious, too convenient. Something doesn't smell good in this story..."

"Bark!"

"But then, who could it be? A murderer with a rich background in chemistry... Hey! Didn't Oscar have a partner?"

"Bark! Bark!" Digby agreed enthusiastically.

"I... I just can't remember his name... Ned's memories are fading fast."

Digby sneezed.

"Oh, bless you. I guess this damp air isn't good for your nose..."

"Woof!" Digby then started shaking his snout, and rubbing it against his front paws.

"Digby, are you all right? Are you trying to say something?"

"Grrrrr!" replied Digby, who lifted his front paws and touched Aaron's right thigh. Then he bit his pocket, slightly tearing the fabric, and exposing a sock that had been absentmindedly placed there. Aaron finished pulling out the sock, which had something written on it.

"YOU CAN'T SAVE... LeNez? Oh, The Nose... in French. So, do you think LeNez might have framed Oscar?"

"Woof!"

"We'd better hurry then. Doesn't this tunnel ever end?"

* * *

Inside Oscar's lair, the girls and Emerson faced a moment of truth.

"Oscar, what do you think you're doing?" asked Chuck, with her hands protecting her eyes against that intense light.

The figure removed the W.P.D. goggles he was wearing. Then... he removed his hair, throwing the wig on the ground. Next, he directed the light to his face, the same same way kids like to do when telling scary Halloween stories around the fire in some camping trip.

"Hey! You're not Oscar!" said Olive with utter surprise. It was then that she realized Chuck, Emerson and she found themselves in an alarming situation.

"Ladies, and gentleman, please, BE alarmed by the situation! Well, at least that's what a close friend of mine would've said."

"Hey! Who are you?" shouted Olive.

"His name's Mark Chase, and he was supposed to be spending his dandy life behind bars!" said Emerson. "So, our dandy liar here is still too ashamed to show his own face when committing his crimes, huh? You ain't nothing but a chicken in wolf's clothing," said Emerson.

"I knew it couldn't have been Oscar!" said Chuck.

"Well, I'm not the one who just called him Oscar and asked what he was doing," observed Olive.

"Won't you two squawking birds stop yap-yapping about who called who what," said Emerson, whose gag had been removed, but who was still tied up to a chair. "when the who that matters is holding the what to be concerned about, and by what I'm referring to that remote control he's holding!"

"Thank you for making an audiovisual presentation unnecessary, Mr. Cod!" said Chase, frantically shaking a little black box. "Make no mistake: this is not my TV remote. And this little red button here, believe me, is something you wouldn't want me to press. Oh, no, no, you wouldn't! Want me to show it? I'll show you! Look under his chair!"

Olive and Chuck immediately bent over to check under Emerson's seat.

"Blazing saddles!" exclaimed Olive Snook. "Is this what I'm thinking it is? It is, isn't it?"

"Please tell me you just found that bottle of vodka that's missing from my fridge," said Emerson.

"I'm afraid not," said Chuck. "And, Olive, I hope you're not thinking it's a bomb!"

Olive looked at the object again, and saw two vials, one filled with a glowing yellow liquid, and another one with a green liquid. Both had wires connected to them which led to a timer marking two minutes. At least the timer wasn't working, so they had time.

"Just to make things crystal clear, all I need to do is press this button and a two-minute countdown will start until... 'Kaboom, des ka?' The noise will be heard as far as that little territory I call Asia. And your P.I. friend here will be reduced to smithereens! Ha, ha, ha!" he laughed maniacally.

"Son of a bitch!" Chuck said the only thing that occurred to her as she once again fell victim of Mark Chase's deadly plans. Olive looked at her with great surprise, but she nodded in agreement.

"Well, time is money, but excuse me while I make myself more presentable," said Mark Chase wiping the dark grease from his face with a handkerchief. "You know, revenge is a dirty business. And it gets even dirtier when we can't even count on a decent body bag. I hope you forgive my lack of attention." He then took off Oscar's green jacket, revealing an elegant gray suit.

"Stop getting all Jabberwocky and take us on a trip down Straight-to-the-Point Valley!" demanded Emerson.

"Be patient, detective. Like any successful corporate executive, I must asses my plan of action, check my strategies, and and make decisions on a cost-benefit basis. So, I'm pleased to announce that you're exactly where I wanted you to be!" the villain gloated. "Like dummies you are, I knew you'd swallow my bait!"

"That's not neat! How could you know that?" asked Chuck.

"Very simple. I had some help, it's true. Someone who taught me a great deal. But a competent C.E.O. knows when to delegate. So, by strategically planting the right evidence that implicated our friend Oscar, whose weird habits and his lack of work ethics as a civil servant made people naturally suspicious of him and made him the perfect scapegoat, I knew I'd inevitably attract your curiosity. As my consultant taught me, once you smelled the blood, you'd follow the trail succumbing to the temptation of becoming bloodhounds of your own desires!"

"It seems you've learned a few new tricks in prison!" said Olive.

"As an entrepreneur, I've always favored out-of-the box solutions. The Dandy Lion SX was not my only unconventional project. The secret is to diversify. So, why not apply that to criminal procedures?"

"But how could you use Oscar like that? Have you no shame?" asked Chuck.

"He was just a dummy who stood in my way. Nothing personal. It's just business. It was you I wanted to get to. Thanks to you, my wonderful car, a masterpiece in its own right, the work of a lifetime that would revolutionize transportation in America, never blossomed. Something totally undeserved, just because of some minor peccadilloes of its C.E.O."

"Peccadilloes? The day the things you did are considered just peccadilloes, I'll stop counting my money in the bubble bath!" Emerson commented.

"Don't interrupt me!" replied Mark Chase, angrily. "I hate it when people interrupt my monologues! As I was saying, Oscar was perfect to be framed, and what helped was the fact that he was in love with you. And I knew how to take advantage of this."

"Me?" said Emerson. "Hey! That ain't funny, man. You untie me right now and I'll teach you what to do with your jokes!"

"Not you, idiot. I was referring to you, Chuck."

"Ha! I knew it!" Olive shouted. "Board games, huh?"

"I swear, Olive. That's all we did. We played board games. And talked. Oscar was always a good friend and a perfect gentleman. It's not my fault if he had feelings for me."

"Sure..." said Olive, looking upwards, as if confiding something with God. "Everybody has to be in love with Chuck..."

"Silence! At least people in body bags don't interrupt me!" said Chase. "As I was saying, it was not difficult to gain his trust...

"_The facts are these. One year, 20 weeks, 3 days, 18 hours and 23 minutes after being incarcerated for the murder of Bernard Slaybeck, Mark Chase, former President of Dandy Lion Worldwide Industries, managed to break out of prison. Before that, as an astute, even though totally maniacal businessman, Chase knew when to recognize a good opportunity, so he made good use of his time in prison. _

_The former manager of a crash-test facility got a crash course in crime as he befriended an interesting group of people, all of whom with a common motivation: to get revenge against Emerson Cod and his investigative team. One of them had some particularly inspiring ideas. His name was Napoleon LeNez._

_They both decided they could manage to carry on their revenge plans against the Pie Hole gang if they joined forces, and even recruited other criminals, a raw material in full supply in that public facility, so a joint-venture of evil was born. LeNez told him all about his work with Oscar, as well as many of the secrets of the Olfactory Sciences, and his dream of one day publishing his book about smelling and success, as that book was destined to truly touch people._

_Mark Chase, in turn, chased other criminal connections, and the more people he met, the more curious he grew about the secrets hidden behind the mild-mannered façade of the Pie Hole owner._

_After recruiting former charity bellman Robin Wright as his escape partner, Mark Chase broke free. Finally a fugitive, and in possession of very sensible information, the main goal that Mark would still chase was a chance for revenge. So, he found in the sewers a perfect hiding place. Following LeNez's information, he approached Oscar Vibenius, and thanks to a mixture of his chirpy attitude, and the lessons on how to gain a person's friendship and trust given to him by a certain Buddy Amicus, former manager of Frescorts friend-for-hire services, the creator of a failed eco-friendly car managed to convince the Water and Power worker that he was a true friend._

_It so happened that Mr. Vibenius was is a fragile state at that verey moment, after inadvertently falling in love with a girl named Chuck whose heart, unfortunately for him, already irrevocably belonged to the Pie Maker._

_Chase's false act of friendship provided the emotional outlet Oscar needed, so he ended talking too much, telling his new fake friend that he was suspicious of the way Chuck smelled. It didn't take much effort for Mark Chase to piece most of the puzzle together._

_And when he found in Oscar's possession the chemical formula for the zombie drug as well as a particular file about a certain mysterious man whose head was wrapped in bandages and had been trying to sell a stolen Mercedes, property of the Pie Maker, all over the county. The criminal C.E.O. realized he was closer to the truth than ever._

_Being an experienced chemist with a sublimated passion for botany, Chase understood what plants to use and process in order to manufacture the zombie drug. So, Chase successfully produced the drug based on the formula, and also managed to synthesize a few other maleficent chemical poisonous surprises, all natural, and environmentally safe. _

_Hence he followed the instructions given to him by dog breeder Hilary Hundin, who had very creative ideas on how to poison someone else's food, drugging Oscar with the zombie drug. He also counted on the help of one Leo Burns, the former coordinator of Papen County's 17th Annual Best In Belly Comfort Food Cook-Off, who gave him the idea to frame Marianne Marie Beettle, by injecting the drug in a bunch of muffins. After that, Chase committed Oscar to an insane asylum where he would be discretely hidden until needed to be framed for Chase's crimes._

_After that, considering Mr. Vibenius was a loner, it was not difficult to take over Oscar's life, and pretend everything was normal, especially considering that Mark Chase preferred to commit his crimes behind the anonymity provided by a mask. Hence, now everything would be decided in this ultimate confrontation."_

* * *

Aaron and Digby passed by another passage. That maze of tunnels could make anyone get lost, and he was trying to make sure that wouldn't be their case. So, Aaron decided to sidestep into that new passage, even though Digby was adamant to continue in the original path.

"Digby, this way! OK, OK, I know you're the official tunnel guide, but I have a hunch about this passage."

But Digby wouldn't move.

"All right then. Stay right here and I'll be right back."

If Aaron was right, and he usually was, that secondary passage would lead them closer to where the girls had gone to. It didn't take him long to reach the end, and he saw a big door, which was slightly open. There were lights inside the room, and he could hear voices. He felt tempted to get in, but decided to come back for Digby.

Aaron went back the same way he had come, and Digby stood right there, patiently waiting for him.

"This way, Digby. I found the main entrance."

But Digby was determined to continue on the path he had chosen. He ran a few yards to the end of the corridor, and stopped right in front of a small metal door.

"That's it? We're here? Looks like you've found a second entrance."

Aaron located a lever, and pulled it carefully. The door opened, in a surprisingly easy way.

They found themselves inside a small storage room with shelves and boxes. There was another door in front of them, and he saw light coming from under the door. He carefully opened it and peered through the slit between the door and the doorway, while Digby peeked from his position closer to the ground.

He saw Emerson tied to a chair, while Chuck and Olive stood next to him. A man was holding a small black box and making a sort of speech. And that man was not Oscar Vibenius. In fact he was gloating about how his entrepreneurial skills made him much smarter than Oscar, and how he'd managed to impersonate the W.P.D. worker. Aaron was lucky because, from that position, he could see and hear everything that happened in that room.

"LeNez, Amicus, Hilary Hundin!" said Emerson. "No wonder our prison system is in a shambles. The man gets into prison as a fop, and gets out all buddy-buddy with the worst criminal characters!"

"Companies are as good as the people that work in them, and I just realized I could be C.E.O. of a much more profitable organization. For that all I needed to do was recruit the right executives for the key positions. This way I could manage to carry on my revenge plans made after hundreds of sleepless nights in prison and intensive smuggled Ritalin abuse," said Mark Chase, proudly.

Meanwhile, inside the secret room...

"Mark Chase?" Aaron whispered to Digby, who looked at him inquisitively. "Hey! Don't give me that look. You didn't see that one coming either."

As Digby hid his snout beneath his front paws, Aaron thought about his chances of helping his friends.

"We've got to figure out a way to take that remote from his hands."

It all made sense to him now. Chuck knew the main entrance to Oscar's retreat, but Digby had sniffed the emergency exit, and as such it had to remain unlocked. Aaron also had an advantage, as the impostor probably wasn't familiar enough with Oscar's hideaway to know about this emergency exit.

Meanwhile, Mark Chase kept talking and gesticulating like a maniac.

"I knew I had to be persistent... _Nana korobi ya oki. Seishin ittou nanigoto ka narazaran!_"

"Hey! If you're gonna kills us, have the decency of doing it speaking plain good ol' American!" complained Emerson.

"He said if you don't succeed, try and try again. Where there is a will there is a way," Chuck explained. "_Saru mo ki kara ochiru. Koi to seki to wa kakusarenu,_" Chuck replied in Japanese.

"No, I'm not making a mistake! And you'll need more than love to conquer this situation," said Chase.

"All right, let's stop the idle chatter," said Olive. "You obviously want something, or you would've killed us by now."

"Smart observation, my tiny friend! Yes, there's something I want. Which unfortunately you cannot provide, as the person I wanted to see isn't here. I had a special business proposition to make to the Pie Maker."

Meanwhile, Aaron and Digby still observed everything from behind the shelf in the hidden compartment.

"Woof?" Digby whispered to Aaron.

"Yeah. He wants the Pie Maker, but you forget I'm not him!" retorted Aaron. "But you're right... I'm the closest thing they've got now." Aaron then remembered the shortcut he had just found to the Oscar's lair entrance. "All right, Digby. Here's my plan. Pay attention."

While Aaron put his plan in motion, the former C.E.O. was quickly running out of patience.

"But he sent you girls instead! We might as well get this over with."

"You want Ned? What do you want with him?" Chuck asked.

"Perhaps you should worry more about yourself than about him. Don't you value your own life?"

"More than you imagine. Every single moment... "

"Great! I'm leaving now, after pressing this button. Next, I'm locking the door behind me. Then, feel free to enjoy the last two minutes of your life as you please! _Sayonara_, baby!"

"_Sayonara_ means..." Chuck began.

"That part I understood," said Emerson.

When Mark Chase was getting to the door, another person appeared. A man, who for all intents and purposes, was the Pie Maker.

"I believe you were looking for me," said Aaron, with his hands raised.

Perhaps Aaron was giving up their only chance to defeat the Emerson's kidnapper by revealing his presence, but he couldn't allow himself the luxury of hiding any longer. He had to surrender, even after considering he was the last free person who knew Chuck, Emerson and Olive were Chase's prisoners.

Mark Chase didn't say anything. He just grinned like the proverbial cat that ate the canary.

**- 10 -**


	24. Mummy Dearest

Word count: 5829

Previously on Dead Ringers:

Confronting Ned and Jaye, Dr. Ron reveals to be the real a delusional maniac who dresses like his mother to commit his crimes. He threatens to kill them with two small crossbows.

They try to reason with the maniac, with no success. The muses say "journey in the dark," "bring the dead back," "let the mother out," but Jaye doesn't understand that.

When the doctor dressed up like the Old Lady is about to shoot, Eric gets in the room. He reveals Ned is an impostor, and then punches him. Ned falls unconscious. The Old Lady shoots at Eric.

Ned meets a dream version of Chuck, who gives Ned a book given to her by a friend. Ned kisses Chuck and wakes up.

Ned finds a book in his hand and throws it at the Old Lady, who misses the shot on Jaye. Ned and The Old Lady fight for a a knife, while the Brass Monkey repeats "journey in the dark." That makes Jaye notice a book with that name. She opens it, and a remote control falls. She presses the button. Something opens behind her and the doctor freezes in awe.

And now the story...

**XXIV**

**Mummy Dearest**

_(October 31st, Halloween, evening – Niagara Falls – Dr. Ron's office.)_

"Mother?" the doctor mumbled.

The doctor, still holding the knife, clenched his fist. Jaye looked at the wall behind her and saw a startling scene.

The open panel revealed a sort of shrine. In the center was an open coffin, standing at an almost upright position, with a mummified woman in it. To be precise, she was no ordinary mummy. Jaye recognized the ceremonial garments of a high priestess of the Satsuma nation.

"Ned, are you hurt?" Jaye asked. Ned shook his head, and placed his index finger on his lips. She understood. The doctor seemed to be on a sort of trance, as he admired in awe the mummy of his dead mother, and it wouldn't be wise to break that spell and awake the deadly assassin again.

"Are you OK, Jaye? Sorry about the book!" Ned whispered.

The doctor, completely oblivious to their conversation, couldn't stop staring at the mummy.

"I'm all right. But don't do that again!" whispered Jaye, still sitting on the floor.

Eric moaned. That meant he was still alive! Jaye crawled to his help and held his head. Jaye and Ned looked at the mummy. It was a fantastic mummification job. The skin looked almost natural, and her face still preserved an angelical expression. She looked like a middle-aged woman enjoying a peaceful sleep, with eyes closed and her hands gently resting on her chest.

"Mother! I tried to honor you!" said the doctor, pulling the gray wig from his head, and dropping it on the floor. "I tried to do your bidding. Are you proud of me?"

The mummy opened her eyes, and she looked so sad. She gently shook her head, and lowered her gaze.

"_Oh, my dear son. If only I could make you see..."_ she said, and shed a tear.

The doctor smiled.

"I know you're proud, mother. I have honored you. I'll never let my patients stand between you and me ever again. You know I love you, mother."

"Tell him!" Jaye urged. "Don't let him think you're proud!"

"_What can I do, my child?"_ said the mummy.

"Don't you talk to my mother this way!" said the doctor, waving his sharp knife. "How dare you suggest she's not proud! I dedicated my life to care for my mother!"

The mummy shook her head, and lowered her gaze with sadness, but the doctor, of course, couldn't see that. Only Jaye could.

"Well, I'm sorry to disappoint you," said Jaye, "but she's not proud of you. You're breaking her heart."

"_Don't hurt them, my son... They are innocent!" _said the mummy.

"She's telling you not to hurt us. We're innocent," said Jaye.

"You can talk to the dead too?" asked Ned with surprise. "Hey, that's MY department."

"I can only talk to highly spiritualized dead elders from the Satsuma nation. But what do you mean, your department?"

"Enough!" yelled the doctor, brandishing his knife. "How dare you compare my mother to your silly toys. You think my mother's body is like a brass book holder or a stupid china creamer in whose mouth you can put your stupid words?"

"_Bring the dead back,"_ said the Muffin Bison.

"How can I bring the dead back? She talks, but he can't hear her," said Jaye.

"You only think she talks because you are crazy!" accused the doctor. "So, I have to finish what I started!"

"Excuse me, doctor. You're saying you've never talked to your mother?" asked Ned.

"Not after she passed away! I simply let my mother use my body sometimes. But talking to a mummy is crazy. And I'm not crazy!"

"Hmmm. Whtever... Wouldn't it be great if you could talk and listen to her?"

"Of course I would. But that's impossible!"

The Pie Maker frowned and took a deep breath. Jaye thought his concerned look was only the natural apprehension one would feel when being made hostage by a murdering maniac. She had no idea of what was about to happen.

"Oh, boy... Somehow I think I'm going to regret this..."

Ned looked at his wrist watch and pressed a button. Next, all it took was his index finger's brief touch on the mummy's hand. The spark of life energy started in the left hand, and progressively lit the Satsuma woman's entire body, and the energy spread with a magical buzzing/chiming sound.

She calmly opened her eyes, and flexed her fingers. It looked more like she was waking up from a long and deserved sleep.

"Ma'am, we just have one minute. Please tell your son not to kill us," Ned pleaded fast while checking the time in his watch. The native woman nodded in serene agreement.

"_My son... What are you doing? And what are you wearing? Is that supposed to be me? I never wore anything like that!"_

Her voice was melodious. It showed some slight signs of aging, but still preserved great vitality of youth. She sounded nothing like the poor impersonation Dr. Ron had been making of her.

Jaye simply couldn't believe her eyes. Eric, who was getting conscious, looked surprised and terrified, and probably thought he was hallucinating. And Ned displayed a coy smile of pride and satisfaction, while he kept looking at his watch.

"One touch... With one touch you've achieved what I've been looking for all my life! That's not possible... This can't be happening!" said the doctor, while staring at the talking mummy.

"_Don't hurt this people. I beg you. They've done nothing to harm you." _

"But mom! I thought you'd be proud! I couldn't take care of you because of my patients. I always thought my patients were more important than my own mother, and then I lost you. I was a terrible person! But now I'm making up for it."

"Twenty-five!" said Ned.

"_You've never been a terrible person. You're sick. It's you who needs help."_

"I would know if I were sick. I'm a world-wide renowned psychiatrist."

"No, you're not!" said Ned, bringing the framed copy of the book _Stalked by Guilt, _which had been hanging on the wall. "You cannot be the man who wrote this book. You said you knew nothing about nightmares, and your double personality act sucks because you couldn't stay in character. Both your personalities are fake!"

"This is ridiculous! I'm Dr. Ron Campbell, M.D., Ph.D.!"

"No, you're not... Ten seconds!" shouted Ned. Jaye wondered why Ned had become so obsessed with time. The woman nodded nervously.

"_Donald! You don't have to be your brother for me to love you!" _she spoke very fast. _"I'll love you unconditionally, but I can't approve of what you're doing. You must stop now."_

Looking horrified, the fake doctor looked at everybody, and his eyes showed the desperate turmoil that held his deranged mind hostage.

"You can't be my mother! I'm Dr. Campbell. I AM DR. CAMPBELL! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" he said, throwing the knife on the floor.

"Thank you! Rest in peace..." said Ned, giving the Satsuma lady the final touch of death in the nick of time.

The fake doctor ran towards the door, but he didn't go far. Right at that moment, with completely delayed efficiency, a troop of police officers invaded the place and captured the impostor.

While he was being taken away, he kept ranting like a maniac he was.

"THE MUMMY SPOKE! BUT SHE'S NOT MY MOTHER! AND I'M DR. CAMPBELL! JAYE TYLER, YOU'LL PAY FOR IT!!!"

Ned and Jaye helped Eric sit on the sofa in the reception.

"_Now the facts are really these! One Donald Champs Belle grew up as an unhappy child. The son of an unlikely couple, a Haitian immigrant and Bright Feather, the Satsuma nation's chief's daughter, he never knew where he belonged in this world. Growing in the Satsuma reservation with his twin brother Ronald, the cultural shock between his father's and his mother's traditions was too much for the little kid. His disappointment grew to great proportions when his father left, and was never heard of again. Meanwhile, his brother Ron only cared about reading and learning._

_Finally, Bright Feather realized little Ronny would need a good school where he could develop his high intellectual potential. For this reason, she then decided to raise her sons in the world of the white man, so Ron could have the education he needed, and in the hopes that Don would eventually find a place he could call home._

_Years later, both brothers developed great interest in the subject of mental health. Ron Americanized his name to Campbell and became a renowned psychiatrist, and Don, a raving lunatic. After spending years trying to follow in the footsteps of his father, he was obsessed in becoming a Bokor, and mastr the secrets of voodoo, or Vodou, as experts call it, so he lost his soul and his sanity in the studies of this dark religion._

_Convinced that he could master the secrets of life and death, he stole the body of his dead mother, which he mummified, and then retreated from civilization to proceed with his forbidden studies. After failing too many times to bring her back to life, he became obsessed with his brother, and his patients, particularly one who dared interfere with the spiritual matters of the Satsuma nation, a girl named Jaye Tyler._

_So, he concocted a plan to kidnap his brother and take his place, so he could get to Jaye and make the Tylers pay. But he had not counted on this petite woman's determination and a certain Pie Maker's magical touch."_

Soon the place was swarming with police officers, forensic technicians, and even a couple reporters. They had special interest in the shrine and the mummy, and how perfectly that body had been preserved. And while a policeman took Ned's statement, Jaye was with Eric on the sofa, and a female paramedic was medicating his head.

"Help me here, Jaye..." he said, opening his jacket, and making an expression of pain.

"Please, hold still, Mr. Gotts. I'll be through in a minute," said the paramedic, a young Asian woman who was bandaging his head.

He opened the jacket and revealed a bulletproof vest.

"A vest? So you were not hit by the arrow!" said Jaye.

"Jaye, do you really think I would waltz into a room with a homicidal maniac, holding two hostages, without talking to the police first, and taking all necessary precautions?"

"Yeah... that would be very stupid..." said Jaye, giving a wry smile, and seriously questioning her improvised crime-solving methods. She kindly caressed his right hand.

"OUCH!" he said.

"Let me check this hand, please."

The paramedic carefully held Eric's hand. At that moment, the three figurines, The Brass Monkey, the Muffin Bison, and the Plastic Tasmanian Devil all looked at the scene at the same time. The paramedic started by the thumb.

"_This little piggy went to the market..." _they all sang while she checked the thumb. As she passed to the index finger, gently testing the joints and bone structure, the trio went...

"_This little piggy stayed at home..."_

Next, she touched the middle finger, repeating the same procedure, and this time only the Brass Monkey sang,

"_This little piggy had roast beef..."_

Then she examined the ring finger, and the Muffin Bison sang,

"_This little piggy had none."_

Finally she passed to the little finger. She stopped for a moment to observe it more closely, and the figurines stopped too. Then she carefully held the first joint, and at the same time the Tasmanian Devil started,

"_And this little piggy cried..."_

And Eric's response was,

"Ahhhhhhhhhwwwwww!!!!!"

"I'm sorry, sir, but you have a fracture in the proximal phalanx of your digitus minimus. What did you do, punch a wall?"

"Feels more like a steel wall..."

"I have an inflatable temporary cast here, sir. But we'll have to take you for X-Rays."

"Oh, great..."

One of the police officers, a heavyset man in his mid 40s, approached them.

"Detective Sloan!" said Jaye. "I was wondering when I'd see you again."

"Jaye Tyler! Can't stay away from trouble, can you? It's in your Tyler DNA! I knew that sooner or later our paths would cross..."

"Oh, I missed you too, Sloan!" she said, giving a fake smile.

"By the way, nice job, Gotts. Almost managed to get yourself killed. I knew it was a mistake to count on a civilian for the job, but Captain Richardson insisted we used you."

"It was an honor to be used," Eric moaned, and placed his head on Jaye's shoulder. "It was for a very good cause. Now I just need some lovin'..." said Eric sounding just too fragile. He seemed to be doing it to get sympathy from Jaye, but she knew he certainly had earned the right.

"I'll be keeping an eye on you, Tyler. Very closely," said Sloan, then moving on to talk to a technician.

"I'll give you something for the pain too..." said the paramedic

"Ouch! I don't like needles. Why does pain medication have to be so painful?"

"There you are, sir," said the paramedic. "In a few minutes we'll take you to county hospital. Now excuse me."

Jaye kissed Eric's forehead and caressed his hair, while Ned approached them after being interviewed.

"Uh... Well... Sorry?" said Ned, nodding at the inflatable cast.

"I'm the one that should be sorry, after all it was I who punched you. But I had to do something to stir things up, and try to distract that maniac. He was about to kill you two. I'm not very good at improvising, I'm afraid."

"So your whole spontaneous bravery rampage was all an act?" asked Jaye with disappointment.

"Part of it wasn't. Well, I had to do something desperate... Normally I'd think twice, even three times before doing something so... confrontational. But this time I just had no choice."

"And what purpose exactly served punching me?" asked Ned.

"I assumed he wouldn't shoot you while you were down. But I admit that part was mostly for fun!" he said with a grin. Then his grin turned into a frown. "Much good that did to me," he said, trying to lift his injured arm. "Serves me right to be so petty. That teaches me not to punch your Clark Kent-like friend..."

"Well, I thought it was a beautiful act," said Jaye, with satisfaction. "Sorry, Ned!"

"Just please, I hope never to have to do anything like that again. My hand is broken, I have a hell of a headache, and I even hallucinated. Now I know how unsettling it can feel when you hear your little artificial friends talk," said Eric, carefully touching his bandaged head. "I mean, I swear I saw that mummy talk!"

Jaye's batted her eyes, and looked at Ned. He seemed disconcerted. So much had happened that she had completely blocked that part, but now she was eager to confront him. However, she sensed that was something to keep as a secret.

"That's just too fantastic too be true, isn't it," said Ned, nervously chuckling, raising his eyebrows, and apparently begging Jaye to agree. She nodded at him.

"You had a nasty blow to the head, Eric. I'm surprised you didn't see pink elephants or unicorns."

"I'm injured. I'm not gay," Eric replied.

"Anyway... The important thing is... You did the right thing, Eric, and actually you gave me much more than you think. Thank you."

"I'm not sure what you mean, but I'm the one who should thank you for helping look after my girl."

"What do you mean, YOUR girl! I'm nobody's girl! I'm my own girl," protested Jaye... "Wow, that sounded awful."

"Oh, please, Jaye at least this once let me be a little old-fashioned for a change, will you?"

"I'm sure you two will sort that out very soon. At least all the turmoil has passed now," said Ned.

Little did he know that there was still some significant turmoil waiting for him. At that very moment, a very angry Mahandra entered the room, bumping into cops and technicians in the place. She stood in front of Ned, and... slapped him on the face, leaving him just too surprised to react.

"Now, you listen! This time you're going to tell me the truth! What's going on here?"

"Mahandra!" said Jaye. "I wouldn't be alive if it weren't for him!"

Ned shrugged and smiled.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. Please forgive me!" she said and gave him a very passionate kiss. Ned recoiled, apparently now knowing what to do. That day he'd been punched and slapped, but for reason it seemed that being kissed like that was what terrified him most.

"MAHANDRA!" Jaye shouted. "You do realize he's not your boyfriend, don't you?"

"I know that!" she said, briefly interrupting the kissing. "But you're not gonna tell your brother, are you?"

And she kissed him again. Then it occurred to Jaye that for a big, strong man like that, Ned was easily overpowered by such a small woman. She just hoped he wasn't enjoying that kiss more than he should.

"Now you're going to tell me all about who you are, and where my Aaron is! Come here."

While Mahandra pushed Ned away, Jaye held Eric's head against her shoulder.

"Oh, the pain medication is working. Feel better now. But I have to tell you something before, I don't know, I pass out. About this whole Heidi thing..."

The painful memory of the recent days, and all her self-questioning about her actions and his motivations suddenly stabbed her like a sharp knife.

"Come on, Eric. Why ruin such a lovely day talking about something so nasty?"

She was joking, of course, but in a way, that part hurt more than anything the fake Dr. Ron could've done.

"But I have to get this out of my chest now!" he insisted. "When I got to New Jersey, I realized Heidi's emotional fragility, or whatever, was just a ploy to get into my pants, so to speak. She wanted to take advantage of our friendship."

"I see..." she said, growing more and more concerned about what she was hearing.

"In fact, she doesn't doesn't give a damn about my friendship or anybody's friendship. Long story short, you were right, Jaye."

"And you're surprised I'm right? After all this time we've been together?"

"I really mean it! You were right not to be OK with me going there. Come on, I'm not that naïve. I knew Heidi had something in mind, but I thought I could handle her. And I thought being faithful to my personal code of conduct, which meant helping a supposed friend no matter what, was more important than being faithful to you."

"What? You were not faithful to me?"

"No. I mean, yes! I mean, not faithful to your feelings. I should've considered how you felt. But when I realized what her true motives were, I left her and was ready to come back to Niagara Falls the same evening."

"So, why didn't you?"

"I didn't want to admit you were right, so I stayed in a hotel downtown the whole time. I was stubborn, I'm sorry."

"I guess I worried for nothing then."

"Nothing happened. And I even made a few decisions. No more nice guy. Not like that. Not at the cost of your feelings."

"Thank you!" She thanked him with words, then with a tender, and extremely loving kiss.

"And there's something important I need to tell you, but I want to do that when we get home."

"Let me just tie some loose ends and we'll go now, OK?"

Ned was trying to escape Mahandra's insisting questions. As they got close to Jaye and Eric again, Jaye decided to use that last opportunity ask him a few questions, to cross her t's and dot her i's with Ned once and for all, so she asked Mahandra to take care of Eric while she and Ned had a talk. As the forensic team had just left the doctor's office proper and removed the mummy, Jaye took him there, and closed the door behind them, leaving them alone, finally.

They both stared at one another for a few seconds. Jaye observed that mysterious man that in a very short period of time had become someone important in her life. It was someone she had seen as her brother, then something else. Something deep she couldn't define. Now a big question mark remained.

"Alone at last!" she said.

"Alone at last," he confirmed. "And in this very room!" He spread his arms, indicating the room where they had almost lost their lives. Then he put his hands back in his pockets and they went silent again.

"OK... OK! What was that all about?" asked Jaye, raising her hand, and giving him the finger. The index finger to be precise.

"Oh, that... It's something I can't explain or understand. It just is..."

"I have a million questions..."

"Once somebody very close to me said the same thing. You remind me a little of her, by the way. I told her to feed her mind warm milk and a turkey sandwich, let it curl up in a sunny spot and take a nap. Feels like a lifetime ago..."

"After this day, I might do just that. How did you... How do you handle this... ability you have? How do you keep from losing your mind in the process?"

"My suggestion is, take it as a part of who you are. The icing of the cake just makes it tastier. It even helped me get enough money to save my restaurant."

"Wow... It's a business? You seem so pure and naïve, but you're no fool! I should've found a way to make money too... At least that helped me completely realize I'm not crazy after all," she said, considering how she could profit from the muses, and looking at a bronze horse on the doctor's desk. The horse displayed a concerned look and started shaking its head.

"No, you're special" said Ned. "And I don't just mean it because of your powers, or whatever you call it. It's because of who you are."

They shared a warm and tender hug.

"Oh, and thanks for staying between that poisoned arrow and I. Were you really willing to die to protect me?"

"Jaye, I know enough about life and death to know death is never the end. The secret is to give meaning to your life, instead of being afraid of dying."

"I'll try to remember that, but... Ned... Where does that leave us now?"

"Good question. I'd assume, in a situation better than we were when all of this started?"

"I'm sure of that. I won't forget you."

"I won't forget you either. There are just few special people in my heart. But there's room for one more."

The hug lasted a little longer, but Jaye knew their moment was about to be over.

"You're leaving now, right?"

"I'm not so sure how... it's not as simple as you think. It's no ordinary trip. I'm not sure how I'm going to do it..." At this moment, Ned observed one of the drawers desk had been removed and was on a chair. Ned got closer and checked its contents. There were some folders in it. A page of a magazine was sticking out of one of them, which called Ned's attention.

The drawer had patient folders. That one was about Jaye.

"Look," he said. "I think the police didn't think this was important. But look at this picture," said Ned, showing her the page.

The magazine article displayed a large picture of Jaye and Aaron. He was wearing a black suit, and she wore a red dress.

"Oh, that... It was a formal dinner my parents dragged us to last year. The first time Aaron and I wore something so formal. Last time I attended any of those boring dinners. Why? Is it important?"

"I was thinking that... I think he modeled those voodoo dolls after this image, and they weren't about Chuck and I after all. It was all about you and Aaron all along!"

"So does that mean Chuck's safe?"

"I'd like to think she is, but frankly, I had a very disturbing vision. I have to go back to her as son as possible. I'm just not sure how. I'll go back to the bus station. That's where this all started."

"You have to get past the police. I'm sure Sloan still has questions. Sloan always has questions," pondered Jaye.

Ned opened the door just a little, and peered through the opening. The place was still full of people.

"I have to risk it. Goodbye, Jaye. If you ever come to my side of the mirror, don't hesitate to look for me."

"OK... Sure... I mean... You... What?"

"Never mind. Good-bye..." said Ned, kissing Jaye on the forehead. He then opened the door and made a resolute step into the room.

"Jaye!" said Mahandra. "I'm tired of babysitting your boyfriend. Eric needs you."

Jaye watched as Ned negotiated his way through the crowd of police personnel, but at the same time, she knew she couldn't leave Eric alone.

"Jaye," said Eric, in a tired voice. "Where were you? I can't wait anymore. I have to talk to you now! There's something for you in my right pocket. Please, help me get it."

While she fumbled through his pocket, she saw that Ned was already at the door, ready to step into the corridor, when Sloan grabbed him by the sleeve.

"Where do you think you're going?" said Sloan.

"I... I thought I could leave. I already gave my statement."

"Oh, no!" Sloan laughed. We've barely started. "I want to go with you through every single incident that took place here tonight. And you can start by telling me exactly your name and, especially, last name. Because I know it's not Aaron Tyler."

"But sir... I really need to go," said Ned, considering how he was going to get out of this situation. He looked at his watch; it was ten to midnight. Then he remembered what the coroner had said, _that's a special Halloween offer_. Could he find his way back to Lakeshore after Halloween was over?

"Are you late for something? Maybe we should go down to the station and have a long and detailed talk..."

"Great. I was going to the bus station anyway," said Ned with a smile of relief.

"No, you idiot! I meant the police station! You'll be our guest there for the next few days. Let's go!" said Sloan. But the hand of a short man held his shoulder, making him turn.

"I'll take care of him, son."

That voice was familiar to the Pie Maker. He looked at the person behind him. It was the coroner, wearing a dark trench coat and a hat.

"But... Captain Richardson... I'm in charge of this case. I insist I talk to him now."

"Well, if you want to be in charge of any other case from now on, you'd better leave this up to me. Now, leave us alone!"

Sloan made an ugly face, well, uglier than usual, but finally left them and went to talk to one of the detectives, trying not to pretend he had just been demoralized and outranked.

"Captain Richardson?" said Ned with surprise.

"At your services, son. So, ready to go back home?"

"Yes, but... Just a second."

Ned looked at Jaye at the other end of the room. With all the people speaking loud in the crowded room, it wouldn't be easy to hear her, but he didn't have to. He just gave her a thumb-up sign and smiled. She smiled back, while her hand was still in Eric's left pocket. Apparently, she was having trouble finding whatever she was looking for.

Finally, she produced a small object, a little box. Eric, even with his head wrapped in bandages and his arm in a cast, held the box with his good hand, and while he kneeled with his right knee, and then he said something. She opened the little box, and then started jumping with joy. She next hugged and kissed him, something he took bravely in spite of being in obvious pain.

"OK. We can go. I think my job here is done," said Ned. As they started walking, Ned stopped. "Hey, wait a minute?"

"So, we need to hurry, or we'll lose our window of opportunity," said the Coroner/Captain Richardson.

"I was thinking... If this is really 2005. Maybe you don't have to take me. What if... I mean, right now, I'm at the Pie Hole, still getting used to work with this waitress named Olive. I don't solve crimes. My life is easy. And the love of my life, right now, is in Coeur d' Coeurs, taking care of her aunts. And she's not an alive-again."

"Hmmmm... Hmmmm!" the coroner made that sound he traditionally made when everybody thought he was gullible. "Your point is..."

"My point," said Ned, "is that she doesn't have to get on that boat. Everything could be different. I could go there and stop her now!"

"I'm really sorry, son. But that's not the way things work. You just won't find your city in this side of the mirror. Not now, not in 2008, not ever. You have to go back the same way you got here."

"it was worth trying..."

"Indeed," said the coroner. "But I'm sure that with this experience you've acquired other skills which in time will help you solving your little predicament."

"I hope so, doctor. I hope so. No use trying to cheat fate..."

"Ha, ha. Well said, son. You know, Ned. I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship!"

And they both disappeared into the corridor.

* * *

Jaye was kissing and hugging Eric, who, in turn, was moaning. Partly it was pleasure, but the other part was just pain as the drugs started to wear off.

Jaye admired the ring Eric had just given her.

"Oh, Eric, I know you'll find this strange, but... Will it bother you if I show this to Ned?"

He laughed.

"OK, OK. He's such a nice guy. Why don't I invite him to be my best man? Go ahead."

"_Take me with you,"_ said the Brass Monkey.

"I'll be right back," she said to Eric. "Come on. I'm too happy to let you annoy me," she said to the Monkey. "Maybe YOU would like to be the best man? Or best monkey..."

She picked the Monkey, and ran towards the door. Ned and a police captain had just passed, so she would have time for one last goodbye.

She opened the door, and found herself in the corridor. But they weren't there. She looked both ways, and found no one. She walked to the elevators, and saw that none of them was being used. They both had vanished in the thin air. She felt a chilling sensation in her spine.

"So, why did you want me to bring you?" she asked the Monkey angrily. The Monkey just shrugged.

Then it hit her. The way she had treated Eric at the bus station. The way she had challenged the muses. The kiss Eric had seen, and his reaction... What Eric had said,

"_Jaye, do you really think I would waltz into a room with a homicidal maniac, holding two hostages, without talking to the police first, and taking all necessary precautions?"_

Then it was all clear in her mind. And the chill became much worse.

"Please, tell me... What would've happened... if Eric had come to see the doctor with Ned and I?"

The Monkey remained silent, like a Brass statuette it was. But a movie played in her head nonetheless.

Eric coming back to Niagara Falls the same night Ned had arrived. Eric and Ned becoming good friends. Ned telling them about the case he was working on... Jaye realizing it had something to do with the man she thought to be Dr. Ron... The fake doctor pointing a weapon at them... Eric trying to be a hero, like he was, but this time without having talked to the police first...

"Please, tell me!" she begged. "What would've happened? Please!"

The Monkey turned its head and looked at her in her eyes.

"_He would've been killed," _the Brass Monkeysentenced.

So it was true. The muses had made Jaye kiss Ned, and Eric arrive at that precise moment, so he would witness the kiss, and leave. And this way, his life was saved.

But wait a minute! If she had obeyed the muses to begin with and had told Eric she was happy with his visiting Heidi, like she was supposed to, Eric would've come back sooner, would have seen no kiss, and would've ended as the maniac's hostage like he wasn't supposed to.

"But if I had done your bidding at the bus station, there would have been no kiss for Eric to see. I was right not to obey you then!"

The Monkey shook it head.

"_We never expected you to comply then,"_ said the Monkey.

Jaye's head was spinning. She had disobeyed. Eric stayed in New Jersey one extra night. He saw the kiss. He ran away. He talked to the police, who gave him a vest. Everything ended fine, the way it was supposed to.

Her head was spinning because even when she disobeyed the muses she was doing their bidding. Even her rebellious act was what they wanted.

Now, more than ever, she felt like a true Fate's bitch.

**- 18 -**


	25. The Power Of The Daisy

Word count: 5256

Previously on Dead Ringers:

Aaron and Digby end inside a secret back room and see the girls have found Emerson and were caught by Mark Chase disguised as Oscar Vibenius. He wants revenge.

It so happens that while in prison, Mark Chase befriended the worst criminal minds in Papen County who helped him with his plan.

But Chase is frustrated now because he hasn't captured Ned. Chase decides to leave after locking the Pie Hole gang in Oscar's lair, and activating a bomb countdown.

In order to stop Chase, Aaron decides to surrender pretend he is the Pie Maker. Mark Chase gives an evil, insane grin, showing everything is going the way he planned.

And now the story...

**XXV**

**The Power Of The Daisy**

_(October 31st, evening – Papen County – Oscar Vibenius's underground lair)_

"I believe you were looking for me," said Aaron, with his hands raised.

Mark Chase just grinned like the proverbial cat that ate the canary.

"OH! The man of the hour has arrived. Well, I guess we'll have to suspend the fireworks celebration for the time being. Please, come in. But no funny business. I still have this box."

"Ah... Uh... Ned? What did you expect to accomplish coming here?" asked Chuck, looking puzzled. At least she was trying to play along.

"I'm the one he wants, Chuck. Here I am. Why don't you let them go, Chase?"

"Oh, but they are part of this too. Now that you're here, I can tell you the whole story, as I have something for you that will, literally or not, blow you away! I mean, I can either leave here with you as my partner, and we'll make a lot of money together, or with you as my victim. As a good businessman, I recognize the advantages of a win-win negotiation. So, this is always my first choice."

"Was that what you were thinking when you killed Bernard Slaybeck?" Chuck asked.

"It was exactly what I was thinking. I offered him a generous bonus if he would just keep quiet. But he forced his hand. Probably wanted more money. He was a dummy, but dummies aren't supposed to talk. And long ago I learned that a dead body is just as good as a dummy, with advantages that dead people tell no tales."

"Hey! I love money!" said Emerson. "Everybody knows that! But I ain't gonna share it with those girls, and this affected pie boy. Let them go, and I'll be your business partner. I'll tell you everything I know."

"Tempting, my dear P.I. but I won't fall for that. Besides, the man with THE special talent here is not you," said Chase, nodding at the man he believed to be Ned. "And by talent I'm not referring to baking pies. I mean something much more profitable. Are you willing to use your special talents and join me in a lucrative enterprise, so we can make serious money?"

Aaron had to think quickly, and he had to keep calm. He could tell Chase he wasn't Ned, and perhaps even manage to prove that. But then what would that villain do? Let them go? Much likely not. He might offer to help Chase bring dead people back for money as Ned could, if that was the case. Obviously he wouldn't be able to keep his end of the bargain, but that could buy them some time. Then it occurred to him that Chase's references to what he wanted with Ned were quite vague and perhaps the convict didn't know as much as he wanted them to believe. So, instead, he decided to be cool, and let Mark Chase do most of the talking.

"Cut to the chase, will you? We're two businessmen here. So, if you have a business proposal, state your terms and I'll consider them. What do you have in mind exactly?"

"Good. That was the attitude I was looking for. First let me tell you about the next product that will revolutionize the market. You see. In business we learn to turn a weakness into our strength. So, I was thinking, instead of having to hide that your product would blow up accidentally, why not use this explosive power as your main selling point?"

"And what did you come up with?" Aaron asked.

"I used a similar combination of electricity and a flammable liquid, another botanical miracle derived from an ordinary plant found everywhere. The result? Well, Mr. Cod is sitting right on top of it!" he said, pointing at Emerson.

"I'm flattered," said the P.I. in a sarcastic tone.

"I had this brilliant idea as I escaped from the police. I passed by this little, boring town called Coeur d'Coeurs and saw this endless field of daisies. Long story short..." said Chase, taking a test tube with a glowing, flickering gold yellow liquid. "Have you heard of the power of the daisies? Which you all soon might be pushing, if I'm not happy with your attitude..."

"Oh, no! Don't tell me you're using the lovely flowers of my sweet hometown as raw materials for explosives!" complained Chuck.

"So, Coeur d'Coeurs is your hometown? Interesting! The same town where a certain lonely tourist Charlotte Charles was born?" said Chase with a grin, showing a perfect set of white teeth, while Chuck's jaw had almost literally dropped. "Yes, information is the most valuable commodity there is, and I'm full of it!" gloated the escaped prisoner before the general consternated looks.

"Yeah, you're definitely full of it, all right," sad Emerson, breaking the uneasy silence. "You ain't got nothing but a bunch of half-baked assumptions you just can't prove, you fool!"

"Whose the fool? I'm not the one who was duped by my ex-wife and had my daughter stolen!"

"You nasty son of a... You'd better kill me now or I swear I'll squeeze your neck with own hands until your eyes... pop out!" Emerson threatened.

This time they all looked at Emerson with surprise.

"Is that true? I think we haven't even seen that episode yet, Emerson!" said Olive.

"Please, please, gentlemen, we're all partners here. Mr. Chase, so this is a vial of explosive?" asked Aaron, nervously trying to change subjects and gain some time.

"The daisy extract is just one of the components. The contents of this vial alone, if released into the atmosphere, would have the most unpredictable effects in the human body and mind. But to reach an explosive effect, I also had to use chemicals extracted from honey and crushed bees..."

"Oh, no, no..." Chuck was about to cry. Olive held her and tried to console her friend. Chuck placed her head on Olive's shoulder, hiding her face beneath her beautiful mane of dark hair.

"You mad man!" shouted Olive.

"You're a tiny little angry girl, aren't you?" said Chase. "Wouldn't it be because deep inside you know the Pie Maker will never love you?"

"What? How..." And Olive fell speechless.

"That's right! I know all of your secrets! By the way, Mamma Jacobs says hi, and she still blames you for ruining John Joseph's career."

Aaron honestly doubted Mark did literally know ALL of their secrets, especially those related to the events occurred in the last couple of days, but he still found it wise to determine the exact extent of the former car executive's knowledge.

"We're getting sidetracked here..." Aaron cleared his throat. "...partner. Don't pay attention to her. Tell me more about your business plan. I'm sure it's brilliant."

"And I'm sure you're flattering me just because I'm threatening your life, although I'm forced to agree with you. My plan IS brilliant. But make no mistake. I'm no megalomaniac fool with an inflated ego and a false sense of superiority like most villains you've come across. I'm just a simple businessman, well maybe not so simple, trying to make an honest... Well, maybe not so honest, dollar. Well, for sure a lot more than just one dollar."

"Which you'll be willing to share with us in exchange for...?"

"Well, Mr. Pie Maker. Haven't I told you about the common friend we have? Late Dwight Dixon?"

A new wave of shock struck the Pie Hole gang.

"What about him?" said Aaron. There was no point denying knowing the man. Ned's memories were fading, but he still had some recollection as of whom the failed botanist was talking about.

"With my new inventive developments, and Dixon's connections, I came to realize I had enough to start a lucrative business venture in the weapons trade. But I don't know what this selected clientèle would pay more dearly for: a method of assassination which leaves no trace... Or a way of bringing the dead back to life?"

Mark Chase looked at his captive audience with disdain, probably expecting some reaction. But if that was so, he had reasons to be disappointed. Even though that had been the most serious revelation made so far, Chuck, Emerson and even Aaron kept their silent poise. The only one who seemed to have something to say was Olive.

"What? Oh, you were doing so well, mister. Now you're tripping like you binged on some homeopathic drug-laced pie!" she said.

"Yeah! I can't believe you'd say out loud something so ridiculous!" said Aaron.

"You really think this is ridiculous? Wilfred Woodruff wouldn't agree with you. He told me you killed Lawrence Schatz and did a very clean and professional assassination job, as you made it look like an ordinary heart attack. And coincidently, a convenient heart attack also killed Dwight Dixon, a man who was out to kill YOU!"

"That was just a coincidence!" said Olive with no hesitation.

"Oh, no, my horse-riding waitress friend. In business there are no coincidences. Just opportunities you use or miss."

"This is absurd. And how exactly would this farfetched killing method work?" asked Aaron, trying to deny the now undeniable.

"Perhaps you might wish to shed some light on that part. Would it have anything to do with something as trivial as... the human touch? Wouldn't that be the reason why the Pie Maker will never touch the woman he loves, lonely tourist Charlotte Charles, because she was once dead?"

Emerson and Chuck exchanged guilty looks.

"No! Chuck didn't die! She just faked her death!" said Olive, repeating the truth she knew. "Oh, don't you all look at me like this. He knows a lot. We might just put it out in the open!"

"Then how would you explain the fact that Ned would allow his childhood sweetheart to suffer a nasty fall, not only not trying to catch her, but even getting out of his way not to touch her! A fact observed by one Lemuel 'Lefty Lem' Weinger. He lost his arm, but his eyes are just perfect!"

"I don't believe Lemuel would associate with such a heartless individual such as you," said Chuck.

"Perhaps not, but he surely was cooperative when I promised I'd join him with his love Elsita. Of course his discovery wouldn't mean much by itself, except that it matches what Oscar Vibenius had observed, and written down in his diaries."

"Oscar is an idiot and nothing he says makes any sense!" said Emerson, trying to discredit Oscar in a last-ditch attempt to avert a disaster. "The guy lives underground like a mole. He's prone to having fantasies and fabrications. All the fumes he's been sniffing down here have made him go bonkers! Ask your friend LeNez, and he'll tell you that."

"Hey!" Chuck, who always jumped in defense of her friends, shouted. "Oscar isn't..."

She interrupted her sentence in the middle as Aaron and Emerson gave her a reproachful look, and Olive just looked confused as hell.

"Oscar isn't... supposed to be trusted. These are just fabrications..." Chuck said, and lowered her sad gaze.

"You're a terrible liar, Ms. Charles. Some people find that a virtue. I think it's a weakness. So... Fabrications? What do you have to say about this?" Mark Chase got closer to a desk next to him, opened a drawer and produced a folder. "Did Vibenius fabricate these pictures, Ms. Charles?"

The criminal C.E.O. showed Chuck a high-definition color photograph, probably taken with the aid of a telephoto lens, of a man whose head was wrapped in bandages, and who was also wearing sunglasses and a hat. He was at a gas station, filling up a Mercedes.

When Chuck saw her father's picture, she stopped breathing, then gasped for air. If there were any tears to be shed, she held them back bravely.

"I... I've... I've never seen this man in my life. How... How could I know who it is? His face is faced is concealed," she said it with a fake smile, as if she didn't care.

"Yeah! What is this? A promotional picture of the movie The Invisible Man?" Aaron asked.

"What's the matter? Don't you recognize your own father, Ms. Charles? Your father, dead and buried twenty years ago?"

Chuck could barely look at the picture. Instead, she looked at Aaron with pleading eyes, as if begging that if he had an Ace up his sleeve, it was about time he used it. He understood it. It so happened that he did have one. And it was about time he used it.

"Mr. Chase. I would love make money with you, but if that's all you've got, I'm afraid I'll profit more baking pies to the homeless. Looks like all these criminals you've been talking to led you on a wild-goose chase," said Aaron. "I'd be amused if I weren't concerned for my life."

"You don't think that B.S. will persuade me to forgo my plans, do you?"

"No, but the truth will. Obviously you're insane if you believe all that nonsense," said Aaron.

"Yeah! I just told you this is all a bunch of hooey!" said Emerson.

"Exactly," confirmed Aaron. "And I can easily prove it to you. First of all, this is not the same Chuck you think she is. Hers is just a common nickname back in Coeur d'Coeurs."

"You gotta do better than that," said the man holding the remote.

"I will. But I have to admit I love this girl," said, looking at her in the eyes. Chuck smiled at him, as if she were saying that if those were her last moments in this world, she appreciated being told she was loved. But while Emerson just rolled his eyes, Olive once again looked upwards, like she had done earlier when she made the sarcastic remark that everybody had to be in love with Chuck.

"How could I not love her? She's just adorable!" Chuck's smile grew even bigger. "This is why I'm very proud that she is... my sister."

"What?" said Chase.

"What?" said Olive.

"And by the way," Aaron continued. "I have no problems to touch her," he said, hugging her, then kissing her forehead. "Like when I used to sink you in our swimming pool, remember?"

"Uh... Yeah?" she said.

"But... That's not possible!" said Chase.

"Thank you... I love to have you as a brother," said Chuck.

"See? You said she was a bad liar. Is she lying now?"

"It can't be... I was so sure... OK, maybe that part was wrong, but..."

"Everything you said was wrong," retorted Aaron. "My relationship with Chuck, and, one more thing. You should know this is the woman I love."

Aaron then gently, but quickly and firmly, held Olive's hand, and pulled her close to him. Then he made a move which in dancing is called a dip. Soon, Olive Snook was as if she was floating in mid air, not far from the ground, just suspended by the arms of that man. And he gave her an absolutely breathtaking kiss. And her response was pretty convincing, as she kissed him back the same way.

"Oh, for chrissake... Will you two lovebirds get a room!" said Emerson.

"All right, all right!" Chase complained. "So I made a mistake. But there has to be some truth in all I said!"

"But there isn't any. Don't you realize how insane all that sounds? Think logically. Such things do not exist. Only your insanity will let you believe them. And not even good insanity! Throughout history people have used their insanity in a positive way. Saint Paul and Saint Francis of Assisi gave away all of their earthly possessions to serve a God they had never seen."

"Yeah, that definitely was be insane," Emerson agreed.

"And Joan of Ark led an army, when in fact she was schizophrenic. But at least those people found some meaning in the universe. What did YOU end up with besides angry investors, a murdered victim, a life sentence in prison, and a whole bunch of worthless stories?"

"No! I will rebuild my company and my fortune! That's all that matters!"

"But why? To make money? Does that give your life meaning? You think you know reality, but it's not a reality. It's a delusion," said Aaron Tyler.

"Listen to him," said Emerson. "Money's great, but it don't call you daddy."

"I don't care about meaning. I'm a simple man. I'm happy with money and power," said Chase.

"You might be fine if you think existence has no meaning," said Aaron, the theologian, who was slowly walking towards his nemesis, while a hesitant Mark Chase kept walking backwards towards the wall behind him. "Meaninglessness in a universe that has no meaning – yeah, we all get that." And Mark made another step back. "But if any of what you said were true, then we'd have meaninglessness in a universe with meaning!"

"Huh??? What does that even mean?"

"That means you're getting close. Almost there."

"Close to what? To the Universe? To God?" Mark Chase questioned.

"No. Close to the door!" said Aaron, kicking the door open. "NOW DIGBY!"

An orange shadow jumped out of the room and sank his teeth in Mark Chase's right forearm. He then dropped the remote control. Aaron dove and caught the little black box before it reached the floor.

The girls jumped on the bad guy, knocking him to the ground. And Digby remained relentless in biting the man's arm. However he still managed to free his left hand, and with that, he grabbed the vial of daisy extract, smashing it against the floor.

Suddenly, a yellow smoke filled the entire room, and they all started coughing. Digby was dizzy, so he let go of Mark Chase's arm. The bad guy then pushed the girls away, and managed to get up. As he had reached the door, however, the fumes were too much for him, and he fainted right there.

* * *

Emerson had been feeling terrible all that evening. He hated the way he'd been fooled and overpowered by Mark Chase, and he hated even more the fact he was still tied up, impotent before that threat.

Now the room was being filled with yellow fumes and he couldn't even help any of his friends to catch the bad guy who was trying to escape.

The girls were the first ones to be knocked out. It was all about body mass, and they had the least. Then Mark Chase fell down, probably because he'd been fighting and was breathing pretty hard. The drug would affect his adrenaline-filled blood quite easily.

And Aaron was down too. He probably lost consciousness when he hit the floor catching the remote. So, Emerson was the only one still conscious.

The door opened, and he could make out the fuzzy outline of the small person who had opened it. The person got a little closer, and then he saw it was... an African American girl.

"Daddy! Help me, please!"

"Emily? Is that you? Oh, my God. Untie me!"

"Daddy! We need to go. Follow me!"

"I can't, Emily! I can't. Please don't go. Come back. COME BACK!" shouted Emerson pleadingly.

* * *

Olive Snook was the first to wake up. She looked around and the room was still filled with the yellow smoke. Chuck and Aaron were lying near her, and Mark Chase had passed out near the door. And poor Emerson, had had no chance, tied to his chair the way he was.

She got up, then she heard some familiar noises behind her. A gallop to be exact.

The yellow stallion stood right in front of her, and lifted his front legs. The horse gave a long neigh.

"What? Pie? You came back from the dead?"

"Of course, Olive. Wanna go for a ride?" asked the horse.

"You betcha!"

Olive jumped on the saddle and the stallion left at full gallop. Soon they were in a long race track, in a bright sunny day.

"Did you miss me, Olive?" asked Pie, while he kept running

"I sure did. I never stopped thinking about you."

"I never forgot you either, Olive."

"Just one question, Pie. Why are you so yellow now? And since when do you talk?"

"And I can count too! That's two questions, Olive. Well, I'm yellow because I'm made of cheese, of course."

"Yeah, I noticed that. And your mane... It's made of macaroni. Why is that?"

"I don't know, Olive. You made me this way."

The horse kept galloping, this time on a lovely green prairie.

"Where are we going?"

"To the future."

"Macaroni and cheese taking me to the future? That doesn't make any sense."

"Don't worry. It will. And the future is a beautiful place, but in order to get there, you'll have to let go of the past."

"Do I have to? I don't know how."

"I'll show you how. First you have to forget everything you heard today. That was not for you to know."

"OK, Pie, if you think it's important..."

"It is. And then you have to open your heart to new possibilities."

"I don't know if I can do that."

"Maybe you're not ready, Olive. But you will be. Now let's enjoy the ride!"

* * *

It was Chuck who was the first to wake up. Or at least she had thought so. She saw all of her friends, and that one man who hadn't been so friendly after all, though she was trying so hard to forgive him. They were all unconscious. Then she saw herself on the ground. She wasn't breathing. She was dead.

Chuck had had a good life. Both of them. She was thankful for the extra time she had borrowed, and she took some consolation from the fact she knew she would be meeting Ned when his time came.

She saw The Light and started walking towards it. She stepped into the tunnel of light, not far from the ultimate passage from where there was no return.

"Charlotte Charles!" a voice behind her caller her name. She turned to see who it was. It turned out to be a small African American man wearing a white lab coat.

"I know you. You are the coroner! What are you doing here? Are you here to take me to heaven?"

"No... That would be... ironic... Don't you want to see Ned one last time?"

"Of course!" her face lit up with a smile. "But I don't know how."

"I'll show you. Come with me."

Next thing she knew they were standing at a beach. Ned was talking to another Chuck.

"So cute. He's dreaming of me! Hey, Ned! I'm here, not there!"

"Save your breath, young lady," said the coroner. "You aren't really part of his dream. He can't see you or hear you."

"Oh, what a bummer... Not the way I pictured it."

"But you can step in," he said. "Just try."

"Don't mind if I do!" she replied in a chirpy way.

"Just one more thing. Make sure you give him this. It isn't for reading. It's just the right weight and size. He'll need it to deal with the Old Lady," said the coroner, handing her a small green book. She read the title on the cover.

"Alice in Wonderland. But what old lady..." Chuck never finished the sentence. When she raised her gaze again, the coroner wasn't there anymore. Chuck noticed Dream Chuck was saying something.

"_Besides, we're not thinking about Olive anymore. But perhaps I could be more like a certain other brunette from Niagara Falls? It's your dream. Nobody has to know."_

"Hey, hey, hey!" said Chuck with great concern. "What do you mean, nobody has to know? *I* would know! And what brunette is that supposed to be?"

"I like Jaye. Very much," Ned said.

"What? This is not a dream. It's a nightmare!" Real Chuck said.

"But I really can't define how I feel about her. For the time being I just want you to be Chuck."

"Much better!" said Chuck, although she wasn't totally happy with his use of the phrase 'for the time being.'

So, before she heard something else she didn't like, she stepped in and took over the place of that Dream Chuck.

"Oh, Ned. I wish things could be different..." she then said. And they started talking, probably the last conversation they would have in a long, long time.

Ned embraced her very tenderly, and she enjoyed every second of it.

"Oh, Chuck. I wish I could tell you. I mean, tell the real Chuck, that I really think things will end up all right. Things may seem ugly right now, but in the end you will be happy. I'll make sure of that."

"Oh, Ned. If only you had told me that earlier. I'm afraid now it's just too late."

"Hey! I really feel optimistic. And you don't sound like me anymore."

"Because now it's me. You're talking to the real Chuck. And I came to say goodbye, Ned. You mean the world to me. But I have to say goodbye. It's too late, Ned. I'm here because I'm dead. I'm so grateful for the little extra life I had." She shed a tear.

"I'm not enjoying this dream anymore, Chuck. I think I want to wake up."

"It's about time, really. But first... A friend asked me to give you this book. You'll need it to deal with the Old Lady."

Chuck gave Ned the little green book.

"I can't make heads nor tails of this. What use will that have for me?"

"This particular book isn't for reading. It's just the right size and weight."

"But it's gibberish..."

"Of course! You can't read in dreams. Dreams are processed in the right brain hemisphere, and reading happens in the left one."

Ned closed the book, and gazed into her eyes.

"I don't know what you said about being dead, and I don't want to understand that. Whether this is a dream or not, I beg you. Don't give up on us. I may have found a loophole." He touched her hair, then held her cheek. She closed her eyes and rubbed her face against his large hand and long fingers. Next, he closed his eyes. And then they kissed.

It felt wonderful for Chuck. But then she couldn't breathe. She opened her eyes, but now everything was dark. She was struggling to breath.

Finally she felt lips touching her lips again, and she managed to take a deep breath, the same kind of breath she had taken over a year ago, when she was lying inside that casket at Schatz Brothers funeral home.

She saw light. Now she could see! She saw Ned. He'd just been kissing her... But it felt more like kissing her brother, if she had one. And it wasn't a real kiss; it was CPR. Real, not emotional. And that wasn't Ned. It was Aaron Tyler, and she was lying on the floor of Oscar's retreat.

She sat up and started coughing convulsively. Emerson tapped her on her back and that helped her clear her airways.

"Aaron!" she finally said. "You... You brought me back to life!"

* * *

Oscar's lair was filled with cops, forensic technicians, and paramedics. Emerson had excellent connections with the Law and Order forces, so all it took him was a simple phone call from a nearby phone and the place was swarming with law agents. Mark Chase was being taken away by two uniformed policemen.

"You can't take me! I have a company to run! The launching of the new Dandy Lion SX is next week. I have a lot to do!"

"Looks like we just got lucky," said Emerson. "Mark Chase thinks it's one year ago, and that he still has a car company. He has no memory of his time in prison."

"Speaking of memory..." said Olive, "what are we doing here? Aaron, did we find Oscar? I can't remember anything..."

"Well, Chase did say the daisy gas would affect humans unpredictably," said Aaron. "But don't worry, Olive. You didn't miss anything important. The police is going to free Oscar, and the man behind his and Emerson's kidnapping is going back behind bars. And Emerson, did the gas affect you in any way?"

"Hmmm. I just had a weird dream I don't wanna talk about, so don't even ask."

"Well, I had a wonderful dream about macaroni and cheese. And Pie," said Olive.

"Your wonderful dream was about having dinner?" asked Emerson in a sarcastic tone.

"Not pie, the food. Pie the horse. And he was made of macaroni and cheese, so of course I wouldn't eat it! And Pie talked to me."

"You dreamed of a talking horse? That's so neat! What did you dream of, Aaron," asked Chuck.

Aaron's face became gloomy, and he averted her gaze.

"Do you really have to know?"

"If you wanna be like Emerson and you don't want to tell, don't tell."

"I don't mind sharing... I had a death dream. Very scary."

"Really?" asked Olive "How scary. Did you see angels or rotting bodies?"

"None. The other time I even met the Devil himself. But it was more like a metaphorical allegory, I see now. This time I really thought I was dead, and this time it was really scary."

"Why? What did you see?" asked Chuck.

"Nothing. Nothing at all. I died and there was just a big Nothing, with capital N."

"I'm sorry, Aaron I guess you find what you believe in," said Chuck.

They all went silent, and that was awkward. Finally Olive spoke.

"And you Chuck? What did you see when the gas got to you?"

"I had a death experience as well. But I saw Ned, and it was beautiful. By the way. I'm feeling that... We have to go to the Pie Hole. Immediately!"

"For crying out loud! Can't that wait?" asked Emerson. "I just wanna go home, get in my bathtub, and count my money, while I drink the vodka that is in my freezer. Then, just to relax, I might rib-stitch a ski cap."

"No, Emerson" Chuck retorted. "We have to go to the Pie Hole now! Ned is coming back tonight!"

**- 15 -**


	26. Back To The Pie Hole

Word count: 5558

Previously on Dead Ringers:

Mark Chase's plans are foiled by Aaron and the Pie Hole gang. They all go back to the Pie Hole and wait for Ned to come back.

And now the story...

**XXVI**

**Back To The Pie Hole**

_(November 1st, near dawn – Papen County – The Pie Hole)_

It was almost dawn in Lakeshore. Birds were singing to welcome the very first sun rays and the beginning of a beautiful new day. A cable car merrily passed by, and the Main Street traffic was slowly getting more intense. The storm had long stopped altogether and it looked like it hadn't rained in a very long time.

Inside the Pie Hole, Chuck was looking through one of the windows, watching the street outside. She had her arms crossed and sometimes would test the resistance of her index fingernail with her teeth, a sign of anxiety.

"Watching the street will only make the hours feel longer, Chuck," said Olive, sitting near her and caressing Digby.

"I know... I just can't help it. I... I really want this this is over."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah..." Emerson moaned. "Me too. My bathtub is waiting for me. It just called me asking me where I was."

"Please, Emerson, I'm sorry for asking you to stay. After all you've been through, I know you needed a good night sleep."

"Dead Girl, are you kidding? No way I could sleep. And I wanna see the Pie Boy too."

Aaron was observing them all from one of the stools by the counter. He liked to see those friends interact. He knew they were also his friends now, but somehow he felt he would never be entirely one of them.

Digby looked at Aaron and, for a moment, he moved away from Olive's tender care. Aaron received his canine friend with affection, but Digby didn't stay with him. Instead, he started moving back to the front with the others. Aaron got the message, took a long breath, and made a few steps. He stopped in front of Olive.

"Olive, I..." he started, but she wouldn't even look at him.

"You wanna know what, Emerson?" Olive interrupted Aaron. "Why don't you come with me to the kitchen and I'll cut you a large slice of rhubarb. On the house! You haven't had any pie in the last couple days on account of being so involved in your case."

"Finally a good idea! But I'll go on one condition: I want to try one piece of whatever you have back there."

"Deal, partner!" said Olive, walking towards the kitchen, and leaving Aaron speechless. Emerson looked at him and shook his head in disapproval, as if Aaron had done something terribly wrong.

"What?" he asked. But he never got an answer.

"Aaron, before I forget... Thank you!" said Chuck. "Thank you for everything! The way you outsmarted Mark Chase was precious!"

"You're welcome. I couldn't let anything happen to you."

"I know. But now... Are you OK?"

"I'm all right. I just wanted to leave knowing everything is fine between me and everybody, but I guess that won't be possible."

"She'll come around, eventually. You just have to be patient. But are you really leaving now?"

"As soon as possible, and I have no time to be patient. If Ned doesn't come in the next hour or so, I'll take a cab to the bus station. But I must go."

Chuck timidly approached Aaron. She showed a serene smile that brought him comfort.

"You could stay a little longer. It would be nice for us to get to know each other better without all the pressure of a case, and a bad guy trying to kill us I'd love to show you Coeur d'Coeur. I'd wear a disguise..."

He returned the smile.

"Yes, I guess it would be great, but... How can I explain this? My being here... This is not just an ordinary trip. This place here... This town, this building... You... This is all so unreal. It's like a parallel universe! You have no cell phones, just one channel on TV, and there's the cars, your clothing, the sky..."

He looked at her and she was looking back at him, but at that moment he thought she didn't have a clue of what he was talking about.

"I really don't have a clue of what you're talking about, Aaron!" she said, but that didn't keep her from smiling.

"See? What you just said... Exactly what I meant... Oh, God... I just feel like I'm breaking some divine law just being here."

Chuck looked down and averted his gaze.

"So what you said about me being your sister was just... Just a ploy to fool Mark Chase?"

He came close to her and held her shoulders.

"By no means! I meant every word of it. And it just worked because it was sincere. I know what I feel about you, and I have plenty of experience having two beautiful and strong-headed sisters."

"Thank you, Aaron. I never had a brother, but I've wondered what that would feel like. Thank you for letting me experience that."

"So as far as my feelings are concerned, consider yourself unofficially adopted by the Tylers... You know, girlfriends and boyfriends come and go..."

"No, they don't!"

"OK, I was just making a point. They may come and go. But siblings are forever."

"That's much better," said Chuck. And a long and warm hug followed.

"I'd like to meet your folks," she said.

"Well, I think you'd love game night. Or maybe one of our fancy family dinners. My mother would love to talk to you about table manners and fashion. And Jaye desperately needs another friend... Now that I've stolen the only one she has..." He gave a wry smile of embarrassment.

"What do you mean, stolen... Oh! Her best friend?"

"Yeah... We were alone... One thing led to the other... You got the picture."

"I don't think I did," said Chuck, frowning with visible concern. "Aaron Tyler! Olive and I pick on each other all the time, but we're like sisters, and right now I'm not sure I like what you're doing! I don't think you ever meant to hurt her, or cheat on whoever you left in your town. But in the end we end hurting people anyway. And the people we hurt are usually the people we love."

"You're right. I want to get things right with her, but she won't even talk to me!"

"You're smart. You'll find a way. I don't know how you'll do it, but the least you should do is try. She's not at her best emotionally right now, and she doesn't need to be let down again."

Chuck's words left Aaron pensive. She was right. He had to think of something...

Meanwhile, inside the kitchen, Olive served Emerson another slice.

"Try the blueberry this time."

"You can bet I will. My bubble bath can definitely wait. By the way, thanks for helping in my rescue..."

"You're welcome, Emerson. I'm glad someone recognizes my talents around here."

"Don't sell yourself short... No pun intended. People do value you," said Emerson.

"Except when it's time to tell your dirty little secrets, right? Then I'm out of the circle, and into the dog house. And don't tell me that's to protect me!"

"Oh, no. You won't hear that BS from me. But I know that the more people know something very few people should know, the more likely it is people who should not know that information will know it."

"That's callous, Emerson."

"That's frank and honest."

"And you know damn well what I think about frank and honest!"

"Frank and honest is not always bad," justified Emerson. "That means I have confidence in you," he said and she smiled, "...for certain things." And her smile vanished. "But we can do something. Next case, I want you to work side by side with me then. Are you up to the challenge?"

"All right, boss! Now you're talking!"

That being said, an excited Olive and a still taciturn Emerson high-fived.

At that very moment, Aaron came into the kitchen. He looked at Olive positively determined not to let her leave without them having a long conversation. As she saw him...

"Excuse me, Emerson. I'm going to see if Chuck needs something," she said, and marched past Aaron despite all the determination in his gaze. In fact, all he could do was waste his determined gaze on an empty doorway. And Emerson just enjoyed the spectacle from a front-row seat.

"Hee, hee, hee. Ha, ha, ha! Ho, ho, ho!" was Emerson's reaction. Aaron turned, and faced Emerson, just to make sure he P.I. knew the honorary Pie Maker failed to find anything funny in the situation.

"Having enough fun yet?"

"Oh, I never have enough fun, believe me, Bible boy. But now that you're here and I had already started a heart-felt thank-you speech, I might as well recycle it and used it with you. As I was just saying... Thanks for helping in my rescue..."

"Uh... Well, you're welcome. I'm sure you would've done the same for me," said Aaron.

"Of course I would, but that's my job. I'm a seasoned P.I. You're an amateur."

"Who handled things quite well, wouldn't you say so?"

"I have to admit you took some risks, and it paid off. I could even use a man of your talents and we could make some money. Speaking of which, here's your share. There was a reward for the capture of Mark Chase."

Emerson reached an internal pocket of his jacket, and produced a stack of bills. He threw it on the table. Aaron smiled and picked it up. He looked at the bill on the top, and frowned. Then the frown became another smile. Then, laughter.

"Ha, ha, ha. Is this some kind of joke?"

"What are you talking about?" asked Emerson.

"I mean... ha, ha... Are you paying in monopoly money? Where I come from I have no use for that."

"There's nothing wrong with this money!" Emerson complained. "If you don't want it, fine. More for me!"

"OK... But what if I told you I come from a place where not only the money is slightly different, but also many other details, like the cars people drive, the clothes people wear, even the blue of the sky seems like in another world?" said Aaron. He then stared at Emerson who kept staring back at him with his mouth open and the fork in mid air, between the pie and his pie hole.

"I'd say..." said Emerson, finally breaking the silence, "lay off the booze! Just like I did. Why do you think I eat so much pie? Drinking almost ruined my life! Watch it, man!"

Aaron took a long breath, and carefully placed the money on the table right in front of Emerson.

"You're right. No more booze for me... But I can't take your money. The fun I had was reward enough. Give it to the blind, or something."

Emerson closed his eyes, lifted his head and suddenly pretended to be lost. He then started shaking his arms as if in the hopes of touching some invisible obstacle right in front of him. Next, he started touching the table, fumbling for something that should be there. When his fingers reached the stack of bills, it quickly disappeared into his inner breast pocket again.

"The blind thank you," said Emerson. "So... If you change your mind, well... too late for this money! But next time you're in town and if you want to work with me, we can always arrange something."

"Deal, Cod. I'll remember that... next time I'm in town."

And they shook hands. Meanwhile, at the front...

"Watching the window again, Chuck? You look too anxious."

"He's going to be here any minute."

"What if he's not? Why don't you go rest?" said Olive.

"You go rest if you want. I'll stay. I'll lock everything."

"No way, Chuck. If you stay, I'll stay!"

"Thank you, then."

They both stayed in silence for a while, watching the window with the early morning movement.

"I'm not doing this entirely for you," said Olive. "But you're welcome anyway."

"I appreciate your company. We made a good team today, didn't we?"

"Yeah... It's a pity we can't ALWAYS make such a wonderful team..."

"I'm sorry... If you're talking about the secrets we don't tell you, well, Ned is a very careful man. I'm not going to put all the blame on him. He's the man I love and I support him in every decision, even if it's painful to me," said Chuck, while Olive followed Chuck's reasoning with a confused frown. "But ultimately, he's the one you should talk to. As for me, I really appreciate everything we could do together."

"Me too."

And they both hugged.

Meanwhile, Aaron was observing the girl from the kitchen doorway. He was trying to gather courage to talk to Olive. It's funny because he had never had problems talking to a woman, but now communication seemed unbelievably difficult. Finally, he told himself, _it's now or never! _Looks like it would be... never, because when he made his first step towards Olive, the girls screamed,

"NED!!!!!!!"

Olive jumped on Ned, who had just opened the front door, while Chuck stayed at a safe distance. Ned, his hands in his pockets, sort of shrank at the pressure of Olive's affectionate hug. He would smile at her, and show an even bigger smile to Chuck.

It was then that Chuck noticed that Aaron had been observing them. She nudged Olive and pointed at Aaron by the counter. The scene was unsettling. Both men wearing the same kind of black suit with black tie and black overcoat. They were mirror images.

Trying to make the moment feel a little less awkward, Aaron timidly waved at Ned with his right hand, but the effect was even weirder, because at the very same time, Ned apparently had made the same decision and waved at him with his left hand. Aaron put his hand down immediately, as if he had been tempting fate or something.

Olive, on the other hand, was too interested in Ned, and too adamant about ignoring Aaron, so she wasted no time being intrigued about the secret of those two dead ringers.

Aaron just made a quiet exit back to the kitchen.

"Looks like the man of the hour, the King of the Hill, the Big Kahuna, El Grande Tamale has arrived," Aaron commented bitterly.

"Hmmm," moaned Emerson, savoring a spoonful of cherry filling. "Do I detect a slight hint of jealousy?"

"Hmpf... I know how to handle the ladies. But this guy... He's really something. He does nothing and the girls act like he's been dipped in honey!"

"Hee, hee, hee, hee!"

_* * *_

"So, did you catch a bad guy?" Olive asked excitedly.

"Yeah. A doctor's twin brother who dressed like his mother. Just the ordinary kind of bad guy," said Ned, trying to sound casual, while he looked at Chuck.

"And the town? What was the town like?" said Olive.

"Believe me, all over America, there's nothing as beautiful as Papen County."

"What about the people?"

"Yeah, Ned. What about the people?" confirmed Chuck. "Met any interesting brunettes with soft lips?"

Ned blushed, and looked down to avert her gaze. Then looked at her.

"Most people are uninteresting, but some became real, true friends. And I emphasize the word friends."

"Well, well, well, pie boy," said Emerson just coming out of the kitchen. He was cleaning his teeth with a small wooden stick, and rubbing his belly. "I've had too much fun and excitement for one day. I gotta split now. Nice to have you back."

"I'll walk you to your car," said Ned, using the chance as an excuse to avoid any more embarrassing questions from Chuck. Emerson frowned at him, certainly because he didn't need anybody to walk him anywhere. But he seemed more open to enjoy the Pie Maker's company then usual.

They both were walking on the sidewalk. It was a lovely, sunny morning. The bell of a passing cable car filled the air with that familiar sound.

"So, did you enjoy your adventure, pie boy?"

"Simple words wouldn't be enough to describe it. But yes, very much. And I'm enjoying it even more now that I'm back. So, how did you get along with my mirror image?"

"It wasn't easy," said Emerson. "That guy is just too stubborn, sarcastic, know-it-all who says what he thinks. How can anybody put up with that?"

"Really, Emerson? He reminds me of someone you and I know very well."

"I have no idea what you mean... Well, here's my car. I need a one-day-long bubble bath, then I'm sleeping for a week. But after that, I want a full report."

"You got it!"

"Oh, before I forget. This is for you," said Emerson, handing Ned the bills Aaron had refused. "For the capture of Mark Chase."

"I didn't do anything, but I won't question your generosity, partner!"

"You deserved it. It's like you were there with us," said Emerson. "All right? Take care."

Ned just waved and his friend and partner got into his convertible and sped away. Very soon, he was back in the Pie Hole. Both girls were facing him. Olive, with a big smile from ear to ear, and Chuck with her arms crossed and an enigmatic expression on her face. Since the Pie Hole was close for business, apart from Olive's endless questions, there was nothing else to distract Chuck from asking any more brunette questions.

"And the food! Tell me about the food!" asked Olive.

"It was edible... I'd make a fortune with my pies there."

"Really?" asked Chuck, tapping her right foot on the floor. "Thinking about opening a Pie Hole branch in Niagara Falls? Maybe you could supervise it personally. The brunettes there would appreciate it."

"Actually it was an African American girl who really enjoyed my pies, and..." Ned started, then paused. "Oh, dear. I'm in trouble, aren't I?" he said, trying to rehearse a pale smile.

"Yes, Ned, you are!" shouted Aaron coming from the back. "Who did you serve pie to? My sister? My..." he paused and looked and Olive, then completed the sentence, "...my girlfriend?"

Ned thought for a moment, then smiled.

"Your mother too!"

Aaron flared his nostrils and batted his eyes, which were wide open. Chuck chuckled and coyly covered her mouth with her hand.

"Don't worry, Aaron. If you knew Ned the way I do, you'd know he's literally talking about pies."

"Well, I'm short on time, so I'll choose to believe you... Now, I have something that needs proper closing," he said. All of a sudden, Olive Snook was literally swept off her feet, and Aaron was carrying her to the kitchen on his shoulder.

"Put me down! Put me down... NOW!" Olive commanded.

Ned stretched his arm towards them, but Chuck made a "no" sign with her index finger.

"Hey... Do you need some help?" said Ned to Olive.

"Yes! Tell him to get me down!"

Aaron stopped, turned on his heel and faced Ned.

"No, I'm good!" he said, pretending the question was for him. "Besides, you can use some alone time with your girlfriend. I'll be right back."

"All... right..."

Chuck delicately motioned her hand asking him to follow her as she went towards the front door. Ned grinned eagerly and went along. Then they both sat at the bench in front of the Pie Hole, which now stood in the same place of the other bench where they had sat over a year before, at which occasion they had learned the plaster monkeys were golden.

They kept watching the traffic and the street motion of the cars and people who hurried for their jobs. Finally, Ned spoke.

"The brunette... She's a terrific girl, and a wonderful human being. But she was only interesting... And I'm not saying I was interested... Just curious, a little excited, but not in the way you're thinking... What I mean is... She was what she was just because she was made in the same fun factory of life as you."

"Oh, that's so sweet," said Chuck.

"I knew you'd understand that!" he said with a smile. "So... You know of her because of something I said... on the dream beach?"

"Yeah... That was weird..."

"I know! Weird doesn't begin to describe it. Hey! Did you throw a peach at me?" asked Ned.

"So that was you after all?"

"Not sure... It was like another dream... It was and it wasn't me. But I know I was the bee."

"I knew I knew that bee from somewhere!" said Chuck, opening a smile so full of joy.

"Oh, I think we have a million things to talk about."

"Two million at least! But we can't comment with anybody."

"I know! Not even with Olive or Emerson," said Ned.

"This will be our little..."

"...our little big secret!"

"Aaron Tyler! What do you think you're doing? Let me go right now!" Olive shouted.

"Come on, you're free to go any time you want! But please, listen to me. You and I won't forgive ourselves if we say goodbye like that!"

"Listen to what? Listen to you saying you're leaving, or listen about your African-American girlfriend?"

Aaron scratched his head and made an embarrassed face, then took a long breath.

"OK, guilty as charged! I'm no saint and I admit I went too far, I deceived you, and I'll never forgive myself for doing it. But what is done is done, and I don't regret knowing you. It was the best thing that happened to me here."

"You're not going to sweet talk me!" warned Olive.

"But I'm mean it. Honestly!"

"Hmmm. I don't know..."

"Besides, why should you care? You only were interested in me because you thought I was... HIM! And the minute you stepped in, you never thought about me again," Aaron complained.

"Paraphrasing a wise friend I didn't think I got until now... I wouldn't say never!"

"All right, then... I know this is too little to take us anywhere from here, but I want you to know, you're a terrific girl, but you have to do something about this obsession of yours. You need to be with somebody who values you more than anything and anyone, and I'm sure you're perfectly aware of that!"

She turned her back to him.

"Maybe... And you wouldn't be a candidate, would you?" asked Olive.

He gently held her and rested his chin on top of her head, giving her a warm embrace.

"I can't... I don't belong here. It's like I'm breaking some natural law just staying here."

She pushed away from him.

"You're talking weird again! Sounds like a bunch of hooey to me!"

"OK, OK. Let's say then. I have baggage. You have baggage. We can't dump our baggage at sea, so we have to make sure our baggage gets to its destination. Then we can think about a new trip, possibly together."

"Strange metaphor, but I get it," said Olive. "Yeah, I'm alone, but no real romantic relationship has ever given me so much baggage!"

She placed her hands on her head and disheveled her hair. He held her in his arms.

"I can't predict the future, but... Why don't we leave this door open, and who knows, maybe in the future..." suggested Aaron.

"We might have a chance?"

"Exactly. Kiss goodbye?"

Olive closed her eyes, and pouted her lips, but Aaron kissed on her cheek.

"Oh, come on!" she protested. "You can do much better than that! I know you can!"

She grabbed his neck and then they had a REAL kiss!

"Hmmm... Humpf!" Ned cleared his throat. He looked embarrassed, while Chuck just smiled with satisfaction.

"Don't you two have anything better to do?" asked Olive.

"We'll wait at the front. Let's go, Ned."

Several minutes later, Olive went to meet Ned and Chuck at the front.

"Looks like you two came to an agreement?" said Ned.

"Looks like it..." said Olive.

"Ned, can I talk to you just a second?" said Aaron. He pulled Ned's shoulder, and they went to talk near the front door, while Chuck and Olive exchanged a few ideas near the counter. "Am I stuck here?"

"By no means. There's someone I want you to meet. Ready to bid farewell to our little town?"

"I think I never will. But I have to go," pondered Aaron.

"Chuck, Olive! We're going out for a walk," said Ned.

"And unfortunately, just one of us will be back," informed Aaron.

Ned walked to the door, but Aaron looked around, scanning the room. "There you are, buddy!" he said addressing Digby.

Until then the dog had been quiet under a table. As soon as he was called, he got very excited and started wagging his tail. He stood beside Ned at the front door.

"It seems you'll have double escort, Aaron. Now we're ready to go."

* * *

Two men, two lookalikes, in fact, wearing the same kind of clothes walked side by side accompanied by a golden retriever on a busy sidewalk. The scene was a little unusual, and that made people occasionally stop and stare at them. Ned kept looking around to see how much attention they were attracting.

"Are you OK, Ned? You seem a little restless."

"I'm not comfortable being the center of attention. I'd rather be comfortably ignored by people in general, and constantly watched by a certain person in particular."

"Clever survival skill, I guess," said Aaron. "But if I had your gift, I don't know, perhaps I could start my own religion. Then the attention would be welcome."

"No, thanks. Being a prophet is a full-time job, and that would leave me no time to bake pies. So, are you going to miss our nice little town?"

"I sure am. Some things... Some people more than others. You do realize that your town is nothing like mine, right?"

"I can't deny that," said Ned.

"Because I tried to explain that to our friends and the concept was a little hard for them to grasp. But I understand how they feel. My policy has always been seeing is believing. And believe me, I've seen a lot!"

"Me too, Aaron. I'm perfectly aware that my city, my home, the place where my roots are is kind of magical and unique, and I'm deeply connected to it. And as much as I'll miss Niagara Falls, your tiny phones, and lovely family, I couldn't live anywhere else."

"I can see why. This is a lovely place. And I'll miss the people I met here," said Aaron.

"Oh, I'll miss your folks in Niagara Falls as well. It felt great to be part of a large family, even if I was pretending."

"Yeah, they're great. Speaking of family and of missing. I guess you'll be missing my sister Jaye the most?"

"I sure will," said Ned. "But about kissing Jaye..."

"Yes, I saw the kiss. I was there, remember?"

"Id like to say I was a gentleman all the time, even when you weren't there. No need to worry."

"And I should assume you were a perfect gentleman with Mahandra as well?"

"Well, the thing is... Look, we're here!" said Ned with relief.

They were right in front of a French-style café with tables on the sidewalk. Ned stopped next to a table with one occupant whose face was hiding behind the morning's edition of the Lakeshore Globe. He then lowered the paper.

"Hello, son! Ready to go home?" said the coroner to Aaron. The coroner was wearing regular clothes and was out of his usual lab coat. "Please, take a seat."

Ned and Aaron sat at the table. Ned observed Aaron, who looked a little more apprehensive than expected.

"Well... Yes... I guess it's time to go."

Hearing this, Digby whined, and placed his head on Aaron's lap.

"I think you made a new friend, Aaron," said Ned.

"Yes, yes, yes, buddy!" said Aaron, patting Digby on the top of his head and then under his chin, a gesture the dog really seemed to enjoy. "Who knows, I might even get a dog."

Aaron kept stroking Digby and his gaze was vague. His thoughts could've already taken him back to Niagara Falls, but maybe his mind was somewhere, or with someone, much closer.

"I sense a little degree of ambivalence, Aaron. I thought you'd be happy to go."

"You seemed awfully in a hurry to come back, Ned. Never thought of overstaying, just a little?"

"I was only in a hurry to come back because I feared for Chuck's life. Now that I know she's fine, I feel I left a few opened issues among your folks."

"So you know how I feel after all. I am... I was just wondering... Do I really have to go? I mean, right now?"

"No, no. Wait a minute, fellas," said the coroner. "It would be risky for both of you to stay on the same side of the mirror much longer."

"Why? What would be the risk?"

The coroner scratched his short beard, and frowned his forehead.

"It's hard to explain... I wouldn't like to try our luck. Let's say... something in the lines of... the Universe imploding!"

Aaron and Ned looked at one another with real concern. Then the coroner started laughing.

"Listen, fellas. I'm going to leave here in a few minutes, and I'm taking one of you. As far as the Universe is concerned, it doesn't really matter who," he said with a smile. Then, he became very serious. "But one of you has to go!" he sentenced.

"You mean one of us..." said Ned.

"No matter whom?" said Aaron.

"But don't worry," said the coroner. "You could switch places again for just a few days for one very last time. Consider this a unique post-Halloween offer. But you have to make up your minds right now!"

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking, Ned?"

"I think I am. I could finally get to see the Falls, buy a Wonderfalls souvenir... and Jaye could tell me more about her wedding plans. Poor thing, never had a chance of sharing that with me."

"My sister's getting married? Wow, whatever you did, thank you for putting some sense into that crazy head of hers."

"And thank you for treating Chuck as a sister. She'd really appreciate having a brother. And also, thank you for giving Olive what I couldn't give her. She deserves some degree of romantic happiness, even if temporary."

"Oh, yeah... I could stay a little longer with Olive... And Chuck wanted to show me Coeur d'Coeurs... That's tempting..."

"Oh, well," said Ned. "I do miss Chuck a lot. We have so much to talk about."

"And I miss Mahandra. And I miss sex!" he said with a grin, then the coroner and Ned gave him a stern look. "Hey! I'm human!"

Both men went silent for a while.

"I think there's just one decision you and I can make," said Aaron.

"I couldn't agree more," said Ned.

* * *

The bell over the Pie Hole door chimed, and the door opened.

"Ned!" said Chuck.

"And Digby... Just the two of you," said Olive.

"Good morning, girls. Yes... As I said, just one of us would come back."

Chuck frowned and thought for a moment.

"But... Ned! You didn't say that!"

The Pie Maker stopped to think.

"I didn't? Well, one of us did, I'm sure of that. Come on, Digby, let's bake some pies!" he said and went to the kitchen with his canine friend right behind him.

Olive came closer to Chuck.

"You don't think that he is..." said Olive.

"Or that he isn't..." said Chuck.

"Oh, no, we couldn't put up with that again..."

"I don't know... Could we?"

**- 17 -**


	27. Meet The Bokor

Word count: 2309

Previously on Dead Ringers:

Ned comes back from Niagara Falls with many stories to tell. Ned and Aaron go meet the coroner for Aaron's return. One of the two Dead Ringers goes back to the Pie Hole. It's probably the right one...

And now the story...

**XXVII**

**Meet The Bokor**

_(A few weeks later, afternoon – Papen County – some coffee shop)_

Winter arrived in Papen County with full strength. The white cloak of snow covered just about everything outside, such as streets, sidewalks, marquees, window sills... Denizens of that county would welcome the change in the environment as it announced a time for introspection, for taking stock of one's actions and to seek comfort in the warmth of one's home and family.

For those, however, who could count on no family, but still had a lot to reflect on, the season offered little comfort, and, instead, was a constant reminder of all the problems they had to mull over.

It was in this state of mind that the coroner, who was wearing a warm overcoat and a Homburg hat, ordered a hot cocoa cup in a coffee shop located in an area of the city not usually frequented by our friends at the Pie Hole.

He checked his watch and grunted. _She's late, damn it,_ he thought. He'd just wait for her until he'd finished that cup. Then he would leave and he'd made sure she'd deal with the consequences.

However, he didn't have to wait very long.

"I'm sorry I'm late," she said, noisily dragging a chair from the coroner's table, and pulling another chair to drop her several shopping bags.

"I thought you had changed your mind, Dilly."

She gave a mocking smile.

"Oh, well, you know I can't take the luxury of doing that, even if I wanted, doc. And you know I do want it."

Dilly Balsam made an elegant gesture to summon the waitress and ordered a latte. Even if she was under some sort of duress, she never lost her poise, an elegance that was evident in her wardrobe; she was wearing a long beige fur coat with shaggy sleeve tips and lapels, and a matching fur hat, in the best 1950s style.

"As long as you keep your end of the bargain, you have nothing to worry about," said the coroner. "You just have to keep doing what you do so well!" He gave a provocative laugh.

"Oh, come on!" she said. "I've done enough, and from now on things will be done on my terms! I'm tired of running your little dirty errands."

"Dilly, Dilly, Dilly..." He mentioned her name is a fake casual way. "So, kitty cat is showing her claws out, isn't she? I know cats get a little restless in the winter, I suggest you calm down, order some chamomile tea, count till ten and try a different approach. Because for someone with skeletons in the closet, being reckless is not the way to go."

The coroner was referring to a specific skeleton, and this time it wasn't a metaphorical one. It was the skeleton of a certain health inspector that ended at the coroner's lab. After some investigating, and because of his extraordinary connections, the coroner got to Dilly Balsam and at that moment, a not-so-beautiful friendship began. In exchange for the coroner's silence, Dilly was unwillingly on call 24/7.

"Well, doc, you know I was kidding. I just thought sometimes we should spice up our relationship, and make this boring game of blackmail and coerced services, a little sexier and more exciting. But you know you can count on me. And I mean for anything..."

She pulled her chair closer to the coroner's and, with a malicious smile, stroked his hair above his left ear.

"Dilly, you're wasting your time. And more importantly, you're wasting MY time."

"Oh, come on, doc... I thought there was some chemistry going on between you and I. And if you give me a chance, I'll prove it. You know, I'm very creative. I can be anybody you want. An innocent school girl... A nun... You name it."

"Can you be a 6-foot tall bald African-American P.I. with a sexy gruff attitude, and a passion for money?"

"Huh... Apart from the money thing... Uh... No!"

"So, why don't cut to the chase and you give me your report?" he said.

Dilly let go of the coroner's head, and now her expression reflected sheer boredom.

"Oh, heck... What's the matter with the men I meet? You tell me to seduce Oscar Vibenius and all he can talk about is Chuck. Chuck this, Chuck that. Chuck was wearing a beautiful green dress today," she said in a mocking tone of voice. "Oh, Chuck is so smart and knows so much about everything... I'm sick and tired of that."

"But you managed to lead him where we wanted anyway. Congratulations. You were very resourceful."

"He believed it was his idea to get a hold of that ancient book with the zombie drug formula. And he had no idea I was the one who secretly sent him the photographs of that man with a wrapped head and face. For all intents and purposes, everyone thinks Oscar took those pictures. Who's he anyway?"

"Dilly, curiosity killed the cat. Better not ask."

She took a long breath, then faked a smile.

"All right... Sir..." she said clenching her teeth. "Oh, God. The only real man I meet is rotting in jail. This is just not fair!"

"He's right where he has to be. We don't need him anymore, and that's where he's going to remain!" said the coroner.

"That's not fair! Mark Chase is a real man! Not only because he loves com-pe-ti-tion! Also because of those steel blue eyes, that precocious gray hair, that insanely provocative smile he gives showing those pearl-white teeth when he's going for the killing, in business or of a human being... Ahhhhhhhhh...." Dilly sighed.

"Ohhhhhhh..." the coroner sighed. "You do have a way with words, Dilly. But don't get too excited. So, how's our caged bird?"

"Doesn't remember escaping... Doesn't remember chasing those bumbling idiots from the Pie Hole, doesn't even remember me... He still thinks it's one year ago."

"Excellent. He was useful when he was useful, now we need him out of the way."

"So, haven't I proven my value? The way I fed him with the correct information, and still made him think it was all his idea... The way I nudged him onto meeting the right con, for the right reasons."

"Indeed you have, Dilly. All the more reason I'll keep using you."

"You take me for granted! Thanks to me you had the super villain you needed so much for your master plan to work, whatever it was. And you won't even tell me what is it you wanted to accomplish!"

"Ha, ha, ha! Do you think this is all MY plan? How naïve of you. I'm just middle manager. There are much bigger fish in the pond, with their own agendas. So, my advice to you is do your part, as I do mine. And don't ask questions."

"Hey! Listen here you..."

Suddenly Dilly's eyes were wide open as she watched the front door. She grabbed a shopping bag and placed it on the table in order to cover her face.

"What?" he asked.

"The trunk monkey! You said this place was safe!"

It was Olive and Randy. In an effort to solidify their new relationship, Olive and Randy had been looking for alternative places, far from the Pie Hole, where to hang out.

"She shouldn't see us together. She doesn't know me, but she knows you. And the interior of your trunk! You'd better leave by the back door."

"All right... I'm going..."

"And be home tonight! I'm gonna call you. I need a small favor."

"Another one? Damn it! All right! Bye!" she whispered.

As the waitress passed, Dilly hid behind the girl, and walked in parallel with her, trying to stay out of Olive's line of sight. As she was about to enter the kitchen and look for a back door, she took a last look at the man who was blackmailing her.

It was then that Dilly Balsam made a decision. She would use the same ruthless determination that had helped her in business in order to figure out exactly what that man knew. She would uncover all the secrets related to the Pie Hole. That corner location and that stucco crust roof would still be hers. And even if that was the last thing she did, she would get Mark Chase out of jail. And together they'd build their own business empire.

* * *

A few hours later the coroner was at home, and the telephone rang.

"Hello? Oh, it's you. I suppose you're calling to congratulate me?" said the coroner.

"Yeah... Not exactly. Listen, I'm going to be brief. I'm paying a small fortune to make this call directly to you, because our folks in the Inner Circle are somewhat concerned about your methods."

On the other side of the line an elderly gentleman held a cell phone to his ear and paced nervously back and forth in a room full of high-tech computers.

"Hey, listen here, buddy!," said the coroner. "You guys gave me a job to do, and I did it! And if you try to interfere, you should hope you don't become another customer in my lab."

"Hey, relax! Don't shoot the messenger. I'm not the one who makes the ultimate decisions. I'm just voicing her concern. She'll contact you soon enough. But you'd better have a good explanation."

"To explain what? You wanted Ned out of his shell, and he came out. You wanted to give him options to solve his little romantic problem, and I've given that to him. You wanted Aaron Tyler to find his own mystic calling, and I've accomplish just that," said the coroner.

"Yes, but at what price? Involving the worst criminal minds in the county? First, that's not ethical, and one day when we tell Ned about us, I don't want him to think we're as bad as the people he helped sending away."

"How touching!"

"There's more. I know those criminals are not nearly as bad as the ones we have here, but what if they learn too much and try to use that knowledge against you?"

"No chance! They are just pawns in our game. But if my methods are not to your liking, tell her I quit!"

"Wait a minute! Let's not be rash! No one's quitting anything. Just please, try not to interfere so directly next time."

"Interesting piece of advice from the man who pulled Ned and Olive from that branch on that cliff, so preventing them from plunging to a horrible death!"

"Cheap shot! If Ned died, that would defeat the whole purpose, wouldn't it? I mean, the girl was disposable, but she would cling to Ned like a leech! I had to pull up both."

"I'm sure you did what you had to do," said the coroner.

"Oh, well... I try to convince myself of that. Listen, I have to go. They want your captain Richardson here in the next Inner Circle meeting. Full report!"

"All right, all right. I'll be there. Tell her she won't be disappointed."

"I will. Bye."

The man turned off his cell phone. He then reached the inside pocket of his suit jacket and pulled out a gold pocket watch. He saw the time and left the room.

* * *

Yes, winter is a time for reflection. And so the coroner kept reflecting about the incidents that had taken place that day. Maybe he should question his methods? Try to change? Act safely? No, definitely not. He would use all the tools at his disposal, even with great personal sacrifice.

The coroner opened the door that led to his cellar, and went down the flight of stairs to his own personal retreat.

There he found all his work tools. That meant, his other work outside conventional medicine. There he found the altar exactly the way he had left it, with all the sacred objects necessary for his rituals: the bowl of dried chicken legs, the book of French chants, the bottle of firewater, the statuettes representing the assorted gods he worshiped, the bowl with dry blood, the crucifix, the human skull.

He opened a drawer, and picked both voodoo dolls representing Ned and Chuck. Of course, he couldn't force anybody to do anything, but thanks to those rituals he had managed to nudge Ned in the right direction, influencing him to be just a little more adventurous than he'd be otherwise. And it had worked. Ned had gone to Niagara Falls.

But now he needed to use his skills for his own protection, so he decided to make dolls for each one of the members of the Inner Circle. It's always good to have some insurance, you know.

He felt a painful pang. Again the personal sacrifice. The way his own son had to be put away in an insane asylum for mummifying his mother, the woman who once was the coroner's wife, was too much for a father to bear. At least his other son, Dr. Ron, was healthy and successful. And completely out of the family business of dealing with the Occult. Good. At least that would protect his other son.

But as far as Donald was concerned, his obsession in following his father's footsteps had taken a heavy toll on his mental health.

The coroner knew there was no other way. There was room for only one Bokor in the family, and his secrets would die with him.

**- 7 -**


	28. Epilogue Lingering Dreams

Word count: 1501

**Epilogue**

**Lingering Dreams**

"_This adventure began with a tale about an impostor in Halloween and a pie maker who believed to have achieved a perfect life. Now that Halloween is but a memory, the Pie Maker is still aware of the fact another life would be possible. But would it be desirable?"_

It's morning. Any morning, really. Ned is in front of his bathroom mirror. He combs his hair, then adjusts his tie knot. He looks into the mirror, as if his own reflected image could give him answers he cannot find himself.

"_It's all about whether someone wants to be himself or herself, or perhaps would wish to become somebody else entirely. As the old saying goes, 'We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand.' But what if we could get new cards? Would that be cheating?_

_Beginning another life, starting with a clean slate is tempting. But the price paid might be too steep..."_

Ned is still gazing at the mirror. His pensive face becomes an apprehensive one, as he bites his lower lip. Suddenly that same face, with that same expression, is no longer in a bathroom mirror: it's that of Aaron Tyler in bed, with no shirt, and covered with a white sheet up to his waist. Next to him, Mahandra turns and embraces his bare chest, takes a deep breath, and closes her eyes. Contrary to him, she has a serene smile.

"_The life we have is a direct consequence of those cards we get, and the decisions we make after that. Who's to say we wouldn't make the same mistakes all over again?_

_Whatever a person decides, that's the way relationships are built. What someone decides in a moment of passion may have lasting consequences in the future. Because every relationship often has to deal with issues involving baggage."_

Aaron turns his head to his right and looks at the other end of the room. There are some volumes stacked against the wall. Those are packed suitcases. And on the desk next to them there are two American passports, two airplane tickets, and a plastic Tasmanian devil figure.

"_Ironically, there are those who seem to have it all, and still are longing for more."_

Aaron looks at the ceiling again, and he just isn't able to relax. Mahandra's hand touches his chin. He gently holds it and kisses it, then lets the hand rest on his chest. But he won't rest, he won't even close his eyes.

"_And there are those who know they don't have enough, and, likewise, also keep longing for more."_

Far, far from there, one Olive Snook is in bed, also wide awake, also looking at the ceiling with the same apprehensive expression.

"_That doesn't mean the answer is to become somebody else. For some people maybe the answer could be searching for happiness where it was found once, even if that life has very little meaning now."_

Olive picks her remote control and turns on the TV. A show about horses is on. Her face lights up with joy.

"_And, who knows, that might even give them a hint of a better future in store for them."_

The show has a commercial break. The TV starts showing a commercial about macaroni and cheese. She gets up, goes to the kitchen and picks a box of that product and starts preparing a dish of macaroni and cheese.

"_Sometimes, however, the past only brings sorrow and regrets. For those people, as they realize they completely lost connection with their loved ones, they struggle to retain their humanity and not to lose all hopes, so as to find some meaning in life."_

The coroner looks sad as he reads the headline of the Niagara Falls Dispatch, "FAKE DOCTOR COMMITTTED." The front page shows a photograph of Donald in a stray jacket, a picture of his mummified mother, and another photo of Dr. Ron giving an interview.

"_But even when the past is so bleak that it haunts them in the present, for those who are willing and open, it is always possible to start all over again, even when love is born out of deception and greed."_

In the prison's visitors' lounge, Dilly Balsam is holding a phone in front of a glass. A bewildered Mark Chase picks the phone at his side of the window. She smiles, but he puts the phone back on the hook. He then hesitantly picks the phone again, and this time he doesn't reject her kindness.

"_Because the secret to start all over again might just be simple persistence. When something is very important some people simply won't give up, no matter how unlikely they are of finding solace and comfort."_

Emerson is inside Oscar's retreat, revisiting the crime scene. He's using a magnifying lens to look for evidence. He looks at the front door of the bunker, and sees again the image he saw under the influence of the daisy gas: that of his daughter Penny leaving the room, and turning left. He walks towards the door and eagerly takes the same route, turning left. The tunnel takes a second left turn, the only possible way. He turns left and finds it's a dead end. He shakes his head with disappointment.

"_For others, however, it's just great to be young, with the future with so many golden possibilities ahead, which they find out when they finally decide to leave their comfort zone, and decide to become a little more flexible."_

Eric is holding Jaye in his arms. He's wearing a tuxedo and she's wearing a white dress. They are at the front door of a new house. The door is ajar, but it starts closing quickly. Eric tries to keep the door from closing by pushing the door with his foot, but as he does so, he almost lets Jaye fall. She holds on to his neck, just making the situation more difficult for her husband. Awkwardly, as he reveals some unexpected skills as a contortionist, he manages to carry her inside. Jaye and Eric will be living in a house, a real house, after a long time.

"_In such cases, you can become somebody else, and even change your last name for that matter, still essentially remaining who you are, as those changes mean evolving and growing up._

_Other times preserving what you already have seems to be reward enough. Even when fate tempts you and offers you the possibility of overcoming that one detail that keeps you from fully enjoying life with the person you love, the questions that arise are too important to be ignored."_

Inside the kitchen of the Pie Hole, Ned and Chuck are preparing a batch of pies to be baked. All the ingredients are correctly separated on the table. With his bare hand, Ned picks a bruised strawberry from a bowl, which becomes red, ripe and fresh, and then passes the fruit to his other hand, which is covered with a latex glove. He next gives the strawberry to Chuck, who puts the fruit in another bowl. The process is repeated several times, and the couple acts in perfect synchronization. Then, a few weeds planted in a box nearby become yellow and die. They both smile at one another for no apparent reason.

"_Questions such as, is it worthwhile? Would you give up who you are to make your dreams come through? And if you did, would you still be yourself and would you still have the same dreams to begin with? That trade just might not be worth it after all._

_And sometimes none of these questions really matter if you keep a simple approach to life. You enjoy being yourself just knowing you have a home, food and the company of the people you love."_

Under the same table the pies are being prepared, a lazy Digby is in deep sleep.

"_You may even feel life could be better, but then you can always use your imagination and enjoy your dreams. Just the fact that you know they are just dreams, doesn't make them any less enjoyable."_

Digby is dreaming of his favorite field of daisies, where he would go for endless runs with young Ned. In his dream, it's a bright sunny day and Digby's mother and his siblings (including Roy, Candy, Honey, Missy, and even Samson) are all grown up and healthy like him, and they are all running on that field of daisies.

Then they are greeted by Ned, Chuck and Olive, who are all wearing white. All of the dogs take turns being caressed by one of their human friends.

"_Because in a land where magic is possible, we can always hope any of our dreams will be possible too. And as long as we believe in that, the magic will never really end."_

THE END

(...for now...)

**- 4 -**


End file.
